I saw most of Party Line waaaaay back in the early 90s when it was first running on late night cable. I didn’t remember much except that Leif Garret wore a wedding dress (!) and people spoke on the phone to each other. Not much to go on, but since I’ve been walking down this lane of fragmented Cinemax memories, I decided to pick up a copy and give it a go.

Wow.

I mean wow in a good way. Like, I totally have a new appreciation for psychosexual thrillers from the 80s and 90s. It was strange time folks, people still tried to include a story in the midst of its tawdriness, and for the most part, a lot of these films weren’t as bad as some people would have you believe. Party Line is about a supposedly incestuous rich brother and sister who bide their time by hitting the club circuit and slaughtering whomever they can pick-up. The sister, Angelica (the awesome Greta Blackburn) lures horny men into her clutches with offers of real wild sex, then her brother Seth (Leif Garrett) shows up and slits their throat. He dons a red wig and takes no prisoners.

Enter Dan (Richard Hatch from the original Battlestar Galactica), who is a typical goes-against-all-the-rules-but-gets-the-job-done kind of cop. He just happens to be at the nite club where the latest murder happened. He’s all angry, but dude he just cares. He ends up being paired with Stacy (Shawn Weatherly looking divine), a by-the-book assistant in the D.A.’s office. And together they check out this awesome 80s club with a killer live band kicking out the great synth pop grooves. They actually encounter Seth who tries to give them false info to throw them off their game. Unfortunately, this blows up in his face when he’s asked to leave his info with an officer for further questioning. Whoops!

While all this evilness is going on, there’s a sixteen year old nymphet named Jennifer (Patricia Patts) who likes to call the “Party Line” while she’s babysitting. It’s so funny to see this precursor to internet chat rooms, which itself is now archaic. I like this idea better because you actually get a voice on the other line. I mean, not that I’ve done that or anything… Anyway, Jennifer is addicted to calling 976 numbers, so it’s not long before her lecherous employer, Mr. Simmons (Terence McGovern) wants a piece of Jen’s action. He calls the party line one night as she’s arranging a date with The Fireman, aka Seth. By the way, Jennifer goes by The Explorer, which disturbs me.
The next day, Seth shows up at a café with his requisite red suspenders and another party line listener approaches him as if she was The Explorer, much to Jennifer’s dismay. Then comes Mr. Simmons and the three soon leave to meet up with Angelica for a night of rough and weird sex. Things don’t go so well for the anonymous girl and Mr. Simmons and they end up in a field in Malibu all nekkid and dead and shit. Jennifer soon realizes she was just inches away from a madman and goes to Stacy to help catch the killer. I mean, someone needs to bring Mr. Simmons’ killer to justice. Right? Right? Oh, damn, I’m losing you…

Party Line rules. Aside from Leif in drag which would clinch any deal, the dynamics of his relationship with Angelica are amazing. It doesn’t take much to aggravate her and she’s always calling Seth a “Mama’s boy,” and slapping him. Personally, I think he kind of likes it. She totally rules the roost and when she’s not playing mind games or killing, she’s working out – and she works out a lot.

Unfortunately, Angelica is the smart one, so it really doesn’t take long for the shit to hit the fan. But c’mon, did you really want more than 90 minutes of transvestite Leif Garret slitting throats? Yeah, I wanted more too. This is a fun movie with good performances, featuring Richard Roundtree in a small role creating cinematic gold. I also thought Leif was perfect for the part with a very subdued appearance. The real star though is Greta Blackburn. She wears only the best late 80s gear and has the coolest frosted perm this side of Dynasty! She’s a complete delight and I think if this movie was just her slapping Leif for an hour and half, I’d love it all the same!

Party Line was directed by William Webb who also helmed the cruelly slandered The Banker with Robert Forster! Webb is obviously one stone cold genius.

Paula Barbieri. Wow. What a flashback. This pretty lady only made a few films, mostly erotic thrillers, and Night Eyes 4 was her last appearance. Don’t quote me or anything, but I’m pretty sure she used a body double in the sex scenes. She is also an underwhelming actress, so I wonder why anyone would hire her for this genre.

Oh wait, she was dating OJ Simpson circa the infamous murder of his ex-wife and an unsuspecting waiter who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I won’t go into details here because if you aren’t aware of the case, then you must have been living under a rock. I do remember Paula getting some coverage after the event based solely on her notorious taste in lovers. I read she split from Simpson the day of the murders, which you know probably pissed him off. She did end up reuniting and staying with OJ through the trial and they broke up shortly after his acquittal. I’m just glad she got out of there, otherwise who would have starred in Night Eyes 4? It just wouldn’t have been the same.

