Published by Moronic Mark October 7th, 2009
in NEWS.
ReAnimator Academy
(1992)
Directed by Judith Priest ?
Starring that one girl who freaks out when her friends don’t come back in NAILGUN MASSACRE.
What does Moronic Mark do when he watches the worst shot on shiteo REANIMATOR ripoff horror comedy with jokes so old they fart dust? He dances (you know it baby) cause it makes him think of the classic video “Move Them Dead Bones” by Dr. ReAnimator. He also makes about 5 obscure wrestling references and there’s a shaved pussy to enjoy. So, his A.D.D. is working pretty well.
Enjoy!
[Editor's Note: The only original cover art I could find for ReAnimator Academy is posted below the video. The movie is part of the Tomb of Terror set pictured to the left... Actually I think a lot of the movies featured on Satan's Screener are included in this set.]
Continue reading ‘Satan’s Screener Takes on ReAnimator Academy (1992)’
Published by Moronic Mark September 15th, 2009
in NEWS.
Directed by Peter Maris (CAN IT BE LOVE aka SPRING BREAK SORORITY BABES)
Starring Charles Napier (for 7 minutes), Hoke Howell, some other people, crap computer graphics and men in monster suits.
Moronic Mark finally learns what his bad movie quota is in order to get his soul back. So after this review, he’s got 622 left. Movie 623 (if you’re counting backward) is the INDEPENDENCE DAY knockoff, ALIEN SPECIES. Poor Charles Napier, he’s in this one, but luckily for 7 minutes.
It’s pretty bad when the KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE have a more menacing lair then this movie. Totally tideous, but somehow Mark makes it through with the help of Journey and MALLRATS.
I’m reviewing porn movies on the internet, boy my parents are gonna be so proud (especially with my third DUI I got 2 weeks ago. Hey that’s where I’ve been). This is actually my second pornographic feature that I’m doing on here, but the first was ANOTHER NIGHT IN CHINA which is more of a horror movie (and my pick for “Scariest Movie of 2009″), so that shouldn’t really count. You might be asking what my creditials are to be reviewing this smut on this horror movie website. Well I’ve have met Ron Jeremy 3 Times and it is a parody of THE HILLS HAVE EYES and since I look like Mini Michael Berryman. So here we go.
Published by Moronic Mark August 10th, 2009
in NEWS.
In the tradition of VAMPIRE HUNTER and PSYCHO KICKBOXER, Moronic Mark makes fun of another movie that that stars a guy who could easily kick his ass with one finger. This time that person being Reb Brown (heck Shannon Tweed could probably do it too, but Mark might like it too much). Reb Brown’s career did start of pretty promising with the 2 Captain America tv movies and some decent theatrical flicks, but then after HOWLING 2: YOUR SISTER IS A WEREWOLF things were never the same and you could see Reb in stuff like FIRING LINE.
Here’s Mark’s take on it and a salute to Reb’s other career highlights (and an ending that will hopefully delight fans of Steve Parsons).
Published by Moronic Mark August 3rd, 2009
in NEWS.
Moronic Mark feeds his cat and realizes that it’s probably time to take on CORPSE GRINDERS 2. Now, the original CORPSE GRINDERS (which was also done by Ted V. Mikels) was a fun little drive-in novelty from the early 70′s about greedy businessmen who make cat food out of human flesh using a, um, corpse grinder. CORPSE GRINDERS 2 is the shot on video sequel which features the nephews of the original businessmen and a whole bunch of crap. There’s a totally unnecessary plotline thrown in about cat aliens (who of course fight dog aliens in a space battle which features the worst computer graphics since Commodore 64) since, I guess, STAR WARS EPISODE ONE came out around the same time (and features another dumb men in black subplot since, well, MEN IN BLACK came out a few years before that too). Plus, it features a cast dozens of senior citizens since Mikels must of done his casting at Denny’s during the early bird special. You know you’re heading into a bad movie when Dolores Fuller gives the best performance!
Published by Moronic Mark July 6th, 2009
in NEWS.
Moronic Mark’s dog, Sammy, is depressed over all the celebrity deaths that have been happening, so Mark does a review of a Troma movie to cheer her up. So this little review is for a decent flick with an all star cast (including Fergie and Paul Walker). But don’t worry, there’s still plenty of bad taste jokes involving dead celebrities to go around and ANIMAL HOUSE references for no reason.
Published by Moronic Mark June 27th, 2009
in NEWS.
