This week’s PICKS FROM THE CRYPT are a terrible trio of 80′s pseudo-slashers. Not exactly straight slasher flicks perhaps, but certainly violent and brutal efforts that should satisfy even hardcore slasher fans. These are classic genre flicks that all feature psycho killers stalking and slashing their female victims. Ladies, lock your doors – or LET THE BLOODSHED BEGIN!!!

“Don’t Answer The Phone” (1980)

http://imdb.com/title/tt0080645/

The late, great Nicholas Worth chews up the scenery as Kirk Smith, a deranged Vietnam vet with a voracious appetite for weight lifting and strangulation. Kirk spends his days working as a sleazy photographer, prowling the streets of Los Angeles looking for attractive young women. When night falls the psycho strangler violently breaks into the homes of women that live alone and has his way with them. He enjoys burning them with candle wax, biting their breasts, and violating their every orifice. Kirk favors an unusual Vietnamese method of strangulation: wrapping a large gold coin in nylon and using it as a tourniquet to slowly squeeze the life from his lingerie clad victims.

Not content with the brutal acts of rape, mutilation, and strangulation, Kirk also has a fetish for leaving his victims’ dead bodies in lurid positions in public places. This final outrage is a slap in the face to the terrified citizens, and to the dumbfounded police. The ego maniacal serial killer also enjoys calling in to a local radio show to taunt the female psychologist host – Lindsay Gale, by boasting of his demented crimes. A police detective investigating the case becomes romantically involved with Lindsay, just as Kirk also decides to to set his sights on her. This love triangle quickly turns deadly, because no matter how hard Lindsay tries to stay alive – the murderer is always just a phone call away.

“Don’t Answer The Phone” is equal parts sleazy/disturbing/inept/hilarious. The sweaty psycho killer is fantastic and the numerous scenes of him in action are brutal and convincing stuff. Nicholas Worth does a great job playing an emotionally disturbed character, wildly fluctuating from angry to sobbing – often within the same scene. The movie then takes a turn for sheer unintentional hilarity whenever it features the bumbling police officers that are investigating the case. The comedic value is great enough that Rhino Home Video once released this film (in a heavily edited form) on dvd.

Don’t mistake “Don’t Answer The Phone” for pure schlock though, as it packs a quite a punch in the vein of other crude, yet effective flicks like “Maniac” and “Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer.” The original storyline was based on the Michael Curtis novel “Nightline,” which was a fictionalized account of the notorious “Hillside Strangler” case. The corpses of the female victims being left in lurid, open legged display by the killer and the formation of a “strangler task force” are both taken directly from the real case.

Fans of serial killer flicks, police thrillers, brutal home invasion kills, and occasional moments of odd, out of place cheesy comedy will no doubt appreciate this. BCI released a beautiful looking, 100% uncut dvd release of “Don’t Answer The Phone” that includes goodies like a commentary track with director Robert Hammer (no relation), an interview with Nicholas Worth, a stills gallery, and a nifty trailer reel featuring ads for a few of Crown International’s classic genre flicks.

Check out the trailer:

“The New York Ripper” (1982)

http://imdb.com/title/tt0084719/

The female residents of New York City are being sliced and diced by a rampaging maniac. The press dubs the killer “The New York Ripper” – and he wields the blade with precision, quickly carving his way through the big apple. A hard boiled, whore banging police detective teams up with a closet fag psychoanalyst to hunt for the sadistic slut snuffer with the wacky voice of a duck. Things get personal when the deviant duck slices up the nipples and eyeballs of “Kitty,” the detective’s favorite prostitute! QUACK! QUACK! QUACK!

This is probably legendary director Lucio Fulci’s most bloodthirsty effort, which is really saying something. The abundant gore on display here is fantastic. No discreet cutting away from the action. Fulci delivers the real thing as always. The multiple razor blade slashings are gory as hell. The most disgusting scene has to be the extended razor blade torture that the killer inflicts upon actress Daniela Dora (who had already puked her guts up in Fulci’s City Of The Living Dead). The best part of that sequence has to be when the killer slowly drags the razor across her eye. The effects work in this scene is very well done. The eyeball even rolls back into her head as it’s being cut, which adds a particularly unnerving quality to the effect.

“The New York Ripper” is one of Lucio Fulci’s most controversial films. It is frequently accused of being misogynistic and overly brutal toward women. “The New York Ripper” is unquestionably an extremely violent and unpleasant film. The over the top carnage is nonstop, and the motivations and emotions of the mad killer are equally perverse and disturbing. There’s also an abundance of SLEAZE on display – with plenty of Times Square sex shows, masturbation, gay porno, and a husband who gets off listening to tape recordings of his wife having sex with other men. Not to mention the infamous “TOE RAPE” scene, which is another nasty highlight.