Paula is Dr. Angela Cross, super hot therapist who finds herself the victim of a break-in. That’s when Night Eyes Security shows up. Led by Will (Andrew Stevens who starred in the first three films in the series) and Steve (Jeff Trachta), they catch the assailant only to have him shoot Will in the head. Steve vows to catch this guy and offers to become Angela’s personal guard. At first she comes off as really cold and almost defies him to take her on, knowing that she is a icy bitch. But apparently Steve can melt the ice right off a popsicle, so it’s not long before he’s in Angela’s good graces and bed.

Another couple lives with Angela, and the first half of the movie basically consists of Steve stumbling across them while they are having sex. It’s kind of amusing actually. The guy in this amorous couple is played by Casper Van Dien and it was a bit of a shock to see him in all his glory. The scenes themselves weren’t anything particularly saucy, but they were fun and the score by Patrick Seymour was awesome! He ingrained some cool bowm-chicka-bowm-bowm/blues styling into the sexy scenes, livening them up just enough to keep them interesting.

The second half of the film deals with Jeff and Angela’s relationship as he has lots of simulated sex with her body double. Again, nothing great but good music livens it up. Eventually, it comes to light what is going on in Angela’s house and it ain’t good! Lives are ruined, some are lost, yada, yada, yada.

What struck me most about Night Eyes 4 was that it’s honestly entertaining. With the exception of Ms. Barbieri’s questionable acting talents, the rest of the cast is good. I mean, really good. Even Kimberly Kelly who plays nothing more than a sexed-up nymph is completely engaging in her part. I’m glad they let her wear her clothes once in awhile because I enjoyed watching her actually act – imagine that! Jeff Trachta is by far the best actor in the film and is great as a leading man. I personally didn’t find him super attractive physically (90s hair can throw off even the best looking guys), but he’s so damn likeable, even with some of the shoddy material, you find that you’re interested in what he’s doing. And Stevens was great (as usual) in a part that turned out to be nothing more than a glorified cameo.

IMDb identifies Jacqueline Lovell as “Runaway” but for the life of me, I don’t remember her or this character at all. I do like Jacqueline. She was always so much better than her material.

It saddens me to say that I have now come to a close with the Night Eyes series. I hope the Body Chemistry prove to be just as fun, but really, how likely is that?!?

Read the reviews for the rest of the Night Eyes movies:

Night Eyes
Night Eyes II
Night Eyes III

Mistress of Seduction
Review by: Amanda By Night

By 1998 erotic thrillers were lucrative in the same way slashers were lucrative in the 80s. Only a few saw any kind of theatrical release, but as video stores tried to meet the supply and demand craze, lots of interesting movies popped up. It’s one of my favorite eras, and one of the most underappreciated, in the history of film. Sure it was a lot of boobs, some bullets and whatever other sensational things the filmmaker could think of, meaning it wasn’t exactly AFI material, but it was damn entertaining, and what more can you ask for on a Saturday night?

Put Mistress on that list of fun, if flawed, thrillers of that period. Kirstin Pierce (credited as Kristine Carlson) is Gina – aka The Mistress of Seduction. I mean, that’s what she calls herself! She’s a phone sex operator whose specialty is her sexy voice and her ability to keep someone on the other line for more than an hour! At three bucks an minute, that’s lucrative! Anyway, she’s married to this no good sumbitch named Jake (Andy Catano), a hoodlum type who just scored a half a mil. Deciding she deserves it more than the man who actually stole it, Gina pilfers the money and heads to parts unknown. She stops in Nowhere Town, USA and here she finds a room for rent and two sexy male roommates. She takes an instant liking to Paul (cutie pie Michael Boisvert) and the two develop a nice relationship, but she’s hesitant to reveal why she’s hiding out. The other roomie is a sleazy small town lawyer named Brian (John David Gregory) who is in the film only to reveal that Paul’s girlfriend had died under mysterious circumstances and to screw any girl they can find to who is willing to take off her shirt for the camera. Is Paul a little more devious than Gina gives him credit for, or is he the perfect pawn in her deadly seduction games?

If this was done in true neo-noir fashion, that question might carry a bit more weight. As it stands, half of Paul’s backstory is lost by the middle of the film. At that point it becomes more about Jake’s attempt to recover the money than it does about small town secrets and mysteries that turn a mean table.

Oh well, Mistress is still a fun watch. It’s ultra-low budget – there is no glitz or glam at all. Well, besides Gina’s short-short skirts, but it is an honest attempt to make a decent thriller. Even if I was shrugging my shoulders in parts and saying, “What the -?” I was still enjoying its spicy offerings.

