At this point poking fun at Uwe Boll and his collection of shitty films is akin to making fun of President Bush or kicking the arm braces out from under some palsy kid. It’s just too easy, so why bother. Boll has spent the last five years cementing his place in film history as the Ed Wood of this generation. He makes crap films based off of lower tier video games such as House of the Dead, BloodRayne and Alone in the Dark and by taking advantage of German tax shelters his films rarely lose money. I suppose I should be upfront and admit that I’m a bit of a fan of Boll; admittedly it’s of his “Fuck You” attitude towards the generic Hollywood machine then his films. But I’ve picked up every single DVD he’s put out in the states and I’ve enjoyed all the shit he’s smeared across celluloid since appearing in American markets back in 2003. Sure the enjoyment I’ve experienced is in the “so bad it’s good” vein which is why I was surprised that I truly enjoyed his latest flick Seed with slightly less irony than I expected.
Seed is the title character of Boll’s latest film; he’s the most notorious serial killer ever, racking up 666 kills in 6 months. After his eventual capture Seed is immediately sent to the electric chair, unfortunately the one regularly used by the prison is out for repair so they have to rely on one with a poor track record. Seed survives two back-to-back jolts and rather than attempt a third, the police declare him dead and burry him alive. Naturally he escapes his unceremonious send off and returns to slaughter the cops that attempted to give him a dirt nap.
After six critically lamented flicks Seed is the first time in five years that Boll has made a film that wasn’t spawned from a video game. Boll himself crafted this story entirely and while Seed steals plot devices from Texas Chainsaw Massacre to Shocker it punctuates each theft with such gory gusto that it’s hard for a horror fan not enjoy themselves. The film starts of with a warning about scenes of animal cruelty and then opens on Seed watching a TV showing footage of animal torture. The scene is totally unnecessary and is probably worth fast forwarding past, it’s a ham fisted attempt at sensationalism and is best ignored. Besides, why watch it when there is plenty of better gore scenes that actually pertain to the movie itself?
In addition to a wonderful bit of violence following a gang of cops attempt at non-consensual sodomy on Seed himself there’s a great five minute long scene later in the film featuring the killer “playing” with a victim. The scene is several minutes long and doesn’t feature a single cut whatsoever. That’s not counting the multiple whacks Seed takes at his helpless victim’s head with an axe. It’s a bit unsettling and features more CGI that I normally prefer but in the end it will undoubtedly be remembered as one of the more gruesome film moments of the last several years.
Seed was filmed back-to-back with Boll’s disappointingly average Postal and at times it really shows. Sets, costumes and actors are recycled from his other film, and while it doesn’t hurt Seed it’s defiantly noticeable. One of the more glaring instances is his reuse of German actor Ralf Moeller; a six and half foot tall freak that looks like Ron Perlman’s cousin from the providence of Gigantia. Moeller’s most recognizable as the huge German Hammacher in Beerfest, that along with roles in various barbarian films is fine for him but having him play a regular cop is bad casting with hilarious results. Every time he sits in a chair it brings back memories of Lily Tomlin’s Edith Ann, the dude is freaking huge and he talks like Mengele with a mouthful of Jew bones. He simply wasn’t right for the part and Boll should have shelled out a few more bucks for a better actor, or at least someone who can enunciate.
In the end Seed was better than I had hoped, it’s not a great film by any means, but it is the best movie Boll’s made so far. Besides, how often does one get to see a starved baby die and decay through then lens of a lime lapse camera? Plus the DVD release includes Criticized, the best short film I can remember seeing in years. I caught it at a festival a few years back and I’ve been hoping to see it’s eventual release ever since. Boll had nothing to do with this short, and while it deals with a filmmaker getting revenge on a harsh critic its inclusion is a bit unexpected yet very appreciated and worth the price of admission alone.
6 out of 10 Crushed Puppy Skulls
