I know the Punisher: War Zone is not even close to a horror film, but it is one of my favorite comics and it is my website so… Screw you! Anyway, when I was a kid I used to have a Cracked magazine, that had this huge chart of all the people killed in the Friday the 13th movies, and I loved it! I read it so much that the magazine fell apart. (Why this was in Cracked magazine is still a mystery to me.)

What does this have to do with the Punisher? Well…Reelz Channel put together this awesome Punisher: War Zone Body Count chart and they’re calling it “the most violent film ever made.” Since December seems like it is going to suck for horror, we need to get our blood and guts somewhere. Also be careful this does contain spoilers, but its the fucking Punisher what could you really spoil?

Oh and my point about the Cracked magazine is that the Punisher has more kills in one film than almost the entire Friday franchise.

:00 Opening Credits

Body count: 0
:04 Uninvited Guest

The Punisher (Ray Stevenson) crashes a big party hosted by a prominent New York Mob boss, laying waste to most of the (presumably criminal) guests in attendance. Ever the versatile vigilante, he showcases an impressive yen for variety — decapitating a woman with a knife, breaking another’s neck with his legs, and shoving a chair leg through a man’s skull. Oh, and he shoots a lot of people too.

Body count: 28
:10 A Bad Place to Hold a Meeting

Led by Billy “The Beaut” Russoti (Dominic West), the remaining members of New York’s criminal underworld meet at some sort of chemical plant to devise a new plan of attack. Wielding dual automatic pistols, Punisher drops in on them, and Russoti ends up tossed into a vat filled with glass bottles, his face ripped to shreds.

Body count: 6
:18 Punisher Rides the Subway

Who knew he was a fan of public transportation?

Body count: 0
:28 Dead Doc

Displeased with the results of his reconstructive plastic surgery, a horribly disfigured Russoti jams a pair of scissors through his physician’s head. He subsequently crowns himself Jigsaw.

Body count: 1
:32 Asylum Antics

Jigsaw busts his brother, aptly named “Loony Bin Jim,” out of a mental institution. Jim (Doug Hutchison) celebrates his newfound freedom by feasting on an orderly — gorging on his victim’s entrails while he screams in agony.

Body count: 2
:40 Bad Manners

During a Russo-Italian Mafia summit, Loony Bin Jim expresses his displeasure at a gesture made by one of his Russian counterparts by jamming the stem of a Champaign flute through the man’s neck, piercing his jugular.

Body count: 1
:48 Parkour No More

Punisher confronts a group of free-running thugs known as the “Urban Freeflow Gang.” Calling upon his military special forces training, he dispatches one of them with a heat-seeking RPG — in mid-air. A slightly more excruciating fate is handed to the gang’s leader, who is shot in the kneecaps and impaled on an iron fence before finally having his neck broken in a suitably brutal fashion.

Body count: 3
:54 Cop Killers

Two of New York’s Finest drop in on Jigsaw and his cronies while they’re ransacking a home — and pay the price.

Body count: 2
:58 Fist Meets Skull, Fist Wins

In a stunning display of force, Punisher kills a bad guy with one punch, jamming his fist through the man’s skull. Later, he installs some air conditioning in another man’s head with a giant handgun, while simultaneously comforting a traumatized little girl.

Body count: 2
1:02 Taking One for the Team

Punisher pays a visit to the home of his buddy Microchip (Wayne Knight), only to find that his trusted arms supplier has been abducted. Microchip’s beloved mother, on the other hand, was left behind, her head scattered in pieces on the floor.

Moments later, another of Punisher’s allies learns the price of loyalty, taking an ax to the chest from Loony Bin Jim. Despite Frank’s assurances that “you’re going to be fine,” the man expires in a gurgling heap.

Body count: 2
1:12 East Versus Far-East

Brandishing AK-47s, the Russian mob confronts a group of Asian gangsters. For some reason, the Asians seem surprised when the Russians start shooting at them.

Body count: 12
1:17 The Climax

Punisher infiltrates a heavily armed compound in which Jigsaw has assembled an all-star team comprised of Mafiosi of every nationality and stereotype. The ensuing carnage rivals that of Saving Private Ryan’s opening sequence, highlighted by a scene in which an extremely obese man is confronted while sitting on the toilet — and gets his head blown off.

Body count: 34
1:24 Frank Makes a Choice

A tense standoff ends with two men shot in the head.

Body count: 2
1:26 Jigsaw’s Fate

Punisher goes old-school for his final battle with Jigsaw, besting him in hand-to-hand combat. The fight ends with Punisher impaling his adversary on a pole and tossing him into a fire, ensuring that his final moments on earth are as painful as possible.

Body count: 1
1:30 Epilogue

In the film’s closing moments, Punisher saves his cop friend, Detective Martin Soap (Dash Mihok), from a mugger by shooting the assailant in the head. Off-screen, Soap laments hilariously, “Oh God, now I’ve got brains splattered all over me.”

Fin.

Body count: 1
Total number of on-screen kills (approximate): 97

Total number of nude scenes: 0