The Vampire Diaries: The Return: Nightfall
Written By: L.J. Smith
Grade: A-

Nightfall marks the start of a new chapter in The Vampire Diaries series. The Return is a sort of sub-series. This is the start of a new trilogy with the same characters, but a new focus in the story: Elena, the light beauty and the charming and her relationship with the powerful vampire of darkness, Damon. Stefan, the caring and more morally conscious vampire actually isn’t even in majority of the book. Nightfall was written over 15 years after the first book and there are obvious differences in both Smith’s growth as well as her characters. The style is similar, but more adult, dark, and everything is far more layered and complex.

Elena Gilbert was once human, but when she died, she came back as a vampire from sharing the blood of both vampire brothers, Stefan and Damon. She gave her life to save theirs and was an angel that watched over her friends, helping warn them about the trouble to come despite interferences from her after death tormentor. Now she has miraculously come back as a human. However, she seems to still have hung on to some of her supernatural instincts and is a spirit child now. Elena can’t talk and doesn’t remember how to do anything she did as a human, she has truly been born again. Stefan works with her to remember anything she can. They do communicate through telepathy although Elena’s thoughts are somewhat jumbled. She often floats in the air and kisses those she sees to put the memory of them in her mind.

There are much more peculiar things going on in the small town of Fell’s church besides Elena’s new form. The trees seem to come to life with evil intentions of killing. Elena’s friends, Matt, Meredith, and Bonnie get attacked, trapped, and nearly die under the tree’s grips. Bonnie calls out through her mind and reaches Damon for help when Elena and Stefan are too far away to reach. Something comes over him when he nearly tries to seduce and kill Elena’s old high school rival, Caroline. During this he continues to ignore Bonnie’s desperate pleas as the life is being drained out of her.

Damon realizes that something was taking control over him, manipulating him to do or not do the things it wanted. He discovers there is a malach, an overwhelming source of evil possessing its environment that was controlling him. The trees aren’t the only things that attack either. The malach controls swarms of insanely fast bugs that are the length of an arm each. Aside from these possessions of nature, many of the young girls in the town are acting awfully strange. They parade around with next to no clothes on. They proposition any and every guy they can, including relatives. The pre-teen girls scream and intentionally hurt themselves, sticking themselves with needles, cutting their tongues in half, and harming themselves in any other way that they can. They don’t stop there though, violently harming, chasing, and practically hunting everyone around them. The girls all claim that the people around them are doing this to them and that it pains them so much that they are forced to release it physically.

Amongst all this, Stefan appears to have left Elena, leaving a note in her diary leaving her for her own good and protection. Damon is given the responsibility of her new protector. Although, he saved her friends, he appears to be as evil and malicious as ever. Something comes over him as he sets out to humiliate, manipulate, and control Elena in everyway that he can. She knows Damon thrives on power, but she also knows he cares for her and wouldn’t think he could ever put her through the hell he is trapping her in.

The immediate difference that you notice in Nightfall is that it is a much longer book. All of the others have been around 200 pages and this one is nearly 600. I was glued throughout the book, not bored with it for one second. Although, the books typically have a lot going on in them that the characters eventually have to piece together, Nightfall definitely has the most going on. I have heard complaints that it is too confusing, but I really didn’t have any issues with this. From very early on in the book everything is basically one death trap to the next, not even giving our characters a breath before the next disaster strikes them. You do want them to at least reach each other to share the information and what they have just been through, but often times they aren’t even able to get that far before having to fight off the next evil headed their way. This might be frustrating for some people, but for me it helped build up the anticipation and tension further.

There was some jumping around even within a chapter, sometimes only having a paragraph or two on one character and then going to another one. I feel so deeply for each and every one of the main characters though that this wasn’t a problem. If I felt like I didn’t really know or care about any of the characters this wouldn’t have worked. This format was a pretty good way to go about it since there were so many different things going on, all which intersected. If one was focused on for too long it would feel forced or out of sequence when the story suddenly went back to what was going on with another character at that time. It keeps us on the edge of our seats for longer. Also, since we get perspectives of at least 4 or 5 characters, we feel an even stronger connection and understanding to each person and what’s happening around them.