According to IMDb, Mistress was written and directed by a woman (Ellyn Michaels). Not sure if this is pseudonym, but it may explain why the tawdry sex scenes are a bit restrained. They’re also quite short, which is a nice change from those horrible drawn out Cinemax flicks of late. Kirstin is quite lovely and baths a lot! This character (or the actress) is not ashamed of her body, I’ll tell you that much. The ending is kind of a riot too, playing out as a sweet romantic movie, bulldozing over any intended thriller bits. What can I say, I’m a sucker for a blonde in a mini, and Mistress aimed to please me, and it did.

Not So Basic Instincts: Tease (aka Poison, 2000)

In retrospect, Tease is just that. A big ol’ Tease. Playing more like a Lifetime murder mystery than a sexy erotic thriller, there’s just enough T&A to push it more into late night Cinemax than early evening Lifetime. But when all is said and done, this movie just wants to take you to the brink, making you believe something is going to happen, only to pull back, kiss you on the cheek and say goodnight.

Let’s see if I ever take the Tease to dinner again!

The uber voluptuous Mandy Schaffer is Traci, an unbalanced 17 year old burgeoning of wanton wills and lots of weird, crazed thoughts. Mostly she’s got a real addiction to her mother, Dana (Rosanna Arquette), who took the fall for Traci when the young girl pushed her own father (Michael Des Barres!) to his death. While her mother is doing time in the pokey, Traci finds a new attachment to a teacher named Mary (Stacy Grant). So much so, she kills Mary’s boyfriend, David (the extra hunky Mark Humphrey) just to ensure he won’t take her away after they marry! Too bad Traci’s mom is released, because it was a lot of work getting.

David into his boat for the kill! Dana steals Traci away to the vineyard she’s bought with her partner and friend, the sweet natured Carl (Jurgen Prochnow). Traci seems moderately happy to have her mom back, but is unhappy with Carl and the old family housekeeper, Carmen (Suzanne Coy), who knows all about Traci’s murderous activities. There’s some talk of harvesting, a little Traci in a wet tee and Carl’s brother, Johnny (Thomas Kretschmann), who has just enough machismo to make Dana swoon and Traci go nutzo. Because no one takes mommy away.

Tease is a weird combo of Poison Ivy with the Crush, if the crush was the mother. There’s lots of lesbian undertones thanks to a sexy dancing scene and the above mentioned wet tee segment. It’s obvious Traci has nothing but disdain for anyone who isn’t dear old mom, especially men. Not that mom is at all concerned. I mean, Traci jumps around in a wet shirt while the “workers” ogle her and all Dana can think about is running off with hunk-a-tron Johnny in the rain. It’s also interesting to note that when Traci attacks, the victims either die in water (or wine even!) or are thrown into the river. I’m still pondering the whole water bit (perhaps cleansing herself of sin?), but deep down I know I’m only thinking too deeply about a film that maybe shouldn’t even be thought of at all.

The only real reason to watch Tease is to see Mandy Schaffer in all her braless glory. My god, she could give a young Sophia Loren a run for her money. This girl is so curvy, she’s a frickin’ freeway. It’s impossible to take your eyes off of this beautiful creature and considering how hard the director and writer tries to make you do just that, is a testament to Mandy’s talents. The dialog is atrocious and clichéd with nary an original word or thought given to the actors to work with. The direction is sometimes a little lush, but falls over to the pedestrian side more times than I could count. The actors are game and willing, but there’s too much working against them in this half-assed attempt at erotica. Aside from Schaffer, Prochnow is great fun in the only scene with any meat to it. And the rest is just pretty filler. And not pretty in that Zalman King Red Shoe Diaries kind of way, more in that oh-look-a-nice-lake kind of way. Booooring!

There’s a little bit of nudity, including male (something which I always welcome) and Schaffer has an obvious stand in for her big scene.

I did find Tease moderately enjoyable but that’s because I’m an easy sell. Throw an Arquette in there and I’m down for the count. I’m sure more discerning viewers (i.e. the general population) will find the Tease is as tedious and frustrating as a Catholic girl on her first date.

Ah, back to the good stuff!

After veering briefly into Gregory Dark-land, I got to go back home again and see another in the always enjoyable Night Eyes series. Now I’m up to part three and like the two before it, I’m finding there’s a lot to be said about Andrew Stevens take on sleaze. Um, I mean erotica!

Admittedly not as good as part 2, Shannon Tweed returns as a new character for an entirely different storyline. This time she’s Zoe Clairmont, star of the hit TV series Sweet Justice (her partner in crime on the show is Shannon’s real life sis Tracy, who is FANTASTIC as the bitch from hell). Zoe’s on again/off again boyfriend attempts to rape her after a fight and dontcha known it? Night Eyes Security to the rescue. The assailant escapes, but Zoe’s obnoxious producer hires Andrew to keep a close watch on his billion dollar bimbo. Romance, intrigue and full frontal nudity ensue.

