For the third month in a row a classic horror film remake has hit screens across America. In January Lionsgate gave us the unexpectedly entertaining “My Bloody Valentine 3-D,” February gave us the botched abortion named “Friday the 13th” by Platinum Dunes and March bestows upon us Rogue Pictures’ take on “Last House on the Left.” I only made it through half of the trailer for the “Last House” remake before deciding I had no interest in seeing what looked like yet another heartless attempt to cash in on classic horror flick with a recognizable title. The main part of the preview that turned me off was the wince inducing, hipster piano driven remake of the Guns N’ Roses hit “Sweet Child of Mine.” I am not exaggerating when I say it’s the worst cover I’ve heard since my dad thought it was funny to sing Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too Sexy” into our answering machine. Given the studio’s horrible choice in music for the preview I figured that the movie itself must be just as thoughtless and uninspired so I made a mental plan to spend my money on “Race to Witch Mountain” that week instead. But when a free screening invite popped up in my inbox who was I to turn it down? I’m glad I did too, “The Last House on the Left” ended up being a surprisingly good remake, both faithful to the original while crafting an identity all its own. It’s not a perfect movie by any means but it’s far better than I thought possible and delivers a genuinely thrilling third act.

The original “Last House on the Left” hit screens in 1972 and launched the career of horror writer/director Wes Craven who would go on to craft such iconic films as “The Hills Have Eyes,” “A Nightmare on Elm Street” and “Scream.” “Last House” is became a notorious film often referenced in the same tone as stomach churners “Cannibal Holocaust” and “I Spit on Your Grave.” It will always have a place in my cold damaged heart as the first truly fucked up movie I ever saw during a summer in middle school almost twenty years ago. I can still remember being in the video store, seeing Wes Craven’s name on the box, recalling he was the guy that did “Elm Street” and decided to pick that as my rental choice. Needles to say the film was nothing like anything I had ever seen at that point and it blew my pre-teen mind, this was not Freddy or Jason, this shit was real! Obviously I’ve gone on to see much darker and grittier corners of the horror world exposed but I’ll never forget the first time I saw “Last House on the Left.”

The basic plot of the remake is almost parallel with the ’72 original, a few changes have been made here and there but at its core this “Last House” is incredibly faithful to the original. Mari (Sara Paxton) and her parents arrive at their remote lake house deep in the woods, shortly after arriving she makes plans to visit her friend Paige (Martha MacIsaac) at the convenience store where she works. After Mari arrives, Justin (Spencer Treat Clark) approaches the counter and exchanges promises of weed for a pack of smokes. From there the three underage deviants head to Justin’s hotel room, toke up and right as it seems a threesome might breakout Justin’s dad Krug (Garret Dillahunt), and his crew arrive and break up the fun before deciding to create some of their own. The gang take the girls out to the nearby woods and commit despicable acts while forcing the disgusted, powerless Justin to watch. After enduring the cruelty Mari breaks free of her captors and attempts an escape only to end up being shot and left for dead. Carless, stuck out in the middle of the night in a powerful storm the crew of scumbags find refuge in a nearby house whose gracious couple offer them refuge from the attacks of Mother Nature. Little does the group know that their saviors are actually Mari’s parents and once they find out what happened to their daughters payback gets served up cold, well eventually it gets reheated in the microwave.

While “The Last House on the Left” remake is more graphic with its gore and violence, the more disturbing moments of sadism are toned down from the original. Sure there’s still a fairly brutal and long rape scene but the forced homosexual oral sex and pissing scenes are gone. But the biggest difference is the killer’s realization and resulting shame at the crimes they committed. In the original Wes Craven offers his villains a moment of clarity in which they become disgusted with their own actions and some even go so far as attempt to cleanse themselves of what they’ve done. In Director Dennis Iliadis vision of “Last House” outside of the victimized Justin none of the crew feels an ounce of remorse for what they took part in. Which was probably a conscious decision on the sophomore director’s part, after all I doubt you’d want to feel any pity for those bastards once Mari’s parents start inflicting their own brand of justice.

There are several memorable moments in “Last House” but the highlight of the film is easily Garret Dillahunt’s portrayal of Krug. Dillahunt proved himself as one of the best working character actors by playing two entirely different yet pivotal roles in HBO’s “Deadwood,” with most viewers never realizing he was the same actor. From there he went on to appear on several major yet crappier shows including “ER,” “Numb3rs” and “The Sarah Connor Chronicles.” Dillahunt carries the film, its entire structure rests on the believability of the cruelty Krug is capable of and Dillahunt delivers. But instead of going overboard with the bad guy persona he manages to make the rapist murderer something unexpected, he makes Krug slightly charming. The rest of the cast give surprisingly great performances which helps to create a far better film than I had expected.
The cinematography was spot on as well as the mood setting score, there were some pacing issues here and there but it’s ultimately a strong first American film from this Greek Director. Even though convenient occurrences such as the storm, single car family and the untimely arrival of Krug’s kill crew are the driving force behind the plot the script is respectful of the original film and builds upon the framework created by Craven and manages to find its own voice. My biggest complaint about “Last House” isn’t with the movie itself but with whatever morons put together the trailer. I’m glad I didn’t see the whole preview the first time, because once I saw it after viewing the film I realized that they gave away every single damn moment in the flick, from beginning to end. Well, at least that shitty “Sweet Child of Mine” cover doesn’t show up in the actual film, but come on people why the hell are you giving away the last few minutes of the film in the freaking trailer? But again this is no fault of the film just the visionless hacks that put the trailer together. While it may not be better than the original this interpretation of “Last House on the Left” is better than “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” and “Friday the 13th” remakes combined.

7 out of 10 Soiled Panties