The Struggle is my favorite in the series, because of how strong the character of Damon is and how Elena is equally disgusted by him and attracted to him. In Nightfall, Damon comes back as strong as he was than, if not stronger. His character, as well as all of the characters really, is developed even further here. There are so many completely enthralling, thrilling, and even devilishly funny moments through him. He has an intriguingly dark sense of humor that he has a lot of fun with. These are mostly in his thoughts so we would have missed out on this if the book would have solely been told from Elena’s perspective. He has become a character that you can’t help, but care about. He isn’t pure evil, there is another side to him. That perfect mix of care, desire, and domination makes for a great character. Yet he is still he classic vampire. He has fun playing games, getting what he wants by exerting his power, and of course luring his victims in with his unbearable attraction. In this book he goes to a much darker place than we have ever seen him before, every move more intense and malicious.

Usually love triangles can get old pretty fast, especially if there isn’t any contrast or desire that draws you back from one to the other. The Vampire Diaries gives us an incredible strong and conflicting triangle, pinning good vs. evil. Still, it didn’t leave it so black and white and developed Damon, suggesting that perhaps he could be the best of both worlds. While Stefan is the more loyal and safe choice, and the one that Elena did fall in love with first. Still, Smith didn’t draw this out for 5 books. It was sort of dropped for awhile, but Elena wasn’t really around to fight over either. Now after all of these years, Damon’s quest to seize Elena’s heart is back. The suspense and excitement constantly increases as he gets closer and closer to tasting his forbidden fruit. Damon also gives us some disturbing, uncomfortable, and shocking moments. This hits on the darker and more adult nature of the book, going farther in that forbidden territory than ever before. We get this type of unpleasant and sinister material through some of the youngest characters shown in this book, using the age to make things more uncomfortable.

Nightfall deals a lot with reality v. fantasy. The enemy in this book is a master of games and our characters’ world is essentially turned in to a maze. The villains in Nightfall are completely wicked and horrifying. Others’ pain is their pleasure. They see everything and everyone around them just as toys there for them to play with. Selfish intentions, brutal harassing, and this being their idea of fun combined with the massive power that seems to outdo everything that our characters have even come across seems to leave them with little hope. There is obviously no reasoning with them and they are masters of trickery. Allusions against reality are constantly being piled against each other. This gets the reader to question everything that they are reading. If you accept everything blindly you are more likely to get lost of confused while reading. If you have read the books from the beginning especially it serves as a great test to how well you know the characters that you have spend the last 4 books with. Still, there is recaps on most of the basics for those that do start with this book. Even if you do believe some of the allusions it makes more shocking possibilities, making you question what dark, murky material the book will hit on next.

Nightfall is one of the best books in The Vampire Diaries series and shows that L.J. Smith has still got it. If I had any issues it would be that sometimes things for Elena are a little too convenient. This really starts with the ending of the fourth book. After Elena has said goodbye for good and stated that she won’t be able to communicate with her friends any longer she is suddenly a living human again. Her childlike spirit state in the beginning seemed to work a little better from going from death to life again. However, when it fades she is a normal human again. She doesn’t have these special powers, but then all of a sudden when she is most desperately in need of them, she suddenly has access to them. This does make some sense since she had great power when she was a spirit so it would be possible that some of that power was still there without her really realizing it. So it didn’t ruin the battle for me, it was just a little questionable at times. Even in these somewhat questionable moments, you are so consumed and taken in by the book that your enjoyment while reading drastically outweighs any minor flaws. The ending just like the previous books ends with a major cliffhanger, leaving many things unanswered. It’s a great start to the new direction that the trilogy will be going in and already sets up the next book. Damon is expected to play a much larger part than in the first four books. I am glad that Smith decided to go in this direction since Damon is without a doubt the most gripping, intriguing, and dark vampire-esque character in the entire series. The progression of his fight for Elena suggests that maybe in the end Elena really will be his “princess of darkness”.

So FEARnet has “created a petition, in the form of a Facebook page” (www.facebook.com/fearnet), and needs Horror Yearbook readers to join in a show of support. The best part is 4 lucky people who do join, will win free horror DVDs like the Resident Evil Trilology.

All you have to do to enter to win is sign up to the FEARnet Facebook page, leave a message in support, then E-mail WIL@HORRORYEARBOOK.COM with the SUBJECT LINE FF. Include your name, mailing address and age. Sorry you must be over 18 to enter.

Contest starts as soon as you read this and ends July 18, 2009.

