Hellboy 2: The Golden Army isn’t just the most exciting, interesting and all around engaging movie of the summer, so far it’s also the best thing I’ve seen in the theater all year. To say that Hellboy 2 is the best movie of the summer is a severe understatement. A more accurate description would be to say that Hellboy 2 uses its right hand of doom to bitchslap the entire summer line up of 2008 into submission. It has the heart and intelligence that was completely missing from Wanted, it’s got better fights than The Incredible Hulk, it’s overflowing with the humor that’s missing from The Dark Knight and has better special effects than Iron Man and Hancock combined. Plus its not Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Metamucil or that shitfest known as Speed Racer that alone is a huge checkmark in the plus column. Simply put, if you don’t get off you lazy butt this weekend to go see Hellboy 2 in the theaters you must be an asshole who hates anything great. I hope you enjoy sitting through Meet Dave and your second viewing of You Don’t Mess with the Zohan.
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army is the follow up to the 2004 original featuring characters and storylines from the excellent award winning comic book by Mike Mignolia. It’s a bit surprising that Universal decided to make a sequel to the first Hellboy considering the film failed to cover its budget during its domestic theatrical run and finally earned back some of its money through a successful DVD release. But thank god somebody at the studio had the balls to green light this picture, because I can truly say that the cinematic world would be poorer without it. With films like Pan’s Labyrinth and The Devil’s Backbone under his belt Writer/Director Guillermo del Toro had already proven that he is an amazingly talented filmmaker but Hellboy 2 is a showcase of a master deeply in tune with his craft.
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“The Incredible Hulk” smashes away all the painful memories attached to Ang Lee’s hopelessly melodramatic take on the Jade Giant and continues to uphold the mark of excellence created by Marvel Studios “Iron Man.” Where the 2003 film featured a Hulk that was a lumbering baby faced loser with daddy issues, the 2008 flick showcases an energetic, angry Hulk smashing his way through anything and everyone that gets in his way. Another thing that distances this new take on the Hulk from the prior shitfest is the appearance of an actual villain. In the last film he faced off against “hulked out” dogs and Banner’s father who was kind of an amalgamation of the classic Hulk foes Zzzax and The Absorbing Man. This time around he’s actually got a great villain to face off against in Tim Roth’s portrayal of Emil Blonsky AKA The Abomination. Basically, this is the Hulk movie fans have been waiting their entire lives for.
Over the past twenty years Director and Screenwriter Stuart Gordon’s name has become synonymous with cosmic horror author H.P. Lovecraft. While Gordon has been involved with no less than four Lovecraft projects over the years he also wrote the story for “Honey I Shrunk the Kids” and created guilty pleasures like “Robot Jox” and “Space Truckers.” More recently though Gordon has found himself branching out and crafting tales based less upon supernatural horror but more the horrific actions one human being will do to another. This is best shown in Gordon’s most recent film “Stuck” that’s not only his best film since “Re-Animator” but one of the best films of the year.
Stuart Gordon has one of the most eclectic resumes for anyone ever dubbed a “Master of Horror.” He originally made a name for himself in the horror community with the iconic “Re-Animator” back in 1985 and followed it up with other noteworthy genre entries such as “From Beyond,” “Dolls,” “Castle Freak” and “Dagon.” In addition to gore and sex filled flicks he’s also helmed kid’s movies (”The Wonderful Ice Cream Suit”) and silly yet enjoyable Sci-Fi fare like “Robot Jox,” “Space Truckers” and “Fortress.” His past two films “Edmond” and “King of the Ants” traded in the supernatural and Lovecraftian origins of his popular films for edgy drama. While his adaptation of Mamet’s one act play “Edmond” was a bit to over the top to be taken seriously (mostly due to Mamet’s notorious one-dimensional characters)”King of the Ants” was a disturbingly effective piece of work. Gordon keeps that gritty theme alive in his newest film “Stuck” that is not only his best directorial effort since “Re-Animator” but also one of the best films of the year.
“The Strangers” is an absurdly inappropriate title for this film, a more apt name for this flick would have been “The Familiars.” There is not one original moment or scene in the entire ninety minute running time of “The Strangers.” Its basic concept is a complete rip off of the imported horror films, “Funny Games” and “Them.” Perhaps first time writer/director Bryan Bertino thought that the other films foreign origins would allow him to release this movie that borders upon plagiarism with little notice. Sure maybe only the horror fans that have an interest in internationally released flicks would notice, but the correlation between the movies isn’t the only familiar thing about it. “The Strangers” not only creates it’s foundation out of a mixture of the aforementioned Austrian and French films but goes on to build the rest of it’s script out of eternally lamented horror movie clichés. Characters make decisions that even a seven year old would scoff at, uses the “Based on A True Story” tagline even though it’s not, the couple that is terrorized has just broken up, etc. So far, “The Strangers” is the worst horror film I’ve seen in 2008.
