One goes into Terminator Salvation with more questions than actual anticipation…

A mere quarter of a century after James Cameron launched his Terminator series with future Cali governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, we get a quad-quel in Terminator Salvation we really didn’t ask for, but will probably watch anyway because it stars Batman. If this movie starred anyone else but Bale, would you even care, considering the trailers were less than whelming and looked a little too much like Transformers…but dustier?

T4’s also PG-13, which is almost always a debit as that kiss of death has pretty much punctured the sac of the horror genre. Look at what happened two years ago when the Die Hard franchise was saddled with the emasculation of only being able to say “fuck” once, no gore to speak of, and watered-down action. I’m not against PG-13 in general, considering one of the greatest action movies of the past 20 years, The Fugitive, was also PG-13, but it’s proven to be the exception to the unfortunate rule.

The film was directed by McG, who did the mindless but nevertheless entertaining Charlie’s Angels movies. I liked those movies enough…but is THAT the guy you want taking over the Terminator franchise?

All those questions and more answered in two hours or less…

I walked out of Terminator Salvation with almost the same reaction I did Wolverine earlier this May: Passable action movie, but really nothing to text home about. Unless you’re a huge Christian Bale fan, you’d be better served sitting this one out. Consequently, the bigger Terminator fan you are, the more you’ll be wishing you could go back in time and kill whoever thought this was just a great idea. But if you really feel compelled this Memorial Day weekend, you’ll have an okay experience. And yes, it is a better movie than Wolverine…but just barely.

It’s the year 2018, and the war against the Skynet machines is at full throttle. Judgment Day has occurred and humanity is struggling to survive. A ragtag (I’m not even sure what that word means, but it’s always used in these post-apocalyptic movies) group of humans has formed a resistance and is trying to centralize, gathering whatever pockets of people it can find to solidify their numbers as Skynet makes better, faster, and stronger machines.

John Connor (Christian Bale) is one of their leaders. He and his wife Kate (Bryce Dallas Howard taking over for Claire Danes) have a baby on the way and during his time off he and Kate are busy looking for good schools that haven’t been decimated. He keeps his mommy’s picture from the first Terminator, listens to the audiotapes she made for him, and has a Heath Ledger bobblehead doll to help him get to sleep (thank you, Relapse). He’s been prophesied as humanity’s savior in the previous 3 movies, but in Salvation he takes orders from a guy in a sub (Michael Ironside, Bale’s costar in The Machinist- you hope he keeps his hand this time).

Some people believe in John Connor Dent. Some don’t.

John makes periodic radio transmissions telling people to stay alive. Thanks John- “Stay Alive”- that’s VERY fucking helpful. If we wanted trite dialogue, we could’ve watched the Matrix movies.

The Resistance has captured something that may finally turn the tide of the entire war: A signal that renders the machines inert, giving them more than enough time to be destroyed.

Meanwhile, a convicted murderer named Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) awakens to a brave new robotic world. He meets up with the “LA branch” of the resistance, a towheaded young man and future John Connor Baby Daddy Kyle Reese (Anton Yelchin), and a little mute black girl.
Since this is a PG-13, wanna wager that the little mute black girl DOESN’T get blown to shit?
Kyle is inspired by Connor’s message over the radio and tries to make his way to find him. But it seems that Skynet has been watching the other, better Terminator movies too, and knows that if you can’t find and kill John Connor, maybe his future (or is it past?) father will do just as well.

After a dazzling chase, Kyle and little mute black girl are captured and put into a cattle car, where Skynet has plans for its human prisoners. But what would machines want with humans if not to kill them? Could their plans be even more insidious? And what is mysterious Marcus’ deep secret, and how does it figure into humanity’s future, and more importantly, with John Connor himself? If you’ve seen any of the trailers or commercials you know all the mystery has pretty much been ruined.

What works with Terminator Salvation-

1) The Terminator series’ most famous 3 words are included in a way that’s not jokey or take you out of the story (“What do I tell your men?”). It’s one of the few moments you actually smile.

2) Given the showiest role of the movie, Sam Worthington shines as the murderer Marcus Wright. In EVERY scene he’s in, he’s the focus of the movie, even taking thunder away from Bale in parts where you want the screen weight between them to be even. If this had been an ‘R’, you’d probably REALLY see Marcus fuck people up. More often than not, you wish the movie’d been named after him as he gives the most human performance of the movie, considering…

3) Near the beginning of the movie, there’s an uninterrupted shot from Bale’s view while he’s in a helicopter. It’s not a shot that calls attention to itself, but one, if you’re paying attention, that makes you wonder “How did they DO that?” It’s one of the few moments of T4 that’s worth seeing again.

4) Moon Bloodgood- That’s just a cool name.

5) Helena Bonham Carter’s small part as a doctor with questionable practices is scarier than ANY of the Terminators in this movie. I’m not sure if that’s a testament to Carter or how weak these Terminators are…but more on that later.

6) The highway chase with those Motorcycle Terminators is the best sustained action sequence in the movie, though halfway through it you expect Ewoks to begin throwing rocks.

7) In roles that don’t really DO anything, Bryce Dallas Howard (Ron’s daughter) and Anton Yelchin (last seen as Chekov in Star Trek) prove their strength as actors playing parts that are beneath them, yet still making them compelling whenever they appear. You assume they gain importance in future movies, but they’re merely window dressing this go-round.

What doesn’t work-

1) John Connor- he’s a placeholder in this movie. The frustrating thing is Christian Bale is actually pretty decent with what he’s given…and he’s not given much. You get why McG wanted him, as you really believe that he could lead people into battle against pretty much anything (odd that Bale’s actually played Jesus Christ before), but Connor’s given the backseat and the backdoor to Marcus this time. In retrospect, Bale’s on-set tirade may be the thing you remember most about Terminator Salvation as the movie’s not good enough to erase ^$@#@^*$ from the back of your mind.

2) Terminator???- You Miss Arnold (except for…never mind). You miss Robert Patrick. You even miss Kristanna Loken as their isn’t a real Terminator presence to speak of. Yes, you get a bunch of robots flying around bloodlessly “killing” people, but there’s no one (or thing) that touches the badassness of any of the 3 previous villains. It should have been called “Sad Sack Humans” (though most of the performances are robotic) as it seems as much an actual Terminator movie as Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights was to the crappy original. Or Teen Wolf Too. Or Son of the Mask. Or Grease 2. or Breakin’: 2 Electric Boogalloo.

3) Dead horse beaten- Now that you’ve seen the movie, doesn’t having the Terminator Franchise being stuck with the PG-13 label for the sake of selling toys seem heretical now that it’s backfired? They could make Alien 5 PG-13 and have the shot cutaway every time said Alien pops out of someone’s chest. Or you could rent the pornos Pirates and Pirates 2 from Blockbuster (????)…so you could pay attention to the “story”.

Overall. Though T4 is an adequate action film, and you’ll have a better time than you won’t, you’ll more than notice something’s missing, and it’s not just Arnold. Or maybe it IS just Arnold. With Bale’s participation, there remains a modicum of hope for the future…of this franchise. But unless things change drastically, you’re looking at damnation of a once great action series more than anything else. You might see Terminator Salvation once, but you won’t be…never mind.