There was a lot of paid for studio hype this year (Paranormal Activity) but I believe once the years tick away, and the hype starts to die, one film will stand out as one of the better horror flicks of the decade… Orphan. Isabelle Fuhrman delivers a Oscar worthy performance as the psycho adopted kid Esther and Jaume Collet-Serra delivered one of the best — if not the best — killer kid movies in horror history. If you were busy getting swept-up in the hype of 2009, and missed the Orphan, do yourself a favor and rent or buy it on DVD ASAP!

I don’t mean to be a downer on this year’s Top Ten List, it is one of Horror Yearbook’s biggest and most popular features every year. I 100% support our writers and Message Board member’s choices… I just think it was slim pickings this year, and not since The Descent, has one movie stood so far above the rest of the pack. 2009 may be remembered as the year Paranormal Activity broke many box office records, but for true horror fans it will also be remembered as the year a little girl named Esther won our hearts.

Our yearly Top Ten list is voted on by our entire staff and Message Board community.

Qualifying Films

- Major theatrical or direct-to-DVD release in 2009

- Foreign film released in the U.S. in 2009 (DVD or theatrical)

- Movies that had a limited or festival run before 2009 that received a DVD release in 2009

- Movies that had a limited or festival run with no 2009 DVD release that happened to hit our radar

#1. ORPHAN

They finally did it. Hollywood finally made an respectable, A list, big budget killer kid thriller with balls as big as my head. It would’ve been so easy for the producers of Orphan, among them Leonardo DiCaprio, to wuss out and make another safe, innocuous, middle brow thriller like The Good Son, or Bless the Child or the remake of The Omen. But Orphan has the guts to go as deep and as dark as any killer kid film has dared to go since The Pit. Armed with terrific, believable performances from indie film darlings Vera Farmiga and Peter Sarsgaard, ace characters actors CCH Pounder and Margo Martindale and amazingly layered and complex performances from child actors Jimmy Bennett and Aryana Engineer. But Orphan’s ace in the hole is without a doubt the disturbingly malignant performance of Isabelle Fuhrman as Esther. Best Killer Kid Performance EVER! What starts off looking like another softball creepy kid thriller actually turns into a vicious, shocking, brutally violent, boundary pushing nightmare. What big budget Hollywood thriller would dare show young kids threatened with claw hammers and castration? Orphan would. What big budget Hollywood thriller would allow a ten year old girl to suggestively seduce the thirty something Sarsgaard? Orphan, did it. What big budget Hollywood thriller would dare end with it’s sympathetic family utterly destroyed? Orphan’s the name. Precocious, intelligent, cultured, children are creepy and dangerous. I’ve always believed as much. Orphan proves it. Children are supposed to be stupid and dirty not play Chopin. Orphan pushes boundaries involving the depiction of evil children that even low budget exploitation rarely attempt. Kudos to director Jaume Collet-Serra and writer David Johnson. — Gary G.

#2. DEAD SNOW

Sometimes all it takes is a simple twist, on an overused concept to make a decent horror film. The Norwegian flick, Dead Snow, used dead Nazis and snow to deliver an entertaining and fresh entry into the zombie subgenre.

While most critics were quick to compare it to Shaun of the Dead, I didn’t consider Dead Snow a comedy that featured zombies, but more of a horror film, that featured just enough comedy relief to make it a fun and well rounded flick. Balancing humor, horror with just enough gore is tricky business, but director Tommy Wirkola managed to pull it off, making Dead Snow one of the better horror and zombie movies of 2009. –WIL

#3. DEADGIRL

Deadgirl is a completely new and refreshing zombie film that doesn’t feel like one at all, because it dares to branch away from the standard, accepted Romero storyline. Romero’s films brought life to the zombie sub-genre and those rules of the zombie world and the steps taken in his films have been followed in nearly every zombie film since then. There have been a few other films with creative takes that branch away from the norms, but Deadgirl really gives us something completely different. The word “zombie” is never even used. There is only one zombie in it and through her we are shown a fine line between the monster that clearly lies inside of her and the tortured prisoner she is being used as. There’s viciousness, gore, and a deeply disturbing and gritty feeling to the film, which is only powered by the situation that these boys are holding a girl back from the dead as their literal sex slave. The film is really about what horrible things one can be tempted to do and how lack of acceptance and belittlement can make you turn to find power and control in dark, twisted places. — Kelsey Zukowski

#4. ZOMBIELAND

It would have been so easy to screw this up. Hell, if you listened to the retards at Bloody Disgusting and thought this was actually “Superbad meets Shaun Of The Dead!” you wouldn’t even want to watch it! Talk about a pleasant surprise… Zombieland was one of the rare horror comedies that actually made me laugh out loud, and more than once. I’ll even go a step further and say this is one of the very best flicks I’ve seen all year, horror or otherwise. I think this is definitely more of a comedy than a horror film, but it’s comedy about zombies so horror fans with a sense of humor should dig it. It stands out in a big way for being an original creation. This isn’t another tired remake or lame video game adaptation. It’s not shot with a fucking camcorder. (I am SO sick of that!) It also doesn’t fall into Romero’s tired mindset of attempting to shoehorn social/political commentary into a zombie flick. Zombieland is 90 minutes of pure undead entertainment, and I hope the inevitable sequels are half as good. — Brain Hammer

#5. TRICK ‘R TREAT

After being in distribution hell for two years, Michael Dougherty’s Trick ‘r Treat was finally let loose to the masses as a direct to DVD release. Very original and packed full of genre stars, I ate this movie up from beginning to end. I loved the way that all of the stories fit together, even in ways you don’t expect. I have always been a fan of films that let you see the same event from more than one side (ie Dylan Baker talking to Brain Cox through the fence). In a film like this when nothing is as it seems, the one constant is Sam, whom I believe will be the next horror icon with the likes of Freddy and Jason. Clearly an homage to Creepshow in a sense, Sam is our host for this wild ride and while you might not always see him, he is there. When the focus is finally on him at the end, the film comes full circle and punches you in the face. — Kyle Krueger

#6. DRAG ME TO HELL

Sam Raimi returns to the horror genre and it’s been a long time coming. I was apprehensive because of the pg-13 rating, but I’m happy to report that this flick has enough shock and awe to keep hardened horror fans satisfied. Drag Me To Hell is noisy, fast paced, and over the top horror entertainment. The family friendly rating does not stop the film from being full of wild scenes of supernatural attacks and demonic goats. There was camera work and violent imagery that immediately brought to mind the classic Evil Dead flicks. There was also plenty of the trademark Raimi black humor. The usual great sequences of the characters being thrown around like ragdolls and covered with various bodily fluids. And of course, the appearance of “the classic” 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88. In short, everything fans have come to love and expect from a Sam Raimi movie. — Brain Hammer

#7. OFFSPRING

In a last second executive decision I decided to bump My Bloody Valentine 3D (see Brain Hammer’s original capsule below) for the direct-to-DVD movie Offspring.

While studios are busy “re-imagining” old ideas there is a wealth of great material not being used from the horror literary world. Andrew van den Houten’s Moderncine has turned Jack Ketchum’s novels The Girl Next Door (#10 on HYB’s Top Ten of 2007) and Offspring into great must see direct-to-DVD horror films.

The “feral flesh-eating clan” of Offspring gave the lone inbred mutant of Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead a run for his money this year, and while Isle of the Damned deserves the title of “Best Cannibal Flick of 2009,” Offspring earned a spot on our top ten list for bringing the novels of Jack Ketchum to life… Something I hope to see more of in 2010. — Kevin Touch

#8. MARTYRS

Martyrs is an intensely brutal and intriguing horror film with the theme of victimization vs. martyrdom. Horrendous torturous acts take place one after the other to innocent victims, yet the torturers don’t let themselves fall in to the role of the villain. They use religion to justify their acts. It’s so relentless and painful that they audience could clearly never sympathize, but it gives us morally gray villains who do terrible things and come off as downright evil, but are also interesting and complex characters. Through them the desire for humans to know what comes after death is communicating and just how radically ones can twists their supposedly good hearted intentions to find the answers they want. Writer/director, Pascal Laugier, challenges the horror genre with his film. He creates great suspense and fascinates the audience, but as soon as you start to figure out where the film is headed, he completely turns things around through the pacing, tone and perspective of the film, making sure that his audiences never know what could happen next. The film is almost split in to two; the first belonging to Lucie and the second to Anna. Yet they do collide to an extent, making the movie as a whole stronger. With Lucie’s story on her side and her ability to survive, it gives Anna more strength and hope for enduring everything that is ahead of her. Lucie and Anna are both extremely strong female characters, who endear far more than the vast majority of people would be able to. Martyrs is a brutally gory, intriguing, well developed suspenseful horror film that goes in so many directions and covers an enormous amount of ground. — Kelsey Zukowski

#9. COLD PREY

A Norwegian slasher film with plenty of style, suspense, and great pacing. As a group of friends on a ski trip on a secluded mountain die off one by one, the deaths themselves become a bit of a surprise. In a lot of slasher films especially, it’s pretty clear who’s going to die in what order. The character who gets injured in the first 10 minutes actually lasts much longer than I ever anticipated. Not all the deaths are shown extensively but there is a good amount of blood.

The bright white snow shots in the beginning quickly change to the nighttime faded, gloomy shots when danger and evil are present. It’s a fun film from the beginning and most of the characters are enjoyable, but as people start to disappear and the characters find out more about the sadistic killer’s hotel that they find out they are staying in, the tension increases. Being so far from civilization and any help on top of them being surrounded by snowy mountains makes it harder to get away even if they could attempt to escape. Plus one of their friends is injured and unable to even try this. This turns friends against each other; their fears for their own lives bringing the worst out in them. — Kelsey Zukowski

#10. PARANORMAL ACTIVITY

THE SCARIEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR!!! And if you hear that enough times you just might start to believe it. Hype or no hype, this one went from independent horror obscurity to a household name in no time. Paranormal Activity was clearly the most successfully marketed horror film of 2009. The reaction was mixed, but the people who enjoyed this film were vocal enough to earn it a spot on this list. I thought it was genuinely scary and it was one of the better horror flicks that I saw in the theater in 2009. It will also be interesting to see what the aftermath of the film’s success will bring. I’m guessing we’ll be seeing a lot more paranormal activity at the box office. — Brain Hammer

#11 MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D (Bumped from #7 for Offspring)

All I really hope for when sitting through yet another one of these remakes is some decent splatter and a few chuckles. My Bloody Valentine 3D more than delivered the goods. The best part of this movie was the gory death scenes. I was happy to see a wide assortment of nasty looking pickaxe murders proudly on display. My old pal Todd Farmer wrote the screenplay and I have to say that he did a pretty good job recycling the original storyline and then giving it some decent twists and turns. This film is totally respectful to the original and plays it mostly straight, which I appreciated. There’s a nice oppressive atmosphere in the mines, plenty of juicy splatter from start to finish, and some really hot looking naked chicks. I thought this was the best remake of 2009 and our voters felt the same way. –Brain Hammer

Rob Zombie’s Halloween II was my favorite horror flick of 2009. Sadly, I was in the minority on this one. Seems like Halloween fans had a hard time swallowing all that GHOST HORSE COCK. Michael Myers is back and he brought his beard AND his mom AND her ghost horse! What you have here is the most violent and surreal entry in the Halloween franchise. Zombie never cuts away until the knife rips flesh over and over and over again. The scene where Zombie spends an eternity filming the suffering of some dumb bastard that just lost all his teeth in a car accident ALONE warrants a spot on the list! Only Rob Zombie could dream up a Halloween flick where Laurie Strode is a grubby looking punker chick who lives in a house full of pentagrams and Charles Manson posters. This is entirely Rob Zombie’s original creation, and I for one would rather see a combination of hardcore realistic violence and bizarre hallucinogenic fantasy than shit like Busta Rhymes kicking Mikey’s ass and calling him a bitch. This is a Halloween movie full of brutal violence and it has fucking MOTORHEAD on the soundtrack. There is really no way in Hell this wouldn’t be 100% Brain Hammer approved!

