TENEMENT (1985)

www.imdb.com/title/tt0090145

The tender tale of a rat infested slum in the South Bronx taken hostage by a crazed gang of junkie street punks. The tenement’s greasy and loathsome superintendent Hector finally gets fed up with the gang using the basement as their personal shooting gallery (in more ways than one) and calls the cops on them. The police show up and remove the gang from the tenement, and Hector and the rest of the tenants throw themselves a little party to celebrate.

The good times doesn’t last long, as the gang is released only a few hours after being arrested. The leader of the gang, Chaco, swears bloody revenge on the apartment dwellers and vows to take “his building” back. His plan of attack is simple: cut the phone lines, take over the building one floor at a time, and rape, torture, and terrorize every tenant before killing them. The hapless tenants have no choice but to band together and fight for their lives. The building becomes a battlefield of madness and the game of survival begins.

TENEMENT has the unique claim to fame of being the first film in the 80′s to repeatedly receive an X rating for excessive violence. The classic tag line “Too violent to be rated!” was more than just hype, it was a fact. The film had to be released unrated, and I honestly can’t imagine watching it any other way. This has to be considered one of the most spectacularly violent exploitation flicks of all time. The gang arm themselves with machetes, knives, and guns, and the death scenes are always excessive and gory. The most notorious moment of the film has to be the scene where a woman is raped to death with a broomstick. This scene is especially disturbing because of how much the gang beats the woman before, during, and after the rape, and because the victim’s young daughter witnesses the aftermath.

But there’s more! A seeing eye dog is gutted, a fat chick has her throat slit, a old Jewish lady runs around hitting punks with a baseball bat, a horny John gets impaled with a crowbar, a Puerto Rican woman in purple pants falls out of a window, a skank has a refrigerator dropped on her head, and the guy who plays “Cigar Face” in The Toxic Avenger overdoses on rat poison! WOW! It all leads to a spectacular thundershower showdown on the roof of the building between a pregnant woman and the leader of the gang, and you’d better believe someone gets struck by lightning!

This flick is a real crowd pleaser…if you can stomach the violence and endure the long stretches of the film where nothing happens. I’m a big fan of this flick, but I have to admit it’s far from perfect. The biggest problem with the film is the fact that the pacing sucks. The scenes where the building is being taken over should be riveting, but they often wind up feeling tedious. You’ll have a great death scene or two, and then a long stretch of the gang trashing an empty apartment or the tenants bickering with each other. The tenants are the other problem with the film. It’s almost impossible to feel sorry for them or cheer them on. It doesn’t help that the tenants are an odd assortment of feeble old ladies, drunks, prostitutes and their strung out boyfriends, and a gaggle of welfare moms and their bastard offspring. They spend the majority of the film arguing with each other and begging “Mr. Washington” to help them. Mr. Washington is our angry, loner hero who plays the saxophone. He’s a big black bad ass in the classic Fred Williamson tradition. Mr. Washington saves the day, despite the fact he really doesn’t want to, and I really can’t blame him. I found myself rooting for Chaco, but only because he slightly resembles Steve Perry from Journey.

The fine fiends at Shriek Show were good enough to release TENEMENT on dvd. The special features include a very entertaining interview and director’s commentary with Roberta Findlay. Roberta is a blast to listen to as she claims the script to TENEMENT reminded her of her childhood, and she tells an incredible story about discovering a dead bear and assorted human remains while shooting the film in the Bronx! Good gritty, gory fun!

Fight back…with a vengeance!!!

COMBAT SHOCK (1986)

www.imdb.com/title/tt0090866

A nightmarish, nihilistic look at a combat-shocked Vietnam vet’s last miserable day on Earth. Frankie lives in a shithole apartment in NYC with his horribly rancid and nagging wife and his hideously deformed and shrieking baby. Little Frankie junior is a rather revolting side effect of Frankie’s exposure to Agent Orange while fighting, maiming, and killing in the fields of Vietnam. Frankie had a run of bad luck in Nam that included being falsely accused of slaughtering the denizens of a sleeping village and being captured and tortured by the V.C.

Agent Orange and torture cages were the easy part. Frankie’s real struggle for survival begins when he escapes and the nightmare follows him back home. Frankie is haunted by grisly flashbacks of the many atrocities he witnessed in Vietnam. He’s also unable to find work, and his family slowly begins starving to death. To add insult to injury, Frankie spends most of what ultimately becomes his final day wasting away in an unemployment line. As he slowly makes his way to and from the unemployment office, he rubs elbows with a haggard assortment of humanity that includes jive talkin’ pimps, starving child prostitutes, motorcycle riding skanks, strung out former friends willing to do anything to feed their habits, and the neighborhood drug dealer and his murderous thugs.

The battlefield may have changed, but the war was still on. When finally pushed beyond his breaking point, Frankie decides that only death can bring salvation from the horror of reality. Frankie’s enemies and loved ones alike find that salvation at the end of a gun. Street trash are shot to pieces, a pregnant woman takes lead in her stomach, and a screeching infant is blasted and then put in an oven. After a busy and productive day spent saving lives, the soldier of misfortune settles down at his kitchen table with a tall glass of rotten milk and contemplates his future.

There are few films that are as totally hopeless as COMBAT SHOCK. This movie is absolutely vicious in its desire to shock and horrify. It’s incredibly effective because it’s totally based in grim, uncompromising reality. The events and characters of this film are all sketches of the real life victims of poverty, drug addiction, violence, and warfare. Writer, producer, and director Buddy Giovinazzo has my highest respect for making such a brutal and shocking film. It almost defies criticism in my eyes because it feels so fucking real. I consider this one to be one of the very best combat films ever made because it delves much deeper into the horrible aftermath than any other film I’ve seen. There were untold numbers of Vietnam vets that came home from the war and faced the same sort of problems adjusting back into society. It’s a problem that persists to this day. The headlines of today frequently feature stories of battle scared soldiers that return home from the Gulf or Afghanistan and wind up going on a killing spree, often slaying their own families. Combat Shock was, and will always be a film that speaks the truth about the brutality of warfare and poverty.

There are other genre flicks that can easily top COMBAT SHOCK in terms of splatter, but few can come close to matching the sheer overwhelming gut-punch that this one delivers. Combat Shock could accurately be called the bastard stepchild of Eraserhead & Taxi Driver. The film plays out very slowly, much like a nightmare, and the films’ alternate title “American Nightmares” is more than appropriate. Any complaints about the slack, dream-like pacing of the beginning of the film should be erased the minute a junkie attempts to shoot up with a coat hanger. The Vietnam footage is also especially gruesome and features plenty of blasted-off limbs, severed heads, and gutted corpses. The sheer amount of bone crunching action that is packed into such a low budget, homemade horror flick is amazing. The majority of the ultra-violent Vietnam footage was shot in Buddy’s backyard, which must have led to some very interesting conversations with the neighbors

Giovinazzo makes good use of rapid fire editing and cheap but interesting looking visual effects that put viewers inside the damaged mind of our hero. Combat Shock is highly effective as a character study, and it obviously works big time as an exploitation flick. Rick Giovinazzo (Buddy’s brother) also deserves special praise for his captivating, low-key starring performance. He carries the entire film from start to finish, and his final scenes are chilling. The ending of this flick never fails to turn my stomach, no matter how many times I’ve seen it. This isn’t exactly what you would call a “feel good” sort of film, but I consider it a must see flick for sick fucks with a taste for truly shocking sleaze.

COMBAT SHOCK has a well deserved reputation for being one of the most notorious independent films of the clas-sick VHS era. The good folks at Troma have been spreading the misery of Combat Shock on home video for years. Their latest urban assault was an incredible 2-disc uncut 25th anniversary edition that includes an arsenal of bonus features. The goodies include two versions of the film, a director’s commentary, an all-new documentary exploring the impact and legacy of the film, never before released short films and early music videos, and a slew of exclusive interviews. A dvd collection without a copy of this one is shit to me.

DEADBEAT AT DAWN (1988)

www.imdb.com/title/tt0099377

Goose (Jim VanBebber) is the crank snortin’ and kung fu fightin’ leader of the notorious street gang the Ravens. Goose and the Ravens got beef with a rival gang called the Spiders and their punk ass leader Danny in particular. Goose warns the scumfucks to stay off his turf, but they refuse to listen. The gangs have a showdown in a graveyard and Goose and Danny both end up badly wounded in a knife fight and swearing bloody revenge. Goose takes shelter in the arms of his occultist girlfriend Christy, who stitches up his wounds and offers him a prophetic warning that death will be coming if he stays in the gang. Goose tries to ignore her warning, and Christy threatens to leave him if he doesn’t leave the gang.

Goose ultimately decides to quit the Ravens and start a new life with Christy somewhere outside of the city. He plans one last drug deal before leaving that will finance their happy future. Danny and the Spiders have other plans. Danny sends along his demented henchmen Stubbs and Bonecrusher to pay Christy a special visit. When Goose returns home from his dope deal he discovers Christy’s horribly mutilated corpse waiting for him. Overcome with grief, Goose tosses Christy’s disfigured dead body into an incinerator. He then spends some downtime making an ass out of himself in a local dive, and pays an extended visit to his incredibly loud and annoying junkie father.

Goose eventually winds up back on the streets and at the mercy of his old pals in the Ravens. His old gang has a new leader named Keith, and Keith is planning on teaming up with Danny and the Spiders for a big time armored car robbery. The gangs both force Goose to participate, and he vows to rip out Danny’s throat in return. The robbery predictably turns into a double cross and then degenerates into a total bloodbath. Goose barely survives a shootout and winds up on the run from the law while seeking his final revenge on Danny. He quit the gangs. They killed his girl. He became DEADBEAT AT DAWN.

DEADBEAT AT DAWN has the sad distinction of being an almost perfect low budget drive-in film that came out at the exact moment when the drive-in era was dying. In 1988, the days of grimy, independent action and horror flicks and the type of grimy, independent theaters and drive-ins that showcased them were quickly becoming a thing of the past. It didn’t help that Hollywood had a hard on for the sort of good looking, morally upright crusaders that would bust gangs of drug dealers instead of doing crank and planning robberies with them. Jim VanBebber is the type of filmmaker who follows his own path, regardless if that path is an easy one to follow, or if it eventually leads to mass appeal and fame and fortune. Much like The Evil Dead, and the other classic independent films that inspired it, Deadbeat At Dawn took a long time to be finished. It’s to Jim’s credit that he had the guts to keep the dream alive for three years while the perfect market for his film was disappearing.

