Nerds rejoice! The Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror films has announced the nominations for the 33rd Annual Saturn Awards. You can view the full list of nominations HERE, along with a bunch of bizarro pics of some past winners.
And who is getting the most butt action here? That would be Bryan Singer’s “Superman Returns” with 10 nominations, which I never bothered to see and some of those that did see it were just, well…bothered.
Hmm, somehow “X-Men: The Last Stand” tied for 6 nominations with the far better Guillermo del Toro’s “Pan’s Labyrinth”. Following uncomfortably behind with 5 nominations are: “Casino Royale,” “Mission Impossible III,” which qualifies because it stars Earth’s resident alien star Mr. Tom Nanu Nanu Cruise, “Perfume: The Story of a Murderer,” which looks like it might actually be good, “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest,” that I haven’t seen because the first one irritated me, and “Stranger Than Fiction,” which stars Will Ferrell not being funny.
For the BEST SCIENCE FICTION FILM, “Children of Men”, “The Fountain”, “The Prestige”, and “V for Vendetta” are gonna have to duke it out. They were the only ones worth mentioning and that is a tough choice to make. Can I choose all 4?
The BEST FANTASY FILM nominations are absolutely mind boggling as “Charlotte’s Web” (a cartoon), “Stranger Than Fiction” (a dramedy), and “Night at the Museum” (a comedy?) are competing against each other. But I say that “Eragon” wins because it took someone stuck in a fantasy to believe that film would be any good.
For BEST HORROR FILM you have the superior “The Descent” followed limply by “Hostel” and being dragged by an overweight donkey is “Slither”. When James Gunn heard his film was nominated he replied, “I award the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror Films with the Free-Blowjob-from-Nathan-Fillion Award.” (This is a real quote, no joke). My money is on “The Descent” because I am assuming the Saturn Awards actually mean something. But then if that were true, “Snakes on a Plane” would not have made the list.
BEST ACTOR consists of Clive Owen in “Children of Men”, Hugh Jackman in “The Fountain”, and no one else worth mentioning. Clive Owen should win this because I am in love with him and you do not need any further explanation than that.
And I guess I should end this by talking about the Spike TV awards and Fuse Fangoria Chainsaw Awards….
The Spike TV awards gave away one too many awards to “Pirates of the Caribbean” series which annoys me, “The Devils Rejects” won BEST HORROR MOVIE, which makes some sense, and Tarantino & Rodriguez won the SCREAM MASTERMIND AWARD for “Grindhouse” which hasn’t even come out yet and I am positive that doesn’t make a damn bit of sense.
Also Spike TV had called “Death Walks the Street” one of the most anticipated films of 2007, which is a curious statement considering they sponsored it themselves. Huh.
And since I am talking about Spike TV sucking, I would like to add that they were hiring promo models to play video games at their 2006 Video Game Awards show. And do you know who applied for it? Your resident girl gamer Molly. But you know what? They weren’t looking for girls that could actually play the games. They just wanted some bimbos to post next to them. I told them they could blow it out their asses.
Moving on…The Fuse Fangoria Chainsaw Awards again gave “The Devils Rejects” BEST HORROR MOVIE, but oddly gave The Red Hot Chili Peppers “Dani California” music video the KILLER VIDEO award. Huh? But one thing makes sense and that would be that the BEST WITH LESS indie horror award went to “Zombie Honeymoon”, a zombie flick with heart. Ahhh.
- Molly Celaschi
