Since Kevin Smith has apparently stopped writing the characters Jay & Silent Bob into movie scripts now-a-days, I guess Jay actor Jason Mewes is falling on hard times. Mewes headlines the Virginian fishermen gone wild slasher flick The Watermen.
Mewes character Trailor is a wealthy, trust-funded sleaze bag who convinces three hot female friends to join him and his brother buddies, Mike and Bret, onto his yacht for a luxurious gone-fishing getaway off of Virginia’s Eastern Shore in the Chesapeake Bay. Doesn’t take long before the group’s pleasure cruise turns into being dead in the water when Trailer’s yacht has engine trouble. With no food, survival supplies, and no radio or cellphone service on board, the situation is dire, but when a fishing trough comes to the rescue, all hope is restored. That is where they were dead wrong. These watermen drugs the clueless victims, rapes the women, and proceeds to cut out the best parts of their young flesh and innards to sell as high quality fish bait.
First off – shout out to the Virginia Eastern Shore being somewhat of a native of the area, but I doubt this is where the film was filmed as the waters looked too clear and clean to be the Chesapeake Bay. Besides, I’ve never heard legends or stories or myths or anything about killer fishermen and so their location off the Eastern Shore doesn’t make much sense to me unless director Matt L. Lockhart is from the area and has heard rumors about the hard working, never a dull moment fishermen who slave over countless hours of pulling up crab pots and hauling in pennies on the dime fish just to feed their starving families. I’d get the location then if that story was the case. The Watermen’s plot is a bit far-fetched as there really is no the connection that human flesh and how effectiveness of using human flesh for bait really works on fish unless the waters you’re fishing in inhibit piranha or sharks (the Bay doesn’t have piranha).
Continue reading ‘Movie Review: The Waterman (2012)’
Being a movie hoarder, er….collector, certain titles repeat in my collection and not just once, twice but sometimes three, four or five editions of the same title. Gaining numerous items of the exact title does a number on my subconscious; the notion that is inserted about these various editions leaves me lethargic in getting to the actual movie and, in turn, can cease my ambition in reviewing a blu-ray edition of one of the best, if not the best, exploitive movie we’ve seen to date! Cannibal Holocaust is notorious around the world and was once believed, and probably considered still is, a snuff film even if the actors have revealed themselves alive and well. In my eyes, Cannibal Holocaust is a kind of snuff film, but not the sort of snuff film that you’re thinking.
Films about the walking undead are a dime a dozen. Every Joe Schmo can make a zombie feature length film with his Hi-Def hand-held camera and a modest budget, but this indie ambition in trying to be the next George A. Romero is a false Godsend sent straight from God knows where and seeks what most (ignorant) people crave in horror movies – a good amount of blood and guts. Eventually, the needle in the hay stack will be found, but the agonizing scrambling and digging through endless projects can wear a person down and make their eyes tire of bad taste and boredom. However, a zone lies in between that sole most glorious needle and that vast amount of crap.
When people think of director Tobe Hooper, the outstanding Gunnar Hansen, chain-swinging Texas Chainsaw Massacre film from 1974 will be the first relative thought to pass behind their eyes. The automatic thought process can’t be helped; Hooper has pre-determined and programmed our minds with his best and most popular work. He did such a good job at consolidating our minds that we can’t even envision his other work that stands alone out there in the cinema world (with the exclusion of Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 because that is part of the same franchise.).
The only movie to bring Linda Blair, Linnea Quigley and John Vernon together where drugs, rape and murder live and breathe on the streets of Los Angeles. In an era where the punk-apocalypse was in high time with similar films like Death Wish 3 and Class of 1984, Savage Streets fits snugly right into the fold creating a mixture of women empowerment, revenge and crime doesn’t pay. Though Savage Streets lacked a popularity-winning audience, the Danny Steinmann and Arrow Films released film exploits a lot of guts in this more urban day of the woman flick.
The bright white, elongated face in the midst of a midnight black cloak from the Scream franchise creates a notoriously feared fictional serial murdering figure of the late 90s to early 2000s. The appearance of Ghostface is simple and could be said to be masking an earlier counterpart in Michael Myer’s William Shatner mask and mechanic jumpsuit, but with evil does not need bells and whistles. What evil needs is a clown nose and a dangerous-wielding vibrator when hunting down the cast and crew of a XXX production. This is exactly what happens in Vivid’s latest spoof entitled Scream XXX: A Porn Parody!
Rayne, the half-human half-vampire dhampire, is an empowering female heroine who associates herself with sensual desires and the merciless slaughter of any nocturnal vampire that plagues the earth. The character first appeared in the video game entitled BloodRyane in 2002 for the popular console systems at the time. From then on, three more video game sequels have been released, the most recent was put on this past June, and the series has spawned not one, not two, but three movie adaptations; the third film, BloodRayne: The Third Reich, is the latest disaster-piece done by infamous Duetschland-born director Uwe Boll. In hopes that Rayne would finally have a decent cash return, Boll turns to a making BloodRayne: The Third Reich a prequel to the failing predecessors; Rayne must battle World War II experimental vampire Nazis, along with regular Nazis, who are created by a vile of her day-walking blood.
Normalcy. This term might be the description you, I or even the next door neighbor might label ourselves as we are people who live out our lives day by day with work, family and personal business. As a family, normalcy is getting up at 6 A.M. just for there to be enough time to prepare the work day; normalcy is making sure the kids aren’t causing mischief by throwing firecrackers at the neighborhood drunk on his happy hour walk to the bar; normalcy is kissing your wife at night because she won’t give in giving it up before bedtime.
Mark this period in time, Hustler has made a parody of Ghostbusters! The news of the parody had me worried; think about it, Ghostbusters is a beloved and cherished film of the 1980s; in fact, I’m actually surprised a porn parody hasn’t been done before…way before! If Hustler steered it down toward the wrong path, me and Hustler might have some serious and vulgar words about their parody methods. Director Axel Braun should thank his lucky stars for having the chance to do this parody and that he directed This Ain’t Ghostbusters XXX to the high hopes I think every fan of Ivan Reitman horror comedy and outlandish porno would thoroughly enjoy in many ways than one.
Dario Argento has been labeled as the father that gave birth to the genre Italian giallo. His first film The Bird with the Crystal Plumage not only defined the term giallo, but really landed the genre directly into the heart of Italy rather than have been set abroad. Argento’s screenplay and his colorful directive techniques sets the mood that not only struck gold with Italian and American markets, but opened his door for more murder mystery entries.
There have been famous (or infamous) iconic killers that have been pitted agains’t each other; Freddy vs Jason, Aliens vs Predator and Bruce Campbell vs The Army of Darkness have been glorified as epic battles of a lifetime, but one element separates these versus movies from the latest versus film venture – this one is non-fiction! Dahmer vs Gacy, two notorious homicidal and homosexual serial killers that this nation has ever known, take each other on in a over-the-top battle royal that doesn’t exclude godsend vigilante rednecks, Japanese super ninjas, a genetically altered to be a super killer killer and oblivious scientists and military generals that pull the strings behind the madness. Dahmer vs Gacy implores having two clones versus each other to see which one can take the top spot and become the base for a super soldier for the military. The perfect killer who enjoys to kill.
Abandoned hospitals. They are staples in the horror genre for almost as long as movies have been around. Psych:9 is the next film of a creepy, rundown health facility that becomes the gloomy and grim setting of dastardly and grisly deeds being done in the dark night. Andrew Shortell directs his first full length feature film and though he conveys are very reactive unsettling atmosphere, his ability to tell the story cohesively deems to much for the short film director.