So. Good.

Night Eyes III is a little lighter on story, and that’s saying something since these movies have hardly any story at all, but like its predecessors, it’s fun, sexy and a great romp for Shannon fans. She pulls out all the stops in her performance here and as per her usual
style, rises above the threadbare material.

Andrew Stevens is extremely likeable as Will. But by this point, I’m thinking he’s totally unprofessional. I mean, does he really fall in love with all of his clients? Seriously, keep in your pants!

For some reason, in this movie Will now has a daughter! Funny that he’d never mentioned her before, but here she is, spending the Christmas holidays with her dad. Or rather, spending the holidays with Will’s housekeeper, since he works the graveyard shift and schtups Shannon in his spare time. What a way to earn a paycheck!

Also, the intrigue in this movie actually revolves more around Will and Night Eyes Security than Shannon. Seems there’s another competing security company in Beverly Hills – only this one is evil! And I’m not using that term lightly. Especially uniformed guard Jim Stanton (Tristan Rogers) who apparently loves being a uniformed security guard so much, he’ll kill for it! Wow, that’s love of a job.

Anyway, most of the sexy sex stuff shows up in the middle. In fact all of the sexy sex stuff is in the middle, minus one salacious scene with Monique Parent at the beginning, and one scene with Tracy where she looks DYNO-MITE. I quite liked Tracy and am disappointed she only appeared in a handful of movies. Seems beauty and talent runs in the family. Oh yes, she was in Gregory Dark’s Night Rhythms and they don’t even really show her face! How cruel, Mr. Dark. How cruel.

Porn filmmaker Gregory Dark went semi-legit in the early 90s at the beginning of the erotic thriller craze. Even for the genre, his “softcore” work was pretty hardcore back then. Now it all seems a bit quaint – but just a bit. He could give Seduction Cinema a run for its money any day! Unlike Andrew Stevens, Dark (often working under the name Gregory Hippolyte as he did here) concentrated less on story and more on nudity. I’m sure most won’t find fault him for that way of thinking, but his films ended up a lot less entertaining for me. I know, I’m weird.

Night Rhythms is not a bad film. Well, when there’s actually a film going on. Martin Hewitt (Endless Love) is Nick West, a sexy late night radio host who basically talks dirty on the air to a bevy of beautiful and lonely ladies (including Julie Strain). Nick loves the ladies. He even says so. He goes on to prove that statement as well. After a series of dirty phone calls and a run in with Vincent (David Carradine) a tough as nails exotic strip club owner, Nick invites the pretty Honey (Tracy Tweed, Shannon’s sister) to the station for a little on-air fun and games. While Honey and Nick are going at it, he is knocked unconscious and Honey is strangled to death on the air! Now Nick is on the run from the cops and trying to solve the crime with the help of a truckload of beautiful women, including Cinnamon (the lovely Deborah Driggs), a tough talking bartender. This is where Nick gets to put his money where his mouth is (and a few other things, if you know what I mean!). He sleeps with almost every single woman he encounters (the only one he doesn’t pork is Delia Sheppard, but don’t worry boys, you’ll get an eyeful of her towards the end of the film).

There’s not much mystery to be had, and Carradine’s character only serves as a dumb red herring. What there is though is a TON of sex. I mean, Night Rhythms is probably 50% erotic, 25% thriller and 25% nothing. It’s a bit like Nick’s radio show… a lot of sexy dead air. I don’t know how else to explain it.

What Night Rhythms does have going for it is that all of the women are attractive. Only one guy on display here, and I’ve had a crush on Martin Hewitt since Killer Party, so you’ll get no complaints on that end. But unless Cinnamon is your girl of choice, don’t get too attached to any of these ladies as they flitter in and out of Nick’s life.

The only other Dark film I’ve seen is Mirror Images (also starring Sheppard), and that was during the early 90s when it was originally released. I’m not all that eager to re-visit it either. I guess I just like a little story with my sleaze. So sue me.

I know, I know. We’ve all been waiting for it… an erotic thriller about child molestation. Now what could be hotter than that? Strangely, Play Nice is just such a film in the subgenre dealing with that very unsavory topic… and somehow manages to make it entertaining.

Seriously.

