The first two “Amateur Porn Star Killer” movies were horrible, unwatchable pieces of crap that more people spent fast forwarding through than actually watching. Billed as “disturbing,” “frightening” and “mesmerizing” in reality they were little more than boring, self indulgent home movies. The films offered zero suspense, featured less hard core sex than the free previews available at thousands of porn websites and had no gore whatsoever. Watching one of these flicks is akin to sitting through a friend’s collection of home movies with the promise of seeing somebody getting fucked but in the end you see more of your buddy’s dick than anything else. While the sex has been amped up for this third film, it’s still just as boring and effortless as its predecessors. How hard could it possibly be to make good on a film called “Amateur Porn Star Killer?” It seems impossible for Shane Ryan, the star/producer/editor/writer/director of the “APSK” series who seems more interested in filming himself slapping trashy chick’s asses than formatting a watchable film. As with the first two flicks “Amateur Porn Star Killer 3” needs more porn, more killing and less amateur footage of Ryan filming his own cock.
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For the third month in a row a classic horror film remake has hit screens across America. In January Lionsgate gave us the unexpectedly entertaining “My Bloody Valentine 3-D,” February gave us the botched abortion named “Friday the 13th” by Platinum Dunes and March bestows upon us Rogue Pictures’ take on “Last House on the Left.” I only made it through half of the trailer for the “Last House” remake before deciding I had no interest in seeing what looked like yet another heartless attempt to cash in on classic horror flick with a recognizable title. The main part of the preview that turned me off was the wince inducing, hipster piano driven remake of the Guns N’ Roses hit “Sweet Child of Mine.” I am not exaggerating when I say it’s the worst cover I’ve heard since my dad thought it was funny to sing Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too Sexy” into our answering machine.
Director Jay Lee sat down with our own Tyler Shainline to explain how an artsy, independent filmmaker interested in exploring existentialism came to make a horror flick entitled Zombie Strippers. Sure it was to finally make money off a film, but there was more to it than just the payday, there’s a message hidden behind those big fake tits covered in blood, a message of girl power!
Zombie Strippers has everything packed into its ninety four minute runtime that the title implies. It’s got copious amounts of great gore, enough big beautiful breasts to make Christina Applegate break down in tears, icons from the worlds of horror and porn, plus legitimately funny comedy. What more could a viewer want? Well, maybe a [...]
REC is one of the best horror films I’ve ever seen, it is terrifying, fast paced and refuses to adhere to many of the clichés that plague modern horror. Sure, there’s several telegraphed jump scares here and there, but they never felt forced or out of place. Actually, the fact that in the back of your mind you knew it was going to happen just improves the overall sense of dread that runs rampant through the film. I’ve been watching fright flicks since I was a child, weaned by my mother on Alien, John Carpenter’s The Thing and anything else I could get my tiny hands on. From there I’ve spent the majority of my thirty plus years watching every horror film I can get my eyes in front of and it’s extremely rare that any movie ever scares me. I’m not saying this to sound like a badass, but to express how desensitized I am to “scary movies.” That being said REC scared the fucking shit out of me. I was up until two or three in the morning following my initial viewings (I watched it twice, back to back) convinced that every creak of the ceiling or neighbor’s cat was one of the zombies breaking into my house. Thank god I don’t live in an apartment complex or I may have ended up shooting one of my neighbors in the face.
Sid Haig was at the excellent Horror/Sci-Fi convention “From the Land Beyond in Sacramento this past weekend and was kind enough to talk to Horror Yearbook’s Tyler Shainline about his bid for president, the status of “Galaxy of Terror” on DVD and his upcoming projects.
At this point poking fun at Uwe Boll and his collection of shitty films is akin to making fun of President Bush or kicking the arm braces out from under some palsy kid. It’s just too easy, so why bother. Boll has spent the last five years cementing his place in film history as the Ed Wood of this generation. He makes crap films based off of lower tier video games such as House of the Dead, BloodRayne and Alone in the Dark and by taking advantage of German tax shelters his films rarely lose money. I suppose I should be upfront and admit that I’m a bit of a fan of Boll; admittedly it’s of his “Fuck You” attitude towards the generic Hollywood machine then his films. But I’ve picked up every single DVD he’s put out in the states and I’ve enjoyed all the shit he’s smeared across celluloid since appearing in American markets back in 2003. Sure the enjoyment I’ve experienced is in the “so bad it’s good” vein which is why I was surprised that I truly enjoyed his latest flick Seed with slightly less irony than I expected.
First and foremost it should be made known that this Death Race has almost nothing to do with the 1975 Roger Corman produced classic. Other than a handful of character names, the film’s title and the fact that there are cars involved there is little connecting this remake to the original. Truthfully, this race has more in common with video games like Mario Kart and Twisted Metal than it does with the black comedy it’s supposed to be a remake of.