DEADBEAT AT DAWN is an unbelievably tough little film. It looks like it came from the decade before it was actually released and it feels like it would be been absolutely brutal to make. Jim not only wrote, directed, and edited the film, he also served as fight choreographer, special effects coordinator, and stunt man! The stunts in this film are nothing less than insane. There are at least two or three moments along the way that clearly defy death. It’s hard for me to pick a favorite moment, but the scene where Jim throws himself (no budget for stunt doubles) off a bridge certainly deserves a mention. The numerous fight scenes are also top notch. Jim VanBebber displays some really impressive fighting skills, and the epic final showdown between Goose and Danny is a highly choreographed display of power violence.

The storyline is the definition of highly effective action flick simplicity. It’s a classic 70′s kung fu tale of revenge and redemption. He quits the gangs, they kill his girl, the film gets padded a bit with a visit to Dad, and then Goose gets his bloody revenge and is ultimately redeemed by his final selfless act. My only minor complaint about the film would be the rather pointless scenes that feature Goose and his deranged and drug addicted father, but it’s obvious why they are there. The film clearly needed a boost in running time and it’s the only part of the film that stands out and drags. The rest of the film is a blast of action packed, good gory fun. This is one of my all time favorite action flicks and I have been singing it’s praises for years. It amazes me that this flick isn’t more well known. Everyone needs to get hip to this one immediately. Independent filmmakers of today should really do themselves a favor and repeatedly watch this one while taking notes.

Dark Sky Films released an incredible box set in 2005 titled Visions Of Hell: The Films Of Jim VanBebber. This 4-disc collection includes Jim’s two feature length films Deadbeat At Dawn and The Manson Family, along with the short films My Sweet Satan, Roadkill: The Last Days Of John Martin, Doper, Kata, and Into The Black. I can’t recommend this collection highly enough. I think all of Jim’s films should be considered must-sees for fans of take no prisoners independent films. Take a quick look at your dvd collection. I’m willing to bet you own at least a couple mainstream flicks that are total shit and you should be ashamed of yourself for not having Visions Of Hell instead.

All hail the Bonecrusher!!!

KEEP THE BLOOD FLOWING!!!

Gory greetings horroryearbook alumni! Welcome to another exciting edition of IT CAME FROM THE MAILBOX, a column where your old pal Brain Hammer reviews whatever random crap the good folks at horroryearbook decide to throw my way.

It’s been a while since I’ve done…anything really. I have to admit, I’m getting a bit burnt out on the horror genre these days. There’s nothing new or particularly interesting going on. It’s an endless parade of half baked remakes and uninspired backyard buffoonery. Most of the screeners I find in my mailbox now promptly wind up in the trash because I have no interest in watching them, much less attempting to review them…and then promote them. Even a bad review is too much publicity for some of the dogshit I’ve been sent in the last year or so. I was more than ready to throw in the towel on this column for good, until a few days ago when I received a message from my drunken and shiftless editor Wil, asking me if I would be interested in checking out a screener copy of the new Shout! Factory release of Ivan Reitman’s 1973 cult classic CANNIBAL GIRLS.

A pre-SCTV Eugene Levy & Andrea Martin star as Clifford & Gloria, a groovy young couple who plan a romantic winter getaway in a small town in the middle of nowhere called Farmhamville. Their trip quickly takes a detour into disaster when Clifford’s beat up old car breaks down. The young lovers try to make the best of the situation and check into the local motel. The elderly manager of the motel welcomes them with open arms, and then proceeds to tell them about a horrifying local legend.

According to the legend, a terrible trio of incredibly sexy and homicidal young girls once lived in a nearby farmhouse. The sirens once lured a trio of incredibly horny and stupid young men to a violent demise, and then feasted upon their flesh. Then the girls mysteriously disappeared and were never seen or heard from again. Clifford & Gloria are understandably freaked out by the story, but are stuck in town until their car can be repaired. Clifford then attempts to seduce Gloria with the power of his folk rock balladry in a scene that made me wish I had a pair of scissors handy to shove into my ears and perhaps some bleach to splash into my eyes.

Later that evening, Clifford & Gloria are escorted by the motel owner to a cozy little bed & breakfast isolated deep within the surrounding woods. The proprietor of the b&b is a bizarre and bearded hippie type who calls himself Reverend Alex (Ronald Ulrich). The rev wastes no time before leering at Gloria, and then inviting himself to join them for dinner. The entertainment for the evening is also provided by the Reverend, who regales his guests with tales of his family’s proud history of of executions and venereal disease. The meal is then served by the Reverend’s three lovely female companions, and because this is a horror film, no one makes the obvious connection to the local legend. Clifford & Gloria ultimately decide to spend the night with the gang, which is a rather foolish decision for characters in a film titled CANNIBAL GIRLS to make. These girls do exactly what you think they do!

Eugene Levy is an ugly, ugly man. That thought kept running through my mind over and over again while I was watching this flick. I’ve always found him to be a bit creepy looking, but to see him back in the early 70′s sporting a huge afro, mutton chops, and mustache is something else altogether. He looks like the mutant offspring of Gene Shalit & Tony Iommi. Now that I got that verbal abuse out of my system, I can comment on his performance in the film – it’s actually really good. Eugene’s talent for improvisation is obvious, even at such an early stage in his career. Andrea Martin & Ronald Ulrich also do a great job fleshing out the threadbare script with a lot of witty, off the cuff dialog.

But what about the CANNIBAL GIRLS, you ask?!? Simply stated, they are fucking amazing. The lovely ladies are played by Randall Carpenter, Bonnie Nielson, and Mira Pawluk, and all three are incredibly gorgeous. The highlight of the movie for me was seeing the girls parading around in their sexy, matching outfits. These girls also know how to deliver the bloody goods. I was pleasantly surprised to see that this film has more than it’s fair share of splatter. I also enjoyed the fact that the comedy never completely overshadows the horror. This is a very self-aware & campy horror film, bordering on parody, but it also never feels like it is entirely trying to take the piss out of the genre. It comes across as more of an amusingly satirical tribute to the trashy low budget drive-in flicks of it’s era. It would be nice if the horror filmmakers of today could learn how to do that sort of thing properly. Sadly, they just don’t make them like this anymore!

The good folks at Shout! Factory have quickly become a horror & exploitation fan’s best friend with their top notch dvd and blu-ray releases. CANNIBAL GIRLS is no exception. This special edition release marks the long overdue debut of the film on home video in the States. Even a bare bones dvd release would have been cause for celebration, and this special edition release -which is loaded with bonus features gets the party started in a BIG way. The “scrumptious” bonus material includes brand new interviews with director Ivan Reitman, producer Daniel Goldberg, and none other than Eugene Levy himself! There’s also radio spots, the original theatrical trailer (which rules), and an alternate audio track that features the infamous William Castle styled “WARNING BELL,” which supposedly warns tender-tummied viewers of any upcoming carnage. Best of all, the warning bell doesn’t really work. It usually starts a bit after the blood, or stops short before the gore is gone. They don’t call them exploitation flicks for nothing!

CANNIBAL GIRLS is currently available on DVD from Shout! Factory. Consider this one Brain Hammer approved and highly recommended!

KEEP THE BLOOD FLOWING!!!

Actually, the good folks (folk?) at horroryearbook had nothing to do with this one. I owe this editon of ICFTM to none other than horror director Ryan Nicholson. For those of you who don’t know who Ryan is, you should check out my exclusive interview with him here.

Several months ago I contacted Ryan looking for a screener copy of his then latest effort HANGER. He was nice enough to send me one, along with a BONUS BODY in the form of his first short film TORCHED. Being the completely insane and unprofessional piece of shit that you all know and love, I then promptly buried the dvds and proceeded to drift into a several month long binge of chronic drug addiction and soul shattering suicidal depression. But now I’m all better. I’M BACK FROM THE GRAVE AND READY TO PARTY!!! And what better way to come out of retirement than by shitting out a review of those flicks he sent me back in the day? Will it be worth the wait?!? Somehow I doubt it, but the movies were cool…

TORCHED is the heartwarming tale of a young girl named Deanna who gets brutally raped as she leaves her apartment one morning. Hats off to writer and director Ryan Nicholson for not wasting any of the viewers precious time, he gets the lead actress naked in the first minute of the film and then has her raped approximately three minutes later. After the lovin’, she takes a sperm sample and goes to the hospital where she convienently works as a nurse to have it tested. The next night, the masked rapist returns to her apartment for round two. This time around Deanna manages to get her taser and quickly renders her attacker unconcious.

This is where the fun begins. Deanna keeps her rapist hostage and over the course of the next few days and nights begins to horribly torture and mutilate him. She also has sex with her semi-creepy upstairs neighbor and fends off her annoying and nosy best friend. She slowly begins to lose her grip on sanity, and even begins to question if the guy she’s torturing is really the same guy who raped her in the first place. As the fiery sexual torture escalates, Deanna reaches a fever pitch of violent fury. Her ultimate revenge will be a dish served HOT!

Talk about starting your career as a director off in a BIG way! I have to give Ryan much credit for making such an uncomprimisingly brutal short film. TORCHED only runs approx. 45 minutes, but it packs enough mayhem into those 45 minutes to shock even the most jaded gorehounds. I thought I had seen it all when it came to the standard “rape and revenge” themed exploitation flicks, but the revenge in this one really takes it to another level. I think most male viewers will have a hard time watching this one without crossing their legs a few times. The climax of the film where she roasts the guy’s nuts with a blowtorch is a real chunkblower.

There’s really not much else to say with this one. It’s a short film, and like most short films it seems to end when it’s just getting started. I enjoyed the story, perhaps too much because I was slightly frustrated with the direction it ultimately went in. I kept thinking of nasty scenarios that could have played out with the chick, the rapist, and the neighbor. This definitely could have been expanded into a full length film. The only real complaint I had about this brand new “Char-Broiled” version of the film is the use of the Necrophagia song “Cannibal Holocaust” on the soundtrack. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great fucking song, but it doesn’t belong in this film. It’s used during one of the climatic scenes of torture, and it immediately ruined the scene for me because I was thinking “Hey! It’s Cannibal Holocaust!” when I should have been getting into the scene.

