Archive for the 'ORGINAL ARTICLES/ RANTS' Category



Maniacal Motivation: Jason Voorhees by Chris Cooper

SEND TO MOBILE PHONE   

Maniacal Motivation: Jason Voorhees
By Chris Cooper

We all know (or at least should) that Pamela Voorhees sought vengence for her retarded son’s death by punishing teenage fornicators and/or drug and alcohol users. And that when she died, Jason rose from the dead and killed her murderer. Now, with his mother avenged, why did/does Jason continue to kill anyone who tresspassed in the Camp Crystal Lake area?

Sure, that sounds like a stupid question.. but what’s even more stupid is the common answer you would recieve, which is to punish teenager’s illicit behaviour as did his mother.

However, Jason is not his mother, nor did he ever really know her after his childhood death drove her to insanity. Glimps of her final hours isn’t going to teach one as mentally retarded as Jason his purpose in life.

I feel, Jason has proved to the observor that he kills indiscriminatly. If his victim is a teenager that happens to be drinking and is promiscous, it’s not even a coincedance, because guess what? that describes every single teenager in America. Not to mention that he does always try to kill the straight laced virgins as well.. they just run too fast. Jason has also killed many “innocent people”, even some mothers.

Some may argue things like “Okay, he killed that fat hitchhicker in the begining of part 4… for.. for.. giving the finger or hitchhiking!”, because people have said similar things to which I can only reply, “give me a fucking break”. I guess that means all the dead animals about his shack in part 2, Jason killed for running around naked then?

The truth is, this poor retarded man suffers from cronic migraines and occasional hallucinations. As the day progresses, the pressure in his head builds up more and more, until he develops tunnel vision and feels like his head is about to explode. That’s when the voices in his head tell him to “Kill, kill, kill”. Heeding them and killing the first thing(person) in site usually seems to soothe that tension, sometimes it takes a few more deaths.

This also explains why somtimes he’ll neglect to kill a person, even a “bad person”, although this isn’t very often. That’s according to the screenplays of part 2 and 3, which granted, I don’t expect everyone to have read. Well, that’s not true. I do expect fans to read that sort of thing.

Yet 10+ years later, Jason X even suggests fornicating teenage substance abusers is his usual targets in a scene parodying the series, where Freddy vs Jason flat out says it. Why? I blame this misconception on the “casual fan” who really is just a standard movie goer, doesn’t even pay attention to the movie.. or watches it once, drunk, then fills in the blanks later. Or maybe the unfortunate fan who misses what’s going on due to people that shout things at the charactors like, “Don’t go in there! oh shit! I told you not to go in there!”, etc. Which sadly happens too often.. to me at least, but i then rent the movie asap. Anyway.. so this leaves us with 10 years (or 12 if you don’t acknowledge Jason goes to Hell, as I don’t) for myths to evolve.

So the next time someone suggests to you that Jason Voorhees kills people for drinking, doing drugs and/or having under-aged sex (because I’m sure you hear that at least 25 times a day), you punch them in the face, then tell them to go buy that Friday the 13th box set and review each movie again.

Article by Chris Cooper
Discuss it in our Forums

BILL O’REILLY: AMERICAN ASSCLOWN - Grave Misgivings

BILL O’REILLY: AMERICAN ASSCLOWN
I gotta get this off my chest. This past week, gasbag Bill O’Reilly, staunch supporter of the doomed conservative political regime, railed mightily against horror films. It’s not certain if he took the same wide-open stance held by the Christian Coalition and their ilk, which basically condemns all kinds of [...]

The Future of Horror

THE FUTURE OF HORROR
By Patrick Green
A well-known horror auteur once predicted that the horror genre was in its death throes. This was back in the eighties, and now horror is bigger than ever in terms of box office and media exposure. Of course, cynics could argue that this horror heavyweight was in essence, [...]

“Slow Zombies vs. Fast Zombies” by Andrew Walsh

I know it’s not the popular opinion. I know I will be crucified by the horror elite for saying this, but fast zombies kick slow zombies’ asses. They are far more frightening than the old school walkers. I refuse to base my opinion on the fact that slow zombies came first, or the [...]

Repost for Zombie Week - WALKING WITH ZOMBIES - by Patrick Green

WALKING WITH ZOMBIES
On Friday the 13th, I attended my first zombie walk. If you’re not familiar with this growingly popular activity, it’s basically a case of life imitating art. Or life imitating death, if you prefer. A group of people get together, apply some ghastly greasepaint and ragged, often bloody zombie attire, [...]

Forget Remakes Gives Us Some Bad Sequels - Jurassic Park IV

UPDATE: INDIANA JONES
Originally Posted 10-18-06/Updated 10-20-06
When I was a young tyke Hollywood milked a popular movie by making many sequels to it. But I guess that took to much creative thought so they started making more remakes instead. But never fear the all mighty sequel is poised to make a come-back, thanks to washed [...]

Walking With Zombies - by Patrick Green

WALKING WITH ZOMBIES
On Friday the 13th, I attended my first zombie walk. If you’re not familiar with this growingly popular activity, it’s basically a case of life imitating art. Or life imitating death, if you prefer. A group of people get together, apply some ghastly greasepaint and ragged, often bloody zombie attire, [...]

Monster Squad DVD Campaign Part 1 - BY WIL Keiper

We’re not the first, and we won’t be the last, as countless websites and fans have been trying to get “Monster Squad” released on DVD for years. Unfortunately it still hasn’t happened.

So I’m not going to waste any time describing the movie to you (that’s an insult). I’m not going to talk about why it’s [...]

What’s in the ‘The Institutuion’ ?

What is “The Institution”?
Good question, you people always ask good questions.
I was wondering the same thing when I came across their My Space page. The page is called “The Assignment” but the trailer is for a movie called “The Institution” and if you go to the Website your greeted with two choices:
1. The [...]

A WALK DOWN SPOOKHOUSE LANE - by Patrick Green

A WALK DOWN SPOOKHOUSE LANE
By Patrick Green
The haunted attraction world is a lot like the horror movie world. In both, you find lavish productions backed by big money, tiny operations slapped together with little more than love and vague inspiration, and everything in between.
In my earliest memory of a haunted attraction, there [...]

Those Delicious Psycho-Babes - by Patrick Green

THOSE DELICIOUS PSYCHO-BABES
By Patrick Green
We all have our favorite scream queens. From Jamie Lee Curtis, who went on to mainstream success, to Brinke Stevens, Linnea Quigley, Debbie Rochon et al, who, God bless ‘em, stuck with our genre, often providing the only bright spot in otherwise dreary films. But what of those misunderstood [...]

Don’t Mess With The Black Pond Witch

By Gary G.
When I heard the news that Superstition, one of my favorite low-budget 80’s horror movies was getting the Anchor Bay reissue treatment I was struck by a twinge of sadness. But Why? Along with Curtains, Killer Workout, Sole Survivor, Mortuary, Slaughter High, and The Mutilator, Superstition has held a place of honor [...]

A Zombie-Fied Halloween - by Patrick Green

When word hit that Rob Zombie would be writing and directing the latest “Halloween” film, fan reaction was notably divided. When it was announced that the new film would be a remake, the division canted, favoring those opposed. The last few years have given us dozens of remakes, “re-imaginings”, and re-workings. Some [...]

The Mystery of Victor Salva Solved - By WIL

I’ve heard so many stories about Victor Salva I’m starting to believe they’re urban legends, but what is the truth? It sure doesn’t seem like the shirtless boys running around in Jeepers Creepers 2 had any idea. Did they think they were actually performing in a horror movie, or did they know they were [...]