Directed by Nolan Ball and Bryan Roberts
Starring: Edward X. Young, Colleen Cohan, Beatrice Strobl, Kachina Dechert, and Bethany Taylor
Have you ever had ultra hot mess drunk chick hit on you at the last call mark at a bar? I mean she’s really long in the tooth, probably a tad to a ton overweight, not attractive or coherent by any stretch of the imagination, but is desperate for any minuscule amount of attention or affection and has sunk to the most dire level to achieve a trace amount of fulfillment. Your heart in a strange way goes out to them and you hope that they can get what they need in a safe and hopefully compassionate way, but you can’t provide any of it because you know that it’s in so many ways WRONG. That’s the way I think about the movie, The Green Monster.
This movie is a hot mess. It’s definitely a style over substance feature and it desire to be clever and to cover a wide spectrum of topics on a bargain basement low budget is like trying run a buffet restaurant with one package of lomein noodles.
Continue reading ‘Movie Review: The Green Monster (2009)’
A movie that makes you think twice about becoming a celebrity; Misery delves into the mind and the world of an obsessively violent stalker. With interesting characters, a solid story, and a situation that makes you uncomfortable to the point that it hurts, one can say that movie adaptation of the Stephen King novel does have the same take away dread feeling as it’s novel counterpart.
A twisted post-apocalyptic world transcends into a life beyond frightening. Hardware comes alive as the Richard Stanley’s most profound work of big brother controlling a desolate wasteland and turning it into a playground for the ultimate killing machine. Played out like a metal or grunge type music video, this psychedelic dream takes you into a surreal setting only to bend and twist your mind, warping it in order to prepare yourself for what the M.A.R.K. 13 has in store for your delicate flesh.
After veering briefly into Gregory Dark-land, I got to go back home again and see another in the always enjoyable Night Eyes series. Now I’m up to part three and like the two before it, I’m finding there’s a lot to be said about Andrew Stevens take on sleaze. Um, I mean erotica!
I know, I know. We’ve all been waiting for it… an erotic thriller about child molestation. Now what could be hotter than that? Strangely, Play Nice is just such a film in the subgenre dealing with that very unsavory topic… and somehow manages to make it entertaining.
Shannon Tweed was already a Playboy Playmate of the Year (1982) and had racked up an impressive list of acting credits as long as your arm when erotic thrillers came knocking on her door in the early 90s. And it was these films, including the sequel to the salacious flick Night Eyes that really put her on the map. She had already appeared in a handful of these types of movies before Night Eyes II, but there was just something so good about the pairing of her and Andrew Stevens. There was also something to the fact that she was a beautiful woman who did nudity and could actually act. Shannon definitely brought up the bar in any production she graced, making her a bit of a Claudia Jennings to the world of the erotic thriller.
Gregg Smith, where are you?
Gregg was the writer/producer/editor/director of Cover Story, an early 90s erotic thriller that spun a convoluted yet entertaining tale of a reporter and his obsession with a dead girl. It’s bit like the old Dana Andrew’s movie Laura, only with boobies. Also, there’s rap-music galore (Ram Luv, I adore you!), gay gangsters, Tuesday Knight (Nightmare on Elm Street 4) in the WORST wig in the history of wigs (Take that Loni Anderson!) and Robert Forster as the guy who couldn’t generate an emotion if you ate his kid in front of him (and yes, he’s STILL gorgeous!).
Published by Greg September 27th, 2008
in MOVIE REVIEWS (ALL) and Movie Reviews 90's.
“WARNING: EXTREME EROTIC HORROR!!” boasts the cover of this Polish sleaze-filled, zero budget, giallo/slasher curiosity. Someone like me (and most of my readers) who is always looking for something different, entertaining and challenging, how could I not pick this up right away? Well, mostly due to my unfamiliarity with it. I have been seeing it, as well as its subsequent sequels, on different genre DVD websites for a couple of years but never pulled the trigger until now. The cover looks as lurid and boundary pushing as anything I have ever seen. And after reading the synopsis, I just had to see it.
Kai (Wong) is in the midst of fucking his boss’s wife when he is interrupted by said boss and promptly reprimanded… or humiliated, whatever… tomayto, tomahto. Anywho, this enrages Kai and he kills everyone in sight and if they have a vagina, he rapes them. 10 years later, he has escaped the Hong Kong authorities and is now living in Johannesburg, South Africa which, oddly, has a “China Town”. He works for a restaurant owner and his cunty wife who take advantage of their knowledge of his “situation” by underpaying him and generally mistreating him.
Satan and Moronic Mark throw us a curveball this week by reviewing the never released, Roger Corman produced, Fantastic Four. It may not be a horror movie but it is pretty horrible.
Moronic Mark continues his quest to watch and review the worst movies ever made. Now he has to take his third dosage of Kansas City Missouri’s village idiot, Todd Sheets, with Todd’s film, SORORITY BABES IN THE DANCE-A-THON OF DEATH (a blantant SORORITY BABES IN THE SLIMEBALL BOWL-A-RAMA knockoff that’s actually financed by David DeCoteau).
Moronic Mark accidentially sold his soul to Satan, while drunkenly filling out applications to job postings on the internet. Now he has to watch and review the worst movies ever made and post up the results in his little webshow called “Satan’s Screener.” This Episode: Hellmaster – Video after the jump!
I like to think that I’m a pretty astute movie watcher. Even the most convoluted plots tend to make sense if you watch them intently enough. That is not the case when a movie is just plain shitty. When the story is secondary to say, gore, you had better ba-ring it (imagine me saying that with my pointer finger waving around and my neck making a circle with my head)!
Published by wil January 30th, 2008
in MOVIE REVIEWS (ALL) and Movie Reviews 90's.
Wow, we used to watch a lot of crap in the 90’s, and I guess Swamp Thing: The Series was part of that category. If you wasted a lot of beautiful Saturday afternoons watching Small Wonder, or Evie Garland on Out of This World, or if you own the Saved by the Bell DVD box set, this may be for you. But be warned, Swamp Thing: The Series is really only for serious crap hunters, because this is truly a test for even the best of us.
The story follows Ana (played wonderfully by the beautiful Francesca Neri) as a sharp shooter performing in the circus. She falls in love with a journalist named Marcos (Antonio Banderas). After a brutal rape and several murders later, she finds herself on the run with Marcos chasing after her.
