Published by Molly Celaschi October 9th, 2009
in DVD/Blu-ray RELEASES.
So there is a bloodsucking baby, but more importantly – old people have sex. Informing my readers of what to look for in a movie is my top priority and here you get old titty.
But the film is really about Madeline (Jordan Ladd from Cabin Fever, Grindhouse) making babies. The opening shot of the movie is her blank stare as her husband sorta screws her and she lifts her legs to ensure his sperm monkeys crawl their way through her fallopian tubes. Husband dies, baby comes out thirsting for blood, and Madeline’s mother-in-law Vivien suffers a three-quarter life crisis and wants to steal her baby.
I’m not gonna kid around here. This film isn’t exactly what I would label as Horror. Sure there are disgusting images and tons of blood (bloody baby bath, bloody baby birth, bloody baby nursing, etc). There is even bloody titty, which is not to be confused with old titty. But overall, the film plays more like a fucked up Lifetime movie complete with stillbirths, angry lesbian lovers, baby snatching, and unfit mothers. I wondered when Tori and Candy Spelling were going to show up to food fight over who’s a worse mother and then stomp on Aaron’s grave.
Continue reading ‘Movie Review: Grace (2009)’
I’ll start off by giving you technical details before I rip the film a new asshole. The unrated version is 4 minutes longer than the theatrical 110 minute version. The extra footage includes more rape-age, more finger-grinding during the Francis death scene, and some more bullshit talk amongst da gangstas. The extras are as ridiculous and annoying as the film itself. There are a few alternate takes, stunt footage, and a 3 minute behind-the-scenes “inside look.” This laziness is representative of the movie overall.
I guess I’ll start by saying my review will not be like the others. I was a bit disappointed and confused by this film, but sure enough, other reviewers blew this movie long and hard. I will not.
Holy moly! Odette Yustman stars as Casey, a pretty chick in panties who must figure out why a creepy little kid is peeping on her. Instead of putting on clothes, she figures out that there is a ghost from some Jewish folklore, that nobody has ever heard about, that wants to be born. Plus some shit apparently went down at Aushwitz back in the day. Damn. An exorcism is performed, the day is saved, and I got to go home.
My Name is Bruce is his second directorial outing after the critically panned The Man with the Screaming Brain. But no worries. Bruce has come back with a more entertaining ride and is slipping back into his former Evil Dead clothing. Well, sort of. Bruce plays himself, the actor who played Ash from the Evil Dead series, who becomes a real life hero when he is asked to protect a small town from an unleashed demon.
I had the pleasure of swinging by the EA Redwood studios to test the upcoming Dead Space video game. And by “swing by,” I mean take approximately 4 hours to get in. But damn it was worth the wait. First, I got to walk around a number of cool cubicles (I swear these lucky bastards have the coolest posters and toys, not to mention their very own friggen Starbucks and arcade area). I talked to Ben Swanson, the community manager, who gave me swag to take home. This immediately scored points for EA. Then I interviewed Art Director Ian Milham, which you must watch or else. But forget all that for now. What you really want to hear about is my experience with producer Rich Briggs who took me into a dark room with lots of couches. Sounds dirty, but this is serious work people. I got to play Dead Space on the big screen (actually about 3 big screens) while my cameraman Jesus Cruz complained that I was taking too long. He was just jealous.
‘Well, they got the suck right. Too bad it lacked real bite.’ Hardy har. That is what I would say if I wrote for some weak ass horror site. But I don’t, so let’s get down to it.
A group of friends are stranded in the woods after their car breaks down. They stumble up on the house of a sadistic family and find their secret locked downstairs. Ah hell, I’ll tell you it is a metal mouth with an appetite for human flesh. Sound familiar?
Published by Molly Celaschi July 24th, 2008
in NEWS.
Alright so the title got my attention based on the name alone. (Ahem, Molly…). But when I read who was involved in this, I was nearly bored to tears. Seeing gaysexual Chace Crawford who stars on Gossip Girl with his real life boyfriend and the producer of Everwood attached didn’t impress me.
Published by Molly Celaschi July 23rd, 2008
in NEWS.
Twilight is a vampire movie coming to theaters 12/12/08. Which confused the hell out of me because I originally thought this was a TV show. But never mind that. It stars Kristen Stewart (that chick from THE MESSENGERS). What really interests me is that this was directed by Catherine Hardwicke (THIRTEEN), so you know these teens will do some dirty things. Hardwicke is even cooler because she also worked on FREAKED and TANK GIRL. Yeah!
You’ve probably seen the TV promos where John Waters introduces love and murder vignettes on CourtTV. So are these Real Tales From Darkside any good? The show is just as cheesy as you could hope from the guy who made Divine eat dog shit in Pink Flamingos.
Anchor Bay has managed to squeeze all 13 episodes of the Season 2 of Masters of Horror into a friggen’ human skull and are selling this bad boy for about $86.97 to be released on July 29th. It is being discounted to $60.99 if you pre-purchase it. But figure out early on if you want one of these because it is limited to only 15,000 units.
The Season Two Box Set features each episode in anamorphic widescreen (1.78:1) and Dolby Digital 5.1 surround sound. Each disc has director commentaries, behind-the-scenes featurettes, still galleries, storyboards, trailers, and DVD-ROM screenplays.
Published by Molly Celaschi April 18th, 2008
in NEWS.
It is with great sadness that we report that Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2’s beloved Grampa, Ken Evert, passed away from cancer on April 1, 2008, at the Christopher House Hospice in Texas.
Published by Molly Celaschi April 2nd, 2008
in INTERVIEWS.
William Lustig is one of the rare horror directors/producers who actually seems to enjoy the horror genre. Twenty-eight years later his film Maniac is still disturbing people, and his Maniac Cop trilogy is a must see for all horror fans. Lustig’s last film was Uncle Sam before he went on to work for Anchor Bay and launching his own company Blue Underground bringing horror fans great lost films that may have never got a proper DVD release.
WRESTLEMANIAC is about an insane wrestler named El Mascarado (Rey Misterio Sr.) who apparently escaped from a loony bin after having 50 lobotomies. El Mascarado hunts down a porn film crew in Mexico and kills them one by one by ripping their faces (masks) off. Yep, 1 brain… yet 50 lobotomies. Go ahead and do the math on that one.