In the 90’s Hardware was one of those movies that I read about in the pages of Fangoria and couldn’t wait to see. I didn’t have to sit through months of EXCLUSIVE! pictures on Bloody-Disgusting, teaser trailers, trailers, red band trailers, TV spots, blah, blah, blah… I just rented it, watched it, liked i, and didn’t ever have to explain myself to some idiot on a message board. Ahhh the good’ol days before the internet ruined horror/sci-fi films.

Anywhoo…

The good news is it is finally getting an uncut DVD release in America.

The special features include -
Audio Commentary with Richard Stanley
Sea of Perdition - Short Film
Making of Documentary
Early Super 8 Version of Hardware

Also the first 10,000 copies will be in a limited release tin, so I would be careful about pre-ordering online. Hardware will be available on DVD and Blu-ray Sept 29, 2009.

Check out Stacy Travis’ tittes and one of the more interesting scenes from the film here.

Last year Paul W.S. Anderson said he was writing another RE film, but it is unclear if he will direct or not. As for Milla Jovovich, I’m willing to bet she will be returning but it has yet to be confirmed. We will definitely be keeping you updated!

Below is the red band trailer and clip for Deadgirl — a movie that I keep hearing great things about. Even our own Kelsey Zukowski called it “one of the most creative zombie films to come out in quite some time.”

(read review)

The film is getting some kind of one-weekend, theatrical release on July 24th, and then will hopefully be on DVD soon after.

Shiloh Fernandez, Noah Segan, Michael Bowen and Candice Accola star in this story of two high school misfits who cut school to explore the remains of an abandoned hospital. The gruesome discovery they make will test the very limits of their sanity and tear apart their young lives forever: A woman stripped naked and chained to a table. She’s abandoned, beautiful and dead…or is she.

UPDATE: Here are the theater locations for July 24:

Landmark Sunshine Cinema - NY
Screening July 24th & 25th @ midnight

Nuart Theater - LA
Screening July 24th @ midnight

Alamo Drafthouse Cinema - AUSTIN
Screening July 24th & 25th @ midnight

Landmark Tivoli - ST. LOUIS
Screening July 24th & 25th @ midnight

Music Box Theater - CHICAGO
Screening July 24th & 25th @ midnight

Grand Illusion - SEATTLE
Screening July 24th & 25th @ midnight

Inwood Theater - DALLAS
Screening July 24th & 25th @ midnight

River Oaks Theater - HOUSTON
Screening July 24th & 25th @ midnight

Fantasia Film Festival - MONTREAL
Screening July 24th @ midnight

Synopsis from Shocktillyoudrop.

I can’t go too much into the story right now, because we’re still writing. But it still involves a very intense group of people stranded on a Predator planet discovering unspeakable horrors (that are not always from outside their group). So like the original movie, the title does have a double meaning. Aliens was a different take on the Alien idea, and an original movie in it’s own right, and that’s what we want to do with this.

I normally try to avoid publishing useless quotes like this, but for some reason when I read “Predator planet” my little acorn got all drippy with excitement, and I just wanted to share that with you.

THE BURNING (1981)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082118

A mischievous group of young campers assemble under the cover of darkness and prepare the biggest number that Camp Blackfoot has ever seen. The kids plan to scare the shit out of a cruel and sadistic summer camp caretaker named Cropsy. Unfortunately for everyone involved, the bizarre prank involving a rotting skull and candles backfires in a big way and Cropsy’s bedding catches on fire. The flames ignite a can of gasoline and in seconds Cropsy’s shack is engulfed. Tragically, Cropsy wasn’t familiar with the “stop, drop, and roll” concept and instead ran around screaming while trying to make his way into the nearby lake.

Cropsy survives the fire, but is very badly burned. He looks so bad that hospital orderlies describe him as “a fucking Big Mac, well done.” Five years of unsuccessful skin graphs leave Cropsy horribly disfigured and more than a little pissed off. Once he finally regains his strength he leaves the hospital with a burning hatred raging in his mind. Cropsy makes one final attempt at regaining his humanity by hiding his burns and picking up a hooker, and the whore’s eventual and inevitable repulsion and rejection of Cropsy is enough to make him finally snap and shove a pair of scissors into her abdomen.

