‘Well, they got the suck right. Too bad it lacked real bite.’ Hardy har. That is what I would say if I wrote for some weak ass horror site. But I don’t, so let’s get down to it.
The cover proclaims this documentary follows ‘the origin and evolution of the vampire movie.’ While it does cover most of the evolution of the vampire image in the last 10 years, it ultimately fails to acknowledge some of the biggest contributors over the course of its history.
The majority covered are current films, which hardly brush upon the vampire mythos. Look, I’m not even all that jazzed about vampires to begin with. (My editor WIL would say that is because 1. I was never molested as a young child, and 2. I’m not a fat chick that can’t get laid.) But when I think vampires, immediately I am reminded of Christopher Lee’s Dracula films, Jean Rollin’s psuedo-intelligent sex romps, German Impressionist magical movie Nosferatu, or Jess Franco’s sleazy lesbo flicks. Foreign films barely register in this documentary. Some old school films barely talked about/ clips included are Mark of the Vampire (1935), Nosferatu (’22), and Todd Browning’s Dracula (’31), and Hammer films.
For the brief history covered, the only thing mentioned is Vlad the Impaler and they even manage to get that wrong. Vlad was not thought to be a vampire in the 1400s. All cultures have some kind of fear of the undead that date back hundreds of years. But Vlad wasn’t introduced into the vampire folklore until Bram Stoker alluded to it in his Dracula.
The allure of vampires is lightly touched upon with some talk of sexiness, immortality, and oral sex. How this is a part of some people’s lives on a regular basis is completely ignored. Sorry Goth kids.
As for fiction, Anne Rice was covered of course. But what about John Polidori’s The Vampyre which was the catalyst to vampire romantisism? And what about Bram Stoker’s Dracula novel? What about Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s poem Cristabel which sparked lesbianism in vampire tales?
Also, left out are TV series Dark Shadows, the Twilight novels, Blacula, Werner Herzog’s 1979 remake of Nosferatu, etc. I could go on, but my fingers are running out of breath. But serisouly folks, do I really need to hear Stephen Sommers yap about the crap film Van Helsig?
Granted, horror vets like John Carpenter, Greg Nicotero, Stan Winston, John Landis, Joel Schumacher, Cory Haim (our favorite crackhead), and Cheech Marin (our favorite pothead) contribute. Note- Surprisingly, Cheech gives good commentary about sexy bloodsuckers being symbolic of Catholics guilt for wanting something tempting and forbidden.
But then you have horror-lite newcomers like Kristanna Loken and Stuart Townsend who hardly have a right discussing the topic. And where the hell was Wes Craven (Vampire in Brooklyn, Dracula 2000, etc.)? Kathryn Bigelow and her near-perfect Near Dark? Or George Romero, who created one of the best vampire tales, Martin, ever? What the fuck about Tobe Hooper, who directed Salem’s Lot? Where is Christopher Lee discussing his numerous appearances on film as Dracula? Hell, I would have even settled for Sarah Michelle Gellar bandying about Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
What they did get right for the most part was discussing how something that we once feared evolved into something we desire. Vampires are looked at like rock stars today. We no longer run from these beings, but long to be like them. Evolution, accordingly to Starz, is Western (Carpenter’s Vampires), Animated (Vampire Hunter D), Rock ‘n Roll (Queen of the Damned), Punk (Lost Boys), Revenge (Innocent Blood), Underground wars (Underworld), and Urban Superheroes (Blade).
This coverage is decent for a 57 minute doc. But realistically, it should have been about 2-3 hours if it were really going to cover the true origin and evolution. I have a feeling this doc is severely lacking because the writer/director behind it has zero experience in the horror industry at all.
Best Rant: Carpenter going on about how he would like to be immortal and how he would intentionally kill himself by walking into sunlight.
Rating: 3/10