I’m not sure how they did it either, but the folks behind Play Nice took something so sleazy and un-hot, if I may use that term, and mixed it up with a lot of graphic sex (thanks to Robey and Ed O’Ross). They shook it up real hard (no pun intended! OK, maybe a little pun) and what came out was a likable romp about a serial killer named Rapunzel who stalks divorced men accused of diddling their little girls. Yikes! O’Ross is Jack “Mouth” Penucci, one of those I-don’t-play-by-the-rules kinds of guys that are always getting in trouble on the job even though they almost always get their man (or nymph if you will). While searching through police records, he meets the sheepish Jill (geddit? Jack and Jill?!?) and the two begin to see each other (a lot of each other, if you get my drift). Well, a couple of hot dates later and the bookish Jill is ready for some heavy duty S&M type action, which makes Jack not such a dull boy, but also a little uneasy. Mostly because he’s a divorced father who isn’t molesting his daughter so mixing rough sex while investigating this disturbing case just ain’t his style. It doesn’t take long before Jack decides to end it with Jill and wouldn’t you know it, the identity of Rapunzel isn’t far behind (in fact, the first scene gives the whole convoluted mystery away).

Horror fans will spy the awesomest final girl ever, Amy Steel from Friday the 13th Part 2 as well as Ann Dusenberry from Jaws 2. Both are in fine form, although relegated to smaller parts. I kind of wish this movie had starred Steel instead of Robey. Steel was such a natural; it would be interesting to see how she would have handled a sexy starring role. As for Dusenberry, she wowed me in The Men’s Club and I’m positive she would have been splendid as the lead here too. That’s not to say that Robey isn’t good, but these two… well, you just can’t compare them.

Maybe Play Nice was so interesting because it was directed by a woman (Terri Treas, who is most famous for playing Cathy Frankel on the Alien Nation TV series). There’s an appealing mix of insightful observation with pure exploitation and a grand sense of fun, making the film a unique viewing experience. It’s still one odd duck. The pacing and script are marginal and some of the acting is downright wooden, but although the films starts off a bit shaky, there’s something captivating lurking underneath and before you know it, you want to see where it goes. Yeah, yeah, yeah it’s, like, so totally obvious who the culprit is, but the concept is unique and learning about what drives Rapunzel to murder is kind of fascinating stuff. That doesn’t mean I ever had to see Ed O’Ross naked, but you take the good and you take the bad when you’re learning about the facts of life!

Not so Basic Instincts: Night Eyes II (1992)
Review by: Amanda By Night

Shannon Tweed was already a Playboy Playmate of the Year (1982) and had racked up an impressive list of acting credits as long as your arm when erotic thrillers came knocking on her door in the early 90s. And it was these films, including the sequel to the salacious flick Night Eyes that really put her on the map. She had already appeared in a handful of these types of movies before Night Eyes II, but there was just something so good about the pairing of her and Andrew Stevens. There was also something to the fact that she was a beautiful woman who did nudity and could actually act. Shannon definitely brought up the bar in any production she graced, making her a bit of a Claudia Jennings to the world of the erotic thriller.

Shannon is excellent as Marilyn, the lonely housewife to Hector (Richard Chaves), a South American wannabe politician. She bankrolls his career and he ignores her at every turn – Good going Hector. Trust me, it’s not like he’s going to be getting this hot of a lady all the time, you know. Unfortunately, being embroiled in the world of the South American government has its downfalls and Hector and Marilyn soon he finds themselves as marked targets ripe for assassination.

Enter Night Eyes Security.

Ernie from the original is now gone, replaced by Tim Russ, who is now Will’s (Andrew Stevens) partner. The two have great chemistry and come across as realistic friends. Will’s still dealing with the fiasco of a relationship he had with Roberts in the original, leaving him once-bitten-twice-shy, although Shannon is poised to change all that with her kooky and sexy ways. She ends up hiring Will on as a personal bodyguard when she realizes her husband doesn’t give two licks if she’s the one who winds up in front of a stray bullet. Together, Will and Marilyn will uncover a deadly plot and find an interesting (and way too graphic) use for berries! I’m not kidding.

The thriller part of Night Eyes II doesn’t really kick into gear until the end when Shannon becomes a target and Will has to protect her. The sex part doesn’t really factor in either until slightly before that. Still I found Night Eyes II to be a very entertaining film.

Credit has to go to Shannon who makes even mundane things like working out captivating. OK, she makes it awesome. She’s beautiful and talented and practically carries this film on her back. This time around though, the rest of the cast is great and not at all stale like they were in the original. The script itself is interesting and isn’t over done. Night Eyes II starts off with a bang too, featuring Will chasing down a sly safecracker. After that, the pacing remains consistent and stays pretty quick and fun throughout the film’s short running time. So it might not Mensa material, but it is something that attempts to entertain and manages to pull off that feat quite nicely.

