FINAL DESTINATION: SPRING BREAK – MINISERIES #1-5
Zenescope ComicsWritten by Mike Kalvoda Art by Lan Medina (#1-3) Rodel Noora (#4-5)

“Sleep, those little slices of death, how I loathe them.” Edgar Allen Poe

And thus begins the entourage of quotes taken by many famous authors and figures in history. And thus begins a story that bounces in and out of a whack-a-mole machine, only with pacing more erratic than a six year old eating a full bag of sugar-coated cookies on his birthday.

Final Destination: Spring Break is a great idea on the surface, and Zenescope does a great job of presenting it to the reader. The cover art is superb with some images that are worthy to hang on a wall to stare at for hours on end thanks to Dimitri Patelis. The interior art by Lan Medina and Rodel Noora is excellent as well, keeping a good combination of the film’s detailed death scenes, flowing panel transition, and traditional comic book flair. Overall, this is a true adaptation of the entire film series, even winking at the reader that, “Hey, this could have been the fourth film, too!”

But what doesn’t work is the famous quotes about death appearing on just about every other page. It disrupts the story immensely, and I’m not sure who is even narrating them at times. Is it Mike Kalvoda, the writer? Is it the old lady Malinal? Death? My college writing professor playing a cruel joke on me? I think I’m closest to that last one, honestly. The quotes really took me out of the story just as I was getting into it. And maybe Mike was absent the day this was taught in writing class, but when using more than one quote in the same story, (in this case, same issue) you lessen the impact to the reader from the first quote and one before. A broken ladder ensues, until the last one has no effect at all on the reader. And the first quote? Forgotten like that pretty face at the bar back in ‘96. “Which one?” you say. And that’s where I say… “exactly.”

“It is the quality of our work which will please God and not the quantity.” Mahatma Ghandi

Some of the death scenes are cool and inventive, especially the always scary “mercury thermometer danger zone” and then others are a little harder to comprehend. Out of nowhere, three new characters are introduced only to become fodder for the unseen “Reaper” at the airport. How they died is still a mystery to me. I’ve stared at the pages too long to try and figure it out, but really, they were skeleton characters, so why I even bothered more than five minutes to understand how they died was kind of foolish of me. And the ending reminded me of The Skeleton Key. All the build-up for that??? I was really hoping for this series to bring something new to the table, and while that tricky “M.Night” ending was new, the rest was familiar ground. If you love the movies, then you’ll like this series. But stay away from the quotes unless you have an unlimited supply of Tylenol or a full bottle of Jack. “Those little slices of death” will certainly cause your brain to scramble faster than eggs in a frying pan.

SERIES GRADE: B-

TERROR INC. – Issue #2
Marvel Comics
Written by David Lapham Art by Patrick Zircher

Man there’s some good books out there. What I didn’t know is that out of all these good books, the one that I had small expectations for actually kicks me in the head and slaps me silly for thinking so little of it. Terror Inc. is the shit, folks. No bull. And how does this Marvel MAX book capture my attention like a naked Salma Hayek spread eagle on a Stingray Corvette? Characterization. It’s the key to any good reader’s soul.

David Lapham loves this character. He has to because Mr. Terror is being cared and nurtured for like a son. The cursed, zombie-man is not only cooler than the Fonz, but has layers upon layers of personality that it’s almost too much for a character once listed by Marvel as the “D-List” bunch. (At least I think he was D-List? I hear they go all the way down to Z now.) From the cliffhanger of the first issue where Mr. Terror is all but done for in a rain of bullets, we find that the acid bath truly does finish him off in the beginning of this one. That is, until he’s flushed down the toilet, and his blood meets up with a garbage hopping bullfrog. From there, originality bolts out like a stream of lightning from Thor’s hammer… or however that works. The art is tastier than ever here from Patrick Zircher, really getting into the gruesome, bloody detail of how Mr. Terror can go from a bloodstream in a sewer, into a frog, and then back to human, sorta. And great supporting character, Mrs. Primo, was a little reserved and hidden in the first issue, but Zircher brings her out in full force in this one. Beautiful and intriguing, especially those eyes. They’re not leaving my memory anytime soon, and neither is this book.

GRADE: A+ CONTINUE READING? Many critics have a top ten list at the end of the year. Some have a top five. Folks, Terror Inc. is a definite top three for me, and it’s only the second issue! Get on this book… NOW.

FRIDAY THE 13TH: HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER VACATION – Issue #1 of 2
WildStorm Entertainment
Written by Jason Aaron Art by Adam Archer

Another Jason Voorhees book so soon? Yup, but then, this one has a twist, and you know how I love a new twist on an old tale! How I Spent My Summer Vacation centers around a deformed child and his encounter with the infamous Jason Voorhees at Camp Crystal Lake, some fifty years after Jason had drowned and came back as an unstoppable killing machine. Of course, this is told as a campfire tale by a kid which is not that original, and neither is the first Jason kill which features the old “slam a sleeping bag full of teens against a tree” antic that made me frown a bit. Why? Because the rest is refreshing and golden from writer Jason Aaron and artist Adam Archer. The pacing is perfect, intertwining with a strung out sheriff and little Davie Falkner’s narration of it all as if it were a letter home to ma, a la Meatballs. It’s a fun read, and Aaron knows how to entertain on a subject that is dying for fresh, original perspectives. I was happy to find the art inside by Archer wasn’t cute like the cover suggested, and is one of the better looking Friday the 13th books on the comic book shelf. Spend some time with this one, Jason fans. I think you’ll enjoy it.

GRADE: A- CONTINUE READING? Yep. We have to see what happens to the kid, and if he tells on the Sheriff!

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