Those minor complaints aside, I thought TORCHED was awesome. Very satisfing, and highly recommended for the rape & revenge enthusiasts. The restored and re-ignited version of TORCHED is available on dvd from Ryan’s own Plotdigger Films. The limited edition “Char-Broiled Editon”includes an all-new transfer & soundtrack, a behind the scenes documentary featurette, director’s commentary, and the trailer.

HANGER is the feel good story of a homicidal mutant that survives a coat hanger abortion and grows up to seek revenge on the murderous pimp who killed his prostitute mother. “Hanger” is also the name of our unfortunate hero, named after the coat hanger that almost did him in as a fetus. Flash forward 18 years, and little Hanger is all grown up and more than a little pissed off. He teams up with his dead whore mother’s favorite john and goes after the pimp, and other assorted street trash, looking for bloody revenge. Payback is a BITCH of a whore!

As you can imagine, this one has “first date movie” written all over it. Any flick that opens with Lloyd Kaufman having his genitals burned on a stove is automatically Brain Hammer approved, and HANGER is no exception to this rule. Speaking of Lloyd Kaufman, this film very much looks and feels like something Troma would distribute. It’s cheap and nasty, and I mean that in a good way. Once again I have to give props to writer and director Ryan Nicholson for making such over the top cinema. This is the third full length film that Ryan has done, and it reaches a new level of repulsion that his other efforts (Live Feed & Gutterballs) didn’t quite achieve.

HANGER feels like a move made by someone trying to outdo themselves, for better or worse. It’s like Ryan tried to cram as much nasty shit into 90 minutes as humanly possible. The incredibly disgusting abortion setpiece is a real showstopper. There’s also no shortage of tampon tea and colostomy bag fucking. To be honest, I found it all a bit overwhelming at first. I had to medicate myself until I reached the right mindset to enjoy watching all of the pudding plopping prosthetic ass fucking going on.

This is clearly love it or hate it material. For what’s it’s worth, I thought it was well made. The gore effects are about as top notch and convincing as they come. The acting sucks, and the humor is retarded, but that takes a backseat to the splatter. This is a throw back to the clas-sicks such as Bad Taste, The Toxic Avenger, and Street Trash. People looking for intelligent, sophisticated, and thought provoking horror need to look elsewhere. Those with a taste for trash will likely eat this up.

HANGER is available on dvd from Vicious Circle Films. The unrated dvd is loaded with special features including director’s commentary, behind the scenes footage, deleted scenes, a blooper reel, and a very explicit stills gallery. Buy it for someone you love!

KEEP THE BLOOD FLOWING!!!

The desperate search for a prolific serial killer leads police to a grisly discovery in upstate New York. A freshly abandoned home soon reveals a treasure trove of macabre horrors. The police are unable to find the killer, or any of his fingerprints. What they find instead is hundreds of hours worth of videotapes that document his appalling crimes in chilling detail. State and Federal law enforcement then sift through the many hours of grisly footage looking for clues. The Poughkeepsie Tapes, as they later come to be known, have a chilling effect on anyone who dares watch them and eventually become an effective training aid for aspiring FBI profilers. This film is a “documentary” about the killer, and it gives the viewer an up close and personal look into his twisted mind, and the savage horrors he unleashed upon his victims.

This is hands down, one of the very best horror films that I have seen in ages. There have been several horror films in the last few years that have used the classic Cannibal Holocaust “lost footage” method of storytelling, but co-writer and director John Erick Dowdle’s The Poughkeepsie Tapes stands head and shoulders above the rest. It’s also one of the best serial killer movies in recent memory, fake or otherwise. I was really impressed with how brutal and unforgiving this film is. It pulls no punches with the brutal subject matter, and it has more then a few genuinely creepy and un-nerving moments. The final interview with of the killer’s victims is absolutely chilling.

My only real complaint about this film is the fact that the writers go a bit too far in making the serial killer an untouchable super genius. There is a major plot point involving the framing of a former police officer that is a big stretch. The killer’s uncanny ability to trick seasoned FBI profilers into believing he’s twenty different people is also highly unlikely. If they had toned that somewhat ridiculous aspect of the story down a bit the film would have been perfect in my opinion.

That leads me to to my biggest complaint of all – the fact that this film has never been released! I originally saw the trailer for The Poughkeepsie Tapes in the theater before a screening of The Mist. That’s how long ago it was. After that, I have some vague recollections of seeing tv spots for the film. Apparently the film was shelved because the test screenings were a disaster. The audience slammed the film for being “impossible to watch” because of the high volume of hand held camera work and the grainy, washed out image quality. There were also many reports of the audience laughing at the film, which is never a good thing when the film isn’t intended as a comedy. As a result, the release was delayed…and delayed…and delayed.

Then the Dowdle brothers signed on to make Quarantine. Big mistake! I have grown to hate Quarantine because Sony killed off two fantastic films in order to pave way for it’s release. First, they put an American release of [REC] on the shelf. Then they did the same thing to The Poughkeepsie Tapes. Why? Because they were justifiably scared that people would like [REC] better than Quarantine. They were apparently equally scared that people would hate The Poughkeepsie Tapes. Any bad word of mouth at all would be a threat to Quarantine’s already very limited chances for success. So they killed two good movies to help out Quarantine, and guess what? It was still a bomb.

Now flash forward a few years later, and The Poughkeepsie Tapes is still lost in a vault somewhere. Not only do the stupid and greedy bastards at MGM refuse to release it themselves, even on dvd mind you, they also refuse to sell the rights for distribution. My best guess here is that they snapped up a cheap little camcorder horror movie they thought they could cash in with, and then got scared off by the threat of bad reviews and poor box office. At this point, they should just cut their losses and release it on dvd. Especially now that the film is making the rounds on the net.

Bottom line, you will have to go and find this one for yourself. Watch it online for free. Download it and make copies for your friends. It’s incredibly frustrating to me that a horror film as good as The Poughkeepsie Tapes is not available in stores, and complete and utter shit like Cabin Fever 2 can be easily found at Wal Mart for under $10. The only upside of this shitty situation is taking a bit of comfort in knowing that none of your hard earned money goes into the pockets of the imbeciles that are trying to keep the film from being seen.

The Poughkeepsie Tapes is 100% Brain Hammer approved and is well worth the effort it takes to track down a copy. Hopefully “the powers that be” will eventually wi$e up and make it easier for you.

KEEP THE BLOOD AND BIZARRE BALLOON FOOTAGE FLOWING!!!

I’ll keep this review short and sweet. No need for an elaborate synopsis here, if you’ve already seen a NOES flick in your lifetime you know exactly what to expect. 1, 2, Freddy’s coming for you…

You know what I always thought was missing from the original Nightmare On Elm Street? A bunch of pasty teenage boys in black banana smugglers. Fortunately the good folks at Platinum Dunes are on the same page as me. The casting of a mush mouthed, liver lipped dead ringer for the fag from Twilight was another inspired choice. I dare anyone to watch the big reveal of Freddy’s back story without pissing themselves laughing at this dork standing in the background in his bikini. This movie is slightly less gay than Freddy’s Revenge, but is just a touch gayer than two guys blowing three guys.

The other thing missing from the original Elm Street was the internet. Now that we have the internet, no one needs to bother writing a decent script anymore. Just have your characters go online and do a little research instead. Did you know one crack at a search engine would reveal all the details of your former classmate’s deaths? Neither did I. But this is 2010, and no horror film would be complete without our hero watching a “video blog” that ends with a lame attempt at a jump scare.

The only good thing about this movie was the casting of Jackie Earle Haley as Freddy. Jackie was the perfect choice to play Freddy in my opinion because he already looks like a hideously deformed burn victim without the makeup. It was nice to see Freddy actually being scary again instead of being a bad stand up comedian. It’s too bad that he only gets to kill three people, and two of the deaths are direct lifts from the original film. Unlike a lot of butthurt Freddy fanboys, I had no issues with the new, more realistic makeup design. If the filmmakers had the balls to ditch the stupid fucking sweater while they were at it, they might have been on to something.

All complaints aside, and trust me – I had plenty, this remake is actually no worse than anything that came after Dream Warriors. It’s still fucking terrible mind you, but so was Freddy’s Dead. I actually wanted to like this one, just so I could rub it in the faces of the dorks that have been spending the last year or so “protesting” it online. But the sad fact is, this flick really is a giant piece of retarded shit. Elm Street fans will love it!

KEEP THE BLOOD FLOWING!!!

FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE (1977)

http://imdb.com/title/tt0076023

When a movie opens with a line like “Where you goin’ bitch? I want my smack back!” you know you’re in for a treat. A freak car accident allows a trio of convicted killers on their way to prison to escape. They kill their guards, steal a pimp’s car and head for the sticks. Along the way they commit a pair of bloody armed robberies that both end in murder. During the last holdup the gang takes a young Black female hostage and goes back to her family’s house to lay low until night falls.

Racism by the truckload quickly ensues as the redneck leader of the trio, Jesse Lee Kane (played to perfection by William Sanderson of Blade Runner fame), constantly insults both the Black family members and his Latin & Asian partners in crime. The family suffers constant humiliation and degradation at the hands of the sadistic bigot and his pals. Mom is forced to piss herself, wheelchair bound Grandma is threatened at gunpoint, the feisty son is referred to as “King Coon Junior,” his teenage sister is raped, and the Father of the family, a Reverend no less, (the hilariously named Ted Turner!) is savagely beaten with his own bible! The brutality is ramped up by the attempted rape and eventual murder of a white female friend of the family, and worst of all the backyard slaying of the cute little best friend and “blood brother” of the young son!

The cops finally catch up to the killers, and a tense and drawn out hostage situation seems inevitable. The cops silently surround the Turner house and wait for an opportunity to strike. But in order to stay alive, justice will have to be dealt out by the Turner family, not the police or the courts. Malfunctioning surveillance equipment and a sudden change of heart by the formerly by-the-book police officer in charge allows the family to dish out the type of brutal and exacting punishment that the bastards deserve. “There is no higher law than an eye for an eye.”

This flick really works because of how extreme it is. If it pulled any of its punches it wouldn’t be nearly as effective and entertaining. This gut-cruncher is infamous for the scene where a little boy has his head bashed in with a rock. This scene was almost always edited out of the early video releases, and was enough to have the film branded a “Video Nasty” and banned in the UK. It’s very nasty stuff that rivals the more well known “Vanilla Twist” child murder scene in John Carpenter’s Assault On Precinct 13. There’s also rape and several bloody murders on display. But even the ample amounts of violence featured take a backseat to the primary exploitive element – RACISM! This is perhaps the most incendiary film ever made!

