After 2007’s horrendous POV film Diary of the Dead, you’d think that George A. Romero couldn’t do anything more to tarnish his legend as father and master of the zombie flick. After watching the lifeless mass that is Survival of the Dead you’d be wrong. Undead wrong…
After Diary and 2005’s laughably pretentious Land of the Dead (starring Simon Baker no less because everyone else was smart enough to say no) George Romero has officially George Lucas’d his own zombie franchise and he has nobody to blame but himself. The cure for something like that is simply to make a good movie, but odds are that that’s not going to happen anytime soon. As I tried to stay awake through Survival, I felt sad more than anything else watching Romero make a copy of a copy of a copy of his own stuff, yet saying nothing at all that couldn’t be conveyed by watching his classics Night of the Living Dead and the Dawn of the Dead. Even Day of the Dead has its moments while Survival has nothing but extras from old Irish Spring commercials.
If you’re feeling the urge to see Survival, don’t. It’s like watching a Wham reunion or that ill-advised New Kids on the Block tour a couple of years ago. Every frame of Survival only reminds you of how much better is was done years ago by the very same director. If you didn’t know that Romero directed Survival, you’d think what an awful Romero ripoff it was while you were watching it and bullimically purge yourself of the experience by viewing either 28 Days or Weeks Later, far superior zombie flicks that obliterate anything Romero’s done in the past 15 years.
We’ve all seen bad movies, as horror fans it’s par for the course and to be expected more often than not. But Survival is wrist-slittingly disheartening and given the choice, I’d rather have bad.
Gotta wonder if there’s some kind of Horror director Old Folks home, and if Survival may have gotten George Romero a reservation to a room on the dreaded “third floor”, the one where they’re not likely to come back except covered in tarp and the hallways smell like pureed vegetables and spackle. No, this isn’t some plea for Romero to stop making zombie movies before he M. Night Shyamalans himself to the point of no return simply because Survival of the Dead makes that argument better than any one person could. Like shooting your favorite dog because he has rabies and bit your kid in the eye. And then accidentally shooting your kid.
Survival of the Dead has a plot grifted directly from the SyFy slush pile…or something Romero wrote years ago but decided it wouldn’t make a good movie, found it in a closet again and thought it would be brilliant for the youth of today. It features a no-star cast, very few scares you haven’t seen dozens of times, and kills recycled from outtakes from other, better zombie movies. Zombieland is scarier, and from what I remember that movie wasn’t being played to frighten.
You know the drill…zombies running, or walking (slowly, practically moseying) rampant…don’t let them bite you…shoot them in the head.
We’re in the zombie apocalypse. The same zombie apocalypse we’ve been in for decades only this time we’re in a much worse movie. There are about 150, 000 dying per day and coming back to life. All of them want their money and time back for having to sit through this movie. What am I talking about? 150,000 people wouldn’t pay to see this movie…
Plum Island, somewhere in the East Coast, far away from Shutter Island because that’s actually good. It’s an island where everybody is contractually obligated to have really fake Irish accents. So much so that I wondered if genuine Irish people would be offended at how bad these are. Amidst the Plum Island zombies, we’re in the middle of a blood feud between the O’ Flynns and the Muldoons. Their battle is to see which has the more generic Irish last name since the Rileymacflanagans got killed off.
They’re at odds because Patrick O’ Flynn (Kenneth “Please don’t let any of my friends see me in this movie” Welsh), leader of the O’ Flynns has a no-tolerance policy on zombies. He sees them, they die. Even if they were once related to him.
The Muldoons, led by Seamus Muldoon (Richard “Fuck my fucking agent for sending me this script” Fitzpatrick), want to keep the dead in chains, but alive. We think it’s for pathetically sentimental reasons, but there may be a more dastardly motive.
Patrick has arranged a posse to go zombie huntin’, and you’re out of luck if you’re a zombie in his way. Patrick and the Brigadoon crew stop by a farmhouse, where Ma is wearing what looks like a homemade doll’s dress and Da is wearing overalls even the nearby Amish think is outdated.
Patrick think Ma and Pa Kettle are hiding their children, who may or may not be infected.
