Gory greetings horroryearbook alumni! This week’s PICKS FROM THE CRYPT are a terrible trio of hardcore hardware hack ‘em ups that all feature plentiful scenes of power tools piercing flesh. LET THE BLOODSHED BEGIN!!!

THE TOOLBOX MURDERS (1978)

http://imdb.com/title/tt0078405/

The late great Cameron Mitchell stars as Vance Kingsley, an apartment building super who slips into psychosis and becomes a homicidal maniac. Vance dons a ski mask, grabs his trusty toolbox, and begins taking the lives of the filthy females in his apartment building that do “unnatural” things to their bodies. His victims are a haggard assortment of naked skanks that include alcoholics, porn stars, and strippers. Bit by bit, the killer carves up a nightmare with a power drill, hammer, screwdriver, and nail gun.

The madman then sets his sights on a sweet virginal gal named Laurie. Instead of hacking her to pieces, he kidnaps the young girl and ties her up to his bed. Vance later explains to the terrified gal that she reminds him of his daughter, who was recently killed in a car accident. In his deranged mind Vance believes he is protecting Laurie from God, who wants to claim her pure soul the same way he claimed his daughter’s.

Despite the fact that all the murders take place within the same apartment complex, there’s no sign of forced entry, and the murders are all committed with tools, Vance is never seen as a suspect by authorities. The police are baffled by the sheer brutality of the crimes and can’t seem to find a single clue. Laurie’s brother Joey and his best pal Kent finally get fed up with the ineptitude of the police and decide to take the law into their own hands. Their investigation eventually turns up a dildo and a deadly secret. Will Laurie survive, and what will be left of her?

Director Dennis Donnelly’s “The Toolbox Murders” was one of the most controversial horror films of the pre-slasher era. It was even discussed at length on the Donahue show. Old Phil ranted and raved about how sick the film was and even showed the nail gun murder scene in it’s entirety, much to the shock and horror of the fat housewives in his studio audience! “The Toolbox Murders” was also banned in the UK for several years as a video nasty. It’s certainly lurid stuff, but it’s exceedingly well made and also works a character study. Cameron Mitchell does a fantastic job in the lead role and actually makes the character somewhat sympathetic. Miles beyond the usual mute masked killers, and a lot more interesting too.

A few years ago Bill Lustig’s Blue Underground released “The Toolbox Murders” on dvd. As expected from Blue Underground, the dvd features a number of fantastic supplements including a commentary track with producer Tony Didio, DP Gary Graver, and star Pamelyn Ferdin, theatrical trailers and tv spots, and a still gallery. My favorite feature is “I Got Nailed In The Toolbox Murders” – an interview with actress Marianne Walter, better known to old school porno fans as Kelly Nichols. Hail Bill Lustig! You are truly a sleazy gorehound’s best friend!

Enjoy some brutality from “The Toolbox Murders!”

DRILLER KILLER (1979)

http://imdb.com/title/tt0079082/

A true piece of rock & roll cinema, “Driller Killer” begins with an on screen title card instructing viewers to play the film LOUD. Infamous director Abel Ferrara stars (under the name Jimmy Laine) as Reno Miller, an up and coming avant garde artist who struggles to keep a roof over his head and to hold on to the last shreds of his sanity. Reno is constantly tormented by the sleazy denizens of the mean streets of NYC, and his manhood is threatened by his girlfriend’s girlfriend. Things take a turn for the worse for Reno when a fucking horrible punk rock band called Tony Coca Cola & The Roosters move into the apartment above him and assault his eardrums with their non stop rehearsals.

The constant noise prevents Reno from finishing his latest masterpiece, a bizarre and bloody painting of a buffalo. After many long nights filled with frustration, inspiration finally hits Reno in a big way when he catches a TV ad for a nifty combination belt/battery pack that allows mobile use of power tools. Reno quickly runs to a hardware store to buy one, and then begins wandering the streets at night with a drill. Now completely unhinged and frequently hallucinating, Reno drills holes into any bum that makes the fatal mistake of bothering him.

Despite the rather lurid sounding premise and title, this is actually more of a cracked out character study than a traditional slasher film. “Driller Killer” owes a lot more to films like “Taxi Driver” than “The Toolbox Murders.” Horror fans looking for non stop bloodshed will be sorely disappointed, although the film is punctuated with some fairly graphic kills. The film’s gore centerpiece is the brutal scene where Reno plunges the drill into a hobo’s forehead. This incredible scene was used as cover art for the notorious UK vhs release, which was promptly banned and instrumental in helping to create the “Video Nasties” craze. As a result, “Driller Killer” was banned in the UK until 1999 and wasn’t released uncut until 2002.

