Like fellow Horror Yearbook writer Gary G. said about “See No Evil” in our Class of 2006, “Black Christmas” would have been a classic had it come out in the 80’s, but now most people will just complain that it was inferior to the original. Granted, it had to be, because of course it goes without saying that the original is a classic and could never be recreated. I’m not going to talk about the merits of the original as we already have a review of it here and we all know how great it is. What I am here to do is review the remake and, believe it or not, it was actually pretty good.
“Black Christmas” (2006) is basically the same idea as the original but this time they give you a little history about the killer. I come from a time when we didn’t really need an explanation as to why the killer in our movies killed. The basis of any good slasher is about the killing, not the reasons behind them. So while I could have done without the background story, it added so many over the top death scenes to the film that I didn’t mind it. The movie takes place in a sorority house where our anti-hero, Billy, many moons ago had slaughtered his family by making them into Christmas cookies and eating them. Every year on Christmas since that day Billy tries to escape from the mental institution to go home for the holidays. Like any great horror film involving a sorority house, “Christmas” is full of hot sorority babes who are ready to die, and this is an all star cast of new babes; Michelle (Buffy the Vampire Slayers sister Dawn - who does not get naked by the way) Trachtenberg, Mary Elizabeth (Final Destination 3) Winstead, Lacey (Mean Girls, Party of 5) Chabert, Katie Cassidy, and if old babes is your thing, Andrea Martin. One quick side note: there is only one nude scene, but they get such a great shot and angle of her ass that it made up for it. It’s nothing that should win an award, but it’s not your typical straight on girl-spinning-in-circles shower scene shot. The movie didn’t really need any more nudity after that, which says a lot coming from me.
Of course Billy eventully makes his way home while the girls are snowed in during their Christmas party and they are picked off spectacularly one by one. “Black Christmas” is just your just nicely done, mindless, slasher film, just the they way I like them. They weave in Bill’s back-story throughout the film while he stalks and slashes the sitting duck sorority chicks. One unfortuante slut gets her face lopped off with a pair of ice skates. A few kills are off camera with “Kill Bill” or “Battle Royale” like gushing blood splatters. The movie is well paced and avoids all the new horror cliches and celebrates the old. If you’re going to remake a classic horror film you have to go balls out and make it your own, much like this years “2000 Maniacs” remake/sequel “2001 Maniacs” and what Rob Zombie plans to do with his “Halloween”.
I think over time the people who hate this film will move on to hate something else, and the people who liked it will dust if off every year making it another holiday horror classic. Just like “Silent Night, Deadly Night”, “Christmas Evil”, “Santa Claus vs. the Martians” and of course, the original “Black Christmas”. This film will be something to pass down to your grandkids when you’re a demented old fuck!