Ma protests. Pa protests. In the ensuing skirmish, Ma gets shot. She’s lucky because she gets to die relatively early in the movie while the rest of us have to stay until the credits roll.
Patrick and Co. go upstairs to see little Brother and Sister chained up to their beds in the midst of what looks to be the zombie sickness. Or the results of the obvious inbreeding that goes on in and around Plum Island (the primary last names are Muldoon and O ‘Flynn- do the math).
Patrick is willing to shoot them, but feels constrained because he’s never killed kid Zombies before. He’s relieved of not having to pull the trigger because Seamus Muldoon has just arrived and put a rifle to his head.
Seamus doesn’t shoot Patrick even though he wants to for stealing his pot o’ gold. Instead, he banishes Patrick off Plum Island for killing an innocent woman. Patrick is reluctant to go because he has a score to settle.
Meanwhile, in an even less interesting plot thread taking place in Philly, a small rogue army unit led by “Nicotine” Crockett (Alan Van Spring) has taken to robbing other people of their money (because that still has worth, though it’s never explained why) and their valuable possessions. His lone character trait is that he’s dangerous (“You’re dangerous…but not as dangerous as me”)…and that he smokes.
He’s helped by-
Tomboy (Athena Karkanis). Lone character trait: She’s lesbian. (“What’s too bad is there isn’t another bitch in this litter”)
Cisco (Stefano DiMatteo). Lone character trait: He’s Mexican. (“Hola…Yo Soy Cisco Gutierrez Gonzales Gonzales”)
Some other guy that dies soon. Lone character trait: He dies. (“Don’t kill me, I’ve just found the cure for Zombieism and add 5 inches to your penis with no harmful side effects”)
Kid (Devon Bostick). Lone character trait: He’s young. (“I can last about 45 seconds in the sack, perfect for when you’re on the run from zombies”).
Only 2 of those quotes actually made it into the movie, but you get the idea.
Nicotine and his crew have rescued Kid from a bunch of rednecks. Kid shows his gratitude by showing an Internet ad of someone named Captain Courageous telling everybody to go Plum Island, a place where they can feel saf(er) from the Zombies. You’ll note that Captain Courageous looks exactly like Patrick O’ Flynn.
Please try not to think about how Patrick O’ Flynn knew how to shoot and upload an Internet commercial when the height of technology on Plum Island was the toothbrush and sheepskin condom, and when they were actually used, the Plum Islanders forgot which implement was used for where.
Anyway, after a skirmish with the zombies, O’ Flynn finds himself on the ferry with Nicotine and his crew heading for Plum Island. Nicotine’s looking for some peace and Patrick’s looking to get back at Muldoon. If you’ve made it this far into the movie, you might as well slog through the rest, but it’s not really going to get any better.
What works with Survival of the Dead: And by works, I mean what isn’t completely life-draining about this comatose excuse for a horror movie-
Better than Diary of the Dead. Not saying much, I know, but you take what you can get when it comes to a movie like this.
Mmmmm….Horse.
What doesn’t work-
The pervading feeling of gloom that goes over you when you realize that a master has finally lost it and has nothing new to say anymore. Senility can be a bitch.
The realization that most if not all of the kills in this movie could have been avoided had the characters not been moronic enough to MOVE a step or two either direction. It’s not like these zombies have blazing speed, but they prove they’re smarter than any of the human characters by plodding…in a straight line. If you’re stupid enough to not run away, maybe you deserve to die.
The pervading feeling of gloom that goes over you when you realize that a master has finally lost it and has nothing new to say—Aw hell, I just wrote that. Somebody shoot me, I’m Romeroing.
If you were scared 3 times in this movie, then you’ve more than paid for the price of admission…if one scare = $5.
The inclusion of a cowboy character, hick accent and all, on Plum Island which is, as previously established, predominantly Irish. I remember laughing at the ludicrous implausibility of all this, but I realized that this was the most entertaining part of the movie. That’s just depressing.
