Featuring the Voices Talents of: A bunch of white people dubbing over Japanese voices
Has life gotten you down? Is it someone else’s fault, as it usually is?
If the answer is yes, then perhaps you need to go online and go to HellCorrespondence.com (yes that is an actual URL) and get a little vengeance in your life. All you have to do is call Hell Girl (real name: Ai) and her pals and they’ll take care of it for in ways only Japanese anime can…
And at a cost of virtually nothing.
Except your soul damned for eternity in Hell after you die. But that was going to happen to you anyway, so at least you get some measure of blood-spattered retribution for it, and doesn’t that just feel delightful?
Such is the premise of the Hell Girl Anime series. I’ve never really gotten into anime over the years. Have nothing against it, just doesn’t seem to be my thing, and those friggin’ anime eyes seem WAY to big in proportion to their heads…
The Hell Girl Volume One: Butterfly comes with 5 Episodes of the apparently popular Hell Girl Series (I hadn’t heard of it until I got sent the DVD, but that’s not saying much). Such Episodes include:
-FROM BEYOND THE TWILIGHT (ooooooh ominous, like Where the fuck is it? It’s…beyond the twilight)- The trustworthy Myumi has been entrusted with a tidy sum of her grade school’s money for some kind of do-gooding project. But then she loses it (or has she?) and in an act of desperation is forced to strike a devil’s deal with the class rich bitch Aya. But Aya is really not very nice, and torments Myumi to no end. What can she possibly do to bring a halt to her suffering?
I don’t know, go online and call Hell Girl? Since the show’s called…Hell Girl
That she does, and with consequences that could consequently damn her soul. And those cookies can be a bitch.
-THE POSSESSED GIRL (those kinky Japanese…)- Ryoko is a little girl, with normal little girl problems, if ‘Normal’ means being stalked by a creepy bastard for over a year. But it turns out the stalker happens to be a member of the police force (oops!), who also happens to come from a wealthy and influential family. With no speedy legal avenues to go to, what can Ryoko do to avoid turning into a skewed cop’s pin cushion/midnight snack?
Um…if you guessed call Hell Girl you’d be right?
That she does, and with consequences that could consequently damn her soul…with damning consequences.
-THE TARNISHED MOUND (that sounds really dirty and not in a fun way)- Hanasaga is perhaps the greatest Japanese pitcher to strap it on since…the last great Japanese picture. But he may also be a murder. And a killer. And possibly a murderer. Who kills people.
Hanasaga has beaten another member of the High School baseball team with a baseball bat, maybe to compensate for his small penis, maybe not. But, with great pitching arm comes Get-out-of-Jail-Free card, and Hanasaga blames teammate/doormat Iwashita for the death, and everyone believes him.
What can Iwashita do to see that justice is served?
First guess? Call Hell Girl…
That he does, but with consequences that could possibly fuck him up in the afterlife, damning his soul to damnation. Consequently.
I’m glad this would never happen in America. No Sports star would ever get away with murder after killing his wife and another person and fleeing in a Ford Bronco. It just doesn’t happen in THIS country, kids.
-SILENT CRIES (sounds like a TV movie of the week about abortion or something)- Junko loses her dog Candy on her vet’s operating table. Candy is, um, was, Junko’s last and only friend as her parents died years ago (tear…). But it turns out that the vet Doctor Honjo was negligent in his care for Candy (he was talking to the Mayor about…golf) while Candy was sprawled on an op table fighting for her little doggie life.
And you don’t fuck with a little orphan girl’s dog…
So what does Junko do? This may surprise you, but she calls Hell Girl.
But there could be consequences that could consequently damn her soul with consequent consequences. But who gives fuck, he KILLED A LITTLE GIRL’S DOG!!!
Let that motherfucker fry!!!!
-THE WOMAN IN THE TALL TOWER (this is about the woman in the tall tower)- President Riho of the Deadline Corporation has been denied for Hell Girl and Co. despite repeated requests. Because Riho is a cunt. She’s been using her ‘relative’ Misato for various misdeeds and wrongdoings. But Riho might have gone too far, in trying to kill Misato, because Misato can go online too…
Who’s she gonna call? Hell Girl. Oh yeah, did you get that on the first guess that she would call Hell Girl? Be Honest…
But there could be consequences that could damn her soul to consequence Hell consequently. But who Cares, Riho KILLED A LITTLE GIRL’S DOG!!!
Okay, Riho didn’t, but killing little girl’s dogs isn’t very nice.
And there you have it kids…
What works about Hell Girl Volume 1: Butterfly-
1) An oddly upbeat title song considering the subject matter. Yeah, it’s in Japanese, but after watching 5 episodes back to back to back to back to back to back I began to groove along. You’ll do the same thing, I bet…
2) The Dog Montage (Silent Cries)- made me weep like a bitch
3) Hell Girl is like Jules in Pulp Fiction, having monologue just before she ferries your forsaken ass to Hell (“Perhaps…it’s time to die”) Perhaps is friggin’ right.
4) Floating Balls (The Tarnished Mound)
5) Hell Girl’s Crew doesn’t seem to have names and I hadn’t really watched the end credits. But I will give them their due. Hell Girl wouldn’t really be Hell Girl without…Hot Giesha Cleavage Woman, Young Cocky Kid, and Old Funny Guy
6) Gifts from Stalkers aren’t really that useful (The Possessed Girl)- What are you going to do with dead hamster or a bunch of bugs?
7) The Executive Producer is named Gen Fukunaga. That bears no real importance other than I say to say…Gen Fukunaga
What doesn’t work-
1) The first four episodes seem to be…the same episode over and over
2) Hell Girl is such a sour puss. She seems so down when she’s answering Vengeance requests. You’d think she’d be happy just getting out of the house
3) There should be a question on the Japanese Cop Application- Are you a Stalker?
4) Coincidence?- Every time someone hears of the website, it’s because people just happen to be walking by and talking about it (time, url). That’s rather convenient…
Overall. I’m sure there are better episodes of Hell Girl as there are multiple volumes available on DVD, but Hell Girl Volume 1 really isn’t one. Unless you like to watch repeated themes over and over. It could have been called “The Crappy Episodes” instead of Butterfly. As it stands Volume1 stands as the repetitive episodes, setting up the better episodes to come along…unless they’re all like that, and then you might begin seeking revenge against some anime companies…