I counted no less than 70 racial remarks. There were 28 different anti-Black epithets. I give a lot of credit to writer Straw Weisman for coming up with so many different horrible racist terms for the script. A lazy writer would have simply tossed the N-bomb around a few dozen times and called it a day. Not Straw. In Fight For Your Life the word nigger is only used 8 times. That may sound like a lot but it really isn’t for an exploitation flick, and it pales in comparison to the much more nasty and unusual insults frequently used here including monkey face, deputy dawg, jive ass spade, and black ass booger. There were seven different variations of the word coon alone, including the incredible “a real bend over backwards and shine your shoes master coon!” But the Blacks aren’t the only ones who suffer this kind of verbal abuse, as terms like spic, slant eyes, white trash, pink pig, and faggot are liberally used as well. This flick is truly an equal opportunity offender.

This classic genre flick had a short but memorable theatrical run in the late Seventies that included near riots on 42nd Street and in Baltimore MD. Blacks in the audience went CRAZY watching this movie and started tearing seats out of the floor and throwing them at the screen and at each other! By the final reel where the Black family finally gets revenge on the white racist, the audience (or what was left of them) would start loudly cheering and applauding! Legendary director and pervert John Waters saw the film in Baltimore and later wrote about this wild experience, calling it “fabulous!” Blue Underground released a beautiful dvd of Fight For Your Life which is completely uncut and features a hilarious commentary track with writer Straw Weisman, director of photography Lloyd Freidus, and Blue Underground head honcho Bill Lustig. This is essential exploitation.

Check out this ultra-funky trailer for Fight For Life, which was specially designed for urban audiences!

HOUSE ON THE EDGE OF THE PARK (1980)

http://imdb.com/title/tt0080503
The flick that will make you scream “DO IT TO ME ONCE MORE!” David Hess (Last House On The Left) and Giovanni Lombardo Radice play the dynamic duo of Alex & Ricky: a pair of super swinging NYC psychopaths. Alex is so bad, he even rapes and murders a girl – at the same time mind you – BEFORE the opening credits! I guess the producers didn’t want anyone to forget who David Hess was!

Alex runs a garage and deals in hot cars on the side. Ricky is his loyal, semi-retarded sidekick. One night a rich and good looking young yuppie couple pulls into the garage after hours looking for a quick repair. Ricky fixes the problem while Alex makes chit chat with the chick and ogles her ruthlessly. The couple mentions a small get together taking place at their house later and Alex and Ricky quickly invite themselves along. Once at the party and introduced to the three other guests Alex starts pawing at the girl and Ricky gets his freak on all over the dance floor much to the amusement of the others. (HILARIOUS!)

After a “now you get me, now you don’t” game in the shower, and a crooked card game where the kids try to swindle the mongoloid out of his money, Alex decides that the rich kids are trying to have some fun at their expense and whips out his trusty straight razor. The secluded house on the edge of the park becomes the ideal setting for an orgy of sexual sadism.

Every exploitative element (with the sad exception of Religion, I would have loved an obvious Jew for Hess to hurl abuse at!) is used to its fullest potential. You want multi-racial lesbianism at knife point? You got it. Racism? In spades. Rape? You bet’cha! Well, not so much actual rape as the constant threat, or perhaps promise, of rape. Violence? Oh yeah! Feast your eyes on brutal bloody beatings, razor blade slicing, poolside urination humiliations, and even 9mm castration!

As nasty as this flick sounds (and undoubtedly is) it actually plays out in a lot more entertaining fashion that you might expect. This flick is my favorite of the trilogy because I feel it has a lot more repeat viewing value than the other entries. I can’t get enough of David Hess saying “It’s too late for boogyin’ anyway” or calling the black chick “Roots.” I never tire of hearing that catchy disco theme song or watching Giovanni get down with his bad self as he seduces the always lovely Lorraine De Selle (Cannibal Ferox) with his funky dance moves.

This Italian effort which was directed by the legendary Ruggerio Deodato (Cannibal Holocaust) obviously owes a debt to Last House On The Left, especially with Hess starring and the title. However, this is no inferior rehash. This flick is a tight thriller with a nifty twist ending. Another interesting aspect of the film is the fact that it mostly takes place within one location. Once we enter the house, we only rarely leave it. It’s to both Deodato’s and Hess’s credit that the film never gets boring.

As I’ve said before, this flick is a personal favorite of mine. I’ve forced many people to watch it over the years and it never fails to entertain. People who might consider Last House On The Left too brutal might find this more tolerable. There is a lot of unintentional humor to enjoy here, especially with the music and wardrobe. Lots of nice nudity throughout, and lovers of BUSH will get a hairy eyefull when the lovely leading lady Anne Belle sheds her clothes. Not to mention classic lines like “street fighting you don’t learn watching Telle Savales on tv.” This really is a classic.

You can get HOUSE ON THE EDGE OF THE PARK on dvd with a slew of bonus features, including a very in-depth interview with David Hess that covers the history of House On The Edge Of The Park, Last House On The Left, and Hitch Hike, thanks to the fine fiends at Shriek Show.

DO IT TO ME ONCE MORE!

REVENGE OF THE NINJA (1983)

http://imdb.com/title/tt0086192

The black ninja returns! This time around Sho Kusugi plays Cho Osaki, a ninja master who decides to leave Japan after most of his family is slaughtered by rival ninjas. After a brutal massacre that features women and children being slain with arrows and throwing stars, and an epic retaliatory sword fight where Cho chops up the clan of murderous ninjas, Cho accepts the offer from his best friend – an art dealing and gun toting American named Braden- to open an art gallery in Los Angeles. Cho moves to America along with his sole surviving infant son and his mother, who is immediately distrustful of Braden. Viewers can also immediately tell that Braden is untrustworthy because of the creepy and forbidding music that always accompanies the many close ups of his eyes.

We then flash forward about ten years to LA and find Cho’s son Kane grown up and and kicking the ass of every bully that gets in his way. Grandmother is proud of her little ninja but Cho angrily instructs him not to fight. He tells his son that they only train as ninjas to honor their ancestors. He also shows his son that his sacred Katana has been sealed and that he has vowed to never return to that way of life so as to honor Kane’s dead mother. We also get to meet Cho’s eternally pants less and slutty looking love interest Cathy.

Things seems to be going great to Cho and the family, but that all changes when Kane accidentally discovers that Braden has been secretly storing cocaine inside the Japanese dolls in Cho’s art gallery! It turns out that Cathy has been two-timing with Braden all along, and that he is both a drug smuggler AND an evil ninja who uses his ninja powers to snuff the mobsters that double cross him. After things go sour between Braden and a scumbag named Chifano, Braden begins taking out Chifano’s family and business associates one by one. In short order the evil ninja crushes a profane mobster’s chest and head inside a public bathroom, kills a greasy homeless informant with a throwing star (inspiring the very memorable response “What the shit is this?”), and drowns a couple while they fuck in a hot tub.

The police are dumbfounded by the sheer brutality of the crimes and the forces’ Karate instructor Dave Hatcher turns to Cho for help. Cho has no idea his best friend Braden is involved, and decides not to get involved. He quickly changes his mind after he walks in on a group of Chifano’s thugs who are stealing the drug filled dolls from his gallery. A fucking unbelievable battle ensues as Cho fights off the various thugs, led by a tomahawk sporting native American! Cho refuses to let the thieves escape justice but eventually has to give up after being dragged along the pavement for a good long time and having his legs ripped to shreds in the process.

Meanwhile Braden also breaks into the gallery and winds up having a ninja death match with the feisty grandmother. Kane (who has a real knack for being in the wrong place at the wrong time) shows up just in time to see Grandma getting a stomach full of Braden’s steel. Braden quickly discovers Kane and tries to kill him too, but Kane is barely able to escape. Kane is later kidnapped by Cathy No Pants after Braden uses his mystical powers of mind control to hypnotize her. Braden then keeps both Cathy and Kane as prisoners as he goes after Chifano for a final bloody payback.

After a busy afternoon spent fighting a gang of multi-racial street thugs all over a jungle gym with his new pal Dave, Cho finally returns home and finds his mother dead. Then Cathy manages to free herself and call at that exact same moment to tell him that it’s Braden who’s responsible and that he is holding herself and Kane as hostages. This final slap in the face is enough to make Cho break the seal on his Katana and unleash 400 years of training in the art of sudden death upon his enemy! “Only a ninja can stop a ninja.” Braden begins an all out assault on the high rise building that Chifano occupies and Cho quickly follows him there.

The two rival ninjas work their way though opposite ends of the building slashing Chifano’s security and a massive body count is stacked up in short order. This ultra violent sequence is my favorite part of the film and features numerous highlights including stomach slashing, groin smashing, eye gouging, tripping on little metal balls and landing into a face full of little metal spikes, hatchets in the head, and machine gun misfires! Somewhere along the way little Kane manages to escape and use his ninja skills to save half naked Cathy and Braden kills best pal Dave with a nifty spring loaded blade! Damn! This all leads to an EPIC showdown on the roof where the two Ninjas have their final confrontation. I don’t want to say much more, but I think it should be obvious from the title that the ninja gets his revenge. Big time.

This was the flick that I watched perhaps more than any other as a kid. Back in the day my older brother gave me a vhs copy dubbed from HBO and I watched it religiously for the next few years. Looking back this is a very crude, violent, and profane film and I have to wonder what in the hell my parents were thinking as I watched this one in the living room over and over again! The body count is staggering and men, women, and children alike are all snuffed. This flick is non stop action and the numerous fight scenes which were again all supervised by Sho Kusugi are all fantastic. It’s hard for me to pick a favorite, but the final rooftop battle deserves special mention. That scene is really amazing.

The rest of the flick is just as cheesy and inane as it’s predecessor Enter The Ninja, only with an even more violent urban setting and sleazy vibe. The acting by the cops and the mobsters is all really over the top stuff and sure to be appreciated by cheese lovers. I love the fact that the love interest is never shown in pants. There’s also a mouth watering wet t-shirt scene where she sports a beautiful set of hard nipples that almost poke out young Kane’s eyes! Speaking of Kane, that kid is pretty damn annoying, but nearly as much as he would be in later Sho Kosugi epics like 9 Deaths Of The Ninja. I really enjoy Sho’s performance in this flick. Very stoic. He carries the film as a leading man really well and this paved the way for most of his ninja follow up flicks.