Ah, Tanya Roberts. She burned up the screen in the 80s on Charlie’s Angel’s and as a Bond Girl in A View to a Kill. I won’t even get into Beastmaster… That’s just too much!

OK, maybe “burned up” is stretching it a bit, but she was definitely one of the most beautiful women that decade saw. And after viewing Night Eyes, I see she was also one of the most gorgeous women of the 90s as well. So. Not. Fair.

The problem with Tanya was that although she was certainly amazing to look at, her acting left something to be desired. She’s not the worst actress – not even close – but she’s no great shakes either. Maybe that’s why she did so much nudity… you know, as a distraction.

Although Night Eyes enjoyed a small theatrical release, I think of it as the film that gave a jump start to the direct to video erotic thriller craze of the 90s. Maybe because it spawned three sequels (making it the Friday the 13th of its subgenre) and it also made Shannon Tweed and Andrew Stevens household names (well household names if you rented erotic thrillers, which I did. What a crazy time!).

Wait, did I say Shannon Tweed? Yeah I did, because Tanya might have starred in the original Night Eyes but she didn’t leave much of an impression.

In Night Eyes Tanya plays Nikki, who is getting a divorce from her rock star husband Brian (Warwick Sims, who is so unbelievably over the top, it’s worth finding this movie just for his performance). Her husband hires a security company called Night Eyes. Ernie (Cooper Huckabee, the actor from The Funhouse with the best name ever) owns the business and uses his tech-geek brother Will (Andrew Stevens) whenever he isn’t off gallivanting around the world. Apparently the soon-to-be-ex wants to catch Nikki playing hide the sausage or something so he can have leverage in court and he gets Night Eyes to hide a surveillance camera in the bedroom. Will plays all moral when they set up the cameras, but you can bet he’s not complaining when he’s watching ‘em! Nikki does have one night of sexy sex, but afterwards she sets her sights on Will. By this point Brian is getting pretty bent out of shape and starts breaking into the place and harassing her at home and in public. Is Nikki’s life in true danger or is it all just a ruse to get rid of mullet-man?

I doubt you’ll care.

The real reason anyone saw this movie was to get a good look at Tanya’s assets. They do not disappoint. The thrills in this movie come mostly from the sex scenes featured in the second half. I can’t say they are overly saucy, but this girl is gorgeous and if you’re a fan, then Night Eyes is a movie you need to see.

The problem is she’s just bad enough of an actress that she brings down the bar of the rest of cast. Case in point, normally I find Stevens to be a really good actor. I mean dude, he starred in The Seduction and that movie rules all over the joint. Anyway, Andrew seemed to have a hard time holding his own here and I think it’s because he didn’t have much to work with. Tanya is OK in the part and looks beautiful so I doubt anyone will be complaining about the storyline but hey, that’s how I roll…

I thought it was really clever of the folks at Body Chemistry III to cast Andrew Stevens and Morgan Fairchild as a married couple, since they played stalker and stalkee in the awesome 1982 erotic thriller The Seduction. But I think a lot of things are clever, like when a monkey plays the cymbals… Anyway, let us go back to 1982 and see what director David Schmoeller (Tourist Trap) was attempting to accomplish – It was the decade of pastels and glamour. It was also the decade of gore filled horror. And in the middle of it was this underrated and fun thriller desperately trying to eke out something that might please folks looking for something in-between. It never truly reaches any heights of shock or tension but remains a fabulous looking-glass back to the end of the era of classy & sleazy thrillers such as The Eyes of Laura Mars and towards the beginning of tawdry neo-noir erotica like, uh, Body Chemistry III. What a tangled web Morgan and Andrew have weaved…

If 80s glamour isn’t you style, stand back! Hair doesn’t get much bigger than this! Morgan Fairchild is the ever professional Jamie Douglas, an anchorwoman who’s got everything – a great job, a loyal boyfriend, a beautiful house… and a stalker. He’s Derek (Andrew Stevens), a deranged photographer who only views life through the skewed vision of his lens. When he sets his sights on Jamie, nothing will stop him. At first he seems pretty inoffensive, and also aware enough of his physical attributes to play off of them (Sneaky devil! We girls love a good looking guy!). It doesn’t take long for these innocuous plays for affection to turn ugly and dangerous and before you know it, Morgan will have to kick some major ass to hold on to what is left of her sanity.

Although no one would consider this early 80s thriller a classic, The Seduction does have some interesting and glossy qualities to it. Andrew Stevens’ character is fairly well drawn for a popcorn thriller and eerily close to the kind of obsessive fan famous folks have had to accustom themselves to. In fact, The Seduction’s voyeuristic theme still holds a candle about the warped ability to turn one’s fantasies into a dangerous reality. As the media insists on bringing us closer to celebrities this film actually feels relevant in these intrusive times. However you have been warned – I prefer to call it methodic pacing, but the tempo may be too slow for some.

