“FINAL GIRL SOLUTION!”
Now that I got THAT out of the way…
Horror movies, as a whole, are hard to do well. I’ll be the FIRST guy to tell you that. Horror comedies are even tougher. If you can hear yourself laughing at any comedy, horror or otherwise, you have the physical and sensory proof that it’s working. Contrast that with a comedy that doesn’t work (cough-cough-NORBIT-cough) and inversely you can actually HEAR yourself being bored to tears. Add that with blood and guts flying every which-a-way and the movie has the additional disadvantage of being thoroughly unpleasant.
But when horror comedies work, there’s nothing in the world like them. It’s like being trapped in the EXTRA FUN kind of funhouse where the laws of morality and common decency have no weight and no place. It’s a GOOD thing that that one guy tore through that other guy with a chainsaw.
THE MAD is even funnier than SLITHER, and while being straight-to-video to boot. It’s the best kind of treasure there is, what with it being buried. I honestly didn’t see it coming because I still subscribe to all the stigmas attached to movies being shat out on video without the benefit of a theatrical release. I have been “Re-Educated.”
Continue reading ‘The Mad (2007)’
And what better place to start than the lead character? Here, writer-director Gerald Nott mines every single influence he could possibly have and puts them on transparent and less than subtle display. Here we have a a badass puttering around after the apocalypse, (MAD MAX) missing a finger on his left hand, (like Roland from Stephen King’s DARK TOWER series) in a cowboy hat smoking those tiny little cigars (The Man with No Name) and all the while he carries a guitar case filled with guns (EL MARIACHI)…
Well what better way then to introduce our NEW sista site WWW.2SNAPS.TV then with a review by Dr. Royce Clemens tearing Spider-Man 3 a new asshole! Our officlal announcement will be made in a few days but for now read Royce’s review HERE.
No doubt folks far and wide will dispise THE CONDEMNED. It stars a side of beef who has barely any dialogue, it is afflicted with The Shaky-Cam Disease, presents violence as sheer entertainment and resorts to any number of button pushing tricks be they moral, ethical, logical, racial or sexual. People don’t like being straight-up offended in such a blunt way so they will lash out…
VACANCY is a thriller about snuff films starring two actors who can’t act for shit but SURE ARE PURDY! It doesn’t leave an enclosed space, doesn’t even hit the ninety minute mark, features little to no character development or backstory and the bad guy is a former teen star in the process of aging most ungracefully. In addition, this is the English language debut of a Hungarian director who’s a dropped “t” in his last name away from being named “Nimrod Anal.”
It is absolutely inevitable that PATHFINDER will draw comparisons to 300. They’re both pieces of historical pulp fiction drenched in blood and sadism about long ago cultures entrenched in turmoil. Both are silly as shit, goofy as hell and about as permanent and absorbing as a box Cocoa Krispies…
And then there’s Christopher Smith’s SEVERANCE. This comes from a place of deep anger. I don’t think Smith hates horror films per se, but I DO think he hates what they’ve become on the last couple of years. They’ve become all sizzle and no steak, packing the gross on top of the uncomfortable while skimping on stuff like character development, worthwhile dialogue and y’know, actual SCARY stuff…
Both movie reviews of PLANET TERROR & DEATH PROOF. Plus Trailer Reviews….
One of the plagues is the blighting of livestock, right? Meaning cows and horses? If so, whomever is unleashing these plagues is doing a half-assed job because HILARY SWANK IS STILL ALIVE!
Published by Dr. Royce Clemens April 4th, 2007
in NEWS.
Film director Bob Clark and his twenty-two year old son were killed in a car crash in Los Angeles this morning. Clark was sixty-five years old.
TURISTAS is the movie many were afraid HOSTEL was gonna be. Straight up xenophobia and misogyny without a brain in its head. Where does the plot of a horror movie end and Darwinism begin? The natural order dictates these people must–MUST–die. No wonder the Brazilian locals are pissed at our heroes…
THHE2 follows America’s favorite inbred mutant cannibals as they systematically pick apart a squad of National Guard soldiers in the forbidding military installation Sector 16, which is about the size of Rhode Island and right in the IMC backyard.
Published by Dr. Royce Clemens March 17th, 2007
in NEWS.
According to Daily Variety, Warner Brothers is gearing up for a big budget adaptation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s hero, Sherlock Holmes…
Apparently the number twenty-three is in everything. So are Nutra-Sweet and cilantro, but we don’t see movies about them, now do we?
But while THE ABANDONED is as unbelievable as Britney Spears showing up at a PTA meeting, I can’t really be angry with it. Sure the script may seem like it’s written by the especially poo-flingy monkey at the zoo, but its set design, cinematography, makeup and editing faculties are second to none.
