By Greg Lamberson
When I moved to NYC to study filmmaking at the School of Visual Arts, my uncle, who got me a job behind the candy stand at Cinema I (now Cinema 1, 2, 3rd avenue. Robert Craig Sabin—who would later star in my film SLIME CITY—worked there as well, and James Lorinz, the star of FRANKENHOOKER and STREET TRASH, worked for the same chain at the Beekman Theatre (immortalized in Woody Allen’s ANNIE HALL) a few blocks away. For my first few nights on the job, I worked with a young woman named Alice Martin, who trained me to replace her. I learned that she had acted in a low budget slasher movie called SPLATTER U.
Six months later—after deciding that film school wasn’t for me despite cool teachers like Roy Frumkes—I had climbed the corporate ladder of success and was working as an assistant manager at the RKO National Twin Theatre on Broadway and 43rd Street, one block away from The Deuce. At a really crappy six-plex called the Criterion, I actually paid money to see SPLATTER UNIVERSITY, directed by Richard Haines. I won’t say that I was impressed, but it was a fun movie to see in that theatre and neighborhood. I don’t remember exactly how Alice’s character was murdered—stabbed is a good guess—but I do remember her laying dead in a dumpster.
Maybe a year later, while managing that same theatre, my doorman, Joe Vitale, asked for passes for a guy he used to work with at another theatre, the Baronet and Coronet (which had been located next door to Cinema I… are you getting a good picture of my world?): John Michaels, who just happened to have been Richard Haines’s assistant director on SPLATTER UNIVERSITY! (Are you getting an even better picture of my world?)
As a micro-budget filmmaker, let me digress for a moment to tell you that low budget—or No Budget– horror filmmakers are thrilled anytime someone not related to them has seen their movie. While working at the National I also saw a film called SOUTH BRONX HERO, starring Mario Van Peebles. A few years later, I was the assistant director on a wretched film called PLUTONIUM BABY, directed (at least partly) by Billy Zarcha—who had directed SOUTH BRONX HERO! (“You saw my film?!?!”). And a few years after that, while managing the 86th Street East Theatre, I proclaimed a film SOLD OUT. My cashier said “Look!” and pointed at the person who had just lost out on the last tickets. It was none other than Mario Van Peebles, TV’s SONNY SPOON. And he was with a real hot date. He pointed to his face and made a goofy, pleading expression. I shook my head “No”—SOUTH BRONX HERO was a terrible movie and I had paid to see it
Anyway, John Michaels told me he was about to direct his first feature, a 16m horror comedy called I WAS A TEENAGE ZOMBIE. My partner in crime, Peter Clark—who had attended also attended SVA, worked at Cinema I, and stopped going to SVA—attended our first ever production meeting in a hideous Brooklyn apartment in a real scary neighborhood. I had already written SLIME CITY for us to make together, but we knew we needed to work on a film like I WAS A TEENAGE ZOMBIE to get valuable set experience. This particular meeting was conducted over a case of beer, and I met the film’s screenwriter, James Martin—Alice’s brother.
In the end, I signed on as production manager (even though I didn’t know what that was) and Peter signed on as Assistant Cameraman. We figured these positions would best help us in our own endeavor. We were told upfront that it would take one month to shoot the film, that the days would be long, and that there would be no pay other than “points” in the film which might or might not lead to genuine income. As eager filmmakers, Peter and I quit our jobs to work on this film.
As Production Manager, I “hired” a special make-up effects artist, a former SVA classmate named Mike Lackey (who would star in STREET TRASH with Lorinz); I found a 50s style diner called for in the script; and I did a lot of running around. I was kind of surprised when I read Jim Martin’s script: I liked it, but it was 120 pages long, with really, really wide dialogue columns. I told John that the script was way too long, and they should cut it down to 90 pages. John insisted that the dialogue would be fast and snappy; I shrugged.
In the Baronet and Coronet, I watched John hold auditions. One of the key scenes was when Cindy Faithful finds out that her dead boyfriend, Dan Wake, isn’t dead at all, but a teenage zombie living in the basement of the diner! I was impressed by the pathos that some of the actors brought to the scene, and I was really excited to be part of the project.