This essential 80′s action flick was a big hit back in the day and is currently available on dvd. Amazingly enough MGM was wise enough to use the UNCUT version of the film which has more blood than the original vhs releases! Fans of body count flicks need to see this. This is another one of the flicks that warped my mind!

Check out this awesome trailer for “Revenge Of The Ninja!”:

KEEP THE BLOOD FLOWING!!!

Gory greetings horroryearbook alumni! Welcome to another exciting edition of IT CAME FROM THE MAILBOX, a column where your old pal Brain Hammer reviews whatever random crap the good folks at horroryearbook decide to throw my way.

“Slime flies when you’re having fun!” It’s hard to believe it’s been 22 long years since Greg Lamberson first unleashed the 80′s splatter classic SLIME CITY upon the world. Around this time last year, the word began circulating that Greg was preparing the long awaited sequel. The now completed film is titled SLIME CITY MASSACRE, and I was lucky enough to recently find a screener copy in my mailbox. In the coming months, SCM will be making the rounds at horror conventions and screenings across the country. As the film has yet to see a wide release, I will keep this review brief and try a bit harder than normal to avoid any spoilers.

SLIME CITY MASSACRE takes place several years after the events in SLIME CITY. The bizarre New York City neighborhood known as Slime City is devastated by a “dirty bomb” attack. In the wake of the attack, the now radioactive Slime City has been evacuated by the government. The only people who remain are a haggard assortment of homeless slimeheads and a pack of pimps, prostitutes, and drug dealers that cater to the rich tourists who still pour into Slime City from uptown.

Meanwhile, a soldier named Cory (Kealan Patrick Burke) goes AWOL, and along with his draft dodger girlfriend Alexa (Jennifer Bihl) goes looking for some peace and quiet on the west coast. Their quest leads them through crowded uptown shelters, dangerous Central Park refugee camps crawling with cannibals, and finally leads them into the remains of Slime City. There they cross paths with a pair of squatters named Mason (Lee Perkins) and Alice (Debbie Rochon). Mason extends the invitation to stay, and Alice warns that the place turns into a real “Sodom and Gomorrah” at night.

The desperate search for food brings Cory and Mason to the tattered ruins of the Zachary Devon Soup Kitchen. Once inside the locked basement, they discover hundreds of bottles of Zachary Devon’s Homebrewed Elixir. Mason immediately begins counting the millions they can make selling the hooch on the black market. Cory is more interested in the jars of “non-expirable” Himalayan Yogurt. They bring their discoveries back to the shelter and waste no time eating the funny looking neon colored yogurt and getting smashed on the wine.

Thus begins the downward spiral into SLIME. The two couples stumble off into their rooms and the fun starts. The gore gags are too elaborate and disgusting to spoil any further, but suffice to say – an impressive amount of slimy sex, possession, and graphic mutation quickly follows. The twisted back story of Zachary Devon (Robert C. Sabin) and his “temple of pleasure and fulfillment” is also revealed, and proves equally disturbing. Then the shit really hits the fan when a slimy billionaire named Ronald Crump (Roy “Street Trash” Frumkes!) sends in his paid army to wipe out the denizens of Slime City once and for all. It’s all out war between the slimeheads, soldiers, and mutant cannibal marauders!

This review could be summed up as follows – it’s about damned time! SLIME CITY MASSACRE was well worth the wait. Not only is SCM a worthy sequel, it’s one of those rare sequels that is just as good, if not better than the original. What really impressed me about this one was the cool back story about Zachary Devon and his coven of flesh. The star of Slime City, Robert C. Sabin returns and turns in an eerie performance this time around as the perverted cult leader who urges his followers to “control the flesh or follow the slime.” SCM works as both a sequel and a prequel to Slime City. It fills in a lot of details about the original story and adds modern touches, such as references to “the war for oil” and “homeland insecurity.”

Then there’s the matter of the splatter. SLIME CITY was quite the puke worthy little number, so I had high hopes that SLIME CITY MASSACRE would try to top it. I wasn’t let down. It takes a while before Lamberson finally gets down to the good stuff, but once he does it doesn’t disappoint. There’s no shortage of slimy sex, skull bashing, severed heads, gory gunshot wounds, and a pair of outrageous gore gags that have to be seen to be believed. Trust me when I say, you’ll never look at a bathtub the same way! Troma fans should also keep their eyes peeled for the “special disappearance” of Lloyd Kaufman and a cameo from “Irish” Dick Biel of SPLATTER UNIVERSITY legend.

Not much more I can say without spoiling the good gory fun. SLIME CITY MASSACRE is hands down one of the coolest horror flicks I’ve seen in ages, and it’s Brain Hammer approved in a big way. Hopefully Greg doesn’t wait another 22 years before the next one! Stay tuned to this fine website for all of the latest SLIME CITY MASSACRE happenings.

KEEP THE BLOOD FLOWING!!!

An experimental biological weapon is accidentally dropped into the water supply of a small city in Iowa. This deadly virus is code-named “Trixie,” and causes its’ victims to quickly become incurably insane and homicidal. The freshly infected townsfolk begin setting their homes and families on fire, interrupt softball games with rifles, and wander around randomly stabbing helpless people with pitchforks. The government quickly steps in to quarantine the town and cover up the mess that they created. The insanity of the situation is escalated when the soldiers begin shooting non-infected citizens who attempt to flee the town in cold blood.

Meanwhile, a small ragtag group of survivors including the town Sheriff (Timothy Olyphant) and his pregnant wife (Radha Mitchell) barely manage to escape into the now deserted outskirts of town. After killing a few soldiers and crazies along the way, the group makes their way out of town, but Trixie begins to infect them too. Why are all the good people dying?

Another year…another shitty remake. THE CRAZIES is the first in what I’m sure will be a long series of this year’s worthless horror remakes. And most disappointing of all is the fact that this remake had the most potential to be good. A remake of George A. Romero’s 1972 film The Crazies sounds like a good idea on paper. It’s a remake of a good film that was flawed. I am a big fan of Romero’s film, but I also think it clearly suffers from a low budget and bad acting. A big budget, modern remake of such a film could be a big winner, unlike a remake of a film that was already perfect (Psycho immediately comes to mind).

This remake of The Crazies from writers Scott Kosar & Ray Wright and director Breck Eisner takes the same basic story structure as Romero’s original story and adds a few new set pieces and a fiery ending. That’s about it for originality. Therefore, I had to keep comparing this one to the original while I was watching it. Romero’s film was fast paced and exciting from start to finish. This remake on the other hand has a slack pace, and a look and feel that reminded me of the Platinum Dunes remakes. This film also feels bogged down with numerous lengthy scenes of cat and mouse. I will give credit to the writers for not recycling any of the classic gags from Romero’s film, but in my opinion they didn’t add anything particularly new or exciting.

The biggest problem with this one is that it feels tame. It also comes off as a one-sided and uninteresting story. The original film had such delights as incest, delirious and murderous little old ladies, and incompetent soldiers and angry scientists feverishly trying to control the situation. This remake on the other hand leaves most of the real craziness out. There’s no sex in this one, and no real dementia either. The entire film is now told from the viewpoint of the hero. There’s no time spent with the Army at all. This is a crucial flaw that makes the villains less interesting. The removal of the scientists from the story in favor of hopelessly cheesy computer graphics is another head scratcher.

On the positive side of things, I thought the cast and the acting were all acceptable. No one really stands out in a good or a bad way. The film has a fair amount of bloody violence, and there were a few jump scares that had the small audience that I was in gasping. The classic arson deaths from the original film are recreated here and are done well. There were also some cool moments inside a funeral home. The highlight of the film for me was the brief appearance of LYNN LOWRY in a cameo role as a crazy chick on a bicycle. (check out my tribute to Lynn Lowry here) She looked great in the five seconds she’s on camera, and it’s too bad she didn’t get more screen time. Her appearance in the film should technically make it Brain Hammer approved, but the fact that it’s a lame fucking remake negates this.

I’ve seen a lot worse, but I’ve also seen a lot better. This is ultimately a very forgettable film. That said, it’s still reasonably well made for what it is, and people who just want to shut their brains off and enjoy watching some crazy people get shot might enjoy it. Any comparisons to the original film make this remake look pathetic though, which is sad because the original was not exactly a masterpiece. THE CRAZIES (2010) is NOT Brain Hammer approved and should be avoided by all except for the hardcore Lynn Lowry fanatics such as myself that will buy the dvd for freeze frame purposes!

KEEP THE BLOOD FLOWING!!!

HALLOWEEN II (2009; unrated director’s cut): Sony Pictures

Rob Zombie’s H2 picks up at the exact moment that 2007′s box-office smash, Halloween stopped and follows the aftermath of Michael Myers’s (Tyler Mane) murderous rampage through the eyes of heroine Laurie Strode (Scout Taylor Compton). Evil has a new destiny. Michael Myers is back in this terrifying sequel to Rob Zombie’s visionary re-imagining of Halloween. It is that time of year again, and Michael Myers has returned home to sleepy Haddonfield, Illinois to take care of some unfinished family business. Unleashing a trail of terror that only horror master Zombie can, Myers will stop at nothing to bring closure to the secrets of his twisted past. But the town’s got an unlikely new hero, if they can only stay alive long enough to stop the unstoppable.

Special Features:

• Commentary with Writer/Director Rob Zombie
• Deleted and Alternate Scenes
• Blooper Reel
• Audition Footage
• Make-Up Test Footage
• Uncle Seymour Coffins’ Stand-Up Routines
• Captain Clegg and the Night Creatures Music Videos

You can check out my review of HALLOWEEN II here.

HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW (1983; new special edition): Liberation Entertainment

A cult classic slasher film that delivers suspense, murder, mysteryand yes topless co-eds in this high quality transfer from a recently discovered pristine 35mm print. Flirtatious young sorority sisters who are days away from graduation set out to throw one last decadent celebration. Unbeknownst to them, the strict matron of their house hides a horrendous secret thought long buried. A gruesome accident is witnessed by a hideous fiend, hidden within the once nurturing dwelling, which triggers a rampage of death and destruction. Before the end, the peril faced by this sisterhood will push them to the brink of annihilation. And rivers of blood will drown all who enter The House on Sorority Row.

Bonus content for this brand new special edition release includes the trailer, photo gallery, commentary by writer/director Mark Rosman and stars Eileen Davidson and Kathryn McNeil, storyboard comparisons, and an alternate ending stills presentation.

