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(2007) Rated R
Directed by Martin Weisz
Review by Dr. Royce Clemens
THHE2 follows America’s favorite inbred mutant cannibals as they systematically pick apart a squad of National Guard soldiers in the forbidding military installation Sector 16, which is about the size of Rhode Island and right in the IMC backyard.
Hijinks ensue… Lots and lots of hijinks.
But this has a bad trailer and a potentially horrible premise to overcome, and even after those with money to burn see it I could get in trouble because we are promised sheer idiocy. I can actually play arguments out in my head. I… I can see it now…
“SO A GIRL FROM LAGUNA BEACH IN THE MILITARY DOESN’T SEEM SILLY TO YOU?”
A LAGUNA BEACH girl in Tikrit or Baghdad? Yeah a little bit. A LOTTA bit actually. But though she looks the part, Jessica Stroup (PFC Amber) was never actually on LAGUNA BEACH. Neither was Daniella Alonso (PFC “Missy”). But this is, after all, the National Guard, and they are in New Mexico. Our President was in the National Guard. Wouldn’t a LAGUNA BEACH girl be a step up?
And you never know. After Daddy’s money runs out, the National Guard might be a viable option.
“WHAT ABOUT THE WOMEN? DO YOU KNOW THE PERCENTAGE OF WOMEN IN THE ARMED FORCES?”
About twenty percent. There are nine soldiers in THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2, two of which are women. A slight fudge if we’re getting into fractions, but hey! Still Plausible.
“OKAY, DO YOU KNOW THE PERCENTAGE OF WOMEN IN THE MILITARY UNDER TWENTY-FIVE?”
Well, ya got me there. But Alonso turns twenty-nine this year, and Stroup seems like a young ‘un. So I’m guessing… One in nine?
“HOW ABOUT THE ONES WHO ARE RIDICULOUSLY ATTRACTIVE?”
Um… Define “ridiculously attractive?” Personally, blondes don’t do anything for me. Sorry. Just the way I am. But never would I assume that just because a woman is in the military, she would automatically look like Lynndie England… I shouldn’t have said that… SHH! She can hear us!
“DOESN’T IT SEEM A MITE FAR-FETCHED THAT A COUPLE OF INBREDS CAN TAKE OUT A MILITARY SQUAD?”
Yeah, but… This is a SHITTY military squad. And raw recruits to boot. The first time we see them is in a training exercise where they would have wound up killing seventeen civilians in addition to themselves. The movie actually takes great pains to show us how stupid these people are. One of them actually winds up accidentally shooting another. I wouldn’t trust these nimrods with a can of Pepsi, let alone the fate of the free world. But as mutant fodder? PRICELESS!
But even were these nine Solid Snake clones, they wouldn’t stand much of a chance. I mean think about it. The IMCs are using guerilla warfare, they know the lay of the land, and they’re fighting to eat and to procreate, which denotes conviction the likes of which few in the First World can fathom… And that sounds eerily familiar.
“MISOGYNY!”
Yup. The first scene says it all. A woman gives birth to a mutant baby and is then summarily killed by a mutant known in the credits as “Papa Hades.” Furthermore, one of the female soldiers is abducted and raped to increase their numbers. And though this might be as tastefully done as a scene like this could be handled, (I know. It’s a stretch) it would appear that these American Soldiers are up against a psychotic sub-sect of humanity that views women as nothing but brood-mares.
Something ELSE that seems eerily familiar.
So yes, I do think this grungy sequel to last year’s remake of THE HILLS HAVE EYES is a comment on our Middle East troubles. I can say this because it’s co-written by originator Wes Craven with his son Jonathan. He’s a Humanities professor… Pause for irony.
Wes Craven has on occasion been plagued by social conscience in his work, particularly in LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT where he brought the late-sixties midwest dark fear of hippies to shrieking, satirical life. Horror movies are supposed to prey on fear. And in a time when we as a nation are up against forces we’ve not yet known, THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2 is as good a comment as we can find in this age of demographics and stark raving silence.
So yes, the acting is bad, the pacing is off and director Martin Weisz’s eye is nowhere near as good as Craven’s OR Alexandre Aja’s. But here, smack in the middle of spring, is a horror film with style, guts (both literal and figurative) and more than a smattering of intelligence. Take heed. We may see nothing like it for a while.
3 out of 4
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