Michael Ruben, the actor chosen to play Dan, was the brother of Joseph Ruben, who had directed my favorite coming of age film, OUR WINNING SEASON, and had just finished the ultra cool DREAMSCAPE. Cassie Madden was cast as Cindy.
Other actors included Peter Bush (who looked like Steve Ditko’s Peter Parker); Alan Rickman (who lacked one shoulder and bore no resemblance to the DIE AHRD actor); and George Seminara, who had actually been hilarious in SPLATTER UNIVERSITY. Kevin Nagle was excellent as our greaser, “the Bird.” One key role needed to be filled: Chucky, the teenage scientist. I brought in a very funny aspiring standup comedian who worked with me at the National, and several of us sat in silent embarrassment as he stuttered, stammered, and agonized over a page of dialogue; he was literally illiterate. Hoping to redeem myself, I brought in my friend Robert Sabin, for whom I’d written the starring role in SLIME CITY. After all, if Peter and I had to quit our jobs to learn our craft, why shouldn’t he have to as well? Robert is anything but illiterate and aced the audition.
Production began in 1984. We shot primarily in Fort Lee, New Jersey. Every day we’d meet at the George Washington Bridge and a van would take us to location. While I encourage budding filmmakers to work on a project like this for free once to learn the ropes, I also advise them to insist on transportation money.
Things got pretty dramatic right away. There were two Directors of Photography on the film, Peter Lewnes, who was also an investor in the film, and Bob Mecca, a much younger guy. They split duties so they could continue working paying gigs. But John, the director, and Bob, the DP, did not get along. At all. Things escalated during the first few days until Bob punched John in the face and absconded with footage we’d shot. Peter interceded and retrieved the footage, but he was required to finish the film alone, a hardship.
Early in the shoot, Mike Lackey played “Lloyd Kaufman,” a character who goes swimming in the East River and gets burned by radiation. John had worked at Troma, the company that released SPLATTER U, cutting trailers, and there was very bad blood between him and SPLATTER U’s director, Richard Haines. Lacky went into the river, cut his foot, and made me shoot pictures of the wound. Then he went to our SVA class and told him that it had been my idea to take those photos…
Lackey’s make-up “design” for the zombies consisted of green make-up. Peter Clark took one look at them and said, “That sucks! Put some oatmeal on his face or something!” And that’s how our zombies deteriorated throughout the film. But Lackey’s Big Night came when we shot a scene in which the evil zombie Mussolini (Steve McCoy) raped Hilda (Lynnea Benson). The scene called for Mussolin to throw Hildy on a car hood and raise her legs to her head, splitting them. This effect was achieved by having two actresses position themselves beside Lynnea, out of frame, and “spread” their legs. That aspect of the effect worked like a charm. Lackey squirted blood from a container from down below, between Lynnea’s real legs. He pumped and he pumped and he pumped that blood, until she screamed at him in front of everyone: “Stop it, you misogynist twerp!” Lackey took the outburst in stride, with his customary declaration: “Film is forever!” That was before digital video…
We had a few all night shoots: one in the diner, one in the gymnasium for the climax, one at a drive-in. We all busted our asses. My least favorite moment was at Brooklyn college, on a day when we weren’t fed. The assistant director—in this case, the assistant to the director—bought John a sandwich. He didn’t want to be rude to her, so he ate it—in front of the rest of us. After that, I vowed to always have food for my cast and crew. My favorite moment was when we shot the ending, when Dan carries Cindy’s corpse into the radioactive river, which will cause her to rise as a zombie too. Typical of the production, they didn’t have enough lights for this crucial night time scene, so we turned all of the car lights and “got an image,” as Roger Corman would say. The most telling moment ame on the day that John declared he “hated horror.”
I was pressed into action more than once as an extra. Coincidentally enough, I always played a scrawny redhead, a role I could never play today. I even got to deliver dialogue as a nerd who tried to buy weed from the zombie drug dealer “for the big school dance” near the film’s climax.
