Kris Hulbert: The Perfect House

[WIL]

I guess it's time to add Kris Hulbert to our Hall of Fame. He's very much like our old friend Matthew Pletcher (being bald must be like being short). In the short time Hulbert and I have been friends I've received e-mails from three people alleging he has threatened them. Here is one video of a phone recording someone sent me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjXpIj9o_4A

Here is a video that appeared on his production company's YouTube page slamming a director you all know:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=PqkM9U02fy0


You can follow most of the ongoing flame war on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/ThePerfectHouseMovie?sk=wall

Here's a typical post:



I've contacted Prodigy Public Relations and asked them to stop contacting me about the film. They have agreed. Like Pletcher I will be keeping a public record of everything said and sent to me.

[WIL]

Financial update of our tour for all the concerned Line Producers out there:


As of today September 15, we have been on the road for 18 days (8/28) we have made stops across the country, hosted 2 scheduled screenings in two VERY nice theaters and done 7 spontaneous screenings along our journey. (one in a bar that looped ALL DAY)  (does not include THREE shows this weekend)Our RV has been viewed by tens of thousands of people while traveling the southern border of the United States. We have made hundreds of new friends and allies that have picked up our flag and now promote our film religiously and believe in the BIG PICTURE of what we are trying to accomplish.
 
We have not only made PASSIONATE NEW FANS but also many many great new friends. Neither of which you can put a financial value on.
 
Along the way we have eaten on average once a day sometimes not at all. Most days its a $5 limit per person at somewhere like Mcdonalds or an occasional home cooked meal buy a gracious host for the night. Our ONE big night out was on Bourbon St. where four people spent a TOTAL of $150 while collecting more than 2 hours of video footage and hundreds of pictures while making fans from all over the world as well as building friendships and relationships with a great number of the proprietors on Bourbon St.
 
Feel free to look at the "French Quarters night out" album.  Pretty much every one in those photos were the proprietors on Bourbon St. announcing and promoting us in their bars. Creating excitement and buzz doesn't take money, it takes passionate people who believe in their product. I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE TO ANYONE FOR THAT.
 
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU CAN'T MAKE A DECENT WEBISODE FOR $150!
 
In total to date we have spent WELL UNDER $5,000
 
That money has come from
 
1. first and foremost us giving up our home, selling as much of our belongings as we possibly could before putting the rest in a storage facility we may never see again.  Most of that money (OUR PERSONAL MONEY) was invested into the film to pay for the RV and its repairs.   
 
2. Donations AFTER free shows
 
3. Pre-sale DVD's
 
4.  A generous REINVESTMENT by our FIRST investor. So for all the lookie lous concerned about our investors, we must be doing something right if after 2 years our FIRST investor is happy and proud enough in what they have seen, to invest more now than they did originally.
 
We have penny pinched from the first day we decided to make this movie and have only gotten smarter and more experienced at how to do so. If you research mobile advertising you will discover a vehicle with this size advertising on it can estimate 35,000-50,000 impressions a day (COMPLETELY VERIFIABLE, I DID MY RESEARCH IF YOU WANT TO NAYSAY DO YOUR OWN).  If we run out of money tomorrow (VERY POSSIBLE) we will have traveled for 12 of the 18 days.  Lets go conservative for the naysayers and go with an ultra low number of 10,000 impressions a day.
 
Thats 120,000 impressions ALONE from the RV not including a single personal interaction for the endless number of flyers we have handed out while walking the streets and meeting people everywhere we have been, nor does it count any of the views or fan interactions of our social media, videos, confessions and pictures generated while traveling. Thats about 2 cents an impression by HIGHLY CONSERVATIVE numbers. So seeing as this is the most interactive tour EVER if you have a better idea how to survive for a month WHILE promoting the release of a movie as broadly as possible for couple thousand dollars we would love to hear it because this is the most fiscally responsible thing we came up with. 
 
Sorry but sitting back on our asses and hoping people magically found out about our movie and watched it never occurred to us.

Here is the vehicle he thinks is worth "35,000-50,000 impressions a day." I guess he is talking about page impressions.

[WIL]

http://www.fearnet.com/news/reviews/b24096_movie_review_perfect_house.html


I've always believed that the reason we get so many horrible low-budget horror films is this: our favored genre is generally the first stop for neophyte film producers who have no idea what they're doing -- but are pretty sure that horror movies equal big profits. Over my years of covering horror films of all budgets and from every corner of the globe, I've become pretty good at spotting the real McCoy from the money-grubbing posers, and as much as I hate to get angry and/or personal, the recent anthology known as The Perfect House is most assuredly a member of the latter camp. I'd go as far as to call it one of the most pointless, soulless, ugly, and disgusting horror films of the past ten years, but that's precisely the sort of press this film is after.

A three-story omnibus piece wrapped in a garish and goofy wrap-around framework (that could have been cribbed from The House that Dripped Blood, if I actually believed these filmmakers would sit down with a 1971 Hammer film), The Perfect House is "about" nothing more than a house in which three horrific things have happened in the past. A strangely sexual real estate agent shows a pair of idiots around a house, and we're jolted back to...
Story #1 -- Two murderous kids stuck in a basement during a storm reveal all sorts of ugly secrets about their past.
Story #2 -- A caged, shrieking woman tries to argue, antagonize, and infuriate the vicious torturer who has her trapped in a basement.

Story #3 -- A sleazy neighbor forces an annoying couple to murder all of their children.

Pretty dark stuff, right? No. Shocking, incendiary, and daring? Nope. It's all garbage.

In the hands of some filmmakers who actually treated issues like rape, torture, and child murder with some degree of delicacy and respect, the material broached in The Perfect House could make for some truly unsettling horror fare. Unfortunately, co-directors Kris Hulbert and Randy Kent seem well aware of how silly and generic their stories are -- and so they ramp the "torture and suffering" up to eleven in an effort to distract you from the flat, amateurish acting performances, the consistently dippy and dreary screenplay, and the flick's overall air of low-rent, sleazy desperation.
And I'm not talking about problems inherent in low-budget features. There are horror flicks that cost half the price of The Perfect House that display infinitely more mood, style, and spookiness. The problem here is that none of the material is even remotely scary, but man, is it gross. The first story goes relatively tame on the visual ugliness (although it's still unsavory), the second tale shoots for some frank Hostel-style gore-slinging, but is perpetually undone by the stupid script and the hilariously overwrought performances. Ugly material, blandly presented, with extra gristle. Big deal.

But then we get to the heart of The Perfect House, and it's a vile heart indeed. Story #3 deals with a dinner party gone horribly wrong, and focuses mainly on a screeching mother who is tied down and forced to watch her whole family get stabbed to death. On the screen, the material is as ugly as it sounds: teenage girls being raped and little boys stabbing each other to death and even more "highlights" to behold, but since the film offers no art, no insight, no point... it begins to feel a lot like faux-snuff. Because if you can't scare or unsettle people, you may as well revile them to a degree that courts a little controversy.

From a horror fiend who has seen the roughest of the rough stuff out there, and has lived to not only tell the tale but praise the films, trust me on this one: The Perfect House is a worthless affair. I'm only slightly offended by the way The Perfect House handles such harsh material with such childlike clumsiness, but I'm actually a little pissed off that the thing has even found a distributor.

And if this review has enticed you to see what I'm so damn annoyed about, feel free to rent the nasty little thing yourself. (It's available on Facebook at this very moment.) I hope it hasn't.

[WIL]