“Driller Killer” perfectly captures the sleazy essence of the big apple in the 70’s. It was the directorial debut of Abel Ferrara, who would later go on to helm equally disturbing films with much bigger budgets including “Ms. 45” and “Bad Lieutenant.” “Driller Killer” is hardly a perfect film, but the positives outweigh the negatives by my estimation. The film takes a long time to get to the bloodshed so impatient horror fans might have to hit the fast forward button a few times to complete a viewing. There are numerous scenes of Reno arguing with people. Mostly his girlfriend, but also his landlord and his art dealer. Bickering and bad music largely comprise the first two thirds of the film. In the long run this actually works in the film’s favor, because it’s much easier to relate to Reno’s descent into madness when you suffer right along with him as you watch.

Cult Epics has released “Driller Killer” on dvd a few different times. The best release is the two disc collectors edition which is presented in widescreen and includes a hilarious drugged out director’s commentary track, theatrical trailers, and three of Ferrera’s early short films. Essential exploitation.

Check out the trailer!

NAIL GUN MASSACRE (1985)

http://imdb.com/title/tt0089665/

After a brutal gang rape occurs on a construction site in a small Texas town, a masked killer with a bad case of Darth Vader-itis and a penchant for horrible Freddy Krueger wisecracks goes on a killing spree seeking revenge against… well pretty much everyone. Dressed in camouflage, driving a hearse, and armed with a pneumatic nail gun, the deranged killer makes swiss cheese out of any redneck that crosses his deadly path.

The unfortunate victims are repeatedly nailed in the head, the groin, to trees, to the highway, and sometimes to each other. The dimwitted country bumpkin sheriff with a badge that likes to switch sides on his chest at random teams up with an always denim clad county medical examiner who looks like the bass player from Journey to investigate the murders. As these two geniuses wander around aimlessly looking for clues the nail ridden dead bodies begin stacking up like cord wood.

I’m a huge fan of this hilariously inept 80’s slasher flick with a huge body count. This flick delivers like fifteen bloody murders and some nice titties within its 90 minute running time. Hard to argue with that! “Nail Gun Massacre” is a special film for many reasons, but my favorite part has to be the odd, inexplicable appearance of a toothless old geezer who randomly shows up in a scene and proceeds to steal the whole fucking movie by asking the immortal question “Hey, what put all them holes in her body? Sex?” That’s followed closely by the dead body that starts to tip over and is thoughtful enough to prop himself back up so he doesn’t fuck up the shot. You don’t see that in every flick.

Fans of gratuitous nudity will enjoy a steaming eyeful thanks to a big haired blonde who proudly displays her enormous rack, complete with tan lines and a set of nipples roughly the size of a midget’s thumbs! There’s also a fairly sleazy scene with a really ugly couple bumping uglies against a tree, and an unbelievable moment where a hick talks his bimbo date into having sex on the hood of his car “so they can really fly!” The latter sex scene is set to the tune of a toe tapping number entitled “Foozeball” that is played in it’s entirety not once, but twice in a row. It’s guaranteed to get stuck in your head. What I really appreciate about the chicks in this flick is the fact that they are all 100% authentic trailer trash. No pesky silicone or cosmetic surgery to ruin the fun, they all look like chicks you could pick up at a county fair.

Writer, producer, and co-director Terry Lofton was the brains and the bucks behind this incredibly cheesy homemade horror flick More than a few critics have slammed “Nail Gun Massacre,” but I think it more than delivers the goods for horror fans with a hunger for bloody mayhem and cheap, sometimes unintentional laughs. Terry has stated that he didn’t want to make a “real blood & guts type horror movie” but instead wanted to make a fun, low key horror flick. Hats off to Terry for a job well done. If you attempt to take this seriously, you’ll probably hate it. But if you watch this flick with sense of humor you’ll love it. This is a perfect movie to watch on a Saturday night with a few beers and buds.

Synapse Films released a fantastic looking dvd of “Nail Gun Massacre” that was fully restored in high definition and is presented in anamorphic widescreen. The special features include outtakes, a promotional trailer, and an interview with Terry Lofton. There’s also some very funny liner notes from Michael Felsher that point out some of the film’s many shortcomings.

Do you have the guts to watch almost six minutes of “Nail Gun Massacre” highlights?

KEEP THE BLOOD FLOWING!!!

Read All of “Brain Hammer’s Picks From the Crypt!”