Check out my review of HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW here.

THE RIVERMAN (2004): North American Motion Pictures

THE RIVERMAN is a film based on real life events that were recounted in the best selling book The Riverman: Ted Bundy and I Hunt for the Green River Killer, co-written by Robert Keppel. Keppel is a former criminal investigator who worked both the Bundy and Green River Killer cases. The film takes place in 1982 and highlights a frustrated young detective named Dave Reichert who draws the unfortunate assignment of working Seattle’s Green River murder case. Reichert turns to retired Keppel for help, and Keppel hesitatingly agrees. Things get interesting when Keppel receives a letter from non other than Ted Bundy himself, offering to help out with the investigation. Keppel then begins a series of taped interviews with Bundy that eventually lead to Bundy’s breakdown and confession to eight previously unsolved murders.

You can check out my review of THE RIVERMAN here.

KEEP THE BLOOD FLOWING!!!

Gory greetings horroryearbook alumni! This latest edition of Brain Hammer’s PICKS FROM THE CRYPT is the second installment of my two-part tribute to the late, great Hollywood leading man Christopher George. Hardcore horror fans should immediately recognize Christopher George from the number of legendary horror and exploitation flicks that he appeared in from the late 70′s right up until his untimely death from a heart attack in 1983.

In honor of the one & only Christopher George…LET THE BLOODSHED BEGIN!!!

GRADUATION DAY (1981)

imdb.com/title/tt0082467

A gifted high school track star named Paula drops dead after an especially grueling 30 second 100 meter dash. Her overbearing coach George Michaels (Christopher George!) assumes most of the blame for pushing the girl too hard and is eventually fired. Paula’s tragic accidental death inspires a psychopath to go on a killing rampage. A lunatic in a fencing outfit hacks their way through the remaining Midvalle High track team members and makes them run for their lives. Armed with a stopwatch, the killer always times the brutal murders and tries to kill in 30 seconds or less.

The less than prime suspects include the crabby coach, the switchblade wielding high school principal, Blondie – the principal’s secretary who is up to her garter belt in work, Virgil Frye (Revenge Of The Ninja) as the dimwitted and disgruntled campus security officer, the disgusting yet inexplicably popular horny old music teacher who suffers a little blackmail from the eternally topless and destined to be slaughtered Linnea Quigley, and Paula’s butch older sister Laura (Patch Mackenzie) – who has just returned home from the Marines for Paula’s funeral. Laura will be receiving Paula’s diploma at the upcoming Graduation Day ceremonies, if the quickly diminishing study body lasts that long. Graduating from high school has never been so deadly!

The co-writer and director Herb Freed was convinced that the secret to a successful slasher flick somehow related to the timing of the murder sequences. He thought that it had something to do with how quickly the lethal events took place, or how much time elapsed between the murder scenes. Interesting theory. But I have to question the overwhelming amount of ANNOYING MUSIC that was contained in Herb’s equation for success. GRADUATION DAY opens with a lengthy opening montage of young athletes in action that reeks of stale disco cheese. Then there’s a down home good ol’ whiteboy soul jam called “Graduation Day Blues” highlighted by the harmonica playing skills of the boyfriend of the dead girl. It hurts, but not nearly as bad as the unholy seven and half minutes dedicated to the band “Felony” and their wretched turd of a song called “Gangster Rock!” Despite the fact that this flick came out in 1981, Felony is painted up like KISS and have a particularly horrid disco-rock hybrid sound. The singer of the band is fucking terrible, and listening to seven monotonous minutes of the same verse and chorus is sheer torture. The music is far more brutal than the gore in this one.

Not to say that the killings are weak in GRADUATION DAY. It delivers the goods when it comes to creative deaths. I love the football and pole vault impalements. There are also multiple beheadings, skewerings, and stabbings to enjoy. The shoddy gore effects are somewhat laughable, but there’s no shortage of blood. The acting is hit or miss but not nearly as bad as you might expect. Patch Mackenzie does a good job with a rather limited role and I love Christopher George as the asshole coach. Any flick with Christopher George is Brain Hammer approved. Christopher was even nice enough to get his sexy young niece Vanna White a small role in the film. The killer turns in a great performance too. I can’t say much more to avoid spoilers, but the final scene when the killer’s identity and motivations are revealed is excellent, as is the extended fight the killer has with the ass kicking heroine.

GRADUATION DAY came out during the peak of the slasher genre and managed to carve up some decent box office with nearly $24 million! It has gone on to become something of a cult classic, and a favorite of 80′s slasher enthusiasts. Troma released a very nice dvd of GRADUATION DAY that includes a short interview with Linnea Quigley and a slew of the usual nonsense you have come to love and expect from a Troma dvd release including multiple trailers for other Troma films and an annoying intro from Lloyd Kaufman.

Do you have the GUTS to watch some Graduation Day death scenes?!?

ENTER THE NINJA (1981)

http://imdb.com/title/tt0082332

ENTER THE NINJA features international superstar Franco Nero as “Cole,” an American soldier who trains in Japan to become a ninja after his tour of duty is finished. After successfully completing his ninja training Cole travels to the Phillippeans to visit an old army buddy of his – Frank Landers, and his lovely wife Mary Ann. After arriving at the Landers’ plantation Cole is shocked to find his once proud and vibrant friend to be a mere shell of his former self.

Frank is now losing a battle with the bottle and is also battling a ruthless land developer named Mr.Venarius (Christopher George!) who is determined to purchase the plantation. Frank is reduced to a drunken, frequently napping leader of a cockfighting ring (genuine cockfighting footage is used throughout, sure to delight animal lovers) and in desperation asked his old pal Cole to visit, hoping he could help even the odds against Venarius.

At first Cole and Frank have a few laughs fighting off the multitude of thugs hired by Venarius in an effort to strong arm into Frank into selling his land. But all is not well in the Landers household as Frank is still neglecting his hot piece of ass wife in favor of heavy boozing. In frustration she turns to Cole and he obligingly offers her a ninja mustache ride! Just as the tension in the house is about to reach its breaking point the shit really hits the fan when Venarius finally wises up and hires a ninja of his own to deal with the Landers and Cole.

Sho Kusugi makes his memorable debut as the black ninja, this time going by the character name Hasegawa. The evil Hasegawa has a blast setting the plantation on fire and randomly kicking workers in the face as the run around screaming. (GREAT SCENE!) He then snuffs Frank and takes Mary Ann hostage. This sets up the final showdown between the white and black ninjas. Hasegawa and Cole are enemies with a rivalry that goes back to their ninja training in Japan. With the blood of his best friend on his hands, Cole agrees to a final battle to the death with Hasegawa.

This flick marked Sho Kusugi’s debut in a big budget, internationally released action film. Sho also choreographed the numerous ninja fight scenes which are quite impressive. This typically cheesy Golan Globus production was written by Sharon Stone’s brother – martial arts expert Mike Stone, and was directed by none other than the infamous Menahem Golan himself. More than a few people have poked fun at Franco Nero for his performance in this flick but I think he plays the part very convincingly. His charisma is undeniable and he looks great in his fight scenes. Franco had no martial arts training, so the part of the white ninja was actually played by writer Mike Stone, who did a phenomenal job.

My favorite part of this flick is the appearance of legendary actor Will Hare as Franco’s wisecracking comic relief sidekick “Dollars.” Horror fans should remember Will for his incredible performance as the deranged Grandpa in Silent Night Deadly Night who warns little Billy about the dangers of Santy Claus. Will is excellent here too, stealing every scene he is in with his non stop chatter and constant attempts to sell everyone around him porn. Only the coolest ninjas have porno peddling street hustlers as sidekicks!

Fans of the late great Christopher George will love his over the top performance as the scenery chewing Mr.Venarius. Old Chris was on a fucking tear in the early Eighties appearing in one classic genre flick after another. Chris had just finished Graduation Day before working on this film and went on to star in Pieces the following year! His incredible death scene in ENTER THE NINJA is the stuff of legend and frequently turns up in highlight reels of “the worst scenes ever.” Judge for yourself:

Despite being a fairly inept production ENTER THE NINJA became an instant success and helped kick start the “ninja craze” of the early Eighties. Numerous imitations rushed into production as well, and Golan Globus would release a far superior follow up film – Revenge Of The Ninja, just a few years later. ENTER THE NINJA is one of the most unintentionally hilarious flicks I’ve ever seen. It’s full of hideous dubbing, jaw droppingly bad performances, and lots of failed attempts at cornball humor. This one is impossible to take seriously, but it never fails to entertain. From start to finish this flick is action packed and a lot of fun. I don’t want to ruin the end moment, but it’s a real pisser. WINK!

Sadly there’s been no proper dvd release as of yet. The UK dvd releases are all cut by about 4-5 minutes and this flick has never been released on dvd in the States. I cherish my dvd-r copy of the old school MGM/UA vhs which is 100% uncut with all the glorious neck snapping and cockfighting intact. I demand a special edition two-disc dvd of ENTER THE NINJA with a Franco Nero commentary track and an extensive behind the scenes documentary!

PIECES (1982)

http://imdb.com/title/tt0082748

Boston 1942. A blossoming young pervert named Timmy Reston sits alone in his bedroom putting together a jigsaw puzzle featuring a nude pin up girl. His emotionally unstable mother walks in and catches him red handed. Infuriated, she asks him where the filth came from and slaps around the little brat while demanding answers. She warns the boy that he will end up like his father and proceeds to slam a picture of the man into a mirror. This violent act appears to have a profound effect on the boy. Mrs. Reston sends her son off in search of a plastic bag so she can junk all of his toys. Timmy returns with an axe instead and repeatedly slams it into mommy’s skull! Then the pint sized psychopath removes mommy’s head with a saw! After shutting his mother up for good Timmy goes back to work on his blood splattered puzzle.

A friend of the family becomes concerned when she can’t reach Mrs. Reston and shows up with police. When the cops break in they discover a gruesome sight in the bedroom – enough blood on the floor to ensure that something had been butchered. Then they find Mrs. Reston’s severed head in a closet. Little Timmy is found cowering in another closet, covered in blood and whimpering about a big man that hurt his mommy. We are told that Mr. Reston is overseas in the Air Force and that the murderous little bastard Timmy will be sent to live with an Aunt who lives nearby.