Now completely deranged, Cropsy grabs his trusty pruning shears and returns to Camp Blackfoot to have his revenge. As Cropsy prowls around the camp, we are introduced to a number of campers including the wisecracking and porn peddling Dave (Jason Alexander from Seinfeld), fast talking ladies man Eddy (Ned Eisenberg, who stole the show in Moving Violations), shy and misunderstood Alfred (Brian Backer, who can play a geek with the best of them), junior jerk off champion Woodstock (Fisher Stevens from Short Circuit), a menacing meat head named Glazer (Larry Joshua), and Glazer’s incredibly hot virgin girlfriend Sally (Carrick Glen, who also appeared in the Brain Hammer approved slasher classic Girl’s Nite Out!).

Cropsy bides his time until a large group of campers and two counselors leave the camp for an overnight canoe trip. Cropsy tags along for the ride and when night falls the bloodshed begins. Not in the least bit concerned about who he kills, Cropsy makes mincemeat out of any unhappy camper that crosses his path. This legend of terror isn’t just a campfire story anymore. The pain is all too real to Cropsy, and he uses his wicked shears to hack life and limbs away from those who enjoy a normal existence. Don’t look, he’ll see you. Don’t breathe, he’ll hear you. Don’t move…YOU’RE DEAD!

I consider THE BURNING to be a true masterpiece of 80’s horror. It was written by Harvey Wienstein shortly before “Friday The 13th” turned the world of horror on it’s ear and was released just afterwards in time to cash in on the booming slasher market. This is truly one of the very best slasher films set in a summer camp. Few flicks, horror or otherwise can rival this film when it comes to capturing the madcap spirit of camp. A lot of quality time is spent getting to know the characters, and I think it ultimately adds to the impact of the film. The kids are all sympathetic characters, which makes their wholesale slaughter at the hands of Cropsy even more potent. It also gives us a chance to enjoy an extended shower scene with Carrick Glen and her beautiful soapy chicken breasts.

Tom Savini’s gory special effects were the major selling point of the film. Tom already had a well deserved reputation as a wizard of gore thanks to his fantastic work on films like “Dawn Of The Dead” and “Friday The 13th.” Interestingly, Savini turned down a lucrative offer to do the effects for Steve Miner’s “Friday The 13th Part II” and chose to work on The Burning instead. Tom Savini has created many incredible effects over the years, but The Burning perhaps more than any other film is the best showcase for his brilliant work.

The multiple stabbings, slicings, skewerings, and shearings are about as bloody and over the top as anything ever splashed upon the screen. The incredible “raft massacre” scene is the highlight of the film and is the stuff of legend. Much credit must also be given to director Tony Maylam, as well as editor Jack Sholder (who later helmed the classic Alone In The Dark) for knowing how to use these special effects to their fullest potential in the film. The numerous death scenes are tightly edited for maximum impact. The effects are spectacular and still look great today. All around, The Burning is an 80’s slasher flick that more than stands the test of time.

It’s well known that The Burning is one of the all time great slasher flicks. Sadly, for far too long a decent looking, uncut print of The Burning was something of a “holy grail” for slasher completists. The original R rated vhs releases, and most of the region 2 dvd releases were all heavily edited and therefore worthless. Several years ago I paid $25 for a murky looking bootleg vhs copy of the uncut Japanese print – and thought it was quite a bargain. Looking back I could kick myself for such a foolish purchase, especially when I watch the beautiful looking remastered dvd print of The Burning that MGM officially released in September of 2007.

After several years of having this one tucked up their ass, MGM went the extra mile with this dvd release. First of all, they were wise enough to present the UNCUT version of THE BURNING with all of the juicy splatter intact. The dvd features beautiful picture quality and is much clearer looking than any previous release. Best of all, we get several brand new bonus features – including a 17 minute Tom Savini special effects featurette entitled “Blood N’ Fire,” a commentary track with director Tony Maylam, a photo gallery, and the theatrical trailer. After years of anticipation, this dvd release wound up being well worth the wait and was my DVD PICK for 2007. No respectable horror collection is complete without a copy.

Do you dare watch the infamous raft massacre scene?!?

