BEHIND THE MASK: THE RISE OF LESLIE VERNON
Rated R
Directed by Scott Glosserman
Review by Dr. Royce Clemens
The new horror comedy BEHIND THE MASK: THE RISE OF LESLIE VERNON has garnered comparisons to both BEST IN SHOW and SCREAM. The former I’m not even dignifying with a response, but I can safely say that SCREAM is infinitely more fun, humorous and frightening than the movie I’m reviewing right now.
That I can say the same thing for SCHINDLER’S LIST, however, speaks volumes.
Oh dear sweet buttery Jesus, do I hate this movie. To hell with watching it again. I’d rather spend the rest of my life drenched in Amy Winehouse stink, deprived of all company except the ensuing flies that would start following me around than even hold the DVD. I’d rather have Alan Alda empty his old ass in my Corn Flakes. It’s a plastic fart that has trailers in front of it. It’s a snide, unfunny, unscary, boring display of fuckwaddery that would rather be cute than do its job.
It says a lot that the movie’s only redeeming quality is that they play “Psycho Killer” by Talking Heads over the end credits. But even that comes as a kind of slap to the face. You EARN THAT FUCKING SONG!
The premise is that it’s a mockumentary about Grad students with cameras and mikes following around Leslie Vernon, who hopes to become the next great slasher. The film operates under the premise that Jason and Freddy and Michael Myers are actually real, and have come back countless times to slaughter teenagers, so Leslie wants to join in the reindeer games.
So for about an hour we follow Leslie and the grads around as they explain every single slasher cliché on the books and how a dude could conceivably pull it off. Every once in a while, they convert to film stock and put the fourth wall back up, like a real horror movie. And because this is a retarded low-budget horror flick, Robert Englund shows up. His contract with Satan dictates that he hits as many of these as he can.
Okay, folks? A horror comedy is hard to pull off, I know. But even at the outset, you have options. You can pick to be more funny than scary, or vice-versa. But in something I haven’t even seen before, BEHIND THE MASK actually picks… Neither. It sets the rules in opposition. It can’t be scary because we see everything coming a mile away. The movie was ACTUALLY SET UP so you COULD see everything coming a mile away. If nothings a surprise, it can’t be scary.
But what carries this beyond miscalculation and directly into “affront to God and man” territory is that Director Scott Glosserman thinks his premise alone is so funny that he doesn’t make an attempt to DO anything with it. It depends on irony and not comic ability. “Ooh! I’VE SEEN A HORROR MOVIE! I’M FUCKING AMAZING!” It’s like spending ninety minutes trapped in Dane Cook’s asshole while he’s watching A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET.
And the last half hour reverts back to slasher flick mode because the writers aren’t NEARLY as smart as they think they are. It also contains a twist that anyone who is even remotely savvy about horror will see coming half a hemisphere away. Not only is it done as the end of a horror movie, it’s done as a shitty one. The characters KNOW how it’s gonna play out, so what happens is inexcusable which is, of course, what I could say about the rest of the film.
BEHIND THE MASK is completely bankrupt save for a whisper of a premise which is little fun to think about, but can’t play for shit. I didn’t laugh, chuckle, chortle, giggle or even crack a smile. I ended the movie in the same position and fame of mind as I began it, which was waiting for laughs and chills that never came.
½* out of 4
READ TYLER SHAINLINE’S REVIEW OF BEHIND THE MASK
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