MY BLOODY VALENTINE (1981; uncut special edition): Lionsgate

Hands down the coolest dvd release of 2009! Just in time to cash in on their big budget (and 3D!) remake, Lionsgate released the original classic My Bloody Valentine on DVD, UNCUT and uncensored for the first time ever! For many years die hard slasher fans had heard the rumors about the missing gore footage that was trimmed away to earn an R rating. Now seeing is believing, and old Harry Warden has earned his rightful place next to other 80′s slasher icons such as Crospy & Frank Zito! The newly added, completely uncut death scenes make this dvd a fucking must have!

Well it’s time once again to journey through to the septic tank of horror themed entertainment and look at the creme de la creme of crap (I paint a pretty picture don’t I?), and believe me 2009 had a lot of turds to go through.

Dishonorable mentions (they just sucked but didn’t swallow (ah, juvenile humor))

- KISS OF THE VAMPIRE – Ok, one should probably been listed on 2006′s worst list since it took so long to release it and it probably snuck out to DVD since Twilight
made money. It’s had tons of bland vanilla to the already deteriorating crimson mixture of vampires. Russian Kat Williams wrote a 6th grade level creative writing assignment and got whoever she sleeps with in order to stay in the country to make a movie out of it. Plus, she even got her ass casted as the lead to add insult to injury since she’s more wooded than Pinocchio’s dork.

- THE STEPFATHER – Once again director, Nelson McCormick, somehow proves that someone can make remakes worse than Platinum Dunes.

- TWILIGHT: NEW MOON- The Duran Duran side of me made me see this movie on Monday and my 11 year old niece really really really wanted to see it. And since I’m a good Uncle, she’s getting Near Dark, Dracula, Nosferatu, John Carpenter’s Vampires, Fright Night and even The Lost Boys for Christmas so she can see real vampire movies. I tossed in The Wolfman and Wolfen to cover werewolf movies. The Twilight movies are the boy bands to the horror movie rock and roll world and I can’t wait for the fad to fade.

- The 4 dozen “original” movies from the Sci Fi Channel (I refuse to can it SyFy because that sounds like a Jewish Asian lawyer) – Ok Phantom Racer made me chuckle, but the majority of the conveyor belt schlock should only be viewed by the “Mystery Science Theater 3000″ gang. Maybe that’s why the channel got rid of the show in the first place?
On a sidenote, Did you see when the guy who played “Malachai” in the Children of the Corn remake (which premiered on the Sci Fi Channel which is why I’m bringing this up) jumped like a pansie when the car exploded. Now that was too fucking funny.

Moving on!

ANOTHER NIGHT IN CHINA

OK boo me all you want, because I know it’s a porno, but dang this movie hurt my poor feeble little mind. Yes, it just a handheld camera movie of Sean Waltman (aka The Lightning Kid, The 1-2-3 Kid, Syxx, X-Pac, 6-Pac) having sex with Joanie Laurer (aka Chyna), but it’s a sequel to basically the same thing that was released 5 years earlier and it’s much more graphic. Yes, the mini corn pierced penis looking thing of Chyna’s is back and sicker than ever. Yes, at one time Ms. Laurer’s Playboy pictorial was one of the highest selling Playboy issues of all time, but that was mainly due to the fact that professional wrestling was at it’s popularity peaks and that many of the large population of the core fan base wanted to see if Chyna had a penis. And this and the previous film proved that Playboy did a shitload of airbrushing. It was one of the most difficult movies that I’ve ever gotten through and hell no did I jerk off to it!

Sometimes, being Satan’s Screener is alot harder than one might think.

NO CONTEST! Young Adult Novelist ERIC MORSE! Horror Yearbook’s archnemesis spent most of 2009 ranting about and bashing us on his radio show, My Space and only god knows where else. He even went as far as reporting myself (WIL) to the FBI for “cyber crimes.” Morse aka William Fattison has three obsessions, food, Dark Spider and me and I couldn’t love him more. Fattison supplied us with hours upon hours of entertainment in 2009 earning himself his own special place in our HYB Walk of Fame — from his weekly radio rants about us “Fucktards” to his hilarious failed attempts at being charitable, this is one fat man who will always be close to our hearts.

“It was like getting a hand job from an old lady without cumming.”�

– Chris Cooper talking about After Dark Horrorfest on Horror Yearbook Radio

“It was Christmas Even 1970 and I smoked a joint. I saw an image of a Santa Claus with a
knife in his hands. Ten years later, I figured out how to make the script work.”

– Lewis Jackson director of Christmas Evil during his interview w/Brain Hammer

“What drugs were you smoking when you wrote Jason X”

— Brain Hammer talking to Jason X screenwriter Todd Farmer on Horror Yearbook Radio

“Horror Yearbook is where the real devil’s rejects hang out, depraved beasts that delight in the ruin of decency and shun critical thought.”

– Enochs Roomate aka The Smartest Man on the Internet

“Star Trek is kind of like… watching my grandpa pass out to the TV Guide Channel. Star Wars on the other hand is like watching my grandma give my grandpa a bj while he’s passed out to the TV Guide Channel.”

– Andrew aka Zombiecrew on HYB’s Message Board during the Terminator vs. Star Trek discussion

“If you like something it’s best not to rape it.”

– Kunt and the Gang in response to a fan e-mail from Chris, informing him how much he liked his music

“The only thing sadder than this list is the fact that a forum like this exists.”

– Anonymous Dig member responding to HYB’s 2009 Celebrity Death List being the number 1 story

Quote of the Year

“I came here to promote a charity and got harassed and insulted. Think about that HMF. Think about that and be ashamed…”

– Young adult novelist Eric Morse blaming HorrorMovieFans.com for his feud with WIL Keiper

Special Thanks

Once again I would like to thank our readers, message board members and mostly our staff for making Horror Yearbook one of the strangest, fun and successful horror websites on the Interwebs. I can’t wait to see what fuckery we manage to pull out of our asses in 2010!

Thanks to our wonderful staff and contributers of 2009 (in no special order)

Amanda by Night
Andrew Walsh
Brain Hammer
Chris Cooper
Gary Gaymon
Jerry Dennis
Kelsey Zukowski
Sarah Pullin
Kyle Kruger
Kevin Touch
Madeline Koestner
Morgan Suzek
Noel Penaflor
Press Release Robot

Also thanks to Steven, Horror Movie Fans, Retro Slashers and Greg Lamberson.

- Major theatrical or direct-to-DVD release in 2009
- Foreign film released in the U.S. in 2009 (DVD or theatrical)
- Movies that had a limited or festival run before 2009 that received a DVD release in 2009
- Movies that had a limited or festival run in 2009

Below are a few suggestions from our Scream Queens/Hot Babes section. This is not the final list! To nominate a scream queen or actress just leave us a comment below. I will then pick the most popular suggestions and release the final voting poll sometime later this month.

Amber Heard (The Stepfather, Zombieland)
Brooke Lewis (iMurders)
Debbie Rochon (Satan Hates You)
Ashley Greene (Summer’s Blood, New Moon)
Sophie Monk (The Hills Run Red)
Amanda Seyfried (Jennifer’s Body)
Audrina Patridge (Sorority Row)
Anna Paquin (Trick r Treat, True Blood)

This is part II of the top ten and where I give you the last five, one (1) through five (5), and if you missed part I, you can always go back and check out which films brought the caboose in this list. Click here to read part I!

Warning: If you continue to read, there will be SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!

Number 5: Toxic Avenger (1984)

Everybody knows this fun-lovin’, mop-wielding toxic avenger! But, sadly, he is a product of a prank gone wrong. Being tricked to dress in a ballerina pink tutu and blindly kisses a sheep at a health spa/gym when lured by a hottie. As he runs away trying to save face, he jumps out the second story window and falls head first into a drum of toxic waste that just happens to be on a truck parked down below. Poor, poor Melvin. And if that isn’t bad enough, he ignites into a fiery flame and runs off screaming like a little, whiny girl.

The Toxic Avenger is the ultimate Troma classic. The plot tells the tragic to heroic story of Melvin, the Tromaville Health Club mop boy, who inadvertently and naively trusts the hedonistic, contemptuous and vain health club members, to the point of accidentally ending up in a vat of toxic waste. The devastating results then have a transmogrification effect, his alter ego is released, and the Toxic Avenger is born, to deadly and comical results. The local mop boy is now the local Superhero, the saviour of corruption, thuggish bullies and indifference. Troma classic with good make-up effects and stunts, a pleasant surprise indeed.

The Toxic Avenger is directed by Michael Herz and crazy man Lloyd Kaufman. It stars Mitch Cohen as the toxic avenger and Mark Torgl as the puny Melvin.

Number 4: Urban Legend (1998)

Urban Legend is a unique entry into this top ten selection because we don’t know of the prank until the near end of the film. It is the reason why the killer kills! The prank that goes wrong in question is the the flashing car lights prank. Does anybody remember this? Here is how the prank goes: you turn off your lights while driving and when the first person to flash their lights at you to warn you yours are off, you make a sharp u-turn and ride their tail, constantly flashing your lights at them. Well, this prank turned fatal for the two prominent female characters and also results in the birth of a serial killer who uses urban legends as a death vehicle.

Directed by Jamie Blanks and written by Silvio Horta, Urban Legend’s plot involves a college campus killer on the loose who’s making urban legends, like the one about eating pop rocks and soda at the same time will make your stomach explode and the one about a psycho with an axe stepping into the backseat of your car at the gas station when not looking, into reality!

The film stars future rock star Jared Leto, future coke head and Eric Dane humper Rebecca Gayheart and the lovely red-head Alicia Witt! Lets not forget Dawson Creek’s Johsua Jackson and Freddy Krueger himself Robert Englund…what a fun cast.

Number 3: The Burning (1981)

Remember kids, you should never play with fire – you just might hurt someone named Crosby. That is what happened here in the case of The Burning (hint the name). When camp goes sneak into the caretakers Crosby’s cabin to pull the burning skull prank in order to scare him straight of being nasty. It works; he wakes up in fright only to drop the burning skull onto a gas tank, racing flames upon Crosby. He yells, he screams, he doesn’t even have time to make peace with God and as he runs from his cabin, he is still engulfed in fire – never to be heard of again or never to be sane again either.

The Burning is about a caretaker at a summer camp who is burned when a prank goes tragically wrong. After several years of intensive treatment at hospital, he is released back into society, albeit missing some social skills. What follows is a bloody killing spree with the caretaker making his way back to his old stomping ground to confront one of the youths that accidentally burned him.

Directed and co-written by Tony Maylam and co-wrote by none other than Harvery Weinstein who would later become a giant in the production company business – you know – the guy and his brother who create much of what Dimension spews out today. Lets not forget the special gore effects by Tom Savini. Overall, this project as gold at the very beginning.

Number 2: The House on Sorority Row (1983)

One might have thought this would be number one since the remake is coming out tomorrow. Sorry, kids, but at least it came in second. The prank is fairly simple. To be frank, I’m not a big fan of this prank but since the remake is coming out and all the women are hot, I figure it should be way up on the list. All the girls hate Ms. Slater; She is mean, rude and very strict. The prank they pull on her involves Ms. Slate on getting accidentally shot and they decide to hide the body and pretend nothing ever happened.

Directed and written Mark Rosman which is his first movie, the plot of The House on Sorority Row involves a group of girls staying at a sorority house clash with the house’s owner, who wants them out. They decide to play a prank on her, but it goes awry and she winds up dead. Panicking, the girls try to hide the body, but someone (or something) witnessed the crime and begins to stalk them.

The film stars Kate McNeil and Lois Kelso Hunt as Ms. Slater.

Number 1: Carrie (1976)

The reason why Carrie made number 1 on our top ten pranks gone wrong list may be unclear. The prank may not be as cruel as some of the others but the results of the prank are immediate. You don’t want to drench a teenage hormonal girl with telekinetic powers in blood and then all stand and laugh at her – she just might start a fire and start killing everyone while simultaneously locking the gym doors at every exit. It just isn’t wise, so please, try to refrain from picking on weird, nerdy girls who might have powers to start a blaze of fright.

Carrie is written by Scarface director Brian De Palma and is based off a novel by Stephen King with Lawrence D. Cohen adapting it to screenplay form. The story of Carrie White, a girl brought up, almost in isolation, by her psychotically religious mother Margaret. After an embarrassing incident in the showers causes her fellow pupils to tease Carrie ruthlessly, her teacher Miss Desjardin disciplines them severely. Determined to have revenge, the other students hatch a plot against Carrie, which turns horribly wrong when Carrie’s strange mental powers are unleashed during the school prom.

