Red Sonja (2009)

[murderpunk]

Guess what? the remake  . apparently this is old news.. but it's news to me, so fuck it. so.. of all the movies to remake.. why this one? clearly, someone in hollywood ran out of stupid pills because this actually seems like good idea. too good of an idea actually. but Millennium films (not the Millennium films that makes the Jesus movies) bought it's rights last spring and are scheming as i type. most people think the Brigitte Nielson one sucked.. but if you ignore her bad acting, that she didn't even look like Red Sonja and pretend Schwarzenegger is Conan, it's a great movie!! i don't know why, but it really is that easy to get passed it's flaws and enjoy it too! unfortunatly i still bare the scars of having to accept Brigitte as being sexy... just because she was Sonja

As a kid i loved Robert E. Howard's Conan and Red Sonja novels and comicbooks.. Conan was always a genre hit and role-model for barbarian charactors therafter. However, Frank Thorne's sexy 70's Sonja is what made her "famous" .. and probably because she is the only Marvel comicbook heroine to frequently be naked, uncensored on the pages. Lots of pin-ups too!

i'm all for a new one if they make her look right this time and have alot of brutal, gorey battle scenes. most importantly though is yes, while she vowed chastity after getting gang-raped as her family was murdered, and will only yield to a man who can "conquer" her..  sounds extremely lesbianish.. it's yielding to a MAN, not a woman.. at no point ever in the books or comics did they so much as hint at an idea of a speculation, that she liked girls. She wasn't a man hater, she just had pride enough not to be slutty like all the other naked barbarian skanks.

Like, in the begining of the Xena series, she was straight as a line too (a cock hungry slut even) but they sold her out, more and more as it's ratings dropped because the lesbians liked her.. until she died flat out gay (and as a samurai) in the last episode.

So as long as they don't pull that kind of shit or make it like a LotR knock off, this movie should be great! I mean blood, guts, swords, dismemberment.. it's not rocket science.

and for those who don't know, this is what Red Sonja is supposed to look like:



she's NOT supposed to look like this:

she did have one 2 issue series and one 6 issue one where she wore like medeivel adventurer clothes or whatever.
but over all, the She-Devil with a Sword is all about the scale bikini 

[Johnny Truant]

LOL did she really get gang raped?  Post pics of that.

[Cthulhu23]

I remember her more from the movie. The comic pics above look more like a Red Headed Lady Death or a Dawn done by someone other than JML

[Johnny Truant]

I always thought the chick from Gen 13 was always axing for it.

[murderpunk]

yea, but the "classic" style of Red Sonja pre-dates Lady Death and Dawn by like 20 years. Just think Conan with tits jiggling and chopping heads! but yea.. most people do think Brigitte Nielson (in 1985 people thought cars blew up after fender benders and smoking at a gas station'd blow it up too) which is why they really need to set the record straight on Red Sonja. it does also fit the marketing trend too; based on best selling Howard (pulp) novels and comicbook.. the new comic is apparently doing well.

and yes, bandits raped and pillaged her house, everyone was killed.. she was left for dead and survived (she was like, a little girl too). which didn't become a standard movie plotline til the 80's. i don't think that was in the comics.. at least not heavily watered down.. was in the novels though.

Robert E. Howard's Conan, Red Sonja and Kull and their Cimmerian world came way before JRR Tolkein's middle earth. if you've ever read Tolkein, you'll agree his story telling skills flat out suck. 97% of the world he "created" is just from Norse/Germanic mythology as well. Howard actually created something original (albeit simple).. yet Tolkein gets alot of credit for being a genre pioneer


LMAO i did a Google spell check on "Cimeria" and it asked me if i meant "America" (the word actually means "a dark, evil, perhaps barbaric land" more or less)

[Johnny Truant]

So Red Sonja came out in the 1950s?

[murderpunk]

the novels came out in the 20s. the comics the 70's. Howard was buddies with HP Lovecraft too.

[Johnny Truant]

Nice! 

For the record I love LOTR.

[murderpunk]

Rose McGowan has been cast to play Red Sonja in, not so much a remake the 80s movie (which failed on so many levels), but as an acurate adaptation of the modern comics.. it will be directed by the guy who did Resident Evil: Extinction and some Highlander movie. Robert Rodriguez is producing.. so i image it'll have lots of blood & chainmail bikinis.. and thus may even be great.

[jester05jk]

Rose McGowan?  They need someone built more like Jessica Simpson, but not her cuz she's too bubbly to pull it off.  Side note, I totally dug the Kull movie, even if it was Hercules.

[murderpunk]

i neither like nor dislike McGowan.. her acting skills aren't great but it's not like Red Sonja is that complex a charactor. with her chin-cleft, thin eyebrows and thick lashes she does look a bit like the Frank Thorne comic version from the 70s.. she has big tits too. i just hope there's plenty of graphic violence.

as for Kull, yea i'll admit i dug that one too. i never knew much about his charactor.. if i did, i get the feeling i wouldn't have liked the flick tho.

[jester05jk]

I dunno, my dad loved it and he's got pretty much everything Howard did or someone based off of

[murderpunk]

hmmm, guess i'll give those books a shot then.

[Ironik]

Rose McGowen fits..

she just has that look and if you put her in skimpier clothes...you have a match.

[Molly Celaschi]

Rose is fine I guess. It's just annoying that Rodriguez tries to attach her to all of his projects now. And why did they break up? Who was pissed at whom for Barbarella falling through?