UPDATE: LLOYD KAUFMAN IS A GREAT MAN! NOT ONLY DID HE RESPONED TO US, BUT HE ALSO GAVE US A GREAT INTERVIEW AND LINKS ON ALL HIS WEBSITES!!! HE ALSO TOLD US TO KEEP THIS FAKE INTERVIEW UP, BUT YOU CAN READ THE REAL LLOYD KAUFMAN INTERVIEW , HERE
[WRITER’S NOTE: The following interview is not real. I was scheduled to speak to Lloyd Kaufman to help him promote 'Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead', but, well, it never happened. I then made plans to speak to him on a second occasion, and well, that didn’t work out too well either. I realize that Lloyd is a busy guy and that it was not his fault at all. His rep was handling the arrangements and I guess Little Molly got kicked to the curb. Thus 'The Interview that Never Happened.'
Just so you know: I didn’t get paid to do this, I got a bit screwed at my real job because of this, put other people on hold while I dealt with this, got fans’ hopes up about reading an interview that would never happen, and got nothing in the end. I have to say that I am disappointed. I thought this would make a good interview. I am pretty sure this is the first time a guy ever blew me off.
(And yes, pigs are flying as I type this).
However, I decided to remain positive. I believe in treating people with respect even if I do not get it in return. I love Tromaville and their movies. I will continue to support them and Lloyd. I thought I should at least write something though, so this is all in good fun. No harm, no foul.
Most of the material below was written 3 weeks ago. The 'Answers' are obviously fake. I removed some really good legit questions to make this a tad funnier. So my friends, I present to you 'Lloyd Kaufman, The Interview that Never Happened.']
Lloyd Kaufman, Ron Jeremy, the creators of South Park, and chicken zombies. Need I say more? With character names like Carl Jr., Red Lobster, and Long John, you know you are in for a treat. Although I have to say that my favorite was Big Haired B*tch Zombie.
[EXCERPT: Lloyd was very generous with his time and spoke with excitement about his new project over the phone with me.] (Ahahaha)
HorrorYearbook: So tell me about ‘Poutrygeist’. Is it a spoof of The Poltergeist?
Fake Lloyd Kaufman: Yes, and ‘Night of the Living Dead’ too. The lead character Arbie finds out that the ‘American Chicken Bunker’ chain restaurant was built over the Ancient Tromahawk Tribe Indian Burial Ground. After being spurned by his leftist ex-girlfriend Wendy, he decides to apply to a fast-food restaurant that she has been protesting at. So there are supernatural elements, zombies, and a love story here.
HYB: Well, it says that it is a ‘fromage’ to Takashi Miike (MEE-Kay). Which of his films really influenced you as a director and influenced this film, story or otherwise?
FLK: Well, I took elements from ‘Ichi the Killer’ and “The Happiness of the Katakuris”. And this is exactly like ‘One Missed Call’, except nothing was missed and no cell phones were used in our film.
HYB: I like to think of horror films as representative of the society that we live in and the current state of America. What statements do you think you are making in this film? Any say on Consumerism or Obesity?
FLK: Yes, I think Americans are too fat and too dependent on fast food. Doesn’t anyone know where their kitchen is? You know, it’s that place with the big white box that houses your beer. There should be a stove there too. As for spending money, I do not think they spend it enough. Buy Troma films.
HYB: Okay, I heard that you, ugh… bared your assets in this film. What was the reason behind this?
FLK: Yes, this is my way of mooning both the Left- and the Right-wingers. Plus, I am showing man-bum to be fair to the ladies after the copious amounts of female nudity we utilized.
HYB: Well, I appreciate that. I saw that Matt Stone and Trey Parker make appearances. They are very well known for their social commentary on South Park. How did you get them to be a part of this?
FLK: This dates back to Cannibal The Musical when I gave them their first break. I believe in helping the little guys and remembering favors and never breaking plans with a nice lady such as you.
HYB: I couldn’t agree more with that sentiment. So is Brenna Lee Roth in this film? She stated before that she worked with you on this and other projects.