Overall. Based on Diary of the Dead alone, you were going to skip this anyway. Good for you. You’d be better off watching the George Romero directed TV special OJ Simpson: Juice on the Loose. Not kidding, it really exists. Though the title has a different meaning now that it did back in 1974. Probably because he killed some people.
Seriously, did Romero turn you down for a job or something? Did he not like your Fan-Boy script? Lighten up man it’s a movie. All his dead films are classics but be honest, if day of the dead was released today it would be panned. Don’t let the fantasy of what you think a Romero movie should be ruin what it really is. Please stop taking it so personally. It sounds less like a movie review and more like a personal vendetta.
No dude, he is exactly right! Romero has done nothing but tarnish his reputation since Day Of The Dead, all of films after that have only had fleeting moments of enjoyment. And yes, Land Of The Dead was completely horrible!
I haven’t seen the movie – don’t want to – but I disagree with Porkfat. Fans have been giving Romero a pass since LAND OF THE DEAD, which I thought was crap: no suspense, no horror, no interest. Give the guy props for still making movies when he should be collecting social security, but if you review his previosu two flicks as you would any other movie, and not as GEORGE ROMERO ZOMBIE MOVIES, they come up short. “All” of Romero’s zombie movies are classics? I’d just as soon forget they exist. You’re right, if DAY OF THE DEAD was released today it would be panned – it was panned when it was first released. Panned, bombed, reviled by fans… and then it started to gain a following s people took a second look at it and overlooked the atrocious performances of the villains. I doubt that will be the case with the second trilogy. I just know that websites grateful for the chance to show early clips from the film or get a quick interview with Romero will fall all over themselves praising this latest film; I’m glad to see someone out there willing to write what they really think.
I just know that websites grateful for the chance to show early clips from the film or get a quick interview with Romero will fall all over themselves praising this latest film; I\’m glad to see someone out there willing to write what they really think.
man it´s not a BAD movie by any means.it´s not the same old shit, that´s all
Psst…Greg.
Wanna talk about no-talent hacks?
Some of us have actually seen Slime City and Naked Fear.
George A Romero, even in his advanced age, is a far better writer and director than you will ever hope to be.
At least Romero had the goods at one point – you’re a bonafide never was.
And judging by your post, an envious jaded one at that.
The original “Day of the Dead” holds up pretty well in my view.
Especially compared to most horror films from the 1980s.
Those that say otherwise are just jaded hack losers with an axe to grind (see above).
All suppossed classics from the time period (from “Evil Dead” to “Poltergeist”) would leave modern MTV-generation audiences scratching their heads going “Is that it?”
Day of the Dead is a fav. of Romero and Savini – and mine as well.
A grreat unnverving clasutrophobic apocalyptic freak out.
Unlike Land’s Big Daddy, Bub is also played pretty masterfully by Howard Sherman.
Did critics pan it at the time?
Of course – as if that means anything – most gorefests got lambasted back then (including Night and Dawn) and STILL DO.
Don’t like Joe Pilato’s OTT scenery chewing turn as the power hungry Captain Rhodes?
Guess you don’t have many friends that are ex-military.
You don’t think sexism and racism would run rampant if civilization collapsed overnight?
Guess you don’t know much about human cultire.
‘Survival’, like ‘Land’, has alot of problems, but its better than ‘Diary’, and like most Romero films, has some genuinely interesting ideas.
Are any of the horror greats (Hooper, Argento, Carpenter) operating at peak levels these days?
Of course not.
Do I begrudge them for staying behind the video assist monitor and editing bay past their bedtime?
Hardly.
In fact, I admire the hell out of all of them.
“Wanna talk about no-talent hacks? Some of us have actually seen Slime City and Naked Fear.”
LMAO!
@Dave Huntsmith…
“Are any of the horror greats (Hooper, Argento, Carpenter) operating at peak levels these days?”
Just because he is old is no reason to give him a pass. Romero hasn’t made a good ‘Dead’ film since the original trilogy. ‘Land’ was ‘ok’ at best. He’s washed up. Plain and simple.
@ AV.
Didn’t give Romero a pass.
In fact, in the very same post you’re quoting, I specifically stated that both ‘Land’ and ‘Survival’ suffer from major problems.