“Teeth” revolves around Dawn (Jess Weixler) a teenage girl on the verge of adulthood who discovers that she’s not like the other girls in at her high school. While the rest of her class is concerned with the average teenage issues: acne, college, boyfriends, etc. Dawn’s problem’s a bit more sensitive, for while the other girls might be worried about having to get braces on their face, Dawn might have to get a set for her crotch. That’s because she has “Vagina Dentada” which I think is Latin for “a cunt full of teeth.” You see, Dawn’s the type of girl that can spread her lips and smile a toothy grin that only a midget can appreciate.
At the end of last week Scream Queen extraordinaire Tiffany Shepis found Horror Yearbook’s Tyler Shainline hiding in the bushes by her house. He had just gotten done digging through her garbage can looking for tossed out memorabilia from “Tromeo & Juliet,” “The Hazing,” “Delta Delta Die!” or any of the fifty plus projects she’s worked on since entering the horror world over ten years ago. Rather than call the police she agreed to answer some questions about the After Dark Horrorfest film “Nightmare Man,” her upcoming projects, other freaky fans she’s found in her driveway, the uncomfortable nature of low budget films and just why her Fridays are so “Fabulous!”
“Nightmare Man” is one of the worst low-budget horror films I’ve ever seen released by a “major” studio. It’s so poorly shot and lit that half the time I didn’t know what the fuck was going on. One could argue the fact that Lionsgate releases shitty, low-budget fare such as this to DVD on an almost weekly basis. The main difference here is that they choose to release this film for a minor theatrical run as part of the second After Dark Horrorfest that crept into theaters like a fart for a weekend last fall. “Nightmare Man” has no business whatsoever being shown on the big screen, let alone being labeled and promoted as one of the “8 Films to Die For.”
Dead” is one of the most mediocre horror films I’ve ever seen. It takes no chances and never veers off the well-trodden path made by the thirty years of slasher movies that came before it. The intent of first-time filmmakers George Bessudo and Daniel P. Coughlin is fairly obvious: they wanted to create a “Texas Chain Saw Massacre” for this generation. Honestly, their endeavor was a success; the only problem is that “Lake Dead” mirror’s the shitty 2003 remake and not the original Tobe Hooper classic.
“The Deaths of Ian Stone” is a recipe of familiarity. It shamelessly takes the best parts of “Jacob’s Ladder,” “The Machinist,” and “Groundhog’s Day,” throws them into the garbage can, and then uses the leftovers to create an underwhelming cinematic meal. It’s an ambiguous film that never gives its viewers a chance to latch onto any of the characters. It makes every one of the many deaths that Ian Stone “lives” through utterly pointless for the audience. Who gives a shit if he’s going to die? You already know he’s going to be reborn again into another boring life.
When 2006’s “Crazy Eights” played in theaters last fall as one of the eight films picked to be part of the nationwide, second-annual After Dark Horrorfest, the movie was marketed as “The Big Chill” meets “Silent Hill.” And for once, the generally misleading folks who write such ad-copy bullshit were right. “Crazy Eights” is just as annoyingly whiney and over dramatic as “The Big Chill” and even more boring and devoid of plot than “Silent Hill.” I just don’t know why After Dark films paid somebody to make these comparisons. I thought they wanted people to pay to see their movies. Wait, they included the comparisons as a compliment?
Even though “Diary of the Dead” was made in 2007 and we’re only a month or so into 2008 I have to say that it’s my favorite horror film of the year (so far) and easily the most entertaining zombie flick to hit the screen in awhile. Honestly, if “Rambo” wasn’t so fucking brilliant in its excessive violence “Diary” would be my number one flick of 2008 with a bullet. Or perhaps I should say with an arrow.
Robert Englund, the man who made “A Nightmare on Elm St.’s” Freddy Kruger a household name returns to directing for the first time in almost two decades with “Killer Pad.” The direct-to-DVD movie available from Lionsgate centers around three hapless losers who move into a sweet pad in the Hollywood Hills that just happens to be a direct portal to hell. Mr. Englund was kind enough to take time out of his busy schedule to talk with Horror Yearbook’s Tyler Shainline about his latest directorial effort, “Star Wars” casting rumors, playing an upcoming “Spider-Man” villain, his television work, “Zombie Strippers” and whether or not he’ll return as Freddy in the upcoming Micheal Bay produced remake of “Elm St.”
Damn near twenty years ago “A Nightmare on Elm Street’s” Freddy Kruger AKA Robert Englund took a swipe at directing. His film, “976-EVIL” met with mixed reviews but went on to become legendary late night cable fodder. Englund decided to return for his sophomore effort behind the lens with “Killer Pad,” a decidedly sophomoric horror comedy that sadly fails as both a horror or a comedy film.
Published by Tyler Shainline February 8th, 2008
in NEWS.
According to rumors and various websites Robert England supposedly had no interest in being in the Nightmare on Elm Street remake, but it turns out Moviehole and I were originally right (Read Here) in saying that Englund would probably reprise his role as Fredddy Krueger if asked.