After the opening credits we flash forward forty years to find an unseen killer (who is obviously Timmy Reston all grown up) on the prowl at a large New England university. A bizarre skateboarding accident involving a large pane of glass reminds the madman of his mother smashing the mirror with his father’s picture forty years before and inspires him to go on a brutal killing spree. The unseen slasher stalks after the sexy young students so he can remove their limbs with a chainsaw and use the pieces to create a human version of his prized pin up puzzle! His first victim is a tasty young co-ed that he decapitates with a chainsaw in broad daylight.

Hard boiled police detectives Lt. Bracken (Christopher George of GRIZZLY & ENTER THE NINJA fame!) and Sgt. Holden (Leslie Nielson lookalike Frank Bana, who also appeared in RETURN OF THE EVIL DEAD) are sent in to investigate the murder. They start with the Dean, who seems more concerned about bad publicity than the murder itself. The Dean (Edmund DON’T OPEN TIL CHRISTMAS Purdom) turns the detectives on to the head of the anatomy department and closet campus queen – Professor Brown. (Jack Taylor, who appeared in numerous Spanish horror epics including GHOST GALLEON & NIGHT OF THE SORCERORS) Professor Brown seems to think it might be one of the boys, but Sgt. Holden assures him that at this point the investigation consists of buying clothes without labels and trying them on for size.

Shortly afterwards we are introduced to the campus stud Kendall James. (Ian Sera, who also appeared in POD PEOPLE) A blonde hardbody sends Kendall an invitation to fuck in the campus swimming pool later. Kendall accepts the invitation of course, but the killer beats him to the pool room and proceeds to net the girl like a large fish and then shear away her limbs with his trusty saw. This time the madman takes the girls’ torso as a souvenir. The temperamental and sneering campus gardener WillArd (unforgettably portrayed by Paul BLUTO Smith!) stumbles upon the bloody crime scene and has a wild run in with the cops that ends with Sgt. Holden threatening to BLOW his brains out!

The detectives question Kendall and his nerdy best friend Goggles and wind up believing that Kendall had nothing to do with the murder. Lt. Brown even decides to turn to Kendall for help with the investigation. He also arranges for an undercover police officer named Mary Riggs (played by Christopher George’s wife – Lynda Day George, who also starred in MORTUARY and DAY OF THE ANIMALS) to join the campus faculty as the new female tennis coach.

Meanwhile, the killer decides he needs a pair of arms and decides to relieve a pretty young dance major of hers inside an elevator. Kendall hears her screams of torment and barks out orders to the police officers on the scene. The sight of the limbless girl in the elevator is enough to make a seasoned police officer puke his guts up, but Kendall immediately seizes control of the situation and tells the guy to go call an ambulance! The girl initially survives the attack but dies in the hospital from the massive shock and loss of blood before she can identify the killer. Mary searches for clues and stumbles upon the fucking Kung Fu Professor (Bruce Li!) who attacks her because of something he ate. Bad chop suey maybe.

The mad butcher then sets his sights on the legs of Susie Billings, a sexy young tennis player. The ever resourceful killer sabotages the campus P.A. System so it continuously plays canned intermission music. This makes a perfect cover up for the sound of his chainsaw. While Mary, Kendall, and WillArd are fumbling around with the music the lousy bastard kills her. It’s all enough to make Mary unleash a devastating display of sheer frustration! BASTARD!

Lt. Brown turns to Kendall yet again for help and sends him to the record vault with Sgt. Holden to pour over files looking for any reference to the campus staff. Mary goes to a suspects house for an evening for a cup of coffee and a few questions and winds up getting a lot closer to the killer than she bargained for. Just as Mary is drugged and her lovely feet are about to become the final addition to the murderer’s supreme creation, Kendall unearths a clue that reveals the killer’s true identity. Kendall and the cops have to race to stop the killer before he can finish his human jigsaw puzzle. This all culminates with an unbelievable mind blowing genital crushing grand finale that must be seen to be believed!

I have seen this flick more times over the years than I could possibly count. I make everyone I know watch this movie. Whenever I talk to people about horror flicks I always have to mention PIECES. This flick is absolutely hilarious, and manages to get a little funnier every time I watch it. It plays out like a really gory and outrageous version of an Italian Giallo. The unseen, black gloved killer is pure Dario Argento. The soundtrack from Carlo Maria Cordio (aka CAM) is atmospheric and excellent, even if it borrows heavily from Goblin’s score for ZOMBI. PIECES was written by the terrible trio of director Juan Piquer Simon, producer Dick Randall (SLAUGHTER HIGH), and the infamous Joe D’Amato. (ANTROPOPHAGUS) No wonder this slasher flick is so full of brutal violence and perverse sexual overtones. There’s some tasty nudity to enjoy and even a little something for the ladies when Simon slips in a full frontal shot of Ian Sera. IT STINKS!

There’s more sidesplitting dialog in this howler than any other I can think of. From the cross eyed girl with the HUGE tits that dreamily coos how the most beautiful thing in the world is smoking pot and fucking on a waterbed at the same time, to WillArd saying he ain’t getting’ paid by the hour to Christopher George telling his partner to take some uppers, anything, just get me a lead! The dubbing and dialog definitely make this work an unintentional comedy.

PIECES also works as a slasher flick. Big time. The graphic violence is very nasty and convincing. In the gruesome scene where the killer chainsaws into the abdomen of a girl in the shower a real pig carcass was used which makes the scene very effectively disgusting. From start to finish this flick takes no prisoners. This gory little gem definitely lives up to its’ immortal tag line: You don’t have to go to Texas to have a chainsaw massacre!

Several “budget” dvd companies have released PIECES. The fine folks at Grindhouse Releasing released an amazing 2-disc special edition dvd release, which is a must-have for hardcore fans of the film. Either way, PIECES can easily be found for cheap – so there is no excuse for not owning this 80′s splatterpiece. This is a fucking must see!

MORTUARY (1983)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087746

Good looking Mary Beth McDonough (best known to old farts as Erin from The Waltons) stars as a dimwitted teenage girl named Christie who mourns the mysterious death of her father by wondering around at night in her skimpy nightgown. It appears that ever since her Daddy got a bonk on the noggin from an unseen assailant and drowned in the backyard pool that Christie has become a chronic sleepwalker. Christie on the other hand is convinced that her mother (Lynda Day George) is trying to drive her insane. Things get even more complicated for the already terminally confused Christie when a lunatic in a black death shroud begins stalking after her with a knife.

In desperation, Christie turns to her doofus boyfriend Greg (who also starred in Humongous) for help. The wacky kids laugh in the face of death and crank up some disco, which causes Christie to exclaim “Hey Boogyman – Let’s Boogie!” Greg keeps himself busy after school stealing tires from a warehouse, stumbling upon a séance being led by non other than Christopher George, and looking for his missing (dead) best friend. The search ends at the roller disco. Need I say more? Needless to say, hilarity and roller-padding ensue. Watch out for the token comic relief fat guy.

Christopher George plays an angry asshole mortician and funeral home owner named Hank Andrews. Hank also owns the warehouse that Greg and his buddy like to steal tires from, and heads up a coven of witches that apparently includes Christie’s mom. Hank’s son Paul (a fresh faced and already completely insane Bill Paxton!) is a fruity little weirdo who also happens to have a big crush on Christie. Greg thinks Paul is a creep, but Christie has a soft spot for the harmless loser who prances and skips with delight after talking to her. Christie and Greg try to find out what her mother and Hank are really up to, and as the title might have already clued you in – it all ends with a deadly confrontation inside a mortuary…where NO ONE rests in peace!

Christopher George AND Bill Paxton in the same movie?!? Playing a psycho father and son duo no less? This is Brain Hammer approved in a BIG way! Christopher turns in another great, angry and irritable performance. One of the many highlights of the film is Christopher snarling “Get out of here before I embalm you!” at his blonde pretty boy co-star. Speaking of co-stars, Bill Paxton completely steals the show here. His performance is…unique, to say the least. This film is perhaps best known for the short yet sweet moment where Bill shows off his new classical music record and then SKIPS through a graveyard on a quest to put some flowers on his mommy’s grave. It’s such a bizarre little moment in slasher history.

That’s about the only slasher history MORTUARY makes. The rest of the film is somewhat predictable and is hampered by a thin body count. There’s also a bit too much disco in this one for my tastes. Flicks like MORTUARY and PROM NIGHT were probably cutting edge at the time for featuring hot and happening sounds, but now they come off as painfully dated. The “who done it” aspect of the film isn’t exactly riveting either. The cast consists of about six people, and one of them is clearly insane. But somehow I doubt anyone would watch this one for the mystery. Perverts will be happy to know that Mary Beth McDonough gets naked in this movie and has a fuck scene on a bear skin rug. This is a must see flick if you ever had fantasies about plowing Erin Walton’s bean field.

Oddly enough, the trailer and cover art for MORTUARY are a bit more interesting than the film itself. The trailer for the film included no footage at all from the movie, and instead featured Michael Berryman of The Hills Have Eyes legend as a creepy looking gravedigger who gets pulled into a fresh grave by undead hands. The madness was accompanied by one of the all time great ominous voice over narrations:

“Before your funeral…Before you are buried…before you are covered with the last shovelful of dirt…Be sure you are REALLY dead!”

Sadly, MORTUARY has never had a dvd release in the states. The title is now permanently confused with the unrelated Tobe Hooper film of the same name which sucked. A while ago there was a dvd release of MUTANT that included the trailer for MORTUARY. This gave me hope that the film would finally get a dvd release, but it never happened. Someone should really put a out a special edition dvd of this one. It would make a fitting tribute to the last film that Christopher George completed before his untimely death. Get Bill Paxton to do the commentary track and you’ve got a winner!

Check out the classic trailer for MORTUARY!

KEEP THE BLOOD FLOWING!!!

This time around I was contacted directly by my old chum Sonny Fernandez. Sonny is the hardworking mastermind behind Down Twisted Studios. He currently holds the record for being the director whose films I have reviewed the most. I’ve already reviewed five of his past efforts in previous ICFTMB columns. You can check out those reviews here: Bleed, Aborted/Cold Blooded, The Last Battleground.