Without a doubt, The SeductionBasic Instinct made smaller films seem almost quaint by comparison, it’s kind of nice to see such innocence in Fairchild’s brief nude scenes. She’s good here, and looks lovely too but it’s not until she grabs that shotgun that we really see Fairchild kick into gear. Fans of blondes with blazing guns will not be disappointed.

Not so Basic Instincts: The Banker

What can I say? Sure I think Robert Forster is the hottest thing since low-fat cheese and yeah he just happens to be in the last two erotic thrillers I reviewed but that has nothing to do with why I chose The Banker as my next film. It just so happens that he made a few of these movies back in the day and I just tend to own them because like I said, he’s hot.

But there’s a lot going for The Banker besides Forster’s rippling muscles underneath tanned flesh. Seriously. There’s also Duncan Regehr, Jeff Conaway, Leif Garrett (just wait until I review Party Line, Leif’s best movie ever) and Richard Roundtree. I know, you want to know about the girls… Well, there’s the lovely Deborah Richter, there’s Teri Weigel (a porn star who can actually act) in a glorified cameo as Hooker #1 and Shanna Reed in the Anchorwoman in Peril role. It also has a wealthy murderer who isn’t against killing his victims with a crossbow! And Forster’s character sleeps in a tree house. And I don’t mean an Architectural Digest tree house; I mean his nephew’s tree house! In short, it’s got it all! Well, except a lot of sex, but more on that later…

The Banker is about this cunning killer who picks up prostitutes, has sex with them and then stalks and kills them. It’s not like these girls are the brightest lights on the Christmas tree, but there is this low rung reporter who is desperate for juicier fare and is all about giving the victims some respect, which in turns gets her more viewers. The killer is totally eluding the police (i.e. Robert Forster) and this same nosy reporter (i.e. Shanna Reed) just happens to be Forster’s ex and she stays hot on his heels in the hopes of getting a good lead for her story. Meanwhile, these two pimps (Jeff Conaway, Leif Garret) get into all kinds of trouble and are somehow connected to the Banker (although that part is never really explained), and that helps Robert get closer to the killer.

What does all this mean, you ask?

Nothing really. It’s a convoluted plot, I’ll give you that much. But basically this DTV thriller is good stuff, and always keeps its tongue in its cheek. It’s breezy sleaze and a great way to kill a weekend afternoon! Forster remains the likeable hero that he is famous for and Shanna Reed is good as his love interest, if slightly annoying in her kulots. Duncan Regehr is something else though; he puts on Indian paint and basically pretends like he’s a real life version of The Most Dangerous Game with his big old crossbow. I’m guessing he has a small penis.

There’s really not much in the way of erotica though, so be prepared for about 30 seconds of skin, thanks to Teri Weigel and one other girl (and that other girl is with Jeff Conaway which makes the whole thing disturbing to me). So as far as erotica goes, it’s not a great entry, but is still it’s worth a shot for Forster who remains a friendly face in indie films.

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Body Chemistry III: Point of Seduction

Three things I need to get off my chest:

1. I haven’t seen any of the other Body Chemistry movies, but they feature this psychologist named Claire Archer who is also a manipulative killer.

2. Yeah, Robert Forster is in this one too! I think I only own the erotic thrillers that Mr. Forster appears in (Look at my review of Cover Story and my upcoming review of The Banker for further proof!). I have just ordered the first two Body Chemistry films and all of the Night Eyes, none of which have Robert Forster, so hopefully that will balance itself out a bit!

3. If loving Body Chemistry III is wrong, I don’t want to be right!

Body Chemistry III starts out with Forster having a bit too much of the bubbly and going apeshit on some poor prostitutes in a house of ill repute. Enter Alan (Andrew Stevens), who is called in to bust up the potential mayhem. Looks like Alan might be a cop, but we soon find out that he’s a television movie producer and that Bob (Forster) is a network exec! I so want to work at that station! Then this alcoholic scientist turned screenwriter named Freddie (Chick Vennera) propositions Alan with a screenplay about one Claire Archer, psychologist by day, stalked “victim” by night. See, it seems Claire has had TWO men so obsessed with her she had no choice but to kill them (or if you’ve seen the first two Body Chemistry films or read the beginning of this review, you know she’s just a psycho). They all meet in a desolate area of California to negotiate a deal and Alan is forced to spend the night in the hotel because of a rainstorm. This is where he calls his actress wife Beth (Morgan Fairchild, who is by far the best thing in this film – sorry Robert!) to say he loves her and then proceeds to screw Claire. Normally, this wouldn’t bother me, but it takes NO swaying at all. It’s like his pants dropped the second she knocked on the door! So, now Alan is all caught up with Claire who may or may not have her life become the subject of a racy woman-in-peril network movie, which Beth is desperate to star in. Oh what a tangled web we weave! Alan keeps getting in deeper as he discovers that Claire’s murderous past may be the end of his future!