Try again.
I saw Survival a couple of weeks ago and I’m pretty much in agreement. The problem is evident in the opening scene, with Crockett waiting for one of his dead soldier buddies to rise – Romero is calling back to one of the saddest moments in Dawn of the Dead, but this time it plays as unintentional comedy. It’s like he’s forgotten what made his zombie movies good in the first place.
David:
I actually love Romero. NIGHT, DAWN and MARTIN are 3 of my favorite films. I even like KNIGHTRIDERS and MONKEYSHINES. So I’m not jaded – I just thought LAND and DIARY were godawful. And yes, Romero deserves credit for still making them. But he doesn’t deserve a free pass when his movies do suck.
“Psst…Greg.
Wanna talk about no-talent hacks?
Some of us have actually seen Slime City and Naked Fear.
George A Romero, even in his advanced age, is a far better writer and director than you will ever hope to be.
At least Romero had the goods at one point – you’re a bonafide never was.
And judging by your post, an envious jaded one at that.”
It’s not my job to argue with my critics, but nice; very well reasoned and mature. I was 21 when I made SLIME CITY, and I made for NAKED FEAR for five grand. What exactly did you accomplish at age 21, assuming that you’re older than that now? What have you done with your life that some people still remember 22 years later? The three features I did 1988 – 1995 were essentially my equivalent of film school. How many people can say their body of film school work has been released on VHS and DVD and sold to countries around the world? If you’re going to attack my body of work with your snotty attitude, please include all of it, including my novels JOHNNY GRUESOME and PERSONAL DEMONS, JOHNNY GRUESOME, and upcoming THE FRENZY WAY, DESPERATE SOULS and SLIME CITY MASSACRE. I’ll happily stand all of them up for comparison to DIARY and LAND, and if anyone wants to judge my ability to write the material is easy enough to find.
Just so I’m clear, because you don’t like my amateur films, I shouldn’t be allowed to criticize movies myself, right? Becuase I’ve actually spent years laboring on films and actually know the process first hand, my opinion somehow matters less than yours, right? Something in your genetic makeup makes your defense of Romero’s later work somehow legitimate, but mine illegitimate?
I can tackle a debate with you without stooping to name calling.
I rather watch Slime City than Diary of the Dead any day. I seriously hope that this is Romero’s last film or that he dies before he has the chance to make anymore.
@ Greg
The above ‘Survival’ review and your subsequent comments don’t substantially address the film’s merits or lack thereof.
Much of it is just garden variety online snarkiness, and dementia/diaper/social security cracks.
You can try to retroactively claim the high ground and talk about Romero as a filmmaking peer, but it’s a little late for that.
Your snide potshots have revealed you as the disgruntled D-level nobody you truly are and deserve to be.
Re: “I seriously hope that this is Romero’s last film or that he dies before he has the chance to make anymore.”
Will,
Why not let Romero worry about protecting his own legacy?
If he puts out crap for another twenty years, what’s it to you exactly?
I, for one, am glad old hands like Argento and Romero are still out there playing with karo syrup and pig guts.
“If he puts out crap for another twenty years, what’s it to you exactly?”
Should I point out what a stupid question this is?
Romero puts out these movies knowing horror and Romero fans will want to check them out. I rather he die or stop making films, so I don’t continue to waste my money on them. Could I stop watching Romero films if I wanted to? Yes… But as a horror fan it is hard to pass up a new Romero zombie film and its not fair to me, Baby Jesus or the economy. Romero is a racist.
Plus my comments are in white boxes so that means I must be right!
The third floor? Seriously, did the author use a Choke reference in the context of a zombie movie review?
This has to break some rule of nature or another.
Re: “Should I point out what a stupid question this is?”
Romero may not have made a good film in decades (and the decline didn’t start with Land – Monkey Shines, Dark Half, and Bruiser are all underwritten and undeveloped).
But that said, I wouldn’t wish death on anybody – not even someone whose stock in trade has been filming shambling corpses.
To avoid fainting, keep repeating “it’s only a movie, only a movie, only a movie…”.