Sonny’s latest effort is a vampire chick flick titled THE NEW GIRLS. The vampire chicks are a tasty yet terrifying trio of gothic eye candy with appropriately exotic names – Svetlana, Lenore, and Renai. The film opens with a late night bloodbath that quickly establishes the girls as a deadly force to be reckoned with. The seemingly beautiful young girls are in reality centuries old bloodthirsty vampires that are on the run from their homelands in Europe. The vamps vacation in a hick town in the middle of Nowheresville USA and quickly begin draining the life away from the local yokels. The leader of the pack, Svetlana has visions of gutters being cleaned with blood and vows raining death upon the humans.

The new girls immediately catch the eye of a pack of body count fodder that are planning a weekend beer bash blowout. A dude makes the mistake of inviting the new girls to the party and a deadly chain of events is set into motion. The sexy girls immediately make a big splash at the party. A drunken idiot goes up to Svetlana and offers to suck a fart out of her ass like a bong hit. Svetlana responds by inviting him into the bathroom and then ripping his jugular out with her teeth. Meanwhile, love is in the air. The sensitive vampire chick Renai discovers feelings she never knew before when she meets a tubby emo boy at the party and walks home with him. These two losers immediately fall in love, which does not make Svetlana happy.

I have to admit, I’m not much of a vampire fan. Fuck, I could probably get kicked off of this website for saying this – but I don’t even like Buffy The Vampire Slayer. The current trend of vampire loving goth girls with copies of Twilight tucked under their flabby arms leaves me scratching my head. Vampires and vampire flicks are gay. The only exceptions are the original Salem’s Lot and anything with sexy vampire girls. Sonny was smart enough to make a vampire flick with some Salem’s Lot influence and he got three hot chicks to star in it. This was a good call. The girls helped me pay attention and the movie had enough action to keep me interested.

The only downside of the movie as far as I’m concerned is the love story. Now matter how much dramatic music Sonny blasts in the background, the scenes with the vampire girl and her wimpy love interest are time wasters. There is no real emotional connection between the two. It all happens way too fast, and the two actors have no chemistry together. The love story feels forced, and is the only part of the movie that I could do without. The rest of the film is great. It seems to occasionally poke fun of the current vampire genre. For real horror fans, there’s plenty of blood sucking, heart ripping, and gut grabbing.

On the technical side of things, I think Sonny is getting better with every film he makes. Considering how little money he has to work with the final results are pretty impressive. The special effects in this one are mostly blood gags and they look convincing. There’s some hilarious looking monster bats that make a brief appearance. Unlike some of Sonny’s other flicks, the monsters and mayhem are kept to a minimum. This is more of a “traditional” horror film than Sonny usually makes, but it also moves a lot faster than Sonny’s other flicks and is easier to follow. I think his earlier films have a bit more “soul” than this one, but THE NEW GIRLS is probably Sonny’s best overall effort. The improvement from film to film is amazing, I’m really looking forward to seeing more DOWN TWISTED epics!

Sonny was nice along to send along a two-disc (!) screener copy of THE NEW GIRLS. The bonus disc contained a lot of funny bloopers, behind the scenes special effects footage, and trailers. I think Sonny’s flicks keep getting better and better. All horroryearbook alumni are highly encouraged to support the man and check out his flicks! You can keep up with the latest Sonny Fernandez happenings at his official myspace page.

KEEP THE BLOOD FLOWING!!!

Howdy horroryearbook alumni! Welcome to another rootin’ tootin’ edition of IT CAME FROM THE MAILBOX, a column where your old pal Brain Hammer reviews whatever random cowpies the city folk at horroryearbook decide to throw my way.

Y’all best put on your shitkickers! It’s time to take a twisted trip back to old west with Lee Vervoort’s GUN TOWN. The town in question is a backwoods tourist attraction that promises travelers a taste of the wild west. Back in 1979, an unfortunate accident involving alcohol causes the proprietor and sheriff of Gun Town – Frank Bailey, to snap and kill one of the tourists. Frank is later declared insane and serves 30 years in a mental institution. Things go from bad to worse for Frank when a fire breaks out at the asylum and leaves his face and body horribly burned.

After being released, Frank returns to Gun Town sporting a Michael Meyers mask and is more than a little pissed off at the world. This is bad news for a pack of random idiots on vacation who stumble into Gun Town while looking for a missing friend. At first the kids think the town and the weird rednecks that inhabit it are harmless fun. They find out the hard way that sheriff Frank is not playing around, and that his pistol is loaded with live rounds – not blanks.

The sheriff blasts a few of the kids and then stalks after the rest. The ladies receive special treatment from the sheriff with his patent plastic wrap strangulation. One of Frank’s kinfolk kidnaps the token comic relief nerd and locks him up in a pen for moonlight sodomy. Those who attempt to run away are shot in the back by Frank or waylayed by the rest of the blood crazy Baileys. This leaves a young girl alone with two choices…DRAW OR DIE!

GUN TOWN is the directorial debut from Lee Vervoort, who also wrote the film and stars in it. For a first time director at the helm of a very low budget horror film, I think he did a very good job. The film has decent production value, tight editing, effective scoring, and a good looking cast. The best thing I can say about the cast really is that they are good looking. None of them are great actors, but that’s not something fans of homemade horror flicks will have a problem with. None of them were bad enough to completely ruin the movie, although the comic relief nerd tries his hardest.

Lee plays the role of the masked sheriff and does a fantastic job. The mask is creepy looking, and Lee’s body movements and contortions occasionally give the blank face of the mask some emotion. The character is really far out there. A silent killer who plays dress up as a sheriff, has a wife and various annoying children, and has a fetish for suffocating women with plastic wrap. I have to admit, I didn’t really get that part of the movie. The killer repeatedly kills women with plastic wrap. I thought a noose would have been more appropriate for the old west theme.

That leads me to my biggest complaint about GUN TOWN. There’s not enough fucking GUNS in it! With a title like GUN TOWN I was expecting to see a couple dozen kids get their heads blown off. Sadly, that wasn’t the case. The body count is fairly meager, and only a couple people get shot. The effects are hit & miss. There were a couple ridiculous looking fake limbs that should have been left on the shelf at Spencer’s Gifts, not brought to the set. My only other complaint about the film was that the young characters were all annoying imbeciles and that the opening stretch of the film was boring.

That said, the film is still worth a watch. The minute the kids get to Gun Town things get interesting. Right away the music changes and takes a sinister tone. Little details like that go a long way. The combination of a western themed tourist trap and a masked slasher is unique, and I have to give Lee credit for doing something original instead of rehashing the same old slasher storylines. The Bailey family is a cool creation. You can see the familiarity with the Sawyer and Firefly clans. Hell, someone should really give Lee some more money and let him do a couple sequels! I’d like to see the concept taken further with a bigger cast, and more importantly…a bigger body count!

GUN TOWN is currently available on dvd from L.A.V. Pictures. You can check out the official website – www.guntownthemovie.com for more info. Brain Hammer approved!

KEEP THE BLOOD FLOWING!!!

Gory greetings! Welcome to another exciting edition of IT CAME FROM THE MAILBOX, a column where your old pal Brain Hammer reviews whatever random crap the good folks at horroryearbook decide to throw my way.

THE RIVERMAN is a film based on real life events that were recounted in the best selling book The Riverman: Ted Bundy and I Hunt for the Green River Killer, co-written by Robert Keppel. Keppel is a former criminal investigator who worked both the Bundy and Green River Killer cases. The film takes place in 1982 and highlights a frustrated young detective named Dave Reichert who draws the unfortunate assignment of working Seattle’s Green River murder case. Reichert turns to retired Keppel for help, and Keppel hesitatingly agrees. Things get interesting when Keppel receives a letter from non other than Ted Bundy himself, offering to help out with the investigation. Keppel then begins a series of taped interviews with Bundy that eventually lead to Bundy’s breakdown and confession to eight previously unsolved murders.

The premise might sound familiar, because this real life story was the inspiration for The Silence Of The Lambs. The idea of a cop going to a serial killer for help with an investigation is now shopworn, but The Riverman has the advantage of being based on a true story. Tom Towler’s script, which is based on Robert Keppel’s book, is also exceptionally well written. The epic monologues that Cary Elwes delivers about murder and the way the Riverman feels when stalking his prey are chilling. I have listened to this movie several times while it plays in the background as I write this review, and the exchanges between Bruce Greenwood & Cary Elwes at the end of the film are powerful and gripping without even looking at the screen.

Serial killer bio-pics are very hit & miss. For every good one (Ed Gein) you stumble upon there’s a dozen more that are completely worthless. (Too many to mention) The Riverman ranks as one of the very best that I’ve seen. Interestingly enough, this film was made for television back in 2004 and is only now seeing a dvd release. That had me thinking this would be a lame melodramatic “docudrama,” but I’m happy to report that The Riverman is actually a very good serial killer film.

This is hands down the best film about Ted Bundy ever made. The casting and costumes are perfect. Cary Elwes absolutely inhabits the role and makes it real. He plays Bundy to creepy perfection. I love the little details, such as Bundy’s dirty feet in his prison cell, and the fact you see him beating off while looking at a true Crime magazine. Elwes plays the part with the perfect amount of menace and mincing. He’s loathsome and pathetic, which is the way he should be portrayed. Elwes has a great chemistry with his co-star Bruce Greenwood. The climatic final scene where Keppel walks Bundy through the details of one of his murders is riveting.

The only minor complaint I have about the film are the scenes spent with Robert Keppel’s family. For some reason the families of cops in these movies are always wretchedly annoying, and this film is no exception. The scenes with Keppel and his overly-dramatic wife who says her job is “to protect this family” and complains of her husband “coming to bed with his hands full of DEATH” are real eye-rollers. The actress who plays the wife has the rancid stank of soap operas all over her. The rest of the supporting cast isn’t that hot either, but the movie really revolves around the solid performances of Elwes and Greenwood so it doesn’t matter.

The other star of the show is Dave Brown in the pivotal role of the Green River Killer himself, Gary Ridgeway. Ridgeway is only briefly featured in the film, but the scenes where he appears are some of the very best. Brown does a fantastic job portraying Ridgeway and perfectly mimmicks his odd voice and speaking patterns. It’s actually a bit of a waste that Dave Brown doesn’t get more screen time. I would love to see him play the role of Ridgeway in a full length film. The film ends with a disturbing little diatribe from Brown as Gary Ridgeway, which is appropriate because like Ted Bundy says earlier in the film “These are complex people. People who have things to teach us about life, about ourselves.”

The Riverman will be released on dvd January 12, 2010. Brain Hammer approved and highly recommended for the serial killer/true crime enthusiasts.

KEEP THE BLOOD FLOWING!!!