All in all, I liked everyone on this shoot except for one guy: I won’t name him because I don’t want to get sued, but he was a positively manic character in a position of authority who unwittingly united the cast and crew against him, like the Martians uniting the different nations of earth in WAR OF THE WORLDS, with his boorish and obnoxious behavior. To this day I cringe just thinking about him.
I think it may have taken two years for the top cats to finish this film, although my involvement ended with principal photography. About a month after the shoot, despite all the negative things I’d heard about Troma, I signed on to be a PA on CLASS OF NUKE ‘EM HIGH during preproduction. When I was there, the atmosphere was very much like that of a cult: they even handed me a list of behavior to exhibit, including “always smile” and “always be friendly” and “always show a positive attitude.”
After the month I’d spent with the down to earth Zombie crew (most of them Greek), I felt really uncomfortable with the Troma Team. Two PA’s went out on runs before lunch and never returned. A guy who interviewed me ran and told the director, Richard Haines, that I’d worked on I WAS A TEENAGE ZOMBIE for his former assistant, John Michaels. I was stunned when Haines came in and interrogated me for an hour to make sure John hadn’t sent me to spy on him! I swear, I’ve never seen such paranoid behavior in my life, and I wasn’t surprised to learn that Lloyd Kaufman took over directing halfway through the shoot. I finished out my day but swore I’d never go back.
John and his associate producer, Sal Lumetta, edited, then dubbed, then filmed additional scenes for ZOMBIE. Two big scenes that took a lot of time and hard work to shoot were cut out: the drive in sequence and a big machete swordfight staged in a park. They were cut because I’d been right: the script was way too long. One of the producers toiled on the impressive soundtrack, which featured the like of the Waitresses and Los Lobos. The finished film played as a midnight movie for about six weeks at the Waverly Twin in NYC, formerly home to BASKET CASE. Charter Home Entertainment released it on VHS and I received a check for $100.
John Michaels never made another feature, horror or otherwise; he became a monk, and I understand he shot recruiting videos for his order, presumably with subtitles. Jim Martin wrote and directed a similar film called FLESH EATING MOTHERS (also without lights). Robert Sabin, Peter Clark and I made SLIME CITY. Allen Rickman played the video store in SLIME CITY, then held me up for $20 to play a corrupt coroner in UNDYING LOVE. Peter Bush, who was easily frightened, worked with me at a video store, where I tormented him until he quit. I couldn’t help it; I like to scare people. George Seminara (“Gordy”) directed several Ramones videos and produced some documentaries about them. He also spent six months as a juror in the Bernhard Goetz subway vigilante trial. Cassie Madden was an extra in EAT AND RUN, a horror comedy that played at the 8th Street Playhouse. Steve McCoy wrote several screenplays in Spain before he died in 1994.
I ran into Lynnea Benson (“Hildy”) on the street about two months after the shoot. She was with two guys who seemed to be competing for her attention. I said, “Hi, Lynnea!” She looked at me like I didn’t exist and then looked away. Uh-huh. Several years later, she was a customer at yet another video store where I worked, Movie Place on West 105th street, near Columbia University. She was married then, and had put on a little weight (she recognized me, I didn’t recognize her). And she was one of the nicest customers I’ve ever had. She said, “I bet I was a real bitch, wasn’t I?”
When casting SLIME CITY, I called Steve Reidy, who played “1st Policeman,” and offered him the role of the detective. You’d think he’d have been flattered that I’d thought of him, but he said, “Ah, I’m sick of this horror shit.” So I cast Dick Biel, who’d starred as the wheelchair bound priest in SPLATTER UNIVERSITY instead, and Reidy never acted in another movie.
I WAS A TEENAGE ZOMBIE was released on DVD, sans extras, by Image Entertainment. More notably, it had a healthy run on IFC. More people have probably seen me in that than have seen SLIME CITY. I’m not ashamed of it. Somewhere, somebody owes me another $100 check.