Starring: Kitten Natividad (SUPERVIXENS), Jean Poremba (aka porn star Candie Evans and former wife to American Gladiator, Lazer), George “Buck” Flower (THEY LIVE and THE WILDERNESS FAMILY) and Gail Harris (SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE II, HARD TO DIE, and CELLBLOCK SISTERS: BANISHED BEHIND BARS)
Well, Mark’s hard work has finally paid off. He gets to revisit a movie he loves filled with plenty of T and A (and bush too). The movie’s still terrible with juvenile humor, cartoon sound effects, a theme sound repeated 10 times that only has 3 words in it, but it harkens back to a time when Cinemax After Dark movies weren’t all bored rich housewives who become prostitues and get screwed in the navel by dudes in badly orchestrated simulated sex scenes movies.
Published by Moronic Mark June 6th, 2009
in NEWS.
Or The Spaghetti Strainer Incident or Sasquatch Screener or Mark watches too many cartoons where the characters meet up with mad scientists.
BLOOD FREAK (1972)
Directed by Steve Hawkes (who’s also the lead character)
and Brad F. Grinter (who’s the nutty smoking narrator who can’t go 5 words without reading the script in front of him)
Published by Moronic Mark May 26th, 2009
in NEWS.
After a long walk away to clear his mind of the horrors that were ANOTHER NIGHT IN CHINA, Moronic Mark is back to take on more bad movies. This times he’s delight to watch THE EXECUTIONER PART II, which has to be one of the funniest dubbed movies of all time. The dubbing of this movie is so terrible that at first the viewer may feel forgiving thinking that something was lost in translation, but it was all filmed in the U.S. (with no sound) with actors speaking English (which they half-assedly dubbed in later).
So from 1984 by director James Bryan (DON’T GO IN THE WOODS). Enjoy THE EXTERMINATOR ripoff, THE EXECUTIONER PART 2.
Published by Moronic Mark May 7th, 2009
in NEWS.
It takes alot to scare Moronic Mark, but this title does it and more. It’s not even a horror movie. It’s a porno, but heck the scars to his poor feeble mind may never heal. Here’s what happened when he watched, ANOTHER NIGHT IN CHINA. It’s the sequel to ONE NIGHT IN CHINA (which was the scariest film of 2004) and it’s filled with more of the horrors (mainly the corndog penis clitoris thing) of the original.
Plus, there’s the special appearances of The Dongers (James and Michael Ong) and the kick assiest soundtrack of any episode with music by Goblin, The Oceans, Seona Dancing, and the people who did the theme to “Charles in Charge.”
Enjoy!
Published by Moronic Mark March 31st, 2009
in NEWS.
Remember CRYSTAL FORCE? The guy in the monster suit movie that took place in a mansion with silly soap opera subplots and the video tape for the movie was all white? No. Well they made a sequel to that movie that’s even worse. It’s a Faust-like story about a bartender who loves a waitress in a bar that barely seats 25 people and the demon devil servant who talks for about 88% of this
Published by Moronic Mark March 24th, 2009
in NEWS.
Never have 2 words in a title for a flick screamed so loudly to be a “Satan’s Screener” episode and then have DARK ANGEL tossed on for shits and giggles. It also features the best things of the 90′s: bad fashion, MMA personalities trying to act, mullets, and Tyra Banks didn’t talk as much.
Published by Moronic Mark March 15th, 2009
in NEWS.
This dullzilla of a vampire movie suffers from vampires who roar more than bite and a weak script written by an actress in order to put herself over and get more screentime (who does she think she is? David Heavener?)
Published by Moronic Mark February 24th, 2009
in NEWS.
Well Moronic Mark is off camping (or 10 feet away and six feet above from where he usually does his episodes, so he can get his neighbor’s RV in the shot) and it makes him bring up his favorite horror subgenre (killer killing campers). So here’s one of the lesser known of the group, MEMORIAL VALLEY MASSACRE (originally titled MEMORIAL DAY).
Published by Moronic Mark February 20th, 2009
in NEWS.
Get your 99 scarlet balloons out, cause everyone is Captain Kirk and Mark is taking on THEY SAVED HITLER’S BRAIN. Originally, the movie was called the MADMEN OF MANDORAS, which was shot in 1963, but tv distributors thought that the new title fit better and they threw on 20-30 minutes of new footage shot well after 1963 as a way to be able to show it on TV more, even though the new footage is silly and way out of place.