This is one of my favorite Fulci films. It plays out like like a sleazy combination of an Italian giallo and an American slasher flick, and reeks of cheesy 70′s police drama. Thanks to the typically atrocious dubbing the characters all sport thick and terrible “Noo Yoik” accents. My favorite character is the tough talking coroner, who delivers the immortal line – “He used a blade. Stuck it up her joytrail, and slit her wide open. He could have done a better job if he had more time. But overall it was good, efficient butchery.” The music throughout also is appropriately funky/sleazy sounding. Not for everyone, but jaded horror fans looking for an unrelentingly grim and sadistic slasher are likely not to be disappointed.

Watch “The New York Ripper” in action – IF YOU DARE!

“10 To Midnight” (1983)

http://imdb.com/title/tt0085121/

The legendary Charles Bronson (RIP) stars as Leo Kessler – a mean, selfish, son of a bitch who wants a killer. The killer he wants is Warren Stacey, a good looking yet sexually frustrated creep who uses his knife as a penis and enjoys slashing his victims in the nude. Warren also has a talent for evidence disposal and creating airtight alibis. It doesn’t take long for veteran detective Kessler to figure out that Warren is his man. The stakes are raised when Warren begins making obscene phone calls to Leo’s estranged daughter – a sexy young college nurse named Laurie. The nasty phone calls are eventually tape recorded, and the voice patterns are a match – leaving no doubt that Warren was the culprit.

The only problem is a lack of proof that will stand up in court. The most Warren can be convicted of is obscene phone calls, a far cry from the multiple murders that he should be charged with. Leo gets around this pesky problem by falsifying blood evidence, all but assuring that Warren will be convicted of murder. That’s when Warren’s sleazy lawyer (Geoffrey “The Devil’s Rejects” Lewis) gets ahold of Kessler’s straight arrow junior partner (Andrew “Massacre At Central High” Stevens) and convinces him to turn Leo in.

This attempted constitutional rape is enough to have Warren set free, and Leo is kicked off the force by Wilford “Diabetes” Brimley. Undeterred, Leo refuses to let Warren out of his sights and decides to make his life miserable. Leo harasses Warren by constantly following him around, setting booby traps in his apartment, and leaving nasty crime scene photos at his workplace for Warren’s disgusted female co-workers to see. Warren snaps after this final insult and decides to go after Laurie to settle the score. That’s when Leo Kessler is forced to take the law into his own hands. With a killer threatening his daughter’s life, he will have to forget what’s legal and do what’s right!

“10 To Midnight” was directed by J. Lee Thompson, who also directed the classic 1981 slasher flick “Happy Birthday To Me,” as well as several other Bronson flicks including “Death Wish IV: The Crackdown.” I think “10 To Midnight” stands out as Charles Bronson’s most brutal effort. It’s a very tough minded police thriller with more than a little slasher flick influence. The sequences of the naked, knife wielding killer stalking after his cowering female victims, either deep in the woods or inside of a nurses’ dormitory (shades of Richard Speck and Ted Bundy), are exceptionally tense and well done.

Unlike some of the “Death Wish” flicks, Charles Bronson gets a decent amount of dialog in “10 To Midnight.” My favorite scene is the incredible interrogation where Leo turns up the heat on Warren.

Leo: Warren, you ever been arrested?

Warren: No.

Leo: You ever been taken to juvi court? For breaking your neighbor’s window and throwing a dead animal inside – a cat?

Warren: I was 12 years old. Stupid thing to do but I was angry. I’d been punished.

Leo: Oh yeah, you were punished, for hurting the neighbor’s daughter You cut her with a knife.

Warren: That was an accident!

Leo: Do you like hurting girls, Warren?

Warren: I don’t have to answer that…(Warren snaps and jumps up out of his chair and says again to the DA ” He’s not asking questions, he’s making charges!”

Leo: When’s the last time you made it with a girl, Warren?

Warren: That’s none of your business!

Leo: Last week? Last month? Last year?

Warren: I refuse to answer.

Leo: Never! You’ve never made it with a girl! Girls don’t want anything to do with you, but you get back at them don’t you? Betty, Karen, and god knows how many more!

Warren: I won’t listen to your FILTH!

(Leo pulls Warren’s sex toy out of the desk..Warren won’t look down after he sees it)

Leo: Warren, what’s this? You recognize this, Warren? What’s it made for, huh Warren? What’s it used for? What’s the matter? Cat got your tounge? It’s for JACKING OFF!

(Leo pulls out pictures of the two dead girls Warren killed, and Warren refuses to look)

Leo: I also got some pictures, you know the girls in these pictures? Look at them Warren! Look at them Warren! Look at them Warren!

(Leo grabs the back of Warren’s head and pushes it down to the desk to force him to look)

No respectable dvd collection is complete without a copy.

Check out the theatrical trailer for “10 To Midnight.”

KEEP THE BLOOD FLOWING!!!

Read All of “Brain Hammer’s Picks From the Crypt!”