IT CAME FROM THE MAILBOX: CALAMITY OF SNAKES!

Gory greetings horroryearbook alumni! Welcome to the third (and possibly last) edition of IT CAME FROM THE MAILBOX, a new and exciting column where your old pal Brain Hammer reviews whatever random crap the good folks at horroryearbook decide to send my way.

A few weeks ago I got an e-mail from Molly asking me if I would be interested in reviewing a fucked up movie called CALAMITY OF SNAKES that a friend of HYB’s was distributing. She even assured me that it would be a really fun movie to watch while drunk or high.

Normally I wouldn’t dare imbide in such dangerous substances, but since my editor said it would improve my review I took her advice and got good and stoned before popping in the widescreen anomorphic edition of director William Chang’s CALAMITY OF SNAKES that the good folks at Apprehensive Films have released. To my delight I discovered that this is a brutal and bizarre 1982 Hong Kong horror film in the nasty tradition of the Mondo and animals gone wild subgenres of the 70′s.

A construction crew working on a brand new luxury apartment building stumbles upon a large nest full of hundreds of poisonous snakes. The ruthless owner of the complex orders the snakes killed, despite the frantic warnings of his psychic wife. The crew savagely slaughters the snakes with shovels, rocks, and an earth mover. The camera catches every gruesome moment of this and never once looks away. This scene goes on forever and is quite difficult to sit through.

Next up we meet the leader of the construction crew, a good natured chap who claims he isn’t against religion, he just feels one shouldn’t be too involved in it. He romances the daughter of his boss and the two kids take in a street vendor who promises to kill and slice apart poisonous snakes so that they can drink the blood, which will make them feel very good and healthy. We are then treated to more snake slaughter and shots of people happily guzzling snake blood.

The remaining snakes band together and seek revenge by slaying a couple while they screw. The construction crew responds by spraying the snakes with poison. This only angers the snakes and they kill off a few more potential renters. The land owner then instructs his crew to kill the snakes with the help of several bloodthirsty mongooses. This is yet another torturous scene that goes on forver and punishes the audience with more shots of snakes being ripped apart for real.

Still more snakes continue to flood the apartment building, so leader of the crew seeks out a martial arts master and snake expert. We are introduced to this guy in a disturbing psychedelic sequence where he is covered with snakes, pulls snakes out of his mouth, and lets a snake bit his tongue. This dude shows up at the apartment building and has a massive kung fu battle to the death with the oversized and magically powered mutant leader of the snake army!

The snake is sent packing and everyone celebrates. We then settle into about three hours of bullshit before things pick up again and the snakes return to kill the landowner’s weasel henchman in his car, snuff a few old folks while they knit, and then launch a massive attack inside the apartment’s building’s conveniently located disco! Finally, the fire department is called in and the firefighters finally exterminate the snakes once and for all with fire extinguishers, axes, and fire! The final mayhem degenerates into an all out war between the firefighters and the mutant flying snake leader!

What a fucked up movie indeed. It’s hard to endorse any flick where so many animals are killed on camera, but I have to admit this flick was fairly entertaining in a cheesy and sleazy sort of way. Despite being released in 1982, this flick has a distinct 70′s vibe. My favorite part of the movie was the soundtrack, which includes stolen cues from the classic soundtracks to MANIAC & ZOMBI. This is pure exploitation, not for everyone and certainly not for the weak or easily offended. I wouldn’t rank this one with other animal rampage classics like KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS or DAY OF THE ANIMALS, but this is certainly worth a look a for fans of wacked out HK cinema.

Hats off to Apprehensive Films for this very nice dvd release that includes the uncut widescreen version of the film. The dvd also includes a crappy short film called GHOULIGULA, and trailers for other Apprehensive Films releases including CENTIPEDE HORROR, HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY, and NAKED MASSACRE. Sleaze lovers should check out afcinema.net and grindhousedvds.com for more details on other upcoming releases.

KEEP THE SNAKE BLOOD FLOWING!!!