MADMAN (1982)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082696

As the opening titles tell us: “It all started during a campfire at North Sea Cottages, a special retreat for gifted children.” An asswipe named TP (get it?) sings a creepy campfire song that scares the children and viewers with how bad it is. Then the resident old fat fuck of the group tells the morbid tale of Madman Marz. Marz was a farmer who once lived in a house next to the camp. He was a big nasty bastard who loved pounding booze and then pounding his wife and children. One night Marz snapped and slaughtered his entire family with an axe. The madman then walked to the local tavern with the bloody axe still in his hand and ordered a beer. A lynch mob captured him and proceeded to hang him from a tree. The next morning his body had mysteriously vanished. The dead bodies of his family also turned up missing.

Legend has it that if you ever dare yell out the name of the Madman in his woods he will come for you. A snot nosed punk named Ricky decides to show off and loudly dares Madman Marz to come and get him. He even has the nerve to throw a rock at the old deserted Marz house, breaking a window in the process. Old man Max jokingly warns Ricky about the consequences of his actions, and then breaks into a speech wishing the kids the best of luck in the future. Everyone laughs this off as good natured fun.

Unfortunately for the campers and counselors, the legend of Madman Marz is nothing to laugh at. Richie finds out the hard way when he hears a noise and follows a dark shadowy figure back to the Marz house. The Madman is alive and on the prowl. He quickly makes chop suey out of the camp cook “Dippy.” The counselors are an annoying group of spaced out and horny weirdos that spend their time lying on the floor all in a row with their heads together having inane conversations, so it’s hard to work up much concern for their safety as the bloodletting begins.

TP eventually discovers that Ricky never came back to camp and goes looking for him. He finds Madman Marz instead and is viciously hung from a tree. Then Marz begins showing his flair for creative decapitations and swiftly beheads an ugly pair of camp counselors. The night of savage death degenerates into a fiery climax that seemingly eliminates the monster once and for all. The survivors cling to the last shreds of their sanity and are forced to accept the fact that MADMAN MARZ IS REAL! They thought they were alone, but deep in the woods lurks a hideous evil. Don’t even whisper his name!

Interestingly enough, MADMAN was originally going to feature The Cropsy Maniac as the killer instead of Madman Marz. Writer and director Joe Giannone and his partner in crime Gary Sales wrote an original story based on the classic upstate New York urban legend. Unbeknownst to them, the Weinstein brothers were also doing the exact same thing at the exact same time. The casting for MADMAN had already begun when Giannone discovered that another film called “The Burning” was being shot and featured Cropsy as the villain. The script had to be immediately changed and the concept of Madman Marz was born. It’s a similar storyline in the proud tradition of a cautionary campfire tale, punctuated with then-cutting edge violent death scenes.

MADMAN came out at a time when similar slasher flicks were flooding the market and manages to stand out from the bunch for possessing the darkest atmosphere, a fantastic score, and one very impressive looking monster. Madman Marz is one of the very coolest 80’s slasher icons, and his death scenes are almost unparalleled in brutality. This flick contains possibly the greatest decapitations and hangings of any slasher flick ever! The effects are very convincing looking and really add to the impact of the film. It also helps that Paul Ehlers is simply amazing in the lead role. When Paul’s wife went into labor he rushed from the set and actually went to the hospital in full Madman Marz makeup. Imagine the terror this must have caused at the hospital!

Fans of George A. Romero’s Dawn Of The Dead will enjoy seeing Gaylen Ross (appearing here under the name Alexis Dubin) in a steamy hot tub sex scene. Gaylen looks great in this movie and turns in a good performance. The opening scene featuring the haunting ballad of Madman Marz and the telling of his horrifying legend never fails to give me chills. My only real complaint is that I would have enjoyed seeing that little bastard Richie get killed. The fact that none of the bratty rich kids get snuffed is kind of a bummer, but the mind boggling scene where a tiny chick hides inside a refrigerator more than makes up for this. MADMAN has a well deserved cult following, but it also often gets overlooked when 80’s slashers are discussed. I think the incredible death scenes alone make this flick one of the all time greats.

Anchor Bay Entertainment put out a very nice looking dvd of MADMAN that can easily be found for cheap. The bonus features include informative liner notes, several tv spots, the theatrical trailer, and an excellent commentary track with Joe Giannone, Gary Sales, and Madman Marz himself Paul Ehlers! There’s no excuse for not having a copy of the essential summer camp slasher in your collection.

Check out the trailer!