This movie is all over the map. Even without having seen the first two in the series, it’s pretty obvious that this Claire lady is loony tunes. It’s also blatantly clear that someone wanted to rip off Basic Instinct, which might be why Shari Shattuck replaced the original actress Lisa Pescia, who looks nothing like Stone (Basic Instinct predated this movie by two years). By the way, this movie is not listed on Shari Shattuck’s website. I wonder why…

There are some great moments in this movie, mostly revolving around Claire’s late night cable sex advice show which features women basically rubbing themselves and asking about painful sex. And I enjoyed the clever casting. I instantly laughed to myself when I realized that Andrew Stevens’ character was married to Morgan Fairchild. Older lovers of the erotic thriller will remember how he
stalked her to distraction in The Seduction (1982). Also look for Andrew’s mom Stella Stevens as Forster’s pretty wife. God, was she ever not fabulous? The actor who plays Freddie is kind of the erotic thriller’s answer to Dan Hedaya. This guy is in a lot of these thrillers and always plays the side character or fall guy. And he was on the Golden Girls (as two different characters on three episodes no less!), which isn’t particularly erotic, but totally awesome! But Body Chemistry III is mostly just a pastiche of so-bad-they’re-good bits featuring amateurish acting, clumsy sex scenes (Morgan’s scene is a hoot!) and crazy plot devices. I ended up enjoying this movie for all the wrong reasons and if bad sexy thrillers are your bag, then you will too.

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Cover Story (1993) (This is part of our new section Not so Basic Instincts: The Best in Sex Thrillers by Amanda By Night.)

Gregg Smith, where are you?

Gregg was the writer/producer/editor/director of Cover Story, an early 90s erotic thriller that spun a convoluted yet entertaining tale of a reporter and his obsession with a dead girl. It’s bit like the old Dana Andrew’s movie Laura, only with boobies. Also, there’s rap-music galore (Ram Luv, I adore you!), gay gangsters, Tuesday Knight (Nightmare on Elm Street 4) in the WORST wig in the history of wigs (Take that Loni Anderson!) and Robert Forster as the guy who couldn’t generate an emotion if you ate his kid in front of him (and yes, he’s STILL gorgeous!).

William Wallace is Matt, the guy who sometimes wears open vests without shirts. One night, his girlfriend Allison (Marisa Cody) gives him some nookie and then blows off her head. A year later Matt finally moves into a new place, determined to get back to work and back to living. He moves into the apartment of a dead girl named Reen (Tuesday Knight) and becomes obsessed with learning about her after the landlord gives him a videotape where she’s all donned in mime makeup and goes on and on about how turned on she gets looking at herself. Oh-Kay. Anyway, Matt also meets frumpy law student Tracy (Tuesday again) whom he likes but thinks is uh, err, frumpy (and he’s right). I mean, Reen wore MIME makeup, which is way hotter. While Matt attempts to learn about Reen and how she ended up all dead-like, these gay Mafioso types keep harassing him and breaking into his apartment and pulling guns on him and stuff. Apparently Reen left something behind and these guys are determined to get it. And it’s not the clap!

Cover Story is a lot of fun. Maybe some of the plot devices are tired, but it’s got just enough quirks to make it feel a little fresher.

And Ram Luv! Not sure how this guy ended up in the movie, but he plays an ex-crack dealer who is on the verge of rap stardom. He keeps his mostly white audiences in rapture by talking about finding a good woman, before he sings about his Bad Attitude (one of the lines goes “I’ve got a bad attitude, they call me Mr. Bad Attitude”!). He kind of takes Matt through the seedy underbelly of city life, but is a character that definitely wasn’t needed. Thank god he signed with Wiz-a-tron Records (I’m not kidding, that’s a REAL record company!)…

The leader of the effeminate gang is Julian (Leland Orser, who’s gone onto a pretty nice career) and he’s a lot of fun too. He hangs around this uber-buff gay man named Steven (Steve Parrish) who is just the right amount of butch and bitch to make a fairly convincing heavy.

Not a ton of sex, very little sleaze, with just a touch of violence and yet, still a good movie. Not an easy feat to pull off! I’m assuming Gregg Smith is a pseudonym. On IMDb, Cover Story is his only credit, but c’mon, this kind of a genius mind couldn’t have only made ONE film. I’m not that stupid.

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