First and foremost it should be made known that this Death Race has almost nothing to do with the 1975 Roger Corman produced classic. Other than a handful of character names, the film’s title and the fact that there are cars involved there is little connecting this remake to the original. Truthfully, this race has more in common with video games like Mario Kart and Twisted Metal than it does with the black comedy it’s supposed to be a remake of. The original film was a hilarious commentary on the downward spiral of American culture where human life added up to little more than points on a scoreboard. This version of Death Race is more about cool people looking awesome while CGI effects occur all around them. Corman’s Race is a hilarious romp filled with outrageous car designs and over the top carnage. This Death Race courtesy of renowned hack Paul W.S. Anderson (Resident Evil, AVP, etc.) is stupid, pointless, heavy on the effects and nu metal soundtrack and light on plot or character development. In the end as retarded as it is, Anderson’s Death Race is a fun ride that is the poster boy for unapologetic mindless summer drivel. It may not be good, but damn its fun.
Continue reading ‘Death Race (2008) Movie Review (aka Death Race 3000)’
Mirrors manages to resist the simple ghost story clichés and predictability. Even though it is not among the greatest, it still severely squashes the vast majority of mediocre films that have premises that are not all that different. It accomplishes this by having a solid story and doesn’t feel the need to reveal it in a big twist. Instead, it gradually is revealed to us at piece by piece at the same time our main character is learning and discovering the information for himself and learning what he has to do to stop what will otherwise be the inevitable.
With such a funny and offensive title like RetarDead, How did Rick Popko manage to make such an un-funny and non-offensive film? The sequel to Monsturd, RetarDead is not without any smirks or chuckles, every time they mentioned the “poop monster” I giggled like a 14-year-old girl. But leftover jokes from its predecessor doesn’t make a good follow-up.
Pineapple Express is a stoner comedy given to us by the Apatow team and written by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg who gave us the hilarious and very fun Superbad about this time last summer. The stoner character that Rogen gives us is very similar to the character he played in Knocked Up. Interestingly enough, Pineapple Express manages to still bring new things to the table and gives us a completely different tone unlike any other Apatow film. It is really a crime and action stoner comedy. The comedy seems to make the action seem more bizarre and the action highlights that the comedy is really the only medicine in a situation this messed up. at times it is more one than the other, but in many ways these different aspects highlight the other.
We live in very interesting times. A year ago, I would never have given any thought to Rob Cohen’s The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor. The first two Mummy films were fun, disposable entertainment that owed more to the Indiana Jones films than to the great Mummy films from Universal Pictures and Hammer Film Productions. No one would call Stephen Sommers a visionary, but he knew how to make decent summer popcorn films loaded with CGI effects and pleasing characters. The best thing to come out of The Mummy Returns was Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as the Scorpion King. He even got his spin off film the following year– The Scorpion King.
The Ruins is an adaptation of a novel, directed by the original author, Scott. B. Smith. They both have the same basic story outline, but the movie does have a few differences. The main is that the characters; most of what happened to a given character in the book happens to a different character in the movie. Besides that it is pretty minor, but loyal fans of the book might still have problems. For those who haven’t read it though, there aren’t too many problems to be found with the movie.
After 6 years the X-Files is back, hitting the big screens after 9 seasons of being on the air (7 of those which were actually good). Who wouldn’t want to believe that after more than half a decade Mulder and Scully hadn’t worn out their welcome, and that X Files faithful would welcome them back with open arms, ready to tackle aliens, government conspiracies, cigarette smoking octogenarians, black oil, abductions and whatever creator Chris Carter and his crew cranked out? It’s been said that The X-Files was one of the most cinematic shows ever put on television, and having been a casual fan in the late 90’s, I’d have to agree.
A group of friends are stranded in the woods after their car breaks down. They stumble up on the house of a sadistic family and find their secret locked downstairs. Ah hell, I’ll tell you it is a metal mouth with an appetite for human flesh. Sound familiar?
Gory greetings horroryearbook alumni! Welcome to the fifth (and most likely not last) edition of IT CAME FROM THE MAILBOX, an exciting new column where your old pal Brain Hammer reviews whatever random crap the gold folks at horroryearbook decide to send my way.
Gory greetings horroryearbook alumni! Welcome to the fourth (and most likely not last) edition of IT CAME FROM THE MAILBOX, an exciting new column where your old pal Brain Hammer reviews whatever random crap the gold folks at horroryearbook decide to send my way.
Death Valley is a desertion horror film taking place in the desert, making it feel a lot like The Hills Have Eyes. Rather than using deformed vicious humans it uses a territorial gang as the villains. The film doesnt do anything completely new, but as it goes along it has a way of surprising you. It becomes more than just partying turned in to a death threat, it questions peoples morals, strength, and just how powerless and lifeless a desert can make a few kids from the city feel.
The movie begins with a hot chick (Kim Poirier of Decoys 1 & 2, Dawn of the Dead remake) in a dressing room, trying on clothes.. she gets naked but it doesn’t show her tits! What the fuck? Hmmm.. hang on, a quick google “Kim Poirier naked” search shows her naked in the scene. Cocksucking Netflix and their rated R version!
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army isn’t just the most exciting, interesting and all around engaging movie of the summer, so far it’s also the best thing I’ve seen in the theater all year. To say that Hellboy 2 is the best movie of the summer is a severe understatement. A more accurate description would be to say that Hellboy 2 uses its right hand of doom to bitchslap the entire summer line up of 2008 into submission. It has the heart and intelligence that was completely missing from Wanted, it’s got better fights than The Incredible Hulk, it’s overflowing with the humor that’s missing from The Dark Knight and has better special effects than Iron Man and Hancock combined. Plus its not Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Metamucil or that shitfest known as Speed Racer that alone is a huge checkmark in the plus column. Simply put, if you don’t get off you lazy butt this weekend to go see Hellboy 2 in the theaters you must be an asshole who hates anything great. I hope you enjoy sitting through Meet Dave and your second viewing of “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan.”
You’ve probably seen the TV promos where John Waters introduces love and murder vignettes on CourtTV. So are these Real Tales From Darkside any good? The show is just as cheesy as you could hope from the guy who made Divine eat dog shit in Pink Flamingos.
While seeking revenge on a ninja Yakuza (that’s right, ninja fucking Yakuza) boss’ son for killing her brother, Ami is captured and tortured. During the abuse, her left arm is cut off just below the elbow. She escapes before they get a chance to kill her and takes refuge with a family of a boy who was also killed by the same people. Ami forms a bond with the boy’s mother over the loss of their loved ones and vow revenge on the sadistic crime family.