SLEEPAWAY CAMP (1983)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086320

This legendary film begins with some especially eerie shots of a deserted summer camp accompanied by the distant sounds of children playing. This immediately puts the viewer off balance, which is where they will firmly remain for the next 88 minutes. The madness begins with a seemingly fun and harmless afternoon on a sailboat. A man named John and his two children Angela and Peter enjoy some fun in the sun when they suddenly cross paths with some careless teenagers in a motorboat.

Tragedy strikes when a girl takes the wheel (doesn’t it always?) and the motorboat smashes into the family as they happily bob in the water. The boat kills the father and one of the children, although it isn’t clear who survived. This mystery is solved eight years later when we see that the survivor was Angela (Felissa Rose), and that she now lives with her tough but tender cousin Ricky (Jonathan Tiersten) and her insane Aunt Martha. Aunt Martha is one of scariest characters in horror history. She gives the kids a goodie bag full of snacks and ties a string around her finger to remember the kid’s permission slips for camp. The nutjob then implores the children not to tell anyone at camp that she had performed the physical needed for admission. No one would understand…even if she is a doctor.

The kids are then shipped off to Camp Arawak. Upon arrival Angela is shy and withdrawn and talks to no one. Ricky runs into his old pal Paul, who excitedly tells him about the massive jugs his ex-girlfriend Judy is sporting. Ricky tries to turn on the charm with Judy but she quickly proves to be a heartless cocktease. She also despises Angela and proceeds to make her life miserable. Angela also refuses to eat, which causes the musclebound main counselor Ronnie to thoughtfully send her along to meet her doom with the perverted head cook Artie. Artie’s mouth waters when he sees the fresh young chicken and he wastes no time attempting to force feed Angela his tubesteak. Ricky catches him in the act and the scared kids run away before anything worse can happen.

Later that day Artie is still steaming from having his cock blocked. He’s also pissed off because his comically oversized pot of water won’t come to a boil. As he fumes over his shortcomings he adds about three pounds of salt into the 200 gallons of water. As the tubby chickenhawk precariously dangles on a tiny footstool a silent assailant makes their deadly presence known. The small person is obviously a child, but manages to push Artie off balance and leave him hanging onto a filmy shelf above the olympic swimming pool of salty molten lava. Artie tries to bribe his attacker with an ice cream sunday, which confirms that the would be killer is a child. The stool is yanked away, causing Artie to tumble and drop the the barrel of toxic waste on top of himself. Artie somehow survives the attack but is very badly burned. The paramedic even remarks that the pain must be incredible. This angers the hideously old and misshapen camp owner Mel and causes him to snap that it must have been an accident. The greedy grandpa decides to cover up the incident to avoid bad press.

Meanwhile, Ricky has his hands full with a pack of meathead jocks that continually torment him and knock his sweet cowboy hat off his head. The goons also have Angela in their sights, and for a couple of laughs they decide to invite her along for a midnight skinny dip. Angela of course says nothing, and stares holes into them. Later that night the boys take the plunge and an idiot named Kenny manages to convince a girl named Leslie to go on a moonlight canoe ride with him. Kenny starts acting like a jackass and both of them wind up in the water. Leslie swims back to shore and for some odd inexplicable reason Kenny decides to swim underneath the tipped over canoe and begin singing a song called “Hey Hey Baba-Re-Bop.” The unseen slayer suddenly strikes again. Kenny is mercifully put out of his misery by drowning.

The next morning a profane lifeguard discovers Kenny’s waterlogged and snake ridden corpse. Police and paramedics are suspicious, especially considering Kenny’s reputation for being “a pretty damned good swimma.” Mel once again interrupts the conversation and swears that the whole thing is an unfortunate accident. The next day Angela is humiliated by Judy in their cabin and then pelted by water balloons by the mean boys. Ricky rushes to Angela’s defense and tells the cocksuckers to stop messing with his cousin. Mel steps in, and the wrinked old dick punishes the boys. He also punishes Ricky for his rotten mouth. The leader of the gang is a blonde doofus named Billy who proudly tells his fellow campers that he has to take a wicked dump and trots off to the shitter to meet his demise. The unseen slasher strikes again, this time armed with a well placed broom and an beehive full of angry bees.

After finding another dead body Mel begins worrying more about the reputation of his camp than the safety of the remaining children. He also begins to suspect that Ricky is the culprit. Things get even more complicated when love enters the picture and Ricky’s good pal Paul falls for Angela in a big way. Paul even manages to almost get to second base with Angela before she freaks out and runs away. The next afternoon Judy gets involved and begins mocking the new couple and coming on to Paul. A bitchy counselor named Meg gets fed up with Angela refusing to swim or shower with the other girls and decides to throw her in the water. Everyone laughs as Angela almost drowns before Ricky can finally break away from the increasingly unstable Mel and once again come to her rescue.