With that said, I only skimmed through this review because of the large amount of spoiler TERRORtory I glimpsed. I want to see the movie for myself, and I will, first chance I get.
I like Romero’s movies, even Monkey Shines and Bruiser, and I personally feel people are too uptight about his flicks. Land of the Dead….that deserves some criticism, well, a lot, but I’m not sure if I can blame it all on Romero or Universal (maybe both?). I don’t know how the crew of the Dead Reckoning expect to live after shooting off their rockets into the sky that they could have used to instead help keep themselves alive on their way to Canada. It’s a fun movie, in the same way that “Super Mario Bros.” is a fun movie. You know it’s not good but you watch it anyways (funny they both share two of the same stars).
Dairy of the Dead, I thought was a return for Romero. Of course it’s not without it’s faults either; the nudity at the end was uncharacteristically unclassy of Romereo (not that I minded but so much, that rack was nice), and also Romero had said it’s supposed to be a prequel to the series; a statement that makes little sense since “Diary” takes place in 2006 and Night takes place in 1966. TIME PARADOX, GEORGE!!!!!! The goofy humor I could do without, but it’s George Romero, so that’s something you just have to take in stride, and it’s honestly no worse than the pie fight at the end of Dawn.
Romero’s films after Creepshow are a love ‘em or hate ‘em type of films. That’s just how it be.
With all that said, Dave, it’s silly to argue that someone’s personal opinion of a movie is forfeit based on your own opinion of previously mentioned persons movie output. I do disagree with Greg that horror fans have been giving George a pass — go look on a message board and the opinions are divided as the north and south of the US were during the late 1800′s — but his opinions on the film are his alone; his own films have no bearing on the argument..
Slime City is a lot of fun. Naked Fear I never got all the way through, and I don’t think I missed much, but Slime City is a video trash classic, and that’s what it was supposed to be. I’d watch it again. Hell, I’mma watch Slime City Massacre when I can.
Re: “With all that said, Dave, it’s silly to argue that someone’s personal opinion of a movie is forfeit based on your own opinion of previously mentioned persons movie output.”
Powder,
OF COURSE Greg Lamberson, and anyone else for that matter, is entitled to their own personal opinion.
On another site, I myself gave the film a whopping score of a C-.
But Greg never saw ‘Survival’, his online screed is directed largely at Romero the filmmaker in general, even going so far as to say:
“All of Romero’s zombie movies are classics? I’d just as soon forget they exist.”
Whoa. Not sure about you hombre, but from where I’m from, them’s fighting words.
I own Slime City and have derived enjoyment from it on some Henenlotter/Troma/Street Tash-derivative level. But it’s pretty rich for a filmmaker to be so dismissive of Ole George when he has made several lasting contributions to the genre (the original Dead trilogy, Creepshow franchise, Martin) and Greg has barely made one.
That is all.
Not spoiling for a fight here.
I think most other established genre vets (Tarantino and Max Brooks, just to name a few) would show George a little more love, or at the very least be a little more diplomatic in their language.
PS Diary sucked.
I’m not wishing death upon him, but death has to be breathing down his neck, so it is a safe bet that he might kick the bucket before he gets to make another film. If he lives to be 100 god bless his heart, I just hope he decides to retire after Survival.
David, I haven’t seen SURVIVAL, but I’ve changed my mind about that after seeing the red band trailer. I disagreed with the initial characterization of the review – I’m just not into the name calling, it IS just a review). I haven’t commented on this film at all – just the reviewer’s right to hate it and express his feelings – and gave my opinions on LAND on DIARY. I don’t think I was snarky at all, beyond giving my opinions on the previous films and the way that horror sites tend to bend over backwards to accomodate some horror legends.
You, on the other hand, were very snarky. You’re the one who’s taking pot shots, not me. I’m criticizing movies and webistes, not people. You’re criticizing people. Movies, music, art – it’s all subjective, and it’s stupid to lash put at people because they disagree with you about something. You say “of course” I have a right to my opinions, then re-iterate that I’m a “D-lister” to invalidate those opinions yet again. Apparently, in your world, anyone who disagrees with you is subject to insults, attacks, ridicule and humiliation, just like on FOX News. In your world, anyone who has their own thoughts is a BAD person who should be called (choose the insult of your choice from your previous posts). I don’t have time for flame wars or message board shit, I jsut come here to have a little fun.
