“How do I get out of this chickenshit outfit?”
– Hudson from Aliens

“Must be a chick thing.”
– Johner from Alien: Resurrection

“So you cooked up a story and dropped the six of us in a meatgrinder?”
– Dutch from Predator

I will always love Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan. It is one of those great instances where the sequel towers above the original in many ways. Star Trek: The Motion Picture was nothing to write home about. The trailer for The Empire Strikes Back was the highpoint of that holiday movie going experience back in the Fourth Grade. Sadly, I drank the Kool Aid regarding the latest installment of the Aliens vs. Predator films; Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem. The trailer promised a much better film than the original one in this combination of classic franchises. The first film, AVP: Aliens vs. Predator was the equivalent of killing two great creations with one stone. Paul W.S. Anderson managed to give his usual dose of cinematic poison to the moving image. The sad thing is that the film was based on a much beloved Dark Horse comic book series– some things are better left on the page and to the imagination. While the first film was very run of the mill and left nothing to the imagination, conventional wisdom suggested that an R-rated sequel might up the stakes. If ever there was a Wrath Of Khan moment, this would be the one. Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem is not that saving grace; not even close. The sequel is more of the same, but with more gore. This would not be a bad thing, but the film boasts a very mythological lineage which it insults more than compliments. While watching the film, two Van Halen songs come to mind; “Where Have All The Good Times Gone” and “Jamie’s Cryin.” I could not get them out of my head. I must learn to stop riding the trailer bandwagon. If the first film did not kill off both franchises, maybe this film will, but I really doubt it. I am sure an unrated DVD will ensure a third film.

Requiem picks up where the last film left off and you do not need to watch the first film to grasp what is going on in this film. The Predator space ship crashes near a Colorado town after mayhem erupts on the ship. The Aliens and their face huggers are let loose on the surroundings and all hell erupts. This is the film in nutshell. Does that sell it to you? If it does, go out and enjoy the rest of your holiday vacation. All the Predators all killed on the ship. A “Pred-Alien” is the ringleader among the rest of beasties on Earth. Meanwhile, a lone Predator comes to earth after receiving a distress call. Yes, we get to see the Predator home planet. Is there only one Predator on this planet? Where is everyone else? Perhaps, they were watching the Spice Channel or they had better agents. The lone Predator comes to Earth to hunt down and kill all of the Aliens. He has the equivalent of the Arnold Schwarzenegger role from the first Predator film. It is interesting because the film cannibalizes from the first Predator and Aliens greatly. Meanwhile, the townspeople are stuck in the middle of this massive alien species conflict. Humans never fare well in these films, but I will say this. Predators will spare a pregnant woman, but Aliens will not even grant that kind of mercy.

Trouble starts when Steven Pasquale is one of the film’s protagonists. Steven Pasquale plays Dallas (an obvious nod to Tom Skerritt’s Captain Dallas in the first Alien film), an ex-con who comes back home at the wrong time. Pasquale is best known for playing Sean Garrity on one of my favorite shows, Rescue Me. Sean Garrity is the last person in the world I want watching my back. Where is Denis Leary’s Tommy Gavin to save the day? Really, I just kept wishing that his Rescue Me pals would show up and start kicking major ass. I recognize some of the other actors from television and other films. Reiko Aylesworth plays Kelly, an Iraq War Veteran, who has just come home from the war. She plays Kelly as an obvious nod to Sigourney Weaver’s Ripley– too much at times. Kelly is concerned with the safety of her young daughter. This is meant to echo the relationship between Ripley and Newt in Aliens. The rest of the cast is your usual stock of genre stereotypes. The teenage melodrama that ensures is half baked CW material at best. I would have felt safer with Chasey Lain from Chasey Saves The World fighting the Aliens. Come to think of it, this film could have used her.

Humans are nothing more than Face Hugger bait in this film. The other thing that bothers me with these two films is that the chest bursting sequences have lost their ability to shock. Dare I say it; it has become run of the mill. H.R Giger’s creations have lost their ability to be the stuff of nightmares; I blame that on the Species films as well. Sure the first one was interesting, but by the second one Michael Madsen looked more than pissed off that his books of poetry were not selling more copies. The lack of true scares may be the film’s ultimate problem. Sure this story sounds great on paper. Fans of both films, especially the Alien films, have been waiting for carnage on Earth for a long time. Sadly, this film and its predecessor are not the right ways to go about it. The same problem can be attributed to the Resident Evil films; the ideas are interesting, but the execution is bland. Those films were based on video games and the video games are far more interesting. AVP: Requiem has the same kind of feel. I felt like I was watching a video game and wished I was at home playing Mass Effect or Bioshock instead of watching this film. A message to directors, Greg and Colin Strause and screenwriter, Shane Salerno, do not play us cheap. There is a Writer’s Strike going on and the Fan films may embarrass you in the long run.

Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem has a built in audience. I cannot say I am disappointed by the finished product. My cynical nature expects these kinds of results. Sure, the R-rated mayhem is better than the first film, much better, but nothing to write home about in the end. Although, I do have to say shame on you, Walter Hill. You should know better than anyone that this is paint by numbers filmmaking. Walter Hill is an executive producer on this film and a producer for the whole Alien series. He is a fantastic filmmaker in his own right. Surely, the sour production of Supernova could not have infected him so much. I thought the cerebral Deadwood would have made him know the difference between good and bad again. Part of me wishes Walter Hill would have directed this one– at least there would have been lots of broken glass. While I feel the film has some decent moments, it is not enough for it to rise above its mediocre nature. Still, not a complete waste of a Christmas Day. When I was younger, I thought an Alien V and a Predator 3 sounded like great films. The Aliens vs. Predator films make me think it is best to put these ideas behind us.

- Jerry Dennis