This is where an already off the wall flick goes even further off the rails into crazy town. The bitch counselor Meg has the hots for the rather decrepit and disgusting looking Mel and throws herself at him. The old man then invites the sexy young thing back to his place for a late night meal. Meg then goes off to wash her cootch and get it clean for the elderly man she is planning on having sex with. As Meg showers and hums a catchy little tune that will drive you bananas, the killer shows up to spoil the fun and stick a knife in Meg’s back.

Mel gets old man blue balls waiting for Meg to show up for their hot date and goes looking for her. He discovers her sliced up body in the shower and once and for all goes batshit insane. He shakes his feeble and brittle fists and rows revenge against Ricky for Meg’s murder. As this is happening Angela arranges a late night rendezvous with Paul. These combustible elements combine to create one the most thrilling third acts in horror history. Judy gets what is coming to her in a big way, Mel finds out that looking for Ricky will be a pain in the neck, a cop shows up with a mustache that is clearly made out of black masking tape, and just when you think you’ve seen it all, arguably the greatest shock in the history of horror is revealed at the waterfront…after the social.

Ah, the Sleepaway Camp series. These films have gotten me more ass than any other. Every girl that I watched Sleepaway Camp with fell in love with me. I’ve had wild sex while listening to the soundtrack to Sleepaway Camp II. I even had a wacky lesbian aunt named Aunt Martha (RIP). As you can imagine, the Sleepaway Camp films have a very special place in my blackened heart. My cousin beat me to the video store back in the day and snared a used copy of Sleepaway Camp. We watched that movie dozens of times in high school. I’ve watched it so many times over the years I’ve lost count. Sleepaway Camp is one of the most entertaining movies ever made. A bad time can never be had during a viewing.

Robert Hiltzig is a genius for making a summer camp movie that shows kids being kids: playing pranks on each other and swearing like drunken sailors. The film is ruthlessly padded with softball, but the non stop vulgarities spewing from the mouths of the players during the game makes the scenes hilarious. Who didn’t tell someone to “eat shit and live” after watching this one? Jonathan Tiersten is a riot in this movie. No one call yell out “COCKSUCKERS! PRICKS!” like he can! Even more obscene is the vomit inducing wholesale hatchet slaughter of a gaggle of little kiddies all tucked into their sleeping bags. The over the top violence in this movie has a mean spirited edge that I really enjoy. Not only is Sleepaway Camp of one the very best slasher flicks, it is also one of the most brutal revenge movies ever made. The intimate and sexual nature of some the killings, particularly the vulgar deaths on the toilet or featuring curling iron violation are far more lurid than your usual horror and exploitation fare.

Sleepaway Camp has it all. The perfect summer camp setting. The spectacular death scenes and make up effects needed to make a gruesome slasher flick. The quirky characters and offbeat performances that make it so unique. An unbelievable performance from Felissa Rose. I think there is no other slasher flick that compares when it comes to sheer unnerving perversion and horror. The film is full of scenes featuring the violent death of children and young adults and it is laced with a lascivious dosage of homoerotic imagery. Sure, there may have been a lot of other horror flicks in the 80’s that took place in summer camps, but only Sleepaway Camp had the balls to feature a leering pedophile who expresses his mouth watering love for “baldies!” The ending packs a wallop that never fails to make jaws drop when seeing it for the first time. The ending of the film is iconic. It has to be considered nothing less than the greatest of all time.

A trio of equally excellent sequels followed and another is in the works. The horrors of Angela and Camp Arawak will never die. The legions of Sleepaway Camp fans have kept the series alive for decades and are always thirsty for more. I think I speak for all of us when I demand the return of Aunt Martha! Robert, seriously bring her back for the sequel!

Sleepaway Camp is available on dvd from Anchor Bay Entertainment. It’s a nice looking dvd that includes the trailer and a wild commentary track with Robert Hiltzig and Felissa Rose. The only drawback to this release is the fact that the print is missing some footage, including some gory shots that extend the death scenes. Lovers of hot boy ass will mourn the missing shots of the lads going skinny dipping. Hardcore fans that want a totally uncut version of the film should seek out the Legacy Entertainment release instead. Both are easy to find online. Your collection – Sleepaway Camp = garbage.

