Directed By: Director: Adam Green
Review by Greg Baty
Two college guys in town for Mardi Gras decide to take a break from their buddies and the madness and go on a haunted swamp-boat tour. They find the only place in town that still does the tour and hop on board with a few other folks looking for a few non boobs-n-beads thrills. You have your old couple, a Girls-Gone-Wild-type porn producer with his 2 sluts, the quiet mystery girl and of course, the incompetent tour guide.
While getting ready to start the tour an ominous warning comes from an old guy sitting in a boat, “Turn back, this swamp is closed!”. Not heeding his warning, the tour continues as the fumbling guide tells erroneous tales of haunted lights, ghosts, and Victor Crowley. As he prattles on and on not impressing anyone, he runs the boat up on a rock and strands the party out in the middle of the alligator infested swamp.
Only when one of the tourists is wounded by a gator and panic starts to settle in do we hear the real story of one Victor Crowley: He was a badly deformed child who lived with his father in the swamps and was accidentally killed by a Halloween prank by some local kids. His spirit is now believed to be roaming the woods taking his revenge. One by one the group is picked off by the ragin’ Cajun and carnage is all that is left.
Billed as “Old School American Horror” and hailed by many to be the triumphant return of the ’80s slasher genre, this homage to past bloodlettings is mired in forced humor and silly, annoying characters. That era’s slasher phase is one of my favorites, so I know that amongst the blood, sex and gore there was a little humor mixed in for fun. But every bit of atmosphere and all of the potentially gruesome scares are ruined in Hatchet. The constantly complaining black dude is one of the most irritating characters in recent memory.
Aside from the contrived humor, you still get the horrible dialogue and illogical character actions that is expected in this type of movie. But that’s OK, I have come to love that about this genre. I do have to give kudos for the fantastic kills and intensely gruesome gore effects. Victor does things to these people right in front of the camera that will make you gag and celebrate all at once.
I didn’t hate this movie by a long shot contrary to my anti-humor rant. I just saw so much potential that could have actually lived up to the hype this movie got. I am hoping for a sequel that takes Victor and strips this story down to its bones; sex, blood, gore, a hulking madman and chicks in little ’80s hot shorts.
Um, that last one is just for me.
- Review by Greg Baty of The Playground Review