The flick stars soon to be a classy star Sissy Spacek and Saturday Night Fever himself John Travolta.

This is part I of the top ten and where I only give you the last five, ten (10) through six (6), first and then tomorrow will be the top 5 most twisted, gone wrong pranks of them all. Lets get the show on the road, shall we?

Warning: If you continue to read, there will be SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!

Number 10: April Fool’s Day (1986)

Directed by Fred Walton and written by Beverly Hills Cop writer Danilo Bach, April Fool’s Day is nothing more than one big prank. That is why it is at the last spot in our countdown. It is kind of a cop out prank but, none the less; it still counts. The ingenious part of this movie is that it is kind of fooling the viewer. We are never a part of the gag and we end up being pleasantly surprised at the end, or on other hand become enraged because none of it really happened – no real bodies or blood but all fake, party town hoaxes.

The plot involves eight college friends who get together to celebrate their completion of the final year. They are invited to come to an isolated island mansion provided by Muffy St. John. Just as the trip seems to be a fun getaway, one by one they start to disappear or show up brutally murdered. They ask themselves if this is this part of a cruel joke or is there something more sinister with Muffy St. John and her past?

April Fool’s Day stars Real Genius’s Deborah Foreman as Muffy St. John and Amy Steel of Friday the 13th Part II.

Number 9: Tamara (2005)

From the writing of Final Destination Jeffery Riddick and the greenhorn director Jeremy Haft, Tamara is a tale of revenge. Tamara is the nerdy girl of high school, the one always being teased. So, when she supernaturally awakens from her death after a prank by the high school jocks, she becomes the anti-hero, super sexy witch with vengeance in her eyes.

The plot of Tamara is about an unattractive, shy occult practicing girl who, although very intelligent, has no self-esteem or friends. To boost her confidence, Tamara writes an article for the paper about the athletes in the school using illegal enhancement substances. When two jocks, Shawn and Patrick, get wind of her having a crush on her handsome English professor Mr. Natolly, they construct their prank in order to get back at her. She is lured by Shawn and Patrick, along with four other individuals, to a motel room where she believes Mr. Natolly is, and starts to undress. She is surprised when Shawn and Patrick pop out of the closet with a video camera and during the struggle, Tamara is killed, buried and forgotten…until the next day.

The film stars Jenna Dewan as Tamara and Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchad’s Matthew Marsden.

Number 8: Joy Ride (2001)

Never talk to strangers, even over the CB radio! Joy Ride is born from the writers Clay Tarver and Cloverfield scriber J.J. Abrams with John Dahl at the helm. Some truckers just can’t take a joke. Leave it to a voice called Rusty Nail to prey on the pranksters. Rusty is just a lonely man who all he ever wanted to was to meet up with Black Sheep for some night lovin’. Instead, he gets the shaft by a couple of young punks and decides to play his own games with them. This is the ultimate cat and mouse game but with large semis. Throw in a few tense moments and you have yourself a perfect little off road thriller.

Joy Ride has Lewis driving across country to pick up his college sweetheart Venna. Along the way, he bails out his little brother Fuller from jail. On one of their stops to Venna’s, Fuller buys a cheap CB radio and decides he is going to have himself a bit of fun. Fuller coaxes Lewis into giving the CB a try and pretends to be a trucker sweet heart named Black Sheep. Lewis and Fuller convince a deep voiced midnight carrier called Rusty Nail to meet them at a motel. Soon the prank takes a sour turn as the room that was given to Rusty actually had somebody else in it and that person turns up dead. Now, the two brothers are being stalked and terrorized by Rusty on the open road and over the air.

Joy Ride stars Fast and the Furious’s Paul Walker, Saving Silverman’s Steve Zahn and the awkwardly beautiful LeeLee Sobieski from suspense thriller The Glass House.

Number 7: Terror Train (1980)

At the gleaming light of the Jamie Lee Curtis’s freshly acquired career and stardom, thanks to John Carpenter’s Halloween, she lands herself another movie where she can vocalize her screaming voice yet again. This time, instead of a house, she is on a train…a Terror Train. It is New Year’s eve and the Sigma Phi fraternity wants to have a little fun with one of their pledges – Kenny Hampson. Our leading lady Alana is coerced into leading Kenny up to a dark room believing he will score with the hottie. As Alana hides, Kenny strips and places himself in bed next to somebody. Unknown to Kenny is that the somebody is just an actual dead body. Once the prank is upon him, he snaps and ends up in a mental institute. Children shouldn’t play with dead things…right? All aboard!

The plot to Terror Train is fairly simple. Take everything I said above and then tack on three years later when its graduation time and the fraternity plus Alana board a train to celebrate. People start to die a gruesome death and suspicions run high. The killer uses various masks, include Groucho Marx mask, and eludes those who try to track the killer down.

Terror Train stars Jamie Lee Curtis from the Halloween series, Urban Legends: Final Cut’s Hart Bochner and a very young magician by the name of David Copperfield.

Number 6: Slaughter High (1986)

Slaughter High comes from then first time writers and directors Mark Ezra and George Dugdale. This superb, or subpar, high school teen revenge movie is in much of the same boat as Tamara’s plot. The prank pulled here was against a nerdy kid named Marty Rantzen. He is lured by Carol Manning, a smoking hot babe, into the locker room where he thinks he is about to have sex with Carol. By the end of the entire day prank, Marty is embarrassed and with acid on his face, leaving him horribly disfigured. Smart kids never look out for the acid because they’re too busy focusing on them jocks. Silly nerds…

To further the plot, we’ll have to go in a bit deeper than what their is above. Marty is horribly disfigured. We got that down. Years later, those involved in the prank are invited to a 10 year class reunion only to show up to a desolate building about to be demolished. The friends start to die off one by one and they quickly come to the conclusion that Marty must be back and to take revenge on them all for what they have done to him.

Slaughter High stars Hammer Horror icon Caroline Munro and Simon Scuddamore as Marty Rantzen.

Check back tomorrow for Part II as I will give out the top 5 pranks gone wrong in horror movies!

Who was chosen and why?

Actors who appeared and participated in any hardcore adult film. No softcore and no porn cameos (They must have been involved with some kind of penetration).

Basically the name says it all read on…

Uncensored SheSoCrazy.com version coming soon!

Bloodsucking Pharaohs in Pittsburgh (1991) starring Veronica Hart

AVN Hall of Fame Inductee Veronica Hart teams up with Joe Sharkey in this black comedy about a chainsaw wielding serial killer terrorizing the women of Pittsburgh. Hart is famous for starring in the adult film Amanda By Night, and was the inspiration for Amber Waves in Boogie Nights.

Other Recommended Film(s): One-Eyed Monster with Ron Jeremy
Cafe Flesh 2

Synopsis from AMCTV.com – This daffy, hit-and-miss gore comedy was apparently conceived as a parody of Herschell Gordon Lewis’ splatter landmark Blood Feast, which, frankly, represents too easy a target. There are no actual Pharaohs involved, only a crazed figure in a fez who roams the streets of Pittsburgh slicing, axing and chainsawing naughty ladies of the night, then absconding with various stolen body parts. The killings mimic the M.O. of a Las Vegas-based occult serial killer who was shot dead by a slouchy cop (Joe Sharkey) more than a decade ago — a cop who has been haunted by the case ever since.

Evil Breed: The Legend of Samhain (2003) starring Ginger Lynn Allen, Chasey Lain, Taylor Hayes, and Jenna Jameson

The idea behind Evil Breed was simple; make a horror movie starring a bunch of porn stars, however, the film was heavily censored and re-shot ruining what could have potentially been a great film. Read Samhain Director apologizes… And provides some clarifications!

Other Recommended Film(s): Dreamquest w/Jenna Jameson
New Wave Hookers w/Ginger Lynn

Synopsis – Two American tourists on a romantic camping trip are brutally murdered. A few days later, during the ancient festival of Samhain, a group of American university students moves into a beautiful cottage, surrounded by a lush forest and a majestic lake They are here to learn about the rituals of the ancient Druids and other Celtic legends. But in the remains of an abandoned copper mine, lives the ancestors of an incestuous clan of cannibals. Stalked by a hulking, disfigured mutant, the students and their chaperone are in for the most harrowing time of their young lives. And keeping their heads on their necks will become their main concern..

Andre the Butcher (2005) starring Ron Jeremy

One of the most famous male porn stars and the mayor of Tromaville, Ron Jeremy, stars as Andre the Butcher in this direct-to-DVD slasher film. If you don’t know who Ron Jeremy is you shouldn’t even be reading this list. He is the star in over 1,750 adult films, and is one of the few porn stars who has successfully crossed over to main stream pop culture, starring in movies like Reindeer Games and celebrity reality TV shows like The Surreal Life.

Other Recommended Film(s): Poultrygeist

Synopsis – When a group of cheerleaders on their way to a competition get into a car accident, they are forced to venture deep into the isolated backwoods of Florida to find help. They soon discover that they are not alone: two escaped convicts on a desperate bid for freedom take the young girls hostage in an old abandoned hunting lodge and have a tense stand-off with local law enforcement. Things really start to fall to pieces when legendary kille Andre the Butcher – named for his occupation in his former life – hones in on his prey. Now, The Butcher has two new jobs: harvesting souls for hell and devouring the human remains of his victims. Whether cheerleaders, convicts or law enforcers, they all taste the same to him!

Zombie Strippers (2008) starring Jenna Jameson

The once hot Jenna Jameson built a porn empire while becoming one of the most famous porn actors in history. Much like Jeremy she was also successful in crossing over into the mainstream and she eventually retired from porn. Zombie Strippers was her first non-porn movie after her she left the business, and it also stars Robert Englund and Jameson’s current boyfriend Tito Ortiz. The film takes place in a George Bush controlled dystopic future where public nudity is outlawed, and the U.S. is in war with several other countries. When experiments to revive the dead as soldiers goes wrong, an underground strip club is infected with a zombie virus… You can probably guess the rest.

Other Recommended Film(s): Howard Stern’s Private Parts
See Evil Breed above

The Devil’s Rejects (2005) starring Ginger Lynn Allen

In Rob Zombie’s Devils Rejects Captain Spaulding gets to bang the woman of his dreams, porn star Ginger Lynn Allen. Allen tried launching a singing career, starred in the video game Wing Commander with Mark Hamill and had a few bit parts in films like Young Guns II. However, she never really made the transition from porn slut to movie star.

Other Recommended Film(s) Illusions of Ecstasy
Ginger’s Sex Asylum

Synopsis from IMDB.com – In Ruggsville, Texas, the police under the command of Sheriff John Quincy Wydell attack the house of the sadistic serial killers Firefly family (a.k.a. The Devil’s Reject) and they arrest mother Firefly, but Otis B. Driftwood and Baby Firefly escape from the siege. Tiny is wandering nearby the house and also escapes. Otis and Baby call their patriarch, the mad clown Captain Spaulding and they schedule to reunite at an isolated motel in the desert. When Otis and Baby arrive, they kidnap two families of singers, using sadism and violence against the harmless persons. Meanwhile, Sheriff Wydell promises to capture and kill the runaways, seeking revenge for the death of his brother, the Deputy George Wydell.

Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1981) starring Michelle Bauer

Fred Olen Ray’s masterpiece starring Linnea Quigley, Gunnar Hansen and the versatile Michelle Bauer. Bauer starred in Stephen Sayadian’s (Party Doll A Go- Go!) must see Cafe Flesh — a movie mainstream Hollywood should really consider remaking. Bauer was also Penthouse magazine’s Pet of the Month for July 1981

Other Recommended Film(s) Cafe Flesh
Night Dreams II
Puppet Master III: Toulon’s Revenge

Synopsis: – Jack Chandler is a private eye tracking down Samantha the runaway. In his travels, he comes across a gang of chainsaw weilding prostitutes that like to carve people up for their cult.