Greg
Oh, and you did catch me with my foot in my mouth – I meant to say I’d jsut as soon forget LAND and DIARY exist, as clarified in my previous post.
sorry to say this….but this is THE worst zombie movie ive ever seen…wont spoil it, but it features one of the most illogical ideas ive ever heard in a zombie movie period…and has anyone else ever heard of “zombie diaries”? british movie, came out a year before diary of the dead, and was waaaaaay better…
Re: “I have a right to my opinions, then re-iterate that I’m a D-lister to invalidate those opinions yet again. Apparently, in your world, anyone who disagrees with you is subject to insults, attacks, ridicule and humiliation, just like on FOX News.”
Greg,
This was entirely based on the premise that you dismissed the entire Romero dead series.
Saying: “All of Romero’s zombie movies are classics? I’d just as soon forget they exist.”
IMO any horror fan, much less a filmmaker, who utters such idiocy deserves everything he gets.
You’ve now qualified that statement, explaining that you meant only recent duds like Land and Diary.
Well, that’s a horse of another color entirely – and one I completely agree with.
With that cleared up, let’s just move on, ok?
Alright umm im a big zombie fan and have seen most and im going to have to disagree with most of you. Yes its true the first three are better then the next but the others werent terrible. i havent seen survival yet but i will stand for diary and land. Land was a bit glossy and out of place, but the kills were solid and the plot and theme were good. Diary i thought was very well done, Im not a fan of the camera view but the violence and kills were awesome( im so glad that somebody actually used a freaking bow!) and it was actually quite realistic( such as in this movie the power actually starts to fail unlike others where the power magically stays on) anyway there decent movies and even though survival does look like it will be the worst of the bunch his dead films prior werent bad.
David:
It will probably break WIL’s heart after what has to be one of the more active HYB comments sections, but sure.
@ Waggy
I’m ok with parts of Land, but the “can’t we all just get alone” ending, as well as Big Daddy’s cringe-inducing performance really kills it.
All my life I showed Night -Day to my friends with pride.
‘Land’ just makes me feel embarassed.
‘Diary’ was sluggish and really heavy handed with its message.
The ending shot which aims to showcase humanity’s brutality was done better in Savini’s 1990 Night remake I thought.
I like Diary.
* along
David i will agree with you on land but disagree on diary just different taste i guess. Anyway my piont was just to say that they dont downright suck like the previous post have made them appear of course the first 3 were better thats pretty obvious and the remakes werent bad either(except from the day of the dead remake which was not very good and by far the worst remake). There are alot and i mean ALOT worse zombie movies out there and if they were in like a top 50 list or something I would have to say most if not all of romeros would be in the top 10 including land and diary. As for survival ill have to wait and see
Bummer… Diary of the dead was agonizing… I’ll probably see it when i’ve got nothing else 2 do and need a quick gore fix!! Hope you’re doing well Noel!
Everyone can suck a fart out Romeros ass all his films r good I’m a die hard fan fuck you all…
Everyone can suck a fart out Romeros ass all his films r good I\’m a die hard fan fuck you all… I loved survival of the dead
Everyone can suck a fart out Romeros ass all his films r good I’m a die hard fan fuck you all… I loved survival of the dead.
Everyone can suck a fart out Romeros ass all his films r good I\’m a die hard fan fuck you all… I loved survival of the dead.
Pendejos
I totally agree with this critic. There is absolutely nothing redeeming about this movie. It sucked balls. Poor acting, poor special effects, poor storyline. Anyone who likes this move has no taste in movies whatsoever. Romero can “bank” on you so-called die hard fans because he can make a piece of garbage without any thought or work at all and you will mindlessly love it just because his name is attached to it. He will be able to live high on the hog for the rest of his days, because you will mindlessly waste your money and proclaim to love the drivel. He’s probably laughing all the way to the bank!