FLK: She is Tromette of the Month September 2006. Go check her out at Troma.com!
HYB: That was nice. Do you have any kinds words for Eric Rhoades (’Prison A-Go-Go’, ‘Pot Zombies’) or Joe Ostrica (’THCM’)?
FLK: Yes, both are great guys. Go check out their interviews with HorrorYearbook and make sure to watch their movies.
HYB: Now you have a history of spotting talent early on. Some of your past actors, such as Samuel L. Jackson, Marisa Tomei, and Kevin Costner, shot to A-list status. Did you know at the time that they would become stars? And of all the famous people you worked with, would you care to name who was pleasant and who was not-so-pleasant to work with?
FLK: Costner speaks volumes by his actions. Have you seen “Waterworld”? And Jackson, well, there is Pulp Fiction and then there is “Snakes on a Plane”. You be the judge and the jury and the executioner. Tomei was a cutie. I was smart enough to put her in a towel.
HYB: Yes, I saw that. It was only about 2 seconds of screen time, but it added so much to the plot. Okay, so let’s get serious here for a moment. How can a man of your caliber have a hard time garnering interest for Poultrygeist? Don’t these people know who you are?
FLK: Sweetheart, half the time I don’t even know who I am. It takes a mirror, 6 Tylenols, and 2 of my ex-wives to remind me. Oh and then there are the critics that remind me every day.
HYB: I am sorry to hear that. I remember who you are, but then again, I have a really good memory. Now if you do not mind, I would like to take a step back and review some other things you have done in the past. What was your inspiration for The Toxic Avenger? Call me crazy, but I thought The Toxic Avenger symbolized the black man’s rise against the white man.
FLK: You are a very observant woman. You will go far. That is all.
HYB: I noticed you started the Tromadance Festival, which is conveniently held at the same time as the Sundance Festival. Do you think Sundance is too uptight?
FLK: Yes, I wanted to give filmmakers and moviegoers an alternative to the usual Sundance fare. It has turned into a mini Hollywood with celebrities vying for Oscars and swag. Plus, Tromadance gives a very lucky someone the chance to win a dance with Toxie.
HYB: Why give us the Make Your Own Damn Movie! Book & DVD set? Some argue whether it is a how-to book, a memoir, or a marketing stunt.
FLK: I say it is all of the above. I wanted to give budding filmmakers a tool for reference. Think of it as their Guiding Light. It is also a memoir is some ways since it is detailing my previous experiences on sets. And yes! It is a stunt too. I am a master contortionist. Look at my arm. Can you see this here? What it is that I am doing right here?
HYB: Um, no, not really. So will Troma release any of Michael Paul Girard’s films, such as Getting Lucky? My editor, WIL, loves his work. How would he get in contact with him for an interview?
FLK: Ahhh, my dear, sweet Molly. For you, I would give the world. For WIL, I will give him Michael Paul Girard’s contact information. Wait, I will call him myself right now just for the HorrorYearbook because I love you guys that much.
HYB: Okay guys, that sums it up. Lloyd Kaufman is now smitten with me. Go see ‘Poultrygeist’. It is gory, funny, and downright politically incorrect. And if that’s not good enough, then did I mention that you can “Grade a Breast” or listen to “Jihad Jane” sing on his site? Get to it Troma fans!
Update: 12-4-06 Lloyd has contacted us and agreed to reschedule. We will keep you posted!
[Editor's Note: We have supported Troma for free from day one at HorrorYearbook.com. I have personally handed out flyers (That I printed at my own cost) at various other events for the Poultrygeist movie, tried to help them get the movie shown at various theaters in San Francisco (Which they offered little or no help. My last E-mail about an interested theater has still not been returned at the time of this posting). I have also posted thier trailers and links to their website numorus times on our site, and our My Space page. They were even the only movie company with a banner on our 'Friend's of Horror Yearbook' link page. I did these things because of my love of their movies and never needed anything in return. But one would believe that with all of Troma's and Lloyd's begging to 'support independent cinema' they would be the first not to waste our time, a small, struggling website that makes little to no money.]
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