Blade (1988) starring Traci Lords

Traci Lords paved the way for porn stars like Jenna Jameson using a fake ID to jump start her adult film career at the age of 15. After her underage scandal broke, she moved on to non-porn films starting with Jim Wynorski’s Not of This Earth. In 1998 she appeared in the film Blade, the vampire movie that proved comic books could be adapted into decent films.

Other Recommended Film(s) Not of This Earth
Shock ‘Em Dead
Cry-Baby

Synopsis – In a world where vampires walk the earth, Blade has a goal. His goal is to rid the world of all vampire evil. When Blade witnesses a vampire bite Dr. Karen Jenson, he fights away the beast and take Jenson back to his hideout. Here, alongside Abraham Whistler, Blade attempts to help heal Jenson. The vampire Quinn who was attacked by Blade, reports back to his master Deacon Frost, who is planning a huge surprise for the human population.

Rabid (1977) starring Marilyn Chambers

Marilyn Chambers will always have a special place in horror fans hearts for playing Rose in David Cronenberg’s Rabid. Chambers also appeared in the porn classic, Behind the Green Door. Her last film before she died on April 12, 2009 was Porndogs: The Adventures of Sadie. R.I.P.

Other Recommended Film(s) Behind the Green Door

Synopsis – After undergoing radical surgery for injuries from a motorcycle accident, a young woman develops a strange phallic growth on her body and a thirst for human blood — the only nourishment that will now sustain her. Vampire-like, she prowls the city of Montreal, using her sexual powers to attract victims, who she then infects with a particularly virulent strain of rabies. In no time at all, the city is reduced to a raging mass of rabid, salivating monsters and only an army of machine-gun-wielding soldiers can subdue them. David Cronenberg’s horror film explores the relationships between sex and violence, between bodily disintegration and the disintegration of society.
Hard to Die (1991) starring Monique Gabrielle

Director Jim Wynorski may not like it, but his films are known for featuring women with big tits, and of course the occasional porn star. Hard to Die aka Sorority House Massacre features both, including Monique Gabrielle who appeared in Up ‘n’ Coming with Marilyn Chambers. Hard to Die is a Horror Yearbook fav and a very recommended little known horror gem.

Other Recommended Film(s) Bachelor Party
Deathstalker II

Synopsis – While doing the inventory for a lingerie outlet in a high rise office building, five attractive women are terrorised by a series of bizarre killings. They suspect that the strange janitor, who witnessed another series of killings years back, is at the bottom of the whole thing. Little do they know the real horror that they face in the end.

Fright Night (1981) starring Stephen Geoffreys

Our only gaysexual porn star and reverse story, Stephen Geoffreys who played the famous “Evil Ed” in Fright Night, went from horror icon to gay porn star in the 90s. Geoffreys kept busy in gay porn for the last decade until he made his return to the horror genre with Sick Girl in 2007.

Other Recommended Film(s) 976-EVIL
Transsexual Prostitutes(?)

When a teenager learns that his next door neighbor is a vampire no one will believe him.

I underlined all the horror flicks so they would be easier to spot, and highlighted a few surprises in green.

1 Star Trek $233,992,475
2 Up $198,836,362
3 Monsters Aliens
4 X-Men Origins: Wolverine $176,523,847
5 Fast and Furious $154,719,635
6 Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian $147,249,579
7 Paul Blart: Mall Cop $146,336,178 (wow)
8 Taken $144,964,164
9 Angels & Demons $124,787,676
10 The Hangover $120,878,530
11 Terminator Salvation $115,810,053
12 Watchmen $107,509,799
13 He’s Just Not That Into You $93,953,377
14 Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail $90,508,336
15 Knowing $79,705,998
16 Hannah Montana The Movie $78,158,890
17 Coraline $75,250,620
18 Hotel for Dogs $73,034,460
19 I Love You, Man $71,440,011
20 Obsessed $68,261,644
21 Race to Witch Mountain $66,533,945
22 Friday the 13th (2009) $65,002,019
23 17 Again $62,374,473
24 Bride Wars $58,715,510
25 The Haunting in Connecticut $55,389,516
26 Ghosts of Girlfriends Past $53,124,363
27 My Bloody Valentine 3-D $51,545,952
28 Underworld: Rise of the Lycans $45,802,315
29 Confessions of a Shopaholic $44,277,350
30 The Unborn (2009) $42,670,410
31 Duplicity $40,572,825
32 Land of the Lost $38,513,580 (Flop?)
33 State of Play $37,003,080
34 Notorious (2009) $36,843,682
35 Drag Me to Hell $36,760,425
36 The Pink Panther 2 Sony $35,922,978
37 The Last House on the Left (2009)
38 Push $31,811,527
39 Earth (2009) $31,570,908
40 The Soloist $31,078,460
41 The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 $30,091,519
42 The Uninvited $28,596,818
43 The International $25,450,527
44 Dance Flick Par. $24,396,605
45 Observe and Report $24,004,149
46 Fighting $23,091,010
47 Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience $19,162,740
48 Inkheart $17,303,424
49 Fired Up $17,231,291
50 New in Town $16,734,283
51 Adventureland $16,044,025
52 Crank: High Voltage $13,684,249
53 12 Rounds $12,234,694
54 Sunshine Cleaning $11,914,611
55 Not Easily Broken $10,572,742
56 Under the Sea 3D $10,074,263
57 Next Day Air $9,880,604
58 Dragonball Evolution $9,362,785
59 Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li
60 Imagine That $7,562,403
61 My Life in Ruins $7,106,044
62 Miss March $4,543,320
63 Two Lovers $3,142,760
64 The Brothers Bloom $2,621,914
65 Sin Nombre $2,490,056
66 Is Anybody There? $1,951,487
67 Rudo Y Cursi $1,692,511
68 Battle for Terra $1,619,176
69 Valentino: The Last Emperor $1,378,480 38
70 Every Little Step $1,227,520
71 Easy Virtue $1,004,798
72 Sugar $1,000,834
73 Away We Go $988,549
74 Summer Hours $963,236
75 Chandni Chowk to China $921,738
76 Delhi 6 $879,913
77 Management $874,832
78 Paris 36 $843,936
79 Tyson $788,822
80 Billu $754,928
81 The Cross: The Arthur Blessit Story $741,557
82 The Great Buck Howard $738,482
83 Goodbye Solo $694,938
84 Fanboys $688,529
85 Echelon Conspiracy $666,009
86 2009 Oscar Shorts $644,635
87 Everlasting Moments $600,008
88 The Girlfriend Experience $570,743
89 Anvil! The Story of Anvil $566,609
90 American Violet $554,434
91 Shall We Kiss? $506,648
92 Crossing Over $455,654
93 Lemon Tree $429,025
94 Lymelife $403,185
95 The Limits of Control $402,375
96 Play the Game $378,436
97 Luck by Chance $356,019
98 Tokyo! $351,059
99 Departures $325,520
100 Little Ashes $325,176

For a more complete list visit Box Office Mojo.

Sometimes a different horror website does something so good you just have to link to it. The website Retro Slashers published The 10 Best Slasher Movie In-jokes, an awesome list of inside jokes, homages and gags you may have missed in your favorite slasher films.

Did you know that the school crest in Urban Legends reveals the ending?

Or that Freddy sort of makes an appearance in Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon?

Trust me and do yourself a favor by checking out The 10 Best Slasher Movie In-jokes, and thank me later.

She Freak (1967): A great little drive-in classic, She Freak is the retelling of Freaks, only not quite as unsettling. Well, not really disturbing at all. But what it has is a great, nostalgic look at the good old days of the carnival. The director, David F. Friedman, was indeed a carnival barker himself before he moved on to filmmaking and his love of those days is apparent in this oddball chiller.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978): This remake of the 1956 classic is an almost pitch-perfect sci-fi/horror hybrid about aliens taking over human bodies in their sleep. So many genre films from the 70s remain relevant because they seemed to say something about the political climate. A paranoid tale of terror, Invasion never lets up – not even for a second. Kaufman spins a conspiracy laden tale ending on such a downbeat note you’ll either find yourself absolutely petrified, or you’ll be smiling because you remember a time when movies dared to be so bold. Either way, this is a fantastic movie that deserves revisiting again and again.

Nosferatu (1979): Who better to handle the recreation of one of the most menacing performances on screen then Mr. Creepy himself, Klaus Kinski? With a bit of a resemblance to Max Schreck, Kinski also graced audiences with an even more sinister presence. Unsettling, arty as hell and fantastically off-putting, Nosferatu is a horror remake even movie snobs can enjoy!

The Thing (1982): Perhaps the greatest remake ever, The Thing is a perfect blend of visceral terror and edgy suspense. Featuring a body-invading monster, some outrageous special effects, excellent acting and non-stop suspense, Carpenter gives audiences yet another grand example of why he’s the master.

The Blob (1988): This remake keeps the fun of the original Steve McQueen classic, but ups the gore and the laughs a notch, creating one of the most entertaining monster movies of the decade. Kevin Dillon and Shawnee Smith are excellent in their respective roles, and this movie takes no prisoners (i.e. kids get eaten!!!)!

Night of the Living Dead (1990): By far, Night is the best remake of any George Romero classic (and let’s face it, they’re all classics). Famous SPFX artist Tom Savini stepped behind the camera to helm one of the most suspenseful zombie films. He even takes Romero’s haunting ending and twists it on its ear for modern audiences. Simply a must for fans of the undead.

Toolbox Murders (2003): Not so much a remake as a re-imagining, Tobe Hooper takes the title of the oft-maligned but amazing original film and puts his own stamp on it. A Texas Chainsaw Massacre sized stamp! The Toolbox Murders remake works because writers Jace Anderson and Adam Gieasch take Hooper back down to his most primal instincts and lets him work on a primitive level not seen since the early 80s slasher The Funhouse. The end result is a haunting and brutal film that feels more original than remade.

Willard (2003): One of the few remakes that actually out does the original ten-fold, Willard is also one of the most heartbreaking horror films of all time. Crispin Glover plays the sad sack to perfection and not only gets the audiences sympathy, but also steals your heart. If you love rats, you’ll love Willard.

Dawn of the Dead (2004): Although the re-hashing of the undisputed classic was met with mixed reviews, it’s a solid addition to the zombie-ography which has become so popular of late. It might not hold the same political and cultural stance as its predecessor, but Dawn definitely creates a feeling of dread, as well as bringing a little invention to an unusual undead action flick.

House of Wax (2005): More of a remake of Tourist Trap than the original House of Wax, this film was a surprisingly fun and gooey surprise full of strange happenings, creepy atmosphere and wanton lasses (courtesy of Paris Hilton who has the best death scene). A full fledged dive into rollercoaster horror filmmaking, House of Wax is one wild ride!

Honorable Mention:

Blood Diner (1987): Considered more of a sequel or tribute and not a remake, Blood Diner was originally slated to be the retelling of Fuad Ramses before H.G. Lewis pulled out his support. After a few script changes and a little name altering (Anwar Namtut is now the evil doer), and you’ve got yourself one of the greatest horror comedies of the 80s. OK, the greatest! I make no excuses for my love of this film. Sure, it ain’t Shakespeare, but it is a wonderful mark of respect to all things gory, with more than a tip of the hat to Mr. Lewis himself.

Here is Moviefone’s Hottest Male and Female Movie Vampires check it out and let us know what you think: Leave a Comment Here

Hottest Males Movie Vampire

Robert Pattinson – “Twilight”
Brad Pitt – “Interview with the Vampire”
Cam Gigandet – “Twilight”
Antonio Banderas – “Interview with the Vampire”
Stuart Townsend – “Queen of the Damned”
Jason Patric – “The Lost Boys”
Gerard Butler – “Dracula 2000″
Tom Cruise – “Interview with the Vampire”
Dominic Purcell – “Town Creek”
Kiefer Sutherland – “The Lost Boys”

Hottest Females Movie Vampire

Salma Hayek – “From Dusk Till Dawn”
Kate Beckinsale – “Underworld”
Angie Everhart – “Bordello of Blood”
Aaliyah – “Queen of the Damned”
Monica Bellucci – “Bram Stoker’s Dracula”
Nikki Reed – “Twilight”
Olga Kurylenko – “Quartier de la Madeleine”
Sharon Tate – “The Fearless Vampire Killers”
Kristanna Loken – “BloodRayne”
Traci Lords – “Blade”

I used to look forward to getting the newest edition of the VideoHound but for horror fans in 2008/2009 it is probably not worth wasting your money anymore. There are just too many movies for them to cover, so the smaller independent horror films rarely make it into the book these days. Also the VideoHound was never too genre friendly in the first place, and their Ten Unbelievably Overrated Horror Movies list proves it.

