An experimental biological weapon is accidentally dropped into the water supply of a small city in Iowa. This deadly virus is code-named “Trixie,” and causes its’ victims to quickly become incurably insane and homicidal. The freshly infected townsfolk begin setting their homes and families on fire, interrupt softball games with rifles, and wander around randomly stabbing helpless people with pitchforks. The government quickly steps in to quarantine the town and cover up the mess that they created. The insanity of the situation is escalated when the soldiers begin shooting non-infected citizens who attempt to flee the town in cold blood.

Meanwhile, a small ragtag group of survivors including the town Sheriff (Timothy Olyphant) and his pregnant wife (Radha Mitchell) barely manage to escape into the now deserted outskirts of town. After killing a few soldiers and crazies along the way, the group makes their way out of town, but Trixie begins to infect them too. Why are all the good people dying?

Another year…another shitty remake. THE CRAZIES is the first in what I’m sure will be a long series of this year’s worthless horror remakes. And most disappointing of all is the fact that this remake had the most potential to be good. A remake of George A. Romero’s 1972 film The Crazies sounds like a good idea on paper. It’s a remake of a good film that was flawed. I am a big fan of Romero’s film, but I also think it clearly suffers from a low budget and bad acting. A big budget, modern remake of such a film could be a big winner, unlike a remake of a film that was already perfect (Psycho immediately comes to mind).

This remake of The Crazies from writers Scott Kosar & Ray Wright and director Breck Eisner takes the same basic story structure as Romero’s original story and adds a few new set pieces and a fiery ending. That’s about it for originality. Therefore, I had to keep comparing this one to the original while I was watching it. Romero’s film was fast paced and exciting from start to finish. This remake on the other hand has a slack pace, and a look and feel that reminded me of the Platinum Dunes remakes. This film also feels bogged down with numerous lengthy scenes of cat and mouse. I will give credit to the writers for not recycling any of the classic gags from Romero’s film, but in my opinion they didn’t add anything particularly new or exciting.

The biggest problem with this one is that it feels tame. It also comes off as a one-sided and uninteresting story. The original film had such delights as incest, delirious and murderous little old ladies, and incompetent soldiers and angry scientists feverishly trying to control the situation. This remake on the other hand leaves most of the real craziness out. There’s no sex in this one, and no real dementia either. The entire film is now told from the viewpoint of the hero. There’s no time spent with the Army at all. This is a crucial flaw that makes the villains less interesting. The removal of the scientists from the story in favor of hopelessly cheesy computer graphics is another head scratcher.

On the positive side of things, I thought the cast and the acting were all acceptable. No one really stands out in a good or a bad way. The film has a fair amount of bloody violence, and there were a few jump scares that had the small audience that I was in gasping. The classic arson deaths from the original film are recreated here and are done well. There were also some cool moments inside a funeral home. The highlight of the film for me was the brief appearance of LYNN LOWRY in a cameo role as a crazy chick on a bicycle. (check out my tribute to Lynn Lowry here) She looked great in the five seconds she’s on camera, and it’s too bad she didn’t get more screen time. Her appearance in the film should technically make it Brain Hammer approved, but the fact that it’s a lame fucking remake negates this.

I’ve seen a lot worse, but I’ve also seen a lot better. This is ultimately a very forgettable film. That said, it’s still reasonably well made for what it is, and people who just want to shut their brains off and enjoy watching some crazy people get shot might enjoy it. Any comparisons to the original film make this remake look pathetic though, which is sad because the original was not exactly a masterpiece. THE CRAZIES (2010) is NOT Brain Hammer approved and should be avoided by all except for the hardcore Lynn Lowry fanatics such as myself that will buy the dvd for freeze frame purposes!

KEEP THE BLOOD FLOWING!!!