These anthology flicks don’t really have the best chances of panning out. FOUR ROOMS was decked with a couple of losers. So was TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE. Hell, I even thought GRINDHOUSE was saddled with one par-for-the-course feature and one ass-awful trailer. So many visions cramped into a tiny space tend to explode from the weight.
The new anthology flick TRAPPED ASHES works better than it has any right to. I think it’s because the wraparound segments and all the short films contained therein are all not only written by the same guy, (Dennis Bartok) but suit the strengths of their directors and even bring out sides that I didn’t think a couple of them had.
Being as this is an anthology film, I think it’s best for me to review everything one at a time.
WRAPAROUND SEGMENTS: Directed by Joe Dante
The set up, much like the English TALES FROM THE CRYPT movie with the blood that looked like pink nail polish, is that a group of people get VIP tickets for a backlot studio tour. It’s presided over by The Guide (Henry Gibson) who brings them to an old house used by a director back in the sixties for a horror film called HYSTERIA. It’s about a group of people trapped in a big spooky house who can only escape if they tell personal horror stories… HEY! Guess what happens?
Being as these segments are used as a pure narrative device, it wouldn’t really be fair to review them, except to beg the question of WHY the great Joe Dante (GREMLINS, THE HOWLING, THE ‘BURBS) is even directing them. The guy is still gifted after over thirty years in the business. Shouldn’t he be directing one of the stories?
But no matter. All I have to say is this: If you don’t have a When-I-Was-A-Kid Geek-Out over seeing Henry Gibson, John Saxon and Dick Miller in the same scene at the same time… Well, I just feel fucking SORRY for you.
THE GIRL WITH THE GOLDEN BREASTS: Directed by Ken Russell
First up is Phoebe (Rachel Veltri). A struggling actress in Hollywood, she suffers through cattle call hell until she opts to get breast implants. She goes to this uber-progressive clinic with pictures of naked female torsos everywhere and she visits with Doctor Larry, who tells her the source of the implant material…
Cadavers.
“Think of it as an organ transplant,” Doctor Larry says.
The first time she gets an inkling that something is wrong is when she’s in the shower and she cuts her finger, in spite of the fact that she had nothing around to cut her finger on. Turns out that Phoebe has… Wait for it…
Vampire Nipples.
And I’m going to repeat that, because one so very rarely has a chance to put the two words together.
“Vampire Nipples.”
This little short had me giggling like an idiot because the premise was so Goddamn goofy that I couldn’t avoid it. But above all this, it changes the way I look at nudity on screen. Up until now, the only time I thought nudity was absolutely necessary in a movie was during an autopsy scene. I mean seriously, how can you avoid it then?
But that was before I saw the movie about Vampire Nipples. If the entire movie is about boobs, then you can’t avoid nudity THEN, either. That and it IS a Ken Russell movie, so he’s at least gonna give it a try
So I must extend a hearty “Good job” to Ken Russell. Well done. Now where’s Ann Margaret rolling around in the baked beans? (***)
JIBAKU: Directed by Sean S. Cunningham
Up until now, FRIDAY THE 13TH director Sean S. Cunningham hasn’t really been noted for slowly mounting tension or decaying elegance. But by God, JIBAKU got the job done. Give him a budget and make him do more movies like this. I DEMAND IT!
This story belongs to Julia (Lara Harris) and Henry (Scott Lovell). He is a business man in Japan with his wife in tow. They are at a party when Julia meets Seishin (Yoshinori Hiruma). They don’t speak the same language, but they stare at a painting that holds dark and eerie portents of things to come.
What unfolds is just a big ol’ bucket of eerie that combines live action with still paintings and little snippets of animation. It goes towards goofiness near the end, but for a while, I felt intruded upon in the deepest part of my brain. I was intrigued and unsettled at the same time.
Which is what horror movies are supposed to do, if you ask me. (***)
STANLEY’S GIRLFRIEND: Directed by Monte Hellman
I may like some of these shorts, but Monte Hellman’s STANLEY’S GIRLFRIEND is the one I love. Screenwriter Leo (John Saxon) tells a story about himself back in the day when he met a young man obviously based on the late Stanley Kubrick (They don’t mention THE KILLING by name, but they say “the movie set at the racetrack was great”).
Young Leo (Tahmoh Penikett) and Stanley (Tygh Runyan) become fast friends and Stanley introduces him to his girlfriend Nina (Amelia Cooke).There’s something about her that’s a little… Off… Stanley disappears one day and Leo and Amelia start sleeping together. Then he starts withdrawing from the world.
Far from the comedy of the first short or the creeping dread of the second, there is a nostalgia and sadness for things past that drives STANLEY’S GIRLFRIEND. You can tell that Hellman (who directed the drive-in classic TWO-LANE BLACKTOP) is a fan of movies first and a filmmaker second. And it builds into a slow reveal about the characters forty years after the fact. Kind of like a ghost story around a campfire. I like that. It’s delicate.
I know there are some who will get impatient or call it boring, so if you come upon this review after watching the movie, I’ll make you a deal: You write YOUR OWN review about why you don’t like it.
Till then, of course, you can kiss my ass. (***1/2)
MY TWIN, THE WORM: Directed by John Gaeta
The lone loser among the four stories is MY TWIN, THE WORM, directed by Academy Award winning special effects honcho for THE MATRIX, John Gaeta. It’s Nathalie’s (Michele-Barbara Pelletier) story, and she also doubles in this little flashback as her own mother, Martine. She becomes pregnant with Nathalie, but also becomes infected with a tapeworm after eating undercooked meat. Iron treatments would cause Martine to miscarry, so she has to live with both the baby, and the worm.
Wackiness ensues.
What follows is nonsensical, though quite well-made. Not much to say here, except Gaeta, with his film, develops promise for a first-time director. (**)
So all in all, TRAPPED ASHES hits a couple of the roadblocks that afflict anthology movies, though not to the extent that many others do. Not gut-bustingly great, nor is it at any time boring or a chore to sit through. And given to us by a few old pros who still know how to get the job done.
Average Rating 3 out of 4
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