First of all they list Hellraiser as number one, then list Clive Barker’s worst film, Nightbreed on their Ten Truly Underrated Horror Movies calling it “a wholly original monster movie that is so much deeper, cooler, and less obvious than the emo S&M of the Cenobites and their brethren.” It seems the Editor has a strong issue with “homoeroticism” and “S&M” and probably wishes he coined the term “Torture Porn.”

And in 2008 are they really still holding onto “Friday the 13th is a rip-off of the far superior Halloween” bull? That argument was exhausted 10-years-ago, can you at least come up with something new?

Top Ten lists are always highly debatable and like any list, VideoHound’s has some good and bad points, however, what is not debatable is their staff needs some fresh blood, and they need a new spin for their Golden Movie Retriever Guide, before they start getting added to Overrated lists too.

While it may have been a great year for zombie fans, the rest of the horror community found themselves having to work a little harder to find better horror films this year. The best horror films were not in theaters; they were in art houses, dollar theaters and on the DVD rental shelf. DVD distributor Dimension Extreme lead the pack bringing us great films like Inside, Teeth, and Rogue while Lionsgate left horror veteran Clive Barker pissed off at the handling of his film Midnight Meat Train by dropping it in second-ran theaters. Darren Lynn Bousman was equally bamboozled over the lack of support for his film Repo! The Genetic Opera, and even the shit farmers at After Dark Horror managed to deliver the well received Frontiere(s) while sparing us the agony of suffering through another one of their After Dark Horror-Poop-Fests.

Meanwhile, 2008 was a confusing time for theatrically released horror films again. The excellent post apocalyptic Doomsday and the wonderful horror film The Ruins both performed poorly at the box office, while Liv Tyler’s The Strangers and the Saw franchise struck gold for R-rated horror movies. However, the teen phenomenon Twilight broke box office records and a PG-13 in-name-only remake of Prom Night impressed with a $20,804,941 opening weekend. Making the R-rated/PG-rated horror debate an even playing field once again was the flop of The Haunting of Molly Hartley by showing that one can never really predict what movies will succeed or die, PG-13 or not.

So was 2008 a great, good or bad year for horror? It was like every year- full of surprises, disappointments, much debate and many ups-and-downs. One fan’s crap is someone else’s gold. And while aging horror fans try to hold onto to their favorite films and franchises, younger horror fans are christening the new horror classics� (Saw!?!). I can, however, say 2008 was a much different year from 2006 and 2007. There was no undebatable best film like The Descent and no tearing apart of the fans like with Hostel and Rob Zombie’s Halloween remake (Diary of the Dead?). It was a quieter year, one where a horror fan had to be just that, a fan, a fan willing to do a little dirty work to find their Top Ten Horror Movies of 2008.

So once again I offer you Horror Yearbook’s Top Ten Horror Movies of 2008. The list was voted by all of our writers and message board members, with me overseeing the final ten. Top ten list are always debatable, and none are ever right or really wrong. These are just the films that managed to impress our staff and community this year. I hope you enjoy it and here is to a great 2009 in horror!

– WIL Keiper

#1. Inside Buy Inside Here (Unrated)
It’s been a long time since a horror film actually made me lose my fucking mind. Thank you Inside. For reminding this cynical, desensitized old school horror fan how good it could feel. I’ve rarely turned my head away from a movie in disgust and felt that what I was seeing was too much even for me, until I I saw the final ten minutes of this movie. And it felt good. Not only is Inside the best horror film of the year it is, by a landslide, the best french horror film EVER, the best post modern slasher film in ages and it sports the single greatest female slasher in all of horror history. That’s right! Beatrice Dalle’s portrayal of The Woman, the evil, knife wielding psycho who terrorizes a fully pregnant mother over one very long Christmas Eve night, now sits firmly atop horror film history as the genre’s most frightening and relentlessly bloodthirsty villainess. Often, in slasher films especially, an audience secretly wants the villain to succeed. Not here. I couldn’t wait for somebody to kill this crazy bitch. All praise to directors Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury, working with Bustillo’s original screenplay. The film is gorgeously shot and edited and awash in poetically composed images of blood and viscera. Thankfully the filmmakers kept their story simple and tight and resisted the urge to crap it all up for some bullshit psycho babble twist ending that would essentially ruin the entire movie. Go suck a baguette Haute Tension! This is how you do it. — Gary G.

#2. The Ruins Buy The Ruins Here (Unrated Edition)
After Inside, The RUINS is the second most squirm inducing movie of the year. You wouldn’t know it from it’s bullshit ad campaigns and the early reviews from pissed off critics who had to pay to see it because it wasn’t screened for them. Movie studios usually give this type of half-assed treatment to the latest crap fest starring Vin Deisel. Why such a well made, well acted film was given such shoddy release is a mystery. THE RUINS is a shocking, horrifying and emotionally draining film experience. The story goes like this; four college students on vacation make their way into the Mexican wilderness to visit some ancient ruins and end up…..well. the less you know about what happens to them the better. But, needless to say, these kids get fucked. Some critics voiced their displeasure with the fact that very little explanation was given to what the characters encounter. Um, well, pardon me, but I think, and I’m just guessing, but, come closer, I don’t want to shock you, but – I THINK THAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT. We, the audience, don’t know any more about the origins or back story of “the ruins” than the main characters do. Some smart asses also felt that the film’s “killer” was too silly to be believed and instantly dismissed it. Idiots. The ruins aren’t even the point. The point of the film, and the highly acclaimed novel by Scott Smith, is how these four normal, everyday young kids deal with a seemingly hopeless, life or death encounter with a horror that none of them understands. It’s a survivalist tale not unlike Deliverance. Will these kids step up and save themselves or will them succumb to paranoia and fear and rash decisions? Bravo to the talented cast of young actors who really bring home the feelings of terror and hopelessness the characters endure. At the screening I attended the audience was clearly shaken and disgusted. My Mexican vacation is now canceled. — Gary G.

#3. Quarantine Buy Quarantine Here
Quarantine has the unique honor of being not only one of the first remakes released in the US before the original film, but it also has the rare quality of being a remake that holds up well enough to the original. Many people have not seen it’s “predecessor” [REC], but they have seen the fast-paced action adventure Quarantine in theaters. This film is exciting and relevant- It is Cloverfield without the motion sickness and lame monster; it is Diary of the Dead without the sermons. And the best part is that there are no amazing characters; just regular people. The main girl is simply a beginning journalist with a great comradery with her cameraman. And with all the goofy stunts we pull at Horror Yearbook, this is something I can easily relate to. But minus the zombies. — Molly Celaschi

#4. Frontier(s) Buy Frontier(s) Here
This year we witnessed an intense explosion of French horror. In my eyes, Frontier(s) was the most brutal, interesting, and meaningful of these films. The film takes a dangerous state in France directly deriving from the reality of the country’s race riots in 2005 in to a very intelligent commentary on the subject. It would have been much easier to show this through a drama or documentary, but writer/director, Xavier Gens, chose horror to creatively expose the evils he saw. The film made me truly proud to be a horror fan it was everything that a horror film should be. The neo-nazi’s in the film are a representation of the French government. This choice was obvious with their idea of perfection needing to be dominant and with the French government’s lack of tolerance or very many rights of equality or freedom of expression. There was a fear of the police brutality especially given the anarchic state that was present and the neo-nazi’s are the ones who end up handing out that brutality on their behalf in the way of torture and imprisonment. By using such intense proportions of gore and intensity, it put in to perspective the severity of what went on and how threatening the government had been. Inside of all of this, are very complex and interesting characters, gruesome kills, high levels of tension, and a strength not just through the characters but through the film, the spot on writing, and a promising future of horror. It shows us that horror is a genre that can do good, even going beyond a viewing of the film, producing a bond and vital energy that we should feel whenever a movie is done right, as the brilliant Frontier(s) certainly is. — Kelsey Zukowski

#5. Cloverfield Buy Cloverfield Here
You never forget the first time you see Cloverfield. It is the monster movie for the 21st Century. The film’s greatest strength is that it is told from the victims’ point of view. The military and its failed efforts are only part of the story. The scientists do not figure in the film’s storyline at all. Remember in the great monster movies of the Fifties, a scientist or a military figure was the hero. In Cloverfield, we follow several characters as they try to escape New York City after a mysterious monster has attacked the city. Mass panic follows as everyone tries to evacuate the city. The scene on the Brooklyn Bridge remains one of the film’s most effective scenes. The sound effects are the film’s strongest asset. By using the camcorder footage as the way to tell the story, the film’s director, Matt Reeves, builds on what made The Blair Witch Project work so well in 1999. Yet Cloverfield has an added meaning because it is the perfect cinematic metaphor in the post-9/11 Age– the film captures the terror, chaos and fear of that infamous day better than any of the so-called political films that came before it. Above all, it is a terrific monster film– it truly scares you as you watch it. In an age where many would rather watch movies at home, on the computer or on handheld devices, Cloverfield remains the ultimate in communal movie going experience. I will never forget being in that crowded theater; all of us being frightened together because we never know the origins of the monster. He is never destroyed; he is always out there. Fear never takes a holiday. — Jerry Dennis

#6. Midnight Meat Train Buy The Midnight Meat Train Here
Was Midnight Meat Train great? Not really. Did it deserve a real theatrical release? That is debatable. What MMT is though, is an original horror movie; not another zombie flick, not a “throwback” and not another shaky-cam Blair Witch style movie with heavy social commentary. It was just a good horror flick adapted from one of the best horror author’s short stories, and in 2008 you couldn’t ask for much more than that. Oh yeah and it starred Brooke Shields. — Kevin Touch

#7. Poultrygeist Night of the Chicken Dead Buy Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead Herre
Poultrygesit started production in 2006 but did not see a DVD release until 2008, and unlike Return to Sleepaway Camp it was well worth waiting for. It was an instant Troma classic joining the ranks of The Toxic Avenger, Tromeo and Juliet and Terror Firmer as one of Troma’s all time best. Lloyd Kaufman showed us once again he hasn’t lost his touch delivering one of the funniest, and smartest social satires we have seen this year. Like I said, “Screw Diary of the Dead because Poultrygeist is the political zombie movie to beat this year, and nobody did! — Wil Keiper

#8. Mother of Tears Buy Mother of Tears Here
I generally hate the phrase “instan classic” because it usually means (a) it’s not and (b) it was made with that intention and therefore too self-aware. Mother of Tears, however, is that rare film deserving of that title its got everything; naked witches, killer monkeys, lesbian psychics, demons helpful ghosts, a plot that makes absolutely no sense, and characters that have completely inappropriate responses to traumatic situations. What I love about this movie is you can tell Argento thought he was making something good and instead he made the most enjoyable fantastically awful movie I’ve seen all year. To top it all off, daddy actually films his daughter, leading lady Asia Argento, (who looks like HELL) NAKED IN THE SHOWER! — Andrew Walsh

*Note: Abdrew handed in his write-up on notebook paper written in cursive. He has truly lost his mind and has redefined HYB’s ghettoness.

#9. Gutterballs Buy Gutterballs Here
There have been a lot of horror films that claim to be throwbacks, but more often than not this is just used as a ploy to bring in viewers. Gutterballs more than any other film is a true throwback film. The movie looks and feels like an 80’s revenge slasher. Sure the characters could have used a little bit of work, but many of the slashers that this film is paying homage to had throwaway characters as well. Especially through those in the film that are impossible not to hate, it makes you crave their deaths and makes it all the more fun when we see their blood. The film adapts the theory that sluts and anyone engaging in sex for that matter must be the first to die. Gutterballs is very resourceful with its’ kills being at a bowling alley. There are pins shoved down throats followed by genitals being cut open, strangulation by bowling shoe laces, a face shoved in a hot ball waxer that severs a head with blazing hot metal that completely opens up the flesh of his head, and the bowling pin up the rapist for a taste of his own medicine. Nearly every one of the deaths includes a bowling pin in some twisted way. This fit’s the atmosphere perfectly, but it has a higher significance than this. It relates directly to the extensive and brutal rape scene at the beginning of the film. This scene is raw and difficult to watch, depicting the perfect tone for the horrors of rape. The pin is part of so many deaths because it represents revenge. Throughout the film we are given references to Sorority Babes of the Slime Bowl-O-Rama, Halloween, and Manic. Gutterballs is a great horror throwback that is an inventive and fun film. — Kelsey Zukowski

#10. Return to Sleepaway Camp Buy Return to Sleepaway Camp Here
Was the ten year wait for a fourth Sleepaway Camp worth it? Of course not, did you really think it would be? However, the fat and annoying Alan made this movie one of the most uncomfortable and hilarious watches of the year, helping him and Return sneak onto our top ten list for this year.

