Gory greetings horroryearbook alumni! Welcome to another exciting edition of IT CAME FROM THE MAILBOX, a column where your old pal Brain Hammer reviews whatever random crap the good folks at horroryearbook decide to throw my way.
This time around I got an e-mail from Wil asking me if I would be interested in reviewing a zombie comedy called DIE-NER (GET IT?). I cringed at the thought of sitting through such a flick as I normally despise such things, but eventually decided to give it a shot. I’m the official last resort reviewer for hyb, so if I turn down a flick it will probably never get reviewed. It’s a dirty job but someone has to do it!
DIE-NER (GET IT?) is the tale of a serial killer named Ken (Josh Grate) who winds up in a nearly deserted truck stop diner one evening. After dispatching the waitress and cook, he attempts to get rid of the bodies. His plans are interrupted by a bickering young couple named Rob & Kathy that show up at the diner to get some coffee and hash out a divorce. Ken pretends to be a waiter and makes small talk as he prepares to snuff them too. Just as Ken is pulling out his blade a tubby cop named Duke shows up to stuff his face with donuts.
Ken now has his hands full with three new potential victims. The situation quickly gets even more out of control when the waitress and cook suddenly return to life as bloodthirsty zombies. Duke catches Ken stabbing the waitress in the kitchen and then gets his neck chomped on Dawn Of The Dead style by the zombie cook. Ken then forces Rob & Kathy to help him as he attempts to put the waitress and cook on ice. The zombies refuse to die, and not even bullets, nails in the brain, or decapitations will stop them. As Ken struggles to make his victims stay dead, even more zombies show up and turn the diner into a DIE-NER. (GET IT?)
I really enjoyed this effort from writer/director Patrick Horvath. I usually find zombie comedies to be worthless because they don’t have enough guts to impress me as a horror fan and they don’t make me laugh. I’m happy to say that this flick worked in a big way. The writing was sharp, and the acting was impressive. The lead actor Josh Grate plays a smart assed psychopath to perfection. He carries the movie, and the supporting cast is also solid. The comedy is there, but at the same time this flick never feels like it is making fun of horror flicks or fans of the genre. Tongues are in cheek all the way, but you never get the feeling that Horvath is trying to take the piss out of anyone.
The zombies in this flick are a combination of the ghouls in Romero’s Dead series and the impossible to kill monsters from Return Of The Living Dead. They are slow moving and feeble, but they also feel no pain and nothing can stop them. Much laughs are provided by Ken and the young couple’s attempts to stop the zombies. There is some nice bloodshed and gory gut munching provided by makeup artist Lisette Santana. Some of the nastier business is left to the imagination, but enough is shown in graphic detail to keep gorehounds happy.
I’m proud to give DIE-NER (GET IT?) the Brain Hammer seal of approval. I didn’t get any contact info with the screener disc so I’m not sure if a dvd release is in the works or not. I hope this flick gets a proper release, because it’s a lot better than most of the homemade horror flicks I get sent to review. You can get a taste of this flick by checking out the official website: www.die-nermovie.com
KEEP THE BLOOD FLOWING!!!
Like most amateur critics, you summarize rather then criticize. The actual review is only five sentences long, which doesn’t even include the entire fifth paragraph, and never resembles anything remotely close to critical analysis. Moreover, the excessive summary spoils too much of what sounds like an interesting premise. Never provide too much detail of a scene, and avoid referring to specific scenes in general.
What little criticism you do offer is vague and superficial. What exactly is “sharp writing”? You say the supporting cast was solid. How? Why? And who? “Impressive”? Compared to what? And so forth.
You skirt around the objectives of a professional critic with lukewarm expressions such as “the comedy is there” and “worked in a big way”. This kind of semi-professional journalese severely injures your credibility as does your use of a username.
You no doubt are a fan of horror, but fandom does not always equate to integrity and fluency. Your tone is too relaxed. No one is ever going to take you seriously when you use inappropriate language– i.e. smart assed, worthless– when it should be “sarcastic” and nothing is worthless.
Finally, when you refer to yourself as “your old pal” you wear the persona of an old horror host or someone otherwise notable within the genre, which is very presumptuous for someone who cannot even deliver a competent review.
Don’t be old and predictable. Innovate and astonish.
LOL James Edgar the film critic’s critic. Seriously though I think you got it all wrong. Brain Hammer never set out to be a “professional film critic” he is a horror fan that wanted to write about his love of horror films and got stuck reviewing movies for me. He does this for the enjoyment of being able to see new horror films and see them for free. Also it is the Internet and the lack of “professionalism” is what makes it great. Journalism is dead people let it go already. Film reviews are boring wastes of time and I would take Hammer’s advice over any professional critics’ any day.
Amen brotha!