You will never forget Angela’s theme!!!

KEEP THE BLOOD FLOWING!!!

Mistress of Seduction
Review by: Amanda By Night

By 1998 erotic thrillers were lucrative in the same way slashers were lucrative in the 80s. Only a few saw any kind of theatrical release, but as video stores tried to meet the supply and demand craze, lots of interesting movies popped up. It’s one of my favorite eras, and one of the most underappreciated, in the history of film. Sure it was a lot of boobs, some bullets and whatever other sensational things the filmmaker could think of, meaning it wasn’t exactly AFI material, but it was damn entertaining, and what more can you ask for on a Saturday night?

Put Mistress on that list of fun, if flawed, thrillers of that period. Kirstin Pierce (credited as Kristine Carlson) is Gina – aka The Mistress of Seduction. I mean, that’s what she calls herself! She’s a phone sex operator whose specialty is her sexy voice and her ability to keep someone on the other line for more than an hour! At three bucks an minute, that’s lucrative! Anyway, she’s married to this no good sumbitch named Jake (Andy Catano), a hoodlum type who just scored a half a mil. Deciding she deserves it more than the man who actually stole it, Gina pilfers the money and heads to parts unknown. She stops in Nowhere Town, USA and here she finds a room for rent and two sexy male roommates. She takes an instant liking to Paul (cutie pie Michael Boisvert) and the two develop a nice relationship, but she’s hesitant to reveal why she’s hiding out. The other roomie is a sleazy small town lawyer named Brian (John David Gregory) who is in the film only to reveal that Paul’s girlfriend had died under mysterious circumstances and to screw any girl they can find to who is willing to take off her shirt for the camera. Is Paul a little more devious than Gina gives him credit for, or is he the perfect pawn in her deadly seduction games?

If this was done in true neo-noir fashion, that question might carry a bit more weight. As it stands, half of Paul’s backstory is lost by the middle of the film. At that point it becomes more about Jake’s attempt to recover the money than it does about small town secrets and mysteries that turn a mean table.

Oh well, Mistress is still a fun watch. It’s ultra-low budget – there is no glitz or glam at all. Well, besides Gina’s short-short skirts, but it is an honest attempt to make a decent thriller. Even if I was shrugging my shoulders in parts and saying, “What the -?” I was still enjoying its spicy offerings.

According to IMDb, Mistress was written and directed by a woman (Ellyn Michaels). Not sure if this is pseudonym, but it may explain why the tawdry sex scenes are a bit restrained. They’re also quite short, which is a nice change from those horrible drawn out Cinemax flicks of late. Kirstin is quite lovely and baths a lot! This character (or the actress) is not ashamed of her body, I’ll tell you that much. The ending is kind of a riot too, playing out as a sweet romantic movie, bulldozing over any intended thriller bits. What can I say, I’m a sucker for a blonde in a mini, and Mistress aimed to please me, and it did.

Unlike our first “Woman of Sorority Row,” Audrina Patridge, I have no nudes of Jamie Chung, but we do have a few bikini pictures of her below… sorry best I could do.

What she does have in common with Patridge, is that she also got her start on reality TV with the The Real World San Diego. Besides that she really hasn’t done anything exciting — unless you consider that Dragonball Evolution movie exciting — making Sorority Row possibly the biggest project in her career, which is pretty sad for her.

Sorority Row will be in theaters on September 11, 2009. It follows a group of sorority sisters who try to cover up the death of their house-sister after a prank gone wrong, only to be stalked by a serial killer themselves.

It stars Rumor Willis, Briana Evigan, Leah Pipes, Margo Harshman and obviously Audrina Patridge.

“Four friends fleeing a viral pandemic soon learn they are more dangerous than any virus.” Directed by Alex and David Pastor and starring Chris Pine, the new James T. Kirk.

Welch plays “Mike Newton” in The Twilight Saga: New Moon, Bella’s only attempt at a human boyfriend.

Bloody-Disgusting.com — “who broke the news” — just needs to milk every story they can, to make it worth selling their soul to Brad Fuller.

To keep updated on all your Nightmare news and nostalgia be sure and visit the best Elm Street website on the Interwebs!