Why Strangers Should Have Made the List by Amanda By Night
Buy The Strangers Here
I just don’t understand the backlash against The Strangers, especially from the old-schoolers. I understand that its simplistic approach to the hot button topic of home invasion might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but from the creepy opening frames to the slow burn towards total chaos, The Strangers was a 70s horror film at heart. Yeah, it’s too flawed (those last few minutes – oy vey!) to lay among the ranks of similar movies like Last House on the Left or Torso, but it’s also the director, Bryan Bertino’s first film, and he almost knocks it right out of the park. As a straight horror story, it’s timeless and effective. As an experiment in sound it hits every note. And as a metaphor for the end of a relationship that was lived without meaning, The Strangers is an eerie portrait of the modern America’s self-important attitude towards everything and everyone around them. I can forgive the film its flaws when the outcome is a nail-biting and thoughtful mediation on a real fear. Give me true life terror over some lame wet ghost any day.

Brain Hammer’s DVD Release of the Year: Pieces
Buy Pieces Here
This was hands down the coolest dvd release of the year. No contest. I had been eagerly awaiting this release for ages and as expected, the good folks at Grindhouse Releasing did not disappoint. It may take them years to release the stuff that they promote, but the wait is always worth it. The special features for this two disc release include the original Spanish soundtrack with original score, never before seen in depth interviews with director Juan Piquer and star Paul L. Smith, and a massive gallery of stills and poster art. Add some especially gruesome cover art and packaging and you have a big fucking winner. Now if Grindhouse Releasing would hurry up an release An American Hippie In Israel my life would be complete! You can check out my review of Pieces here.

Best Not Horror But… Close Enough

Rambo
I’m sure I wasn’t the only one full of apprehension when Sly Stallone announced that he was making a return as Rambo in the fourth installment. I mean, isn’t this guy like 60 or something? Then that brilliant four minute trailer of guts, decapitations and things blowing up real good emerged, and I knew Sly was a man you couldn’t keep down. Luckily the trailer was just a taste of what the entire film had to offer and this newest sequel not only reignited one of the best action franchises of the 80s but it also brought home that we the audience were ripe for more organic action fare. Although there are some CGI effects, Stallone kept the violence looking as real as possible, which sometimes led to an uncomfortable viewing experience. I mean that in a good way! It might not fall under the genre of horror but there are enough horrific moments to make even the most world-weary fans happy. Now word on the street is that Sly is prepping for Rambo V and I for one can not wait. — Amanda by Night

Doomsday *No description
Punisher: War Zone *No description

Chris’ Horror Porn of the Year: Evil Head (Watch Trailer Here)

Biggest Asshole of 2008: Queen Cunt from Creation
Runner-Ups
Mehitobel Wilson
Calvin Lutrell

Moronic Mark’s Worst Movie(s) of the Year:

If you know me, you’ll probably know that I have a strange ability to sit through any crap movie. From the zero budget shot on shiteo crud of Todd Sheets to the computer graphics gone bad assembly line of the Sci Fi Channel (ironically, 10 years after canceling Mystery Science Theater 3000, the channel produces movies that could be viewable only with the assistance of a guy in overalls and puppets). But the worst of the year by far in the world of rotten to the core horror film crap of extraordinary magnitude (you have my gratitude (sorry bad habit)) comes from the big budget studios of La La Land. Like a latter day Kennedy, they took all their previous good fortune and well being and doved them into the water while date raping a party guest. They fucked it all up.

And it’s a tie!

And yes, they are both rated PG-13.

So the Worst movies of 2008 are:

Prom Night – Say what you want about the Day of the Dead remake that came out this year on direct to DVD (and believe me it’s horrible), at least it had zombies in it. Prom Nigth only has a prom night. It’s like the films director, Nelson McCormick, took a test audience of the original 1980 flick and the opposite of what they liked about that feature in order to make the in title only remake. Gone is the intriging revenge story of a childhood prank that went wrong and it’s replaced by Law and Order rip from the headlines wantabe plot with a killer teacher played by Kelly Bundy’s ex-husband who has a thing for Britanny Snow. Sure, the original Prom Night wasn’t a masterpiece by any streach of the imagination, but it deserved more than this shit pickle.

Twilight – Now I like Pretty in Pink and I like vampires, but I don’t want to watch Pretty in Pinkwith vampires. Did they come up with this dreck from a brainstorm session from the line to get in to the N.K.O.T.B. reunion concert. Jesus Jumping on a Pogo Stick this flick is a needless waste, but what gets me is that used tampon of a tampon movie is being watched by an endless mass of brain less backward fucktards that it makes my head hurts. It is so not a horror movie, but since it theoretically involves vampires, you know that anytime a dim-wit tries to pull a retrospect a half ass retrospect of horror images they’ll retardedly tack on images from this pansy of a flick.

These movies are approved by your grandmother, but never approved by me.

Random Quotes: The Best Quotes From 2008

“Is that an actual Pay Phone being used? I haven”t seen a working one of those in years. Kind of like Corey Haim, except the Pay phone has stayed in shape and people actually remember something a pay phone has done in the past 20 years.”

– Noel Penaflor from his review of The Haunting of Molly Hartley

“you fucking gay ass bitch sitting in ya mother’s basement looking like a fake egghead from the old batman shows have you looked at yourself in the mirror latley you skinny gay fuck!!!”

– Rakeem J.H. Lawrence (Director, Writer, Cinematographer, Producer, Editor, Composer, Visual Effects, Miscellaneous Crew, Make-Up Department, Costume Designer, Casting Director, Camera and Electrical Department of THE CRATE) responding to Moronic Mark”s Satan’s Screener review of his film.

“I have respect for [author] John Everson and unfortunately couldn’t publish: ‘most people who pick up a book titled ‘Sins of the Sirens’ roll their eyes and put it back down because they are sick of reading more erotic fiction written by fat, molested chicks.’”

– WIL Keiper responding to Mehitobel Wilson acting like a pretentious cunt.

“I wish to thank you, WIL, for opening Horror Yearbook to a film so borderline as CODEX ATANICUS. It proves that behind a great website there is always an open-minded brain.”

– Director Carlos Atanes (Codex Atanicus)

“You are a bitter, faggot. Suckadick. I’m sorry that I have millions of fans and 6 people read your shitty horror reviews… It’s a tough life…. I know… but Costco is accepting new applications and I might be able to put in a good word. This message is rated 7 out of 10 of your mother’s pussy flaps.”

– Andy Milonkis’ Response to Tyler Shainline ‘s Killer Pad Review

“Thanks for reading my review, that brings me up to 7 regular readers! You totally made my day! The people in my office loved your email! None of them knew who you were but they thought it was great. Good luck with your career!”

– Tyler’s response to Andy Milonkis

“is funny.. i knocked up a virgin & the only name i know her by is ‘that fat bitch’ “

– An everyday conversation with Chris Cooper (aka Murder Punk) and no he is not kidding!

“Homeland Security! This isn’t terrorism! These are snakes!”

– Tara Reid in Vipers

“I hate writing about dead people.”

– WIL’s response to Jerry Dennis on the Movie Geeks Unite Podcast in regards to the death of Charleton Heston

“Horror Yearbook is nothing but trouble! All the time!”

– Mr. Disgusting owner of Bloody Disgusting

“Can you get this guy off the phone, or I’ll hang up!”

– Mr. Disgusting on the Horror Movie Fan’s Podcast after WIL called in

“I officially want to rape Horror Yearbook now.”
– Opera Phantomess from the Repo! The Genetic Opera Message Board

THE QUOTE OF THE YEAR!

“is it worth the money?
does it blow you away like the other 4?
is their BLOOD?”

– From marilynmansonfan asking Horror Yearbook about SAW V

Horror Yearbook 2008 Highlights: — I meant to collect all of our highlights and milestones over the past year but I forgot, this is all I have. Did you notice most of them are about me? — WIL

Tyler Shainline breaks the news that Robert Englund would play Freddy Krueguer in the Nightmare on Elm Street remake if he had the chance, putting an end to many months of rumors and speculation. Unfortunately more people looked at Daniel Harris’ tits on Horror Yearbook in one day than read his Englund interview in one year!

Wil gets banned from all Fangoria conventions at Fangoria’s Weekend of Horrors in L.A..

WIL fights with Mr. Disgusting on Horror Movie Fans Radio.

Once again I thank my wonderful staff for all their hard work. HYB would be doo doo without you.

HYB Staff In no particular order

Amanda By Night
Molly Celaschi
Chris Cooper
Jerry Dennis
Gary Gaymon
Brain Hammer
Noel Penaflor
Tyler Shainline
Kelsey Zukowski
Moronic Mark
Andrew Walsh
Kevin Touch
Sarah Pullin

A List of Little Known Horror Treasures — By Amanda By Night

[EDITOR'S NOTE: In our 2-year plus history at Horror Yearbook we have done our best to bring you the best in overlooked and unappreciated horror films. We may have covered some of these films in the past, but once is never enough. For more great, older horror film suggestions, check out Brain Hammer's Picks From the Crypts, and keep updated on all Amanda By Night's articles in her HYB Archives here.]

What makes a great horror film anyway? Of course the answer is subjective and it truly relies on your ability to open yourself up to your own fears. The rest depends on the madmen behind and in front of the camera. Dario Argento says his greatest inspirations come from his dreams and almost any great horror film I can think of does lie in a surrealistic domain where one can feel the impossibility of the situation. But all dreams come from some germ of reality so in the end, the movie also has to anchor the viewer in a place, however strange, where we relate to at least a nugget of truth either in the situation or within ourselves.

That’s a full plate of want from people who enjoy a good, scary movie but it has been done and it has been done well. This list obviously doesn’t encompass every little known great horror movie, but it does pay tribute to films that deserve more praise and a more viewings.

Brotherhood of Satan (1971) – LQ Jones, one of the most prominent character actors of the 70s and 80s wrote and stars in this Bava-esque horror film about a town where all of the kids have gone missing. A slow-burn of a film, Brotherhood creeps up under your skin. Director Bernard McEveety practically paints the terror across every frame, leaving the viewer with a beautiful nightmare.

Let’s Scare Jessica to Death (1971) – This lost treasure finally got a DVD release. To say it’s one of the best horror films ever made still wouldn’t do it justice. In fact, Jessica is everything a good horror film should be. It’s ambiguous, haunting, intelligent and scary as all get out. Jessica, played by Zorah Lampert, is a woman recently released from a mental institution. She, her husband and a friend give up city life and buy a large house in a small town. Once there, they encounter a beautiful squatter who may or may not be a vampire. Let’s Scare Jessica to Death is the horror film to see if you want to remember when they did it right.

Terror at the Red Wolf Inn (1972) – Fans of The Waltons will get a kick out of Mary Jackson who played spinster Emily Baldwin on the G rated 70s hit. Here she is the matriarch of a fairly screwy family who own an isolated hotel, a place where you can check in but you don’t check out. Enter Linda Gillen, the spunky college girl who puts the mystery together. Dark comedy at its best, Red Wolf Inn is an odd and amusing thriller. Aka Terror House, Folks at the Red Wolf Inn.

The Baby (1973) – One of the nastiest films of the 70s, The Baby seems to have slipped through the cracks over the years. Guaranteed to leave your jaw dropped to the floor, The Baby is about a full grown man in diapers and his social worker. She believes Baby’s family (a mom and two sisters) have kept him in a state of perpetual infancy to fulfill their own depraved desires. She ends up going toe to toe with them and it leads to a mind blowing ending. An amazing and unique film, The Baby simply has to be seen to be believed.