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army isn’t just the most exciting, interesting and all around engaging movie of the summer, so far it’s also the best thing I’ve seen in the theater all year. To say that Hellboy 2 is the best movie of the summer is a severe understatement. A more accurate description would be to say that Hellboy 2 uses its right hand of doom to bitchslap the entire summer line up of 2008 into submission. It has the heart and intelligence that was completely missing from Wanted, it’s got better fights than The Incredible Hulk, it’s overflowing with the humor that’s missing from The Dark Knight and has better special effects than Iron Man and Hancock combined. Plus its not Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Metamucil or that shitfest known as Speed Racer that alone is a huge checkmark in the plus column. Simply put, if you don’t get off you lazy butt this weekend to go see Hellboy 2 in the theaters you must be an asshole who hates anything great. I hope you enjoy sitting through Meet Dave and your second viewing of “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan.”
“The Incredible Hulk” smashes away all the painful memories attached to Ang Lee’s hopelessly melodramatic take on the Jade Giant and continues to uphold the mark of excellence created by Marvel Studios “Iron Man.” Where the 2003 film featured a Hulk that was a lumbering baby faced loser with daddy issues, the 2008 flick showcases an energetic, angry Hulk smashing his way through anything and everyone that gets in his way. Another thing that distances this new take on the Hulk from the prior shitfest is the appearance of an actual villain. In the last film he faced off against “hulked out” dogs and Banner’s father who was kind of an amalgamation of the classic Hulk foes Zzzax and The Absorbing Man. This time around he’s actually got a great villain to face off against in Tim Roth’s portrayal of Emil Blonsky AKA The Abomination. Basically, this is the Hulk movie fans have been waiting their entire lives for.
Over the past twenty years Director and Screenwriter Stuart Gordon’s name has become synonymous with cosmic horror author H.P. Lovecraft. While Gordon has been involved with no less than four Lovecraft projects over the years he also wrote the story for “Honey I Shrunk the Kids” and created guilty pleasures like “Robot Jox” and “Space Truckers.” More recently though Gordon has found himself branching out and crafting tales based less upon supernatural horror but more the horrific actions one human being will do to another. This is best shown in Gordon’s most recent film “Stuck” that’s not only his best film since “Re-Animator” but one of the best films of the year.
Stuart Gordon has one of the most eclectic resumes for anyone ever dubbed a “Master of Horror.” He originally made a name for himself in the horror community with the iconic “Re-Animator” back in 1985 and followed it up with other noteworthy genre entries such as “From Beyond,” “Dolls,” “Castle Freak” and “Dagon.” In addition to gore and sex filled flicks he’s also helmed kid’s movies (“The Wonderful Ice Cream Suit”) and silly yet enjoyable Sci-Fi fare like “Robot Jox,” “Space Truckers” and “Fortress.” His past two films “Edmond” and “King of the Ants” traded in the supernatural and Lovecraftian origins of his popular films for edgy drama. While his adaptation of Mamet’s one act play “Edmond” was a bit to over the top to be taken seriously (mostly due to Mamet’s notorious one-dimensional characters)”King of the Ants” was a disturbingly effective piece of work. Gordon keeps that gritty theme alive in his newest film “Stuck” that is not only his best directorial effort since “Re-Animator” but also one of the best films of the year.
“The Strangers” is an absurdly inappropriate title for this film, a more apt name for this flick would have been “The Familiars.” There is not one original moment or scene in the entire ninety minute running time of “The Strangers.” Its basic concept is a complete rip off of the imported horror films, “Funny Games” and “Them.” Perhaps first time writer/director Bryan Bertino thought that the other films foreign origins would allow him to release this movie that borders upon plagiarism with little notice. Sure maybe only the horror fans that have an interest in internationally released flicks would notice, but the correlation between the movies isn’t the only familiar thing about it. “The Strangers” not only creates it’s foundation out of a mixture of the aforementioned Austrian and French films but goes on to build the rest of it’s script out of eternally lamented horror movie clichés. Characters make decisions that even a seven year old would scoff at, uses the “Based on A True Story” tagline even though it’s not, the couple that is terrorized has just broken up, etc. So far, “The Strangers” is the worst horror film I’ve seen in 2008.
“Teeth” revolves around Dawn (Jess Weixler) a teenage girl on the verge of adulthood who discovers that she’s not like the other girls in at her high school. While the rest of her class is concerned with the average teenage issues: acne, college, boyfriends, etc. Dawn’s problem’s a bit more sensitive, for while the other girls might be worried about having to get braces on their face, Dawn might have to get a set for her crotch. That’s because she has “Vagina Dentada” which I think is Latin for “a cunt full of teeth.” You see, Dawn’s the type of girl that can spread her lips and smile a toothy grin that only a midget can appreciate.
At the end of last week Scream Queen extraordinaire Tiffany Shepis found Horror Yearbook’s Tyler Shainline hiding in the bushes by her house. He had just gotten done digging through her garbage can looking for tossed out memorabilia from “Tromeo & Juliet,” “The Hazing,” “Delta Delta Die!” or any of the fifty plus projects she’s worked on since entering the horror world over ten years ago. Rather than call the police she agreed to answer some questions about the After Dark Horrorfest film “Nightmare Man,” her upcoming projects, other freaky fans she’s found in her driveway, the uncomfortable nature of low budget films and just why her Fridays are so “Fabulous!”
