[Editor's Note: Our resident scumbag/writer Chris Cooper made an attempt to review "Captivity" which you can read by clicking HERE. We have been HUGE supporters of this movie after the crucifixion it has received. Even if this movie turns out to be a huge disappointment or a cheap marketing gimmick, any self-respecting horror website should be ashamed of NOT supporting it. If you are a horror fan over the age of 18 you should remember the glory days of Fangoria and horror when the MPAA held back horror movie after horror movie. As websites jump on the bandwagon of films like "Hatchet" (Which we also support - Read Here) they sure as hell forgot about films like "Hostel 2" and "Captivity." When every "horror" website jumps on the chance to get the "hot" news, none of them have gave as much dedication to the horror genre as us, and that is the truth. Now I present you our second of three reviews of the marketing machine, called a horror company, AFTER DARK's - CAPTIVITY! Un-edited, from our "King of Useless Knowledge" and the drunk Chris Cooper!]
Finally, after so much bullshit persecution Captivity hits the screen. Now, honestly, I didn’t think this film was going to be all that great. The previous footage I’d seen of it gave off a bad Lifetime movie meets Die Hard vibe (and I’m not just making that reference due to Die Hard 4 being recent). I really only defended it because I felt it deserved as much of a fair shake as anything else. Which the Communists and the Religious Right were denying it. They pulled all kinds of shit against this movie from pulling it’s billboards and taxi cab adds, to delaying it’s release numerous times. In the end though it was all just free publicity so.. Yea, fuck those Commies! Captivity won.
Now, unlike most current films of the torture sub-genre, Captivity gets to the point right away. Probably because it’s really not the straight up torture-horror film that it’s been made out to be. It’s actually more of a more psychological thriller with in fact, fairly minimal gore. Which is fine with me because making a hot girl cry is always more fun then cutting one up and playing with her intestines anyway. Well.. sometimes.
As for the movie itself, Elisha Cuthbert plays an over-exposed super model who is abducted and toyed with by her captor. Though, she does not get naked in this, as I’m sure the few people reading this want to know, Cuthbert is still sexy and quite pleasant to watch being tormenting. Which seriously, I’m sure is all it’s audience is looking for. That being the case, it delivers just that.
While Captivity may be semi-predictable at times and not quite an edge of your seat thrill ride, as I’m sure people who like to use fancy terms will accuse it of, this movie held my attention for it’s full 90 minutes, which is pretty damn hard to do. I will admit that the very few actual methods of soft-core torture are a bit silly due to their hi-tech elaborateness. Reminiscent of comic book and James Bond style devices of old. Like the scene where she is in the tank that’s filling up with sand, I expected it to pause and say “tune in next week.. same Bat-time.. same Bat-channel!”. It’s those things that I loved about this film though! While I’m sure it was meant to be suspenseful, Captivity is a fun movie that I’m having a hard time not loving. I just hope they make an Elisha Cuthbert action figure out of this!
[Captivity opens in US theaters July 13th]
Captivity: A Second Opinion
More Elizabeth Cuthbert pictures here!
Chris Cooper