Deathdream (1974) – A Viet Nam take on the horror short story, The Monkey’s Paw, Deathdream is about a young soldier who is said to have died during battle. His mother wishes his precious life back and he shows up the next day…just a tad different. This is an affecting allegory about a time of war and the lost souls left behind when a loved one dies. It’s creepy as hell too with an excellent performance by Richard Backus as Andy, the soldier. They don’t make them like this anymore. Aka The Night Andy Came Home

Shock Waves (1977) – A great spooky zombie movie featuring terrific performances from John Carradine and Peter Cushing. Shock Waves is about a group of shipwrecked survivors barraged by Nazi Zombies. Yup, you read that right. In fact, Shock Waves marked the beginning of a new sub-genre of Nazi Zombies, but this is really the only one you need to see. And you’ll probably want to see it again and again.

The Attic (1980) – A heartbreaking portrait of a life wasted, Carrie Snodgress is the repressed librarian who dwindles away her days reminiscing about a lost love and taking care of her invalid father, played maliciously by the great Ray Milland. Finally, Snodgress builds a backbone, but may not have the last laugh. Tragic, horrific and ultimately paralyzing, this tale of human horror will stick with you.

Dark Night of the Scarecrow (1981) – As a fan of Made for TV Movies of the 70s, it was hard for me to narrow down the best of the bunch, but Dark Night embodies so much of what the big screen counterparts were brining to the table, which is why it came out the winner. Charles Durning plays Otis, an evil mailman who is hell bent on ruining the life of simpleminded Bubba (Larry Drake). When word gets out that Bubba accidentally killed a little girl, Otis gets his band of merry hoodlums together to exact revenge. They find Bubba hiding inside a scarecrow in his backyard and shoot him dead. Then the murderers discover that not only didn’t the girl die, but Bubba was actually saving her from a vicious dog attack. Then the guilty party gets a nasty lesson in revenge. Excellent film across the board with tight direction, wonderful acting and a ghostly story that will leave the viewer on the edge of their seat, it’s nothing short of a masterpiece.

The Boogens (1982) – OK, this is certainly not the scariest movie on the list, but it’s an awesome throwback to the monster movies of the 50s while still reveling in the violence of the 80s. The Boogens also has some fine actors who play the characters just right, making them a more likeable bunch then a lot of the young, pretty adults we usually get. The story? Well, some slimy creatures lurk underneath a house with two over-sexed couples. It’s a non-stop, icky rollercoaster ride.

The Slayer (1982) – One of the best slasher films, The Slayer is a gruesome, methodically paced horror film that takes no prisoners. The story is about a troubled artist vacationing on a desolate island with three friends. Her disturbing dreams begin to exact themselves in the real world and she starts to think maybe she’s bringing something over from the other side. Fans of Nightmare on Elm Street, which was released after The Slayer, will enjoy the dark dreamlike quality of this.

Pin (1988) – This Canadian horror film is as cerebral as they come. Don’t go in expecting wall to wall gore and you’ll be fine. Pin, which is about young Leon and his warped mind, is an excellent character study and is very, very human. The heart of the film is about love, loss and loneliness and the final frames will haunt you.

When a Stranger Calls Back (1993) – Featuring the underrated and sadly forgotten late 80s scream queen Jill Schoelen, Stranger boasts Jill’s strongest performance to date (and worst hairstyle!). Essentially, Stranger starts off like the original but this time the madman comes to the door, teasing Schoelen into submission. The intruder takes off with the kids she was babysitting and 5 years later he appears again, driving her even more insane. Carol Kane and Charles Durning return and help Schoelen figure out the mystery. Well paced and with some surprisingly shocking moments, Stranger is filled with dread and is one of, if not the scariest film of the 90s.

THAT MAN IN HIGH-HEELS JUST TRIED TO KILL ME!!!

Horroryearbook’s list of The Top 15 TRANSEXUAL KILLER MOVIES
By GARY G.

Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho not only jumpstarted the modern horror film, it also introduced a new kind of villain to movie audiences – the transexual killer. The climactic image of a crazed, knife wielding Norman Bates, dressed up like mommy was a perverse shock for the conservative movies audiences of the early sixties. Infused with the kind of psycho-sexual undercurrents that shockmeister filmmakers love to exploit, the Trans-Killer sub-genre grew out of the matchbook psychobabble on serial killers that began to proliferate after Psycho’s success and the sensational true life crimes of crazy fuckers like Ed Gein and the Zodiac Killer. So movie villains of classic bygone horror films, the mischievous dandies, megalomaniacal super villains and supernatural creatures , were no longer effective. The modern day boogeyman was the next door neighbor that volunteered at the church picnic but kept a collection of prostitute torsos in his basement freezer. This idea of the duality of the psycho killer is what Psycho wrought and it is what the Trans-Killer sub-genre is, essentially, powered by. What better way to dramatize the split mind of the psychopath than to have a killer who cant even reconcile their own gender.

PSYCHO opened the door and suddenly villainous trannies became very popular. One of the earliest, and best transsexual villains was in the 1968 Japanese cult film BLACK LIZARD. Drag Artist Akihiro Miwa made a grand super villain, dressed in flowing chiffon and twirling about with every dramatic gesture. The Hammer film DR. JEYKLL AND SISTER HYDE (1971) had Ralph Bates turning into Martine Beswick with the aide of an elixir made from the female hormones of murdered prostitutes. Naturally, Sister Hyde is even more evil and sadistic than her crazed alter ego. Audiences also had to endure the horrifying sight of Rod Steiger dressed in drag in the brilliant black comic thriller, NO WAY TO TREAT A LADY (1968). Steiger’s drag act was just one of his serial killers’ hammy disguises. But the truly brutal psycho tranny started to appear in movies like BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS (1970), and FREEBIE AND THE BEAN (1974). In Dolls, the flamboyant record producer Z-MAN, played with vile glee by John LaZar, goes on a sudden, shockingly violent rampage and murders everyone at a sleazy Hollywood orgy when his “secret” is exposed. And Richard Rush’s Freebie and the Bean has James Caan getting his ass whooped in a ladies restroom by a vicious, cross dressing killer played by Christopher Morley. Most often the transsexual killer is revealed in a cheap twist at a films climax. As in one of my favorite bad slasher movies FATAL GAMES (1984), where a conveniently placed newspaper reveals the killers true identity to his/her final victim. And sometimes the tranny killer twist can be a complete surprise as in one of Roger Corman’s best, cheap, late night cable thrillers STRIPPED TO KILL (1987).

The films in this sub-genre span the varying levels of the cinematic quality. Oscar winning filmmakers, schlock purveyors and many a nobody have all had a go at the tranny killer theme. Admitedly, these films are not politically correct and in some cases they are downright offensive to transgender people. But, political correctness aside, they do, in some cases, successfully exploit the uncomfortable feelings most people still have about gender and sexuality. For the lazy writer the transsexual angle is an easy way to dramatize a killers dual personality and exploit an audiences ingrained prejudices and fears and touch on certain undercurrents of misogyny and homophobia that are uncomfortable but can also make for disturbing and gripping filmmaking.

So, though no one asked or was looking for it, here is Horroryearbook’s list of the TOP 15 TRANSEXUAL KILLER MOVIES as decided by me, Gary G, the worlds foremost transsexual killer movie expert.

SPOLIER ALERT: Be advised that the transsexual angle in some of these films comprises that films twist ending. Most of the listed titles are well known to the casual horror fan but some titles are relatively obscure. I won’t reveal any clues to the identity of the trans-killer in any movie but if you see a title listed here you will know that the film has a transsexual twist to it. Fair-Warning.

15. TERROR FIRMER (1999) Sick. Twisted. Perverted. Disgusting. It’s Troma. The venerable Lloyd Kaufman directs one of Troma’s best latter year films. A psychopathic tranny, played with no shame by Wil Keenan, is slaughtering the crew of some crappy low-budget movie. Dismemberments, castrations, genital mutilations, fetus’ ripped from the womb and every conceivable bodily fluid are just some of the cinematic offenses offered up by Kaufman and team, which includes co-screenwriter Douglas Buck who is known more for his artsy short horror films Home and Cutting Moments.

Terror Firmer is total gross-out splatstick so it’s in no way scary but that’s not the point. The trans-killer here is just part of the perverted wallpaper. But he/she remains one of the most vile villains in recent memory. Not for the squeamish, as if I had to say that.

14. UNHINGED (1982) Three stupid college coeds’ car breaks down in the middle of nowhere and they end up taking shelter in a huge, dark, rambling mansion inhabited by an elderly, aristocratic snob and her tightly wound daughter. Those coeds end up in an unfortunate way. But I saw that coming. It’s an early eighties slasher movie! What I didn’t see coming was the suddenly out of nowhere transsexual twist that ends this crazy fucking movie. Once one of Britain’s Video Nasties, Unhinged had a small rep overseas but sat mostly ignored on video store shelves in the states. So this films transsexual twist was well guarded when I finally found my way to it in the mid nineties. The murders are nasty and bloody and director Don Gronquist gives the film a nice, poverty row, gothic feel but, to be honest, this movie is as slow as a geriatric bowel movement. So the trans twist at the films end is a nice jolt after the nap you will invariably wake up from. The definite whiff of misogyny in the final brutal murder gives the ending a shocking punch. You simply aren’t expecting it from what has been a by the numbers slasher.

13. VULTURES (1983) An utterly forgotten camp fest with sub tv movie production values, unintentional comedy, horribly benumbed acting and starring the trash-horror-movie tri-fecta of Stuart Whitman, Yvonne DeCarlo, and Aldo Ray. Vultures still manages to be one of the most entertaining crappy slasher movies on this list. A wealthy old man dies and the heirs to his fortune start to get butchered one by one. Like Unhinged this movie is filled with very bloody murders, and it’s trans twist is a big surprise but Vultures is fun in a way that Unhinged never is. While it kind of looks like an old episode of Colombo, the mystery of WHO is killing off the heirs to the family fortune is very good, resulting in an ending that is as hilarious as it is surprising. And a very well known entertainer makes a cameo that you won’t forget.

12. William Castle’s HOMICIDAL (1961) was the first post-Psycho rip-off. Castle shamelessly borrows the Hitchcock films prologue of the icy blond temptress on the run from the law. But here it is the blond temptress, played by Jean Arliss, who is the psycho, murdering anyone who comes between her and her horrible secret. Can you figure out that secret? Huh. I’ll give you TWO guesses. While the secret may be utterly obvious to anyone with halfway decent eyesight Castle’s film is totally enjoyable and quite spooky at times. Castle was a huckster but he was good at crafting a successful suspense scene. You should also check out his underrated spook-fest The Night Walker. No trannies in it but its scary as hell anyway.

11. REFLECTION OF FEAR (1973) An atmospheric, sad, disturbing, 70’s psycho-thriller that has been overlooked for decades. There is a trans-twist here that, like many of these films, seems to come out of nowhere. But that does not distract from what is such an unsettling and suspenseful horror-thriller. Robert Shaw returns to his home town with his new wife, played by Sally Kellerman.

His ex-wife and mother in law are raising the daughter he barely knows in relative cloister in a huge, dark, mansion. A series are of shocking murders follows. Filled with shadowy cinematography by the great Lazlo Kovacs, great performances, eerie atmosphere and loaded with all kinds of Freudian psycho-drama, Reflections of Fear is a film that should have a bigger following than it does.

10. Dario Argento’s 4 FLIES ON GREY VELVET (1971) is the typical Psycho-inspired, Italian giallo. It also offers up one of the most stupid motives in a sub-genre brimming with dumb motives. The trans-killer element is actually well hidden so it’s revelation is kind of a surprise but, again, the killers excuse for his rampage is all kinds of WTF. But Argento’s stylistic command and grotesque flourishes make this a very strong giallo. Shamefully 4 Flies remains unseen to many horror fans because it has never had an official video or DVD release in the states. It’s pretty easy to find a bootleg and I’m sure it will find it’s way to DVD eventually.

9. THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS (1990) This now classic, Oscar winning thriller is an arguable choice for this list. The trans twist is a minor point of the story of Buffalo Bill, the hulking, retarded, psycho who is making a lady suit out of real female flesh. We never really see Bill wearing that suit or even really see him kill anyone. But Silence of the Lambs is on this list because of one scene and one scene only. You know which one I’m talking about. It has haunted my own personal nightmares for years and I’m sure I’m not the only one. BUFFALO BILL’S DRESS UP SCENE! As the senator’s daughter tries to lure Precious, the dog, into the pit where she’s imprisoned, Buffalo Bill pretties himself up; fingering his pierced nipples, coloring his chapped lips, whispering “will you FUCK ME”, prancing around with his dick tucked between his legs, while wearing sheer light blue stockings and a giant multicolored cape, dancing to the techno thump of the song “Goodbye Horses” by Q Lazzarus. A sequence of such derange brilliance that it alone justified Jonathan Demme’s Oscar for Best Director. EWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

8. PRIVATE PARTS (1972) Here is some more cinematic EWWWWWWWWWW. Paul Bartel’s creepy, intensely weird, perverted comic-thriller Private Parts. A slutty runaway ends up at her crazy Aunt Martha’s Skid Row flop house. A macabre assortment of oddballs and lowlifes and one vicious slasher killer also reside at the decrepit flea pit. It ends with one of the most depraved sex encounters I’ve ever seen in a non-porno.

Bartel does wonders in creating a kinky, debased world of cretins and the bizarre world they live in. Although black comedy reigns Private Parts nevertheless left me feeling disgusted and horrified. The trans killer twist is one of the odd surprises of this film so I’ll let you figure it out. See it NOW.

7. DEADLY BLESSING (1981) Set among the Hittite clan of the Amish Wes Craven’s Deadly Blessing concerns an Incubus, or evil sprit, that seems to be responsible for several grisly murders. Ernest Borgnine, as the patriarch of a Hittite family, believes the Incubus is the widow of his recently deceased son, who left the clan to marry her. The widows girlfriends, one played by a young, pre-insanity Sharon Stone, arrive to offer their support to their bereaved friend. They end up terrorized by The Incubus as well. What, or who, The Incubus, is is a real surprise. Yes there is a trans-killer twist involved here but you just have to experience the shocking revelation for yourself. It’s pretty out there but that shouldn’t detract from what is a very scary, suspenseful early shocker from Craven. He is a master at building terror filled atmosphere and he does that quite admirably in this film. Don’t let the bad reviews deter you.

6. HE LIVES BY NIGHT (1982) This Hong Kong film is an odd duck because not only is it a bloody, slasher film but it’s also a pretty funny slapstick romantic comedy on top of it. It also features one of the most brutal trans killers in any movie. The trans-killer here is slashing any woman he/she sees wearing white stockings for a reason that is as dumb as any in these movies. His/her weapon of choice, a box cutter. And he/she uses it with a sickeningly brutality that may make some uncomfortable. Director Po-Chich Leong has obviously modeled the kill scenes in his film after many Italian giallo. The first murder has the victim walking down a dark alley and getting caught up in silk sheets that are hanging out to dry. Suddenly the trans-killer starts slicing through the sheets with that box cutter until he/she gets to the screaming victim, slices her to shreds then rips her white stockings off and strangles her with them. The best sequence, though, has the killer following two dippy girls home. While one of the girls takes a bath the other finds herself attacked by the killer. While the bathing girl is singing in the tub she fails to hear the screams of her girlfriend who is being sliced by that box cutter. The victim manages to get to the bathroom and collapses inside the doorway. The killer finishes her off as her friend lies cowering behind the shower curtain. The killer then enters the bathroom and the bathing girl slinks under the bath water as the killer then approaches the tub and…..washes his/her hands in the water the girl is hiding under. This sequence alone is worth it but He Lives By Night is one of the few films that actually manages to handle it’s horror elements and the comedic bits evenly. For every horrific, brutal murder there is some slapstick nonsense involving the overweight detective investigating the murders and the radio DJ that he has a crush on who will eventually end up attracting the trans-killer. For an example don’t miss the scene towards the end where the villain tries to kill someone with a 7Up vending machine. Seriously. It may be hard to track down but definitely put this one on your TO FIND list.

5. SEED OF CHUCKY (2004) I am still smarting about the fact that Don Mancini’s brilliantly over the top, perverse, black comic reinvention of his own Chucky franchise was completely misunderstood by it’s critics and passed over by the mass audience who would’ve loved it. Had they seen it. But it’s also completely understandable for a movie starring a psychopathic, split personality, gender confused, murderous doll to get overlooked. For those of us who got Mancini’s acerbic spoof on Hollywood, horror movies, serial killers and family drama, Seed of Chucky was a indelible experience. Full of gross out comedy, gory violence, and the performance of a lifetime by the great Jennifer Tilly, Seed was a complete delight because you never really knew where it was going. So when Chucky’s “seed” Glen suddenly turned into Glenda it was not only a shock but fucking hilarious. Every time Glen’s eye twitched as he slowly went bat-shit crazy I was on the floor in hysterics. But then I love twisted comedy. Seed is such a departure from the original Child’s Play that maybe folks just did not get that Mancini was in no way trying to scare anybody but was just trying to make fun of the genre itself. I and my friends Will, Lance and Andrew got it Mr. Mancini. Good job. The rest of you fuckers need to get with it.

4. TERROR TRAIN (1980) & GIRLS NITE OUT (1984) Two slasher films from the early eighties. One is now considered a classic of the genre. The other is derided by almost everyone. But both contain climactic trans-killer twists that are a total shock. Terror Train’s tranny twist is just that, a twist. The fact the killer’s identity doesn’t exactly match their disguise is simply used to throw the audience off track. There is none of the stunning misogyny of other films on this list- like GIRLS NITE OUT. Wow. Somebody really hates sluts. That’s the uncomfortable feeling you have after a viewing of Girls Nite Out. Set at a small mid-western college during an all night scavenger hunt, Girls Nite Out follows a bunch of sexually voracious cheerleaders who are viciously slaughtered by an intensely bloodthirsty killer, who is disguised as the dancing bear mascot that’s supposed to be cheering the scavengers on. I‘ll repeat just incase the retardedness of it didn’t sink in. The killer is disguised as a giant bear, complete with long, sharp, metal claws. And those claws do some damage. The murders here are incredibly nasty. The bear suited killer, snarling and growling, ripping into his victims while screaming “slut” and “whore” at them, just sick, I tell ya. And that’s what gives this movie it’s power. The misogyny in other Trans-killer movies is either indirect or just under the surface. In Girls Nite Out that misogyny is a focal point of the killers anger and the twist that caps this movie off. I believe that this is what turns many of this movies haters off. The movie is no slower paced or more ridiculous than any other classic slasher but the dancing bear angle doesn’t help. But Girls Nite Out is tense and scary and silly and sick. My Kind of movie. Terror Train, on the other hand, is simply one of the best early eighties slasher movies. We all know the story, some frat jerks pull a stupid prank on some nerd and a year later, on board a New Years Eve Party train the responsible party get picked off. And Jamie Lee Curtis is along for the ride. The trans twist at this films climax remains one of the best surprise killer reveals ever. It may not have any of the icky comparison between trans-sexuality and psychopathy that defines other trans killer movies but Terror Train still delivers all these years later. Its the kind of straight up old school American horror slasher film that NOBODY KNOWS HOW TO MAKE ANYMORE, no matter what they say on the video box, and yes I’m talking about Hatchet.

3. BLADE IN THE DARK (1983) & DELIRIUM (1987) Lamberto Bava’s twin gialli Blade in The Dark and Delirium, one at the start of the eighties and the other towards decades end, were essentially bookends for the giallos last act. Blade in the Dark is, in my opinion, the best giallo from the genres latter years. Set in an isolated cottage where a film composer is writing the score for a horror movie, Blade is filled with the sadistically violent murders of several beautiful young women who come calling on our composers attention. Bava does a great job of creating an atmospherically tense and genuinely scary thriller. The final murderous chase through the isolated villa is one of the most edge of the seat sequences in the genre. But what really comes through in Blade is its dark thread of misogyny. The killers hatred of the female victims is unmistakable and it makes the film that much more disturbing. Blade is a classic. Delirium, on the other hand, is an hilariously entertaining fart of a movie. The star of the show are the giant titties of Italian porno actress Serena Grandi, who “acts” the part of Gloria, the obscenely rich publisher of a glossy porno mag called PUSSYCAT. Her models are being slaughtered by a vengeful psychopath who then mails Gloria a photo of the murdered models posed in the same positions of her old porno pictures. It’s all a pretty sleazy, skuzzy affair. Filled with copious nudity, ridiculous dialogue, crippled perverts making obscene phone calls and more gaudy late eighties fashion than one set of eyeballs should ever have to endure Delirium has always been Lamberto Bava’s most ridiculous excuses for a mortgage payment. Of course, I love it. But unlike Blade, Delirium is never scary or suspenseful although the killers identity and motives are whole bowl full of woman-hate. While Blades misogynistic undertones create a unsettling atmosphere, Deliriums’ misogyny comes off as scummy and exploitative. The finale, which has the killer ripping Gloria clothes off and puking blood up on her couldn’t be more twisted. Mind you, I’m not complaining. It’s just that Blade In The Dark leaves an impression whereas Delirium is an unintentional camp delight.

2. DRESSED TO KILL (1980) Brian DePalma’s sleek, stylish, suspenseful ode to, or rip-off of, Psycho is really the absolute epitome of the trans-killer subgenre. It really should be number one but it’s achievements have been extolled elsewhere ad nauseum. It’s simply one of the best thrillers of the eighties. But what really sets Dressed to Kill apart is that it possess the absolute most, pardon the expression, killer, He-He!, looking trans-killer of the entire genre. Six feet tall, high heeled black leather boots, long blond wig, black leather gloves, dark shades and the slickest, sharpest looking full length, black, natch, leather coat. This tranny is fierce. The image of her hiding just behind poor defenseless Angie Dickinson as the elevator doors shut continue to send chills down my spine. And like that bear in Girls Nite Out, this tranny really hates sluts. As in Psycho, the explanatory denouement fills in the blanks for us. Because Dressed To Kill is so well made it ceases to appear as hateful as movies like Unhinged. But make no mistake, without it’s lush trappings Dressed To Kill is as darkly woman hating as any of these movies.

1. SLEEPAWAY CAMP (1983) Sleepaway Camp is not the best film on the list. It’s not even the scariest. It’s certainly not the most accomplished technically. And on list of great slasher films it’s just about a notch above MADMAN and below HELL NIGHT. But no one, and I mean NO ONE, who saw Sleepaway Camp back in the day, before the sequels and the internet ruined the twist ending, no one can say that they did not jump out of their seat, either with shock or laughter at that now infamous final image of Angela, our innocent heroine, brandishing an ax, her cheating boyfriends decapitated had on the ground, growling like a feral animal, with her dick hanging out. It seemed so out of left field. So retarded, in fact. The shot itself lends much to the shock and disorientation of the moment. Felissa Rose’s head digitally added onto the body of some unfortunately underdeveloped young man is really shitty looking. Sleepaway Camp is also the most ridiculous representation of an idea inherent in many of these trans killer films. That is the idea that simply because this “girl” Angela is really a male forced to appear as a girl, that he/she has automatic psycho killer leanings. There is no evidence anywhere in the film, and especially in Felissa Rose’s deer-in-the headlights performance, that Angela would even squash a bee if it landed on her arm let alone slaughter, like, ten people. The curious viewer then has to think back, the gay parents whose death begins the movie, the abundance of naked male flesh and the complete absence of any female nudity, the weird, insane, possibly transsexual herself, aunt who makes that poor little hairless boy into Angela because she “already has a boy“, the weird allusions to sexual molestation. What was writer, director Robert Hiltzik Thinking? Hmmmm? What is the point? Maybe there is no point except as a cheap thrill. But clearly the mind who came up with this had something on their mind. And that my friends is essentially where the trans-killer movie gets it’s uncomfortable power from, the ripples of misogyny and homophobia that keep bubbling up from under the surface. They may be crude, ridiculous and ignorant but the trans-killer and the